March 2011
Mar 27, 2011 4:40:44 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Mar 27, 2011 4:40:44 GMT -5
Universal Open Show - March 2011
(Note: My cap program was causing me audio problems for the last few weeks. That problem is now taken care of for future matches but a few videos have desynch problems. So just turn the sound down and gently hum to yourself. The match quality should compensate fine.)
*The Universal Battle Chamber in the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena erupts in cheers from the fans. Blue and gold pyro shoots off followed by dark red pyro as the "Jinchuu" kanji flashes on the BattleTron which is met by boos. John Randolph walks to the announcing desk after seeing the Jinchuu kanji and nervously puts a headset on.*
[John:] "Welcome to the March Open, an event which many have been anxious about ever since the ending of the January Circuit show. With our owner Orochi Geese incapacitated in the hospital due to the attack and rogue movement of his former friend Kyle Walker, things are more violent and unstable then ever here. And that isn't even hyperbole despite the past instances chaos of this promotion: we really are in a dangerous state of flux that can bring UBL down to its knees.
It is unclear who truly has the power right now which is why this show is so crucial. Our top Championships and key contenderships will be on the line tonight and if Kyle walks out as one half of the Battalion Champions, UBL could be in for a summer that makes even last one's seem pleasant in comparison. But before we get ahead of ourselves with the doom and gloom, let's check out tonight's entire card."
*The Battletron turns on to display the matches*
Match #1: Goro Yamashita vs. James Ward
Match #2: Team RELOAD vs. Burn Unit
Match #3: Swap Match: Vert Triangle vs. Corruptor
Match #4: NEXUS Championship #1 Contendership: Corey O'Brian vs. Daddy Prime Time
Match #5: Universal Championship Coronation: Jang Bae/Thunder Strike vs. Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
[John:] "We've got quite a card ranging from grudge matches to Title matches. So let's get started with the former. Goro Yamashita was airing his grievances last month towards Jinchuu and was interrupted by one of their members, James Ward. I can't remember the last time two individuals automatically disliked each other from the second their eyes met like Goro and James did. While Goro showed restraint, James sucker punched him and that set up this match.
What worries me is what James said towards the end of their encounter: That Jinchuu is here to punish Geese and hurt those who stand in their way, rather then win matches. I believe Goro is skilled enough to get a pinfall and certainly tough enough to defend himself in a fight but the recent looks in the eyes of James Ward, Jakob of Furis, and Kyle Walker tells me that Goro better be ready for anything. Luckily. he's not alone in this arena. His best friend Marauder is backstage and I believe Luke Kisiera is too. Unfortunately their ally Matt Rivers is still recovering in a hospital from taking those two "Exhibit M's" that the Corruptor used to defeat him a few weeks ago during Orochi-O's TV. So their alliance is a man short here tonight but hopefully Genji Security steps up and actually does their job.
Goro is coming to the ring now and looks ready for a war. While James got the cheap shot in against him and then claimed the superiority of American boxing, I think we have to call Goro the favorite in the striking game tonight. The man is a former Chinese boxing champion and even though his legs were badly burned and injured, he hasn't lost enough of a step to make me think James can outbox or outkick him. James is coming to the ring now, to no music at all, and is doing some warmup punching. Maybe we should have just made this a boxing match at this rate! The second James gets into the ring he goes for Goro and the bell has rung!
Match #1: Goro Yamashita vs. James Ward
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[John:] "Goro is able to put James away with a blindingly quick swarm of punches which he calls the "Tempest". You do have to hand it to James for being able to keep up with Goro's stand up for most of the match. It's somewhat of a shocking feat cause, folks, let's face it, this is the former Centurion we just saw duke it out with a boxing Champion. Even when Naja Mask pushed Marauder in the ring last year in one on one matches, at least we were familiar with Naja's tag team competency. But up until January, the Centurion was a joke in every type of match for his entire career. So to see him competing at this level is truly extraordinary. I'd even venture to say that had James not riled Goro up to defend his style and UBL, it's possible James could have taken this. He almost put this match away a few times but the resiliency of Goro is incredibly impressive.
As an aside, it's not entirely clear which roster Goro is on. He started on the Front Lines but was put in big matches before the Field Leader title was established. Those are circumstances in which other wrestlers made it onto the Main roster. So it wouldn't shock me to see Goro retroactively and silently promoted. Considering his victories over current Field Leader Matt Rivers, promotion wouldn't be too out of line. And with Jinchuu waging their treacherous campaign, we may need Goro on this roster. Wait, hold that thought, this isn't over-
Goro Yamashita (O) ["Tempest" - 15:26] (X) James Ward
*Kyle Walker slides out from under the ring to the shock of the fans. They try to warn Goro but its too late. Kyle launches into the air with a flying knee and knocks Goro down from behind. James holds him down with a stranglehold camel clutch as Kyle pulls a cigarette lighter out of his boot. As Goro struggles to get away, Kyle ignites the lighter and sets Goro's legs on fire!!*
[John:] "The fans are screaming for help and out of shock. But somehow Goro is able to keep his pain silent! The man is a rock! He isn't giving Jinchuu the satisfaction of hearing him suffer!"
*Goro has a brave face on as sweat profusely rolls down his forehead. Kyle appears insulted by this showing of poise and kicks him in the face a few times, causing blood to mix with the sweat. James gets up off Goro as the fire spreads to his upper body. Goro then tries to roll on the ground but Kyle keeps re-igniting him while laughing.*
[John:] "This is too much. We're not just seeing revenge here, we're seeing the actions of a truly psychotic man."
*Marauder and Luke Kisiera finally make it to the ring. Kyle doesn't appear intimidated and chooses to leave on his own accord, convincing James to do the same. Medics are then allowed into the ring to attend to Marauder while Kyle grabs a microphone.*
[Kyle:] "This was just a warning of what happens if you get in our way. Disrespecting our mission is disrespecting my sister and we all know what happens when you do that. My mental scars in having to watch her suffer over the years will be dealt ten fold onto UBL and fifty fold onto anyone that specifically deserves it. In January we just begun to deliver that sentence onto Geese. Tonight, we burned the scars into Goro's legacy. Marauder, you can be next. So can you, Luke. And you don't even have to go through it alone. Ask yourself what happens when a 'cupcake' stays in the oven too long."
*Luke goes to approach Kyle but Marauder holds him back. Kyle smirks and goes back up the ramp with James while the medics, Marauder, and Luke attend to a writhing and blistering Goro.*
[John:] "We're going to commercial."
*Commercials air for the OG-Joshi March Amplitude.
*We return to the show as John looks disturbed that James Ward is leaning back in a chair next to him.*
[John:] "Yamashita Goro is being taken to the hospital and is being escorted by there by Marauder and Luke-"
[James:] "Boo-hoo. What's the ole saying? If ya can't stand the heat, then stay out of Kyle's kitchen!"
*John stands up and runs a short distance, calling for security. When they don't come, he sighs and walks back to the desk to see James smirking at him.*
[John:] "And apparently I'm being joined by a guest."
[James:] "Guest? I invited myself. You got a problem with it?"
[John:] "I think everyone has a problem with what Jinchuu just did="
[James:] "Tough shit."
[John:] "And that's why you came out here, to give that thoughtful response?"
[James:] "You cruisin for a bruisin too?"
[John:] "No! No...I'm just curious as to why you are out here."
[James:] "Easy. Jinchuu wants fair coverage and we know we're not getting that from a Yoshida pissant like you. So as of now, I've got a seat here. But we're a reasonable sort, so I'll tell you what i'm gonna do. If you don't like me, I can always let Furis take my place. You remember him doncha?"
