August 2007
Sept 10, 2007 17:49:11 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Sept 10, 2007 17:49:11 GMT -5
UBL Open show - August 2007.
The third Open show is late but not forgotten! And we have six moderately entertaining matches with reasonably adequate endings! Low expectations, people! You can't help BUT win!
We see the usual Orochi-O's dignitaries sitting ringside as OrochiGeese has one of his usual egotistical scowls on his face. He's seated next to Holly and the most sought after rookie since Michael Jordan, the VWA Six Man Tag Team Champion and new member of the PW-W and DIPW rosters, Kyle Walker!
And our first match tonight starts off with a tremendous structure in the ring! It turns out to be one other then the massive steel OrochiGon cage! Mr. Clyde and his opponent Jang Bae are already inside the cage and are being checked for weapons by new UBL referee Anji Yukyuzan! (yeah, say THAT five times fast, bitches!). Apparently OrochiGeese and Drake Yoshida wanted another big time "no nonsense" referee for the UBL and resident ref Kenshin suggested Anji! So with the order taken care of for this match, it's time to see if Jang Bae can make good on his promise to out-strike and out-fight Mr. Clyde! Or if Mr. Clyde can win three in a row against Jang Bae and prove that his ninjutsu is superior to Jang's Tae Kwon Do! Who will win this one on one affair between two masters of the martial arts!? Let's find out!
Match #1 - OrochiGon Cage: Jang Bae vs. Mr. Clyde
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Jang Bae has a tremendous showing in this match and an even more tremendous comeback in the third round after reeling from a big onslaught from