*John turns visibly pale*
[James:] "Yeah, you do! You're makin a face just like him! Poor guy hasn't seen much sun. You want me to send him out here so you two can get reaquainted? I know you two go way back. I'm sure he'd like to pick your brain...or neck...about all the things you've said about him the last few years. So what'll it be?"
[John:] "You can stay."
[James:] "What's that? I couldn't hear over you shittin' your pants."
[John:] "No. You'll...you'll be just fine."
[James:] "There we go. Now, I'll come out here whenever I want. Talk when I want. Make you talk when I want. You just try not to piss me off and we won't have another BBQ."
[John:] "Uh ok, well, we're gonna get to the next match now."
[James:] "Fine with me..."
[John:] "And in a terrible sense of irony or timing or just unintentional cruelty, one of the next teams is Pyro Dean and Acid Rain...the Burn Unit."
*James just about falls off his chair laughing.*
[James:] "They...*laughter* probably could have helped ole Goro out, huh?"
*James continues laughing as John looks defeated.*
[John:] "Their opponents are Team Reload who are made up of Redd and former FPCPP World Champion, Sonny X."
[James:] "That's the fella who beat Geese right?"
[John:] "Yes, he defeated Geese in the inaugural FPCPP Championship match."
[James:] "This is tough. Dudes who remind me of what we just did to Goro vs. a dude who humiliated Geese. I'm gonna call this a push. Who you like?"
[John:] "Well-"
*John pauses waiting to be cut off*
[James:] "What the hell, boy. I asked who you like in this match?"
[John:] "I didn't expect you to really care."
[James:] "I'm out here for scouting as well as "public relations". So you better give it to me straight. When Kyle and that Hyde boy win tonight, I want to know who their future opponents are."
[John:] "Well I think Burn Unit is the better team but REDD is a monster and Sonny X is one of the best singles wrestlers in the entire world. I can't pick a winner because it all depends on what kind of match this becomes and where it plays out. If Burn Unit keep this in their corner, I think they can take it. But if they try to fight 1 on 1 with Reload, they are gonna get beaten. Sonny is too dangerous and REDD is too strong for either member of Burn Unit to try to do this without help."
[James:] "Good enough for me. Maybe I won't dismember you, after all."
[John:] "...Thanks?"
*James laughs and puts his arm around John. He pulls out two cigars.*
[James:] "Smoke?"
[John:] "Under the circumstances, no."
*James has another laughing fit*
[John:] "And both teams have now come to the ring and it looks like we're ready for this match. There have been rumblings backstage that the winner of this match may get an opportunity soon to become #1 contender to the Battalion Champions but Drake has kept things purposefully unofficial to allow him maximum flexibility-"
[James:] "You mean to fuck people over and lie to them. Yeah I know all about Drake. He's the reason the Centurion 'became a joke'. Before his family bought UBL the fans respected me. You can ask anyone from that time! It was the golden era of UBL before it was polluted by Geese and Thunder Strike, Marauder and Naja, Nightmare and the like. Don't expect Drake to shoot straight with you about history like ole James here."
[John:] "I'll remember that. In any case, both teams are ready so let's get to the ring."
[James:] "I thought we were already there? Where you at? The outhouse? You sure smell it."
*James snorts and laughs again as John places his head in his hands.*
Match #2: Team Reload vs. Burn Unit
Sonny X/REDD vs. Acid Rain/Pyro Dean
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[John:] "And Team RELOAD takes this match but not without feats of incredible resiliency from Burn Unit. You gotta give a lot of credit to Acid here for his efforts and the near victory from the moonsault."
[James:] "Ahh the moon, brings back memories."
[John:] "That's true you were injured there by...wait...Kyle Walker injured you on the moon."
*James smiles wryly*
[James:] "Wow, did he?"
[John:] "That was faked too?"
[James:] "You saying the moon landing was faked? I'll have you know America did that legit."
[John:] "No, I didn't mean that. Are you saying that Kyle knocking you out was part of the Jinchuu plan?"
[James:] "I'm saying a lot of things, it's up to you to figure it out."
[John:] "While we try to ponder all that, let's just absorb the knowledge that Team Reload has added an impressive victory over the Burn Unit to their arsenal here."
[James:] "Absorb? What are you, Mr. Clean? You look more like Madge."
[John:] "..."
Sonny X/REDD (O) [Torture Cobra Twist - 37:45] (X) Acid/Pyro
[John:] "Next up we have a grudge match between Vert Triangle and the Corruptor."
[James:] "Geese? Geese is back!?"
[John:] "Geese is not the corruptor."
[James:] "Could have fooled Robin Walker."
[John:] "Right, gotta maintain the party line."
[James:] "Fuck you."
[John:] "As I was saying, the Corruptor made his UBL debut a few months ago by crashing Vert Triangles 'return from injury' party on Orochi-O's TV. Vert took exception and wrestled him, only to get knocked out by Corruptor's "Exhibit M."
[James:] "Wait...let me get this straight. Some dude with a fucked up name comes back from being injured...only to get injured a few minutes later? Who says comedy is dead?!"
[John:] "Yeah, I can definitely see how you'd laugh at injury given your reason at revenge for Geese."
[James:] "You cut that shit out or I promise you'll be well done compared to Goro's sear."
[John:] "Uh...security?"
[James:] "Already tried that, already failed."
[John:] "Sigh. Well Vert is back and wanted revenge on Corruptor. You'd think the Corruptor would oblige but it wasn't so simple. The condition was that Vert could only get a rematch if he put his Main Reserve status on the line. Corruptor just beat Matt Rivers a month ago in a Field Leader match so he was looking for a Main Reserve member to 'swap' spots for. If he beats Vert, then Corruptor is on the Main Reserves and Vert gets placed on the Front Lines."
[James:] "And I care because?"
[John:] "Because Corruptor has shown signs of being a highly dangerous individual. And there have been internet rumblings about who his identity is. And not of the "WTF is UBBLE" type."
[James:] "WTF is...what?! What the shit kind of nonsense are you blabbering about? Spit it out already."
[John:] "Drake told me not to."
[James:] "You're gonna get the beating of your life, man."
[John:] "I'll take my chances."
[James:] "Oooh, a hero. Well then, let me savor your eventual destruction."
[John:] "All I'm saying is that if Corruptor is who he's rumored to be, Jinchuu aren't the only pitbulls on the block. So you better watch this match attentively."
[James:] "Quit yappin iike a poodle and maybe I will."
Match #3: Swap Match: Vert Triangle vs. The Corruptor
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[John:] "What an incredible match!"
[James:] "Ok, I'll admit it, Corruptor didn't look half bad."
[John:] "Not only that, but did you see Vert put his final ounce of energy into his "Vertical Triangle" choke?"
[James:] "I saw him fall on his face after, that's for sure."
[John:] "Earlier in the match, Corruptor signalled for the Volcanic Eruption and hit it for the close two count. But he made a key mistake and signaled for it ahead of time AGAIN, giving Vert the chance to see it coming. He countered it with his own submission finisher but Corruptor had enough left in the tank to fight him off. Vert didn't. He put all he had left into that attempt and collapsed unconscious after."
[James:] "Like we say back home, he put all his eggs in one basket."
[John:] "He only had one egg left. Corruptor just had more. These two depleted each others energy levels for over twenty minutes. This was a war of attrition and Corruptor won."
[James:] "A war of nutrition? This ain't that LAWL embarrassment."
[John:] "No...not it is not. And the Corruptor has just made it onto the UBL Main Reserves Roster."
[James:] "Well, he won't enjoy his stay. UBL won't be around for much longer."
Vert Triangle (X) [Making the best out of a weird finish - 18:05] (O) The Corruptor
[John:] "Well it looks like it's time for intermission. You can, uh, get up and get something to eat, if you want."
[James:] "Thanks for the invitation. How about you get up and get bent?"
[John:] "Right. Let's go to commercials."
*Commercials for the TRIPLE MEX 'Ultimo Gringo' Finale show air.* When we get back, we see James casually playing with a lighter while John looks disgusted.*
*Marine's 'Baron' hits the speakers as Arthur Wingate walks with more determination then usual out to the ring, microphone in hand.*
[James:] "We got a redcoat here?"
[John:] "If we've suddenly traveled back in time to the 18th century."
[James:] "I'll punch you back there."
[John:] "Let's just listen to the red...uh, Arthur Wingate."
[Arthur:] "Sometimes life gets to the point where a gentleman must be a bit more forthcoming about his agenda. There has been much upheaval around here as of late and I believe I can offer the UBL a sense of clarity, security, and class that it has been lacking."
[James:] "Boy better watch himself."
[Arthur:] "I simply have no interest in the private matters of Orochi Geese and those who wish to "jinchuu" him, or whatever their unfortunately named mission is."
[James:] "Really barking up the wrong tree. He got one more chance to mind his own business or pay proper respect to ours."
[Arthur:] "The fact is that with Geese gone, I deserve to be in charge of the UBL. Ownership of this promotion is in my blood and it is clear that Drake is cowering under his desk hoping this Jinchuu storm cloud passes by on its own. I am not one to stay indoors. I do not take, as you Americans say, a 'rain check." I am a man of action and I do not appreciate being put in a position of inaction. Or being put against men paralyzed by poundage. It was an insult to face Mr. Ferguson last show and I am ready for a real challenge to show my supremacy and right to rule."
[James:] "If he wants to be declared King of a rotting corpse of a promotion, go right ahead. Though he's talking more like a queen with all them fancy words."
*Drake Yoshida comces out looking impatient and nervous as he eyes James.*
[Drake:] "Arthur, please understand the gravity of the situation we are in. If you would just cooperate-"
[Arthur:] "Never! As a knighted man, I refuse to partake in attempts to marginalize myself and my lineage!"
[Drake:] "Fine, you want a challenge? Arthur wasn't 'big' enough for you? Well, sometimes in UBL one has to face more then one opponent at a time. Right now, you are about to have a double challenge with a wrestler who has 'soared above others' and one who has 'tamed beasts'."
*Drake smirks as Parachute Rousseau and Grant Thumb come out to the stage, bickering intensely with each other over which is better, "Air or Land". Arthur looks mortififed at Rousseau's attire and Grant's size, or lack thereof.*
[Drake:] "Arthur, you've got 15 minutes to win or I'm suspending you for six months. Cut these public temper tantrums out and we can have a reasonable discussion about your place in this promotion."
[James:] "Well this oughta be as entertaining as a jackknifed truck ..."
Match #4: Parachute Rousseau vs. Grant Thumb vs. Arthur Wingate
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[John:] "And Arthur beats the clock again!"
[James:] "What's the big deal? He beat two jokes"
[John:] "I'd think you, of all people, wouldn't use the word 'joke' to refer to wrestlers."
[James:] "What are you implying?"
[John:] "That after what we saw you do to Geese, every wrestler has the potential to be dangerous."
[James:] "Oh, ok. I see your point. But, come on, even at my most jovial, I was bigger then Grant and Rousseau combined. Even back in the day I was a powerhouse."
[John:] "Fighting two men can sometimes be harder then fighting one. But Arthur did it in under fifteen minutes and aside from having a few troubles with their manic styles, he was once again dominant. I don't always enjoy his speeches but you can't take anything away from his abilities. I think Drake is doing a disservice to the fans in not further showcasing and testing Mr. Wingate's abilities."
[James:] "The fans need to find some other form of entertainment. This show is garbage."
[John:] "Well folks, never let it be said that UBL is about constant positive self-promotion!"
Parachute Rousseau (-) Grant Thumb (X) ["Englishplex" - 14:44] (O) Arthur Wingate
[John:] "Well next we have the first of two main events with Championship implications. At the previous show, Corey O'Brian and Daddy Prime Time defeated Koji Keo'ke and Chuck "The Ripper" Madrox for the right to wrestle each other tonight. The winner becomes the new #1 Contender to Julian Caesaro's impressively defended NEXUS Championship."
[James:] "I don't like DPT. He makes me sick, that white haired weirdo."
[John:] "Is he a copycat of Kyle with that hair?"
[James:] "*Spits*"
[John:] "I see. What do you think of Corey O'Brian?"
[James:] "Well you know, I don't like him either but at least he could put up a good fight."
[John:] "I can't help but think that you have heard Corey's past anti-Geese remarks."
[James:] "Why can't you ever say things normally, man? What the hell is that 'I can't help but think' garbage supposed to mean? Just say it like a regular dude."
[John:] " I'm guessing you've also heard some of the praise Geese has heaped onto DPT."
[James:] "Heaped? What? Is he piling leaves?"
[John:] "Ok, I get it. So you think Corey is going to win this match?"
[James:] "Corey will out-fight him, no doubt about that. But DPT, like Geese, is a dirty cheat. That's why Geese likes him so much. Corey better watch out for DPT doing something illegal."
[John:] "Your perception of legality is intriguing given your pyromania earlier."
[James:] "I am going to shove my fist so far down your throat-"
[John:] "Let's get to the ring."
Match #5: NEXUS Championship #1 Contendership Match
Corey O'Brian vs. Daddy Prime Time
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[John:] "I think this match was decided by that early Core Meltdown. It seemed to me that Corey got demoralized when DPT kicked out of it and that changed the momentum of the match. DPT then went to work utilizing his superior speed on the surprised Corey. But we did get a nice battle of scorpion deathlocks."
[James:] "There are no 'nice' battles, Randolph."
[John:] "It was entertaining to watch two men give their all, the fans seem to agree."
[James:] "The fans are tards."
[John:] "That was totally uncalled for."
[James:] "You gonna do something about it?"
[John:] "Yes, I just did. I said it was uncalled for. And then go back to talking about how hard these two fought. Corey has come so close to victory the last few times he has been in one on one matches but I think his opponents are learning to absorb some of his deadly moves. He is known for his incredibly knowledge of moves and I think he may want to start introducing some of his other match enders into play. Meanwhile, DPT was highly impressive with his resiliency and ability to put Corey away with his super kick finisher."
[James:] "Probably had his boot loaded."
[John:] "With confidence."
[James:] "I bet he gets all the ladies with it. Well you both make me sick."
Corey O'Brian (X) ["The Showstoppa" - 15:44] (O) Daddy Prime Time
*Commercials air for FUSION DOJO's return to the wrestling world!*
[John:] "And now it's time for a match that has been in the making, arguably since 2008. Although the Universal Battalion league concluded last summer with J.U.S.T.I.C.E winning the Championships..."
[James:] "Being led by Kyle Walker..."
[John:] "He was part of it. Now, even though the league concluded, Drake did not want to see the results of everyone's hard work come to a formal close like past leagues. So he transformed the Universal Battalion league award into a more traditional Tag Championship and awarded it to the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. group. However, due to the large number of people in that group, and some differing opinions, Drake decided to make this match to determine the new Champions."
[James:] "Differing opinions? Kyle wants to kick the shit out of Thunder Strike and Jang Bae for being associated with Alicia Gordon and trying to hurt Robin."
[John:] "And Jason Hyde, though not hostile to Jang, seems to no longer be allied with Thunder, while also establishing a friendship with Kyle."
[James:] "Well I dunno about a friendship. Jason hasn't disrespected Kyle, we'll leave it at that."
[John:] "Let's talk about Jang Bae for a second as I feel like he is the understated X-factor to this volatile situation. We haven't seen him in UBL since the Battalion Finale in June where he and Thunder defeated the impressive ARMADA team but were then brutally assaulted by the Dod Squod and LRI."
[James:] "The Dods aren't friends of Jinchuu but anytime Thunder Strike is taken out, we like it."
[John:] "Ever since that attack, Jang spent most of his time in the Kirin Dojo promotion in Japan. The same promotion we'll be allying with to bring Battle Formation to the fans this summer."
[James:] "How convenient. You stay up all night memorizing that cheap plug?"
[John:] "Jang has had a lot of success in Kirin Dojo defending his NPA World Jr. Heavyweight Championship which he won earlier last year. And if he wins tonight, he will be the first wrestler in history to simultaneously hold Championships in both UBL and Kirin Dojo. To go to Battle Formation with that honor would be incredible."
[James:] "Get used to disappointment, Jang."
[John:] "Jang is probably the most uneasy with this match as he has remained friends with Jason despite the fallout between Thunder Strike and Jason Hyde. However Jang has no respect for Kyle Walker and the feeling is likely mutual...
[James:] "Yep."
[John:] "Because Jang Bae is the sabonim of Alicia Gordon, one of Holly Walker's greatest enemies and one of those suspected in injuring her. Thunder is also a former ally of Alicia and someone Kyle Walker absolutely hates. Its possible that Kyle hates Thunder more then anyone on this roster besides Geese."
[James:] "Double yep."
[John:] "Thunder has actually wrestled Holly in a mixed tag match a few years back with Alicia and Thunder facing Holly and Geese. And no doubt Kyle will want to make Thunder pay for all the punishment he dealt out to Holly just as we have seen Kyle do to others who have put their hands on her. Plus with Thunder as one of the top wrestlers in UBL and one likely to defend it against an invading force. he is a natural enemy to Jinchuu."
[James:] "With Geese out, Thunder is numero uno Jinchuu enemy."
[John:] "Wow, not even keeping it secret?"
[James:] "It's more satisfying that he knows he's a marked man."
[John:] "I think the feeling is mutual. Thunder Strike isn't one to pass up taking out an enemy, especially someone as dangerous as Kyle. Thunder Strike is also a former Universal Champion and Battalion Champion. If Kyle thinks that Thunder will just lie down for a beating, he has another thing coming."
[James:] "He's got a Championship coming, ya goof.."
[John:] "And it looks like both teams are now coming down to ringside."
Universal Battalion Wrestler Entrances: HD Version (click here), Standard def (click here).
[John:] "Interesting to note, Jason and Kyle come out seperately. And Kyle has new entrance music which is kinda disturbingly appropriate for him. Also, that is a track by the Offspring, the band that his sister has used for her fitting entrance music over the years."
[James:] "Thanks for music appreciation 101, professor."
[John:] "Both teams are warming up and Thunder Strike approaches mid ring. He appears to be trying to get Jason's attention while Jason stretches in his corner. Jason is ignoring Thunder's attempts to communicate until Thunder starts barking at him like a drill sergeant"
[James:] "More like the dog that he is."
[John:] "Thunder is screaming at Jason to back out of this match and not ally with 'psychotic Kyle.'
[James:] "He's gonna get whupped for that."
[John:] "He's saying that Jason is a coward and a traitor for getting a Title shot by turning his back on the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. cause. To his credit, Jason isn't responding to this. Instead, his eyes appear more focused as a result. Meanwhile, Kyle is smirking to himself."
[James:] "Kyle knows that a more motivated Jason helps his own cause. Thunder will get what's coming to him and will regret running his mouth. He kiss Alicia with that mouth? No wonder it's filthy. I can smell the whore all the way over here. Unless that's you, Randolph."
[John:] "Jang is trying to get Thunder back to their corner as the referee gives the signal to ring the bell. Here we go, folks, the Universal Battalion Championship will now be crowned!"
Match #6: Universal Battalion Championship Title Coronation Match:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (Jang Bae/Thunder Strike) vs. Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
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[James:] "YES!"
[John:] "This match was really just kicking into high gear when Jason pulled back a little harder then usual on his "Nowhere to Hyde" finisher and appeared to break Thunder Strike's leg."
[James:] "That's what I call 'kicking it into high gear!"
[John:] "I've gotta give credit to Kyle too. His impressive tag team abilities allowed him to keep Thunder in the corner-"
[James:] "Yeah that was cool but come on - it was his HATRED that allowed him to drive his elbow into Thunder's face! Don't give me that 'technical tag team' bullshit. Kyle roughed the bitch up!"
[John:] "Jason saw Thunder's vulnerability following Kyle's attack and just put the match away."
[James:] "He put Thunder away. For good."
[John:] "The crowd is shocked at how dominant Jason and Kyle were here..."
[James:] "You want domination, boy? It's just getting started..."
[John:] "James has just left the booth and is rushing to the ring. Something tells me the crowd's shock isn't over for the night."
Jang Bae/Thunder Strike (X) ["Nowhere to Hyde"- 17:08] (O) Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
*James walks up the ramp to the ring and is joined by Jakob of Furis. The two stand right there as Kyle nods to them. He then goes back to laughing at Thunder."
[John:] "I can't imagine James and Furis are there strictly for a celebration."
*Jason has a concerned look on his face and is warning Kyle to stop laughing at Thunder's injury. Kyle seems dismissive as to his concerns. Jang gets down onto the mat to try to talk to and help out Thunder while the referee awards Kyle and Jason with the Battalion Championships. Kyle is really laughing up a storm now as he holds his title. Jason is getting increasingly agitated as he raises the belt in Kyle's face to get him to back off. Kyle does just that but Jason still goes to swing the belt....
[John:] "What are are about to see here?"
*And drives it into the back of Jang's head
[John:] "What the hell!? Jason just knocked Jang out with the Battalion Belt!!"
*Jason rolls Jang out of the ring while Kyle walks outside, looks under the ring, and pulls out a piece of barbed wire. Kyle gets back into the ring and forcefully places the barbed wire around Thunder's leg. Thunder is still clutching his leg after the impact of the "Nowhere to Hyde" and is in agony at the placing of the barbed wire around it. Jason then applies the "Nowhere to Hyde" AGAIN, with the barbed wire around Thunder's leg. While the hold is on, Kyle gets on the top turnbuckle."
[John:] "These are the actions of truly depraved individuals. I am shocked that Jason is a part of this."
*Kyle jumps off the post with a Mad Splash onto the lower back of Thunder, and Jason finally lets go of the hold. An audible snap is heard after the impact and Thunder loses consciousness from the pain as his face loses all color. Kyle and Jason pick up the unconscious Thunder and then place him on James' shoulders. Jason and Kyle get on two separate ring posts and jump off with a stereo dropkick onto Thunder, knocking him off James' shoulders and on to his head.*
[John:] "I think he got worse treatment then Geese. But finally. FINALLY, security has come out here!"
*Genji Security, led by Agent 0 come into the ring. They are confronted by Furis and James but Agent 0 manages to slip through them. Before Kyle can attack Thunder further, Agent 0 rips Thunder from his grasp o a look of shock and then delivers a neck snap maneuver to him. Kyle shrugs his shoulders and laughs as Agent 0 and his men leave the ring."
[John:] "Did Genji Security just pick a side in this war? Or was that attack personal?"
*Kyle instructs James to grab something else from under the ring. James emerges with a can of spraypaint which he gives to Kyle and Jason.. Kyle spray paints the Jinchuu Kanji onto the his tag belt and then gives Jason the can. Jason spray paints Thunder's back with the same kanji before doing the same to his Title Belt and shaking the hands of Kyle, James, and Furis.*
[John:] "The ultimate insult. I can't watch this anymore, I'm going backstage."
*John gets up and leaves while Jinchuu spit on Thunder and then walk up to the entrance ramp. The show ends with the sight of Jinchuu raising the defaced Battalion Title Belts into the air. (For Higher resolution version.)
(Note: My cap program was causing me audio problems for the last few weeks. That problem is now taken care of for future matches but a few videos have desynch problems. So just turn the sound down and gently hum to yourself. The match quality should compensate fine.)
*The Universal Battle Chamber in the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena erupts in cheers from the fans. Blue and gold pyro shoots off followed by dark red pyro as the "Jinchuu" kanji flashes on the BattleTron which is met by boos. John Randolph walks to the announcing desk after seeing the Jinchuu kanji and nervously puts a headset on.*
[John:] "Welcome to the March Open, an event which many have been anxious about ever since the ending of the January Circuit show. With our owner Orochi Geese incapacitated in the hospital due to the attack and rogue movement of his former friend Kyle Walker, things are more violent and unstable then ever here. And that isn't even hyperbole despite the past instances chaos of this promotion: we really are in a dangerous state of flux that can bring UBL down to its knees.
It is unclear who truly has the power right now which is why this show is so crucial. Our top Championships and key contenderships will be on the line tonight and if Kyle walks out as one half of the Battalion Champions, UBL could be in for a summer that makes even last one's seem pleasant in comparison. But before we get ahead of ourselves with the doom and gloom, let's check out tonight's entire card."
*The Battletron turns on to display the matches*
Match #1: Goro Yamashita vs. James Ward
Match #2: Team RELOAD vs. Burn Unit
Match #3: Swap Match: Vert Triangle vs. Corruptor
Match #4: NEXUS Championship #1 Contendership: Corey O'Brian vs. Daddy Prime Time
Match #5: Universal Championship Coronation: Jang Bae/Thunder Strike vs. Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
[John:] "We've got quite a card ranging from grudge matches to Title matches. So let's get started with the former. Goro Yamashita was airing his grievances last month towards Jinchuu and was interrupted by one of their members, James Ward. I can't remember the last time two individuals automatically disliked each other from the second their eyes met like Goro and James did. While Goro showed restraint, James sucker punched him and that set up this match.
What worries me is what James said towards the end of their encounter: That Jinchuu is here to punish Geese and hurt those who stand in their way, rather then win matches. I believe Goro is skilled enough to get a pinfall and certainly tough enough to defend himself in a fight but the recent looks in the eyes of James Ward, Jakob of Furis, and Kyle Walker tells me that Goro better be ready for anything. Luckily. he's not alone in this arena. His best friend Marauder is backstage and I believe Luke Kisiera is too. Unfortunately their ally Matt Rivers is still recovering in a hospital from taking those two "Exhibit M's" that the Corruptor used to defeat him a few weeks ago during Orochi-O's TV. So their alliance is a man short here tonight but hopefully Genji Security steps up and actually does their job.
Goro is coming to the ring now and looks ready for a war. While James got the cheap shot in against him and then claimed the superiority of American boxing, I think we have to call Goro the favorite in the striking game tonight. The man is a former Chinese boxing champion and even though his legs were badly burned and injured, he hasn't lost enough of a step to make me think James can outbox or outkick him. James is coming to the ring now, to no music at all, and is doing some warmup punching. Maybe we should have just made this a boxing match at this rate! The second James gets into the ring he goes for Goro and the bell has rung!
Match #1: Goro Yamashita vs. James Ward
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[John:] "Goro is able to put James away with a blindingly quick swarm of punches which he calls the "Tempest". You do have to hand it to James for being able to keep up with Goro's stand up for most of the match. It's somewhat of a shocking feat cause, folks, let's face it, this is the former Centurion we just saw duke it out with a boxing Champion. Even when Naja Mask pushed Marauder in the ring last year in one on one matches, at least we were familiar with Naja's tag team competency. But up until January, the Centurion was a joke in every type of match for his entire career. So to see him competing at this level is truly extraordinary. I'd even venture to say that had James not riled Goro up to defend his style and UBL, it's possible James could have taken this. He almost put this match away a few times but the resiliency of Goro is incredibly impressive.
As an aside, it's not entirely clear which roster Goro is on. He started on the Front Lines but was put in big matches before the Field Leader title was established. Those are circumstances in which other wrestlers made it onto the Main roster. So it wouldn't shock me to see Goro retroactively and silently promoted. Considering his victories over current Field Leader Matt Rivers, promotion wouldn't be too out of line. And with Jinchuu waging their treacherous campaign, we may need Goro on this roster. Wait, hold that thought, this isn't over-
Goro Yamashita (O) ["Tempest" - 15:26] (X) James Ward
*Kyle Walker slides out from under the ring to the shock of the fans. They try to warn Goro but its too late. Kyle launches into the air with a flying knee and knocks Goro down from behind. James holds him down with a stranglehold camel clutch as Kyle pulls a cigarette lighter out of his boot. As Goro struggles to get away, Kyle ignites the lighter and sets Goro's legs on fire!!*
[John:] "The fans are screaming for help and out of shock. But somehow Goro is able to keep his pain silent! The man is a rock! He isn't giving Jinchuu the satisfaction of hearing him suffer!"
*Goro has a brave face on as sweat profusely rolls down his forehead. Kyle appears insulted by this showing of poise and kicks him in the face a few times, causing blood to mix with the sweat. James gets up off Goro as the fire spreads to his upper body. Goro then tries to roll on the ground but Kyle keeps re-igniting him while laughing.*
[John:] "This is too much. We're not just seeing revenge here, we're seeing the actions of a truly psychotic man."
*Marauder and Luke Kisiera finally make it to the ring. Kyle doesn't appear intimidated and chooses to leave on his own accord, convincing James to do the same. Medics are then allowed into the ring to attend to Marauder while Kyle grabs a microphone.*
[Kyle:] "This was just a warning of what happens if you get in our way. Disrespecting our mission is disrespecting my sister and we all know what happens when you do that. My mental scars in having to watch her suffer over the years will be dealt ten fold onto UBL and fifty fold onto anyone that specifically deserves it. In January we just begun to deliver that sentence onto Geese. Tonight, we burned the scars into Goro's legacy. Marauder, you can be next. So can you, Luke. And you don't even have to go through it alone. Ask yourself what happens when a 'cupcake' stays in the oven too long."
*Luke goes to approach Kyle but Marauder holds him back. Kyle smirks and goes back up the ramp with James while the medics, Marauder, and Luke attend to a writhing and blistering Goro.*
[John:] "We're going to commercial."
*Commercials air for the OG-Joshi March Amplitude.
*We return to the show as John looks disturbed that James Ward is leaning back in a chair next to him.*
[John:] "Yamashita Goro is being taken to the hospital and is being escorted by there by Marauder and Luke-"
[James:] "Boo-hoo. What's the ole saying? If ya can't stand the heat, then stay out of Kyle's kitchen!"
*John stands up and runs a short distance, calling for security. When they don't come, he sighs and walks back to the desk to see James smirking at him.*
[John:] "And apparently I'm being joined by a guest."
[James:] "Guest? I invited myself. You got a problem with it?"
[John:] "I think everyone has a problem with what Jinchuu just did="
[James:] "Tough shit."
[John:] "And that's why you came out here, to give that thoughtful response?"
[James:] "You cruisin for a bruisin too?"
[John:] "No! No...I'm just curious as to why you are out here."
[James:] "Easy. Jinchuu wants fair coverage and we know we're not getting that from a Yoshida pissant like you. So as of now, I've got a seat here. But we're a reasonable sort, so I'll tell you what i'm gonna do. If you don't like me, I can always let Furis take my place. You remember him doncha?"
*John turns visibly pale*
[James:] "Yeah, you do! You're makin a face just like him! Poor guy hasn't seen much sun. You want me to send him out here so you two can get reaquainted? I know you two go way back. I'm sure he'd like to pick your brain...or neck...about all the things you've said about him the last few years. So what'll it be?"
[John:] "You can stay."
[James:] "What's that? I couldn't hear over you shittin' your pants."
[John:] "No. You'll...you'll be just fine."
[James:] "There we go. Now, I'll come out here whenever I want. Talk when I want. Make you talk when I want. You just try not to piss me off and we won't have another BBQ."
[John:] "Uh ok, well, we're gonna get to the next match now."
[James:] "Fine with me..."
[John:] "And in a terrible sense of irony or timing or just unintentional cruelty, one of the next teams is Pyro Dean and Acid Rain...the Burn Unit."
*James just about falls off his chair laughing.*
[James:] "They...*laughter* probably could have helped ole Goro out, huh?"
*James continues laughing as John looks defeated.*
[John:] "Their opponents are Team Reload who are made up of Redd and former FPCPP World Champion, Sonny X."
[James:] "That's the fella who beat Geese right?"
[John:] "Yes, he defeated Geese in the inaugural FPCPP Championship match."
[James:] "This is tough. Dudes who remind me of what we just did to Goro vs. a dude who humiliated Geese. I'm gonna call this a push. Who you like?"
[John:] "Well-"
*John pauses waiting to be cut off*
[James:] "What the hell, boy. I asked who you like in this match?"
[John:] "I didn't expect you to really care."
[James:] "I'm out here for scouting as well as "public relations". So you better give it to me straight. When Kyle and that Hyde boy win tonight, I want to know who their future opponents are."
[John:] "Well I think Burn Unit is the better team but REDD is a monster and Sonny X is one of the best singles wrestlers in the entire world. I can't pick a winner because it all depends on what kind of match this becomes and where it plays out. If Burn Unit keep this in their corner, I think they can take it. But if they try to fight 1 on 1 with Reload, they are gonna get beaten. Sonny is too dangerous and REDD is too strong for either member of Burn Unit to try to do this without help."
[James:] "Good enough for me. Maybe I won't dismember you, after all."
[John:] "...Thanks?"
*James laughs and puts his arm around John. He pulls out two cigars.*
[James:] "Smoke?"
[John:] "Under the circumstances, no."
*James has another laughing fit*
[John:] "And both teams have now come to the ring and it looks like we're ready for this match. There have been rumblings backstage that the winner of this match may get an opportunity soon to become #1 contender to the Battalion Champions but Drake has kept things purposefully unofficial to allow him maximum flexibility-"
[James:] "You mean to fuck people over and lie to them. Yeah I know all about Drake. He's the reason the Centurion 'became a joke'. Before his family bought UBL the fans respected me. You can ask anyone from that time! It was the golden era of UBL before it was polluted by Geese and Thunder Strike, Marauder and Naja, Nightmare and the like. Don't expect Drake to shoot straight with you about history like ole James here."
[John:] "I'll remember that. In any case, both teams are ready so let's get to the ring."
[James:] "I thought we were already there? Where you at? The outhouse? You sure smell it."
*James snorts and laughs again as John places his head in his hands.*
Match #2: Team Reload vs. Burn Unit
Sonny X/REDD vs. Acid Rain/Pyro Dean
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[John:] "And Team RELOAD takes this match but not without feats of incredible resiliency from Burn Unit. You gotta give a lot of credit to Acid here for his efforts and the near victory from the moonsault."
[James:] "Ahh the moon, brings back memories."
[John:] "That's true you were injured there by...wait...Kyle Walker injured you on the moon."
*James smiles wryly*
[James:] "Wow, did he?"
[John:] "That was faked too?"
[James:] "You saying the moon landing was faked? I'll have you know America did that legit."
[John:] "No, I didn't mean that. Are you saying that Kyle knocking you out was part of the Jinchuu plan?"
[James:] "I'm saying a lot of things, it's up to you to figure it out."
[John:] "While we try to ponder all that, let's just absorb the knowledge that Team Reload has added an impressive victory over the Burn Unit to their arsenal here."
[James:] "Absorb? What are you, Mr. Clean? You look more like Madge."
[John:] "..."
Sonny X/REDD (O) [Torture Cobra Twist - 37:45] (X) Acid/Pyro
[John:] "Next up we have a grudge match between Vert Triangle and the Corruptor."
[James:] "Geese? Geese is back!?"
[John:] "Geese is not the corruptor."
[James:] "Could have fooled Robin Walker."
[John:] "Right, gotta maintain the party line."
[James:] "Fuck you."
[John:] "As I was saying, the Corruptor made his UBL debut a few months ago by crashing Vert Triangles 'return from injury' party on Orochi-O's TV. Vert took exception and wrestled him, only to get knocked out by Corruptor's "Exhibit M."
[James:] "Wait...let me get this straight. Some dude with a fucked up name comes back from being injured...only to get injured a few minutes later? Who says comedy is dead?!"
[John:] "Yeah, I can definitely see how you'd laugh at injury given your reason at revenge for Geese."
[James:] "You cut that shit out or I promise you'll be well done compared to Goro's sear."
[John:] "Uh...security?"
[James:] "Already tried that, already failed."
[John:] "Sigh. Well Vert is back and wanted revenge on Corruptor. You'd think the Corruptor would oblige but it wasn't so simple. The condition was that Vert could only get a rematch if he put his Main Reserve status on the line. Corruptor just beat Matt Rivers a month ago in a Field Leader match so he was looking for a Main Reserve member to 'swap' spots for. If he beats Vert, then Corruptor is on the Main Reserves and Vert gets placed on the Front Lines."
[James:] "And I care because?"
[John:] "Because Corruptor has shown signs of being a highly dangerous individual. And there have been internet rumblings about who his identity is. And not of the "WTF is UBBLE" type."
[James:] "WTF is...what?! What the shit kind of nonsense are you blabbering about? Spit it out already."
[John:] "Drake told me not to."
[James:] "You're gonna get the beating of your life, man."
[John:] "I'll take my chances."
[James:] "Oooh, a hero. Well then, let me savor your eventual destruction."
[John:] "All I'm saying is that if Corruptor is who he's rumored to be, Jinchuu aren't the only pitbulls on the block. So you better watch this match attentively."
[James:] "Quit yappin iike a poodle and maybe I will."
Match #3: Swap Match: Vert Triangle vs. The Corruptor
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[John:] "What an incredible match!"
[James:] "Ok, I'll admit it, Corruptor didn't look half bad."
[John:] "Not only that, but did you see Vert put his final ounce of energy into his "Vertical Triangle" choke?"
[James:] "I saw him fall on his face after, that's for sure."
[John:] "Earlier in the match, Corruptor signalled for the Volcanic Eruption and hit it for the close two count. But he made a key mistake and signaled for it ahead of time AGAIN, giving Vert the chance to see it coming. He countered it with his own submission finisher but Corruptor had enough left in the tank to fight him off. Vert didn't. He put all he had left into that attempt and collapsed unconscious after."
[James:] "Like we say back home, he put all his eggs in one basket."
[John:] "He only had one egg left. Corruptor just had more. These two depleted each others energy levels for over twenty minutes. This was a war of attrition and Corruptor won."
[James:] "A war of nutrition? This ain't that LAWL embarrassment."
[John:] "No...not it is not. And the Corruptor has just made it onto the UBL Main Reserves Roster."
[James:] "Well, he won't enjoy his stay. UBL won't be around for much longer."
Vert Triangle (X) [Making the best out of a weird finish - 18:05] (O) The Corruptor
[John:] "Well it looks like it's time for intermission. You can, uh, get up and get something to eat, if you want."
[James:] "Thanks for the invitation. How about you get up and get bent?"
[John:] "Right. Let's go to commercials."
*Commercials for the TRIPLE MEX 'Ultimo Gringo' Finale show air.* When we get back, we see James casually playing with a lighter while John looks disgusted.*
*Marine's 'Baron' hits the speakers as Arthur Wingate walks with more determination then usual out to the ring, microphone in hand.*
[James:] "We got a redcoat here?"
[John:] "If we've suddenly traveled back in time to the 18th century."
[James:] "I'll punch you back there."
[John:] "Let's just listen to the red...uh, Arthur Wingate."
[Arthur:] "Sometimes life gets to the point where a gentleman must be a bit more forthcoming about his agenda. There has been much upheaval around here as of late and I believe I can offer the UBL a sense of clarity, security, and class that it has been lacking."
[James:] "Boy better watch himself."
[Arthur:] "I simply have no interest in the private matters of Orochi Geese and those who wish to "jinchuu" him, or whatever their unfortunately named mission is."
[James:] "Really barking up the wrong tree. He got one more chance to mind his own business or pay proper respect to ours."
[Arthur:] "The fact is that with Geese gone, I deserve to be in charge of the UBL. Ownership of this promotion is in my blood and it is clear that Drake is cowering under his desk hoping this Jinchuu storm cloud passes by on its own. I am not one to stay indoors. I do not take, as you Americans say, a 'rain check." I am a man of action and I do not appreciate being put in a position of inaction. Or being put against men paralyzed by poundage. It was an insult to face Mr. Ferguson last show and I am ready for a real challenge to show my supremacy and right to rule."
[James:] "If he wants to be declared King of a rotting corpse of a promotion, go right ahead. Though he's talking more like a queen with all them fancy words."
*Drake Yoshida comces out looking impatient and nervous as he eyes James.*
[Drake:] "Arthur, please understand the gravity of the situation we are in. If you would just cooperate-"
[Arthur:] "Never! As a knighted man, I refuse to partake in attempts to marginalize myself and my lineage!"
[Drake:] "Fine, you want a challenge? Arthur wasn't 'big' enough for you? Well, sometimes in UBL one has to face more then one opponent at a time. Right now, you are about to have a double challenge with a wrestler who has 'soared above others' and one who has 'tamed beasts'."
*Drake smirks as Parachute Rousseau and Grant Thumb come out to the stage, bickering intensely with each other over which is better, "Air or Land". Arthur looks mortififed at Rousseau's attire and Grant's size, or lack thereof.*
[Drake:] "Arthur, you've got 15 minutes to win or I'm suspending you for six months. Cut these public temper tantrums out and we can have a reasonable discussion about your place in this promotion."
[James:] "Well this oughta be as entertaining as a jackknifed truck ..."
Match #4: Parachute Rousseau vs. Grant Thumb vs. Arthur Wingate
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[John:] "And Arthur beats the clock again!"
[James:] "What's the big deal? He beat two jokes"
[John:] "I'd think you, of all people, wouldn't use the word 'joke' to refer to wrestlers."
[James:] "What are you implying?"
[John:] "That after what we saw you do to Geese, every wrestler has the potential to be dangerous."
[James:] "Oh, ok. I see your point. But, come on, even at my most jovial, I was bigger then Grant and Rousseau combined. Even back in the day I was a powerhouse."
[John:] "Fighting two men can sometimes be harder then fighting one. But Arthur did it in under fifteen minutes and aside from having a few troubles with their manic styles, he was once again dominant. I don't always enjoy his speeches but you can't take anything away from his abilities. I think Drake is doing a disservice to the fans in not further showcasing and testing Mr. Wingate's abilities."
[James:] "The fans need to find some other form of entertainment. This show is garbage."
[John:] "Well folks, never let it be said that UBL is about constant positive self-promotion!"
Parachute Rousseau (-) Grant Thumb (X) ["Englishplex" - 14:44] (O) Arthur Wingate
[John:] "Well next we have the first of two main events with Championship implications. At the previous show, Corey O'Brian and Daddy Prime Time defeated Koji Keo'ke and Chuck "The Ripper" Madrox for the right to wrestle each other tonight. The winner becomes the new #1 Contender to Julian Caesaro's impressively defended NEXUS Championship."
[James:] "I don't like DPT. He makes me sick, that white haired weirdo."
[John:] "Is he a copycat of Kyle with that hair?"
[James:] "*Spits*"
[John:] "I see. What do you think of Corey O'Brian?"
[James:] "Well you know, I don't like him either but at least he could put up a good fight."
[John:] "I can't help but think that you have heard Corey's past anti-Geese remarks."
[James:] "Why can't you ever say things normally, man? What the hell is that 'I can't help but think' garbage supposed to mean? Just say it like a regular dude."
[John:] " I'm guessing you've also heard some of the praise Geese has heaped onto DPT."
[James:] "Heaped? What? Is he piling leaves?"
[John:] "Ok, I get it. So you think Corey is going to win this match?"
[James:] "Corey will out-fight him, no doubt about that. But DPT, like Geese, is a dirty cheat. That's why Geese likes him so much. Corey better watch out for DPT doing something illegal."
[John:] "Your perception of legality is intriguing given your pyromania earlier."
[James:] "I am going to shove my fist so far down your throat-"
[John:] "Let's get to the ring."
Match #5: NEXUS Championship #1 Contendership Match
Corey O'Brian vs. Daddy Prime Time
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[John:] "I think this match was decided by that early Core Meltdown. It seemed to me that Corey got demoralized when DPT kicked out of it and that changed the momentum of the match. DPT then went to work utilizing his superior speed on the surprised Corey. But we did get a nice battle of scorpion deathlocks."
[James:] "There are no 'nice' battles, Randolph."
[John:] "It was entertaining to watch two men give their all, the fans seem to agree."
[James:] "The fans are tards."
[John:] "That was totally uncalled for."
[James:] "You gonna do something about it?"
[John:] "Yes, I just did. I said it was uncalled for. And then go back to talking about how hard these two fought. Corey has come so close to victory the last few times he has been in one on one matches but I think his opponents are learning to absorb some of his deadly moves. He is known for his incredibly knowledge of moves and I think he may want to start introducing some of his other match enders into play. Meanwhile, DPT was highly impressive with his resiliency and ability to put Corey away with his super kick finisher."
[James:] "Probably had his boot loaded."
[John:] "With confidence."
[James:] "I bet he gets all the ladies with it. Well you both make me sick."
Corey O'Brian (X) ["The Showstoppa" - 15:44] (O) Daddy Prime Time
*Commercials air for FUSION DOJO's return to the wrestling world!*
[John:] "And now it's time for a match that has been in the making, arguably since 2008. Although the Universal Battalion league concluded last summer with J.U.S.T.I.C.E winning the Championships..."
[James:] "Being led by Kyle Walker..."
[John:] "He was part of it. Now, even though the league concluded, Drake did not want to see the results of everyone's hard work come to a formal close like past leagues. So he transformed the Universal Battalion league award into a more traditional Tag Championship and awarded it to the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. group. However, due to the large number of people in that group, and some differing opinions, Drake decided to make this match to determine the new Champions."
[James:] "Differing opinions? Kyle wants to kick the shit out of Thunder Strike and Jang Bae for being associated with Alicia Gordon and trying to hurt Robin."
[John:] "And Jason Hyde, though not hostile to Jang, seems to no longer be allied with Thunder, while also establishing a friendship with Kyle."
[James:] "Well I dunno about a friendship. Jason hasn't disrespected Kyle, we'll leave it at that."
[John:] "Let's talk about Jang Bae for a second as I feel like he is the understated X-factor to this volatile situation. We haven't seen him in UBL since the Battalion Finale in June where he and Thunder defeated the impressive ARMADA team but were then brutally assaulted by the Dod Squod and LRI."
[James:] "The Dods aren't friends of Jinchuu but anytime Thunder Strike is taken out, we like it."
[John:] "Ever since that attack, Jang spent most of his time in the Kirin Dojo promotion in Japan. The same promotion we'll be allying with to bring Battle Formation to the fans this summer."
[James:] "How convenient. You stay up all night memorizing that cheap plug?"
[John:] "Jang has had a lot of success in Kirin Dojo defending his NPA World Jr. Heavyweight Championship which he won earlier last year. And if he wins tonight, he will be the first wrestler in history to simultaneously hold Championships in both UBL and Kirin Dojo. To go to Battle Formation with that honor would be incredible."
[James:] "Get used to disappointment, Jang."
[John:] "Jang is probably the most uneasy with this match as he has remained friends with Jason despite the fallout between Thunder Strike and Jason Hyde. However Jang has no respect for Kyle Walker and the feeling is likely mutual...
[James:] "Yep."
[John:] "Because Jang Bae is the sabonim of Alicia Gordon, one of Holly Walker's greatest enemies and one of those suspected in injuring her. Thunder is also a former ally of Alicia and someone Kyle Walker absolutely hates. Its possible that Kyle hates Thunder more then anyone on this roster besides Geese."
[James:] "Double yep."
[John:] "Thunder has actually wrestled Holly in a mixed tag match a few years back with Alicia and Thunder facing Holly and Geese. And no doubt Kyle will want to make Thunder pay for all the punishment he dealt out to Holly just as we have seen Kyle do to others who have put their hands on her. Plus with Thunder as one of the top wrestlers in UBL and one likely to defend it against an invading force. he is a natural enemy to Jinchuu."
[James:] "With Geese out, Thunder is numero uno Jinchuu enemy."
[John:] "Wow, not even keeping it secret?"
[James:] "It's more satisfying that he knows he's a marked man."
[John:] "I think the feeling is mutual. Thunder Strike isn't one to pass up taking out an enemy, especially someone as dangerous as Kyle. Thunder Strike is also a former Universal Champion and Battalion Champion. If Kyle thinks that Thunder will just lie down for a beating, he has another thing coming."
[James:] "He's got a Championship coming, ya goof.."
[John:] "And it looks like both teams are now coming down to ringside."
Universal Battalion Wrestler Entrances: HD Version (click here), Standard def (click here).
[John:] "Interesting to note, Jason and Kyle come out seperately. And Kyle has new entrance music which is kinda disturbingly appropriate for him. Also, that is a track by the Offspring, the band that his sister has used for her fitting entrance music over the years."
[James:] "Thanks for music appreciation 101, professor."
[John:] "Both teams are warming up and Thunder Strike approaches mid ring. He appears to be trying to get Jason's attention while Jason stretches in his corner. Jason is ignoring Thunder's attempts to communicate until Thunder starts barking at him like a drill sergeant"
[James:] "More like the dog that he is."
[John:] "Thunder is screaming at Jason to back out of this match and not ally with 'psychotic Kyle.'
[James:] "He's gonna get whupped for that."
[John:] "He's saying that Jason is a coward and a traitor for getting a Title shot by turning his back on the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. cause. To his credit, Jason isn't responding to this. Instead, his eyes appear more focused as a result. Meanwhile, Kyle is smirking to himself."
[James:] "Kyle knows that a more motivated Jason helps his own cause. Thunder will get what's coming to him and will regret running his mouth. He kiss Alicia with that mouth? No wonder it's filthy. I can smell the whore all the way over here. Unless that's you, Randolph."
[John:] "Jang is trying to get Thunder back to their corner as the referee gives the signal to ring the bell. Here we go, folks, the Universal Battalion Championship will now be crowned!"
Match #6: Universal Battalion Championship Title Coronation Match:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (Jang Bae/Thunder Strike) vs. Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
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[James:] "YES!"
[John:] "This match was really just kicking into high gear when Jason pulled back a little harder then usual on his "Nowhere to Hyde" finisher and appeared to break Thunder Strike's leg."
[James:] "That's what I call 'kicking it into high gear!"
[John:] "I've gotta give credit to Kyle too. His impressive tag team abilities allowed him to keep Thunder in the corner-"
[James:] "Yeah that was cool but come on - it was his HATRED that allowed him to drive his elbow into Thunder's face! Don't give me that 'technical tag team' bullshit. Kyle roughed the bitch up!"
[John:] "Jason saw Thunder's vulnerability following Kyle's attack and just put the match away."
[James:] "He put Thunder away. For good."
[John:] "The crowd is shocked at how dominant Jason and Kyle were here..."
[James:] "You want domination, boy? It's just getting started..."
[John:] "James has just left the booth and is rushing to the ring. Something tells me the crowd's shock isn't over for the night."
Jang Bae/Thunder Strike (X) ["Nowhere to Hyde"- 17:08] (O) Jason Hyde/Kyle Walker
*James walks up the ramp to the ring and is joined by Jakob of Furis. The two stand right there as Kyle nods to them. He then goes back to laughing at Thunder."
[John:] "I can't imagine James and Furis are there strictly for a celebration."
*Jason has a concerned look on his face and is warning Kyle to stop laughing at Thunder's injury. Kyle seems dismissive as to his concerns. Jang gets down onto the mat to try to talk to and help out Thunder while the referee awards Kyle and Jason with the Battalion Championships. Kyle is really laughing up a storm now as he holds his title. Jason is getting increasingly agitated as he raises the belt in Kyle's face to get him to back off. Kyle does just that but Jason still goes to swing the belt....
[John:] "What are are about to see here?"
*And drives it into the back of Jang's head
[John:] "What the hell!? Jason just knocked Jang out with the Battalion Belt!!"
*Jason rolls Jang out of the ring while Kyle walks outside, looks under the ring, and pulls out a piece of barbed wire. Kyle gets back into the ring and forcefully places the barbed wire around Thunder's leg. Thunder is still clutching his leg after the impact of the "Nowhere to Hyde" and is in agony at the placing of the barbed wire around it. Jason then applies the "Nowhere to Hyde" AGAIN, with the barbed wire around Thunder's leg. While the hold is on, Kyle gets on the top turnbuckle."
[John:] "These are the actions of truly depraved individuals. I am shocked that Jason is a part of this."
*Kyle jumps off the post with a Mad Splash onto the lower back of Thunder, and Jason finally lets go of the hold. An audible snap is heard after the impact and Thunder loses consciousness from the pain as his face loses all color. Kyle and Jason pick up the unconscious Thunder and then place him on James' shoulders. Jason and Kyle get on two separate ring posts and jump off with a stereo dropkick onto Thunder, knocking him off James' shoulders and on to his head.*
[John:] "I think he got worse treatment then Geese. But finally. FINALLY, security has come out here!"
*Genji Security, led by Agent 0 come into the ring. They are confronted by Furis and James but Agent 0 manages to slip through them. Before Kyle can attack Thunder further, Agent 0 rips Thunder from his grasp o a look of shock and then delivers a neck snap maneuver to him. Kyle shrugs his shoulders and laughs as Agent 0 and his men leave the ring."
[John:] "Did Genji Security just pick a side in this war? Or was that attack personal?"
*Kyle instructs James to grab something else from under the ring. James emerges with a can of spraypaint which he gives to Kyle and Jason.. Kyle spray paints the Jinchuu Kanji onto the his tag belt and then gives Jason the can. Jason spray paints Thunder's back with the same kanji before doing the same to his Title Belt and shaking the hands of Kyle, James, and Furis.*
[John:] "The ultimate insult. I can't watch this anymore, I'm going backstage."
*John gets up and leaves while Jinchuu spit on Thunder and then walk up to the entrance ramp. The show ends with the sight of Jinchuu raising the defaced Battalion Title Belts into the air. (For Higher resolution version.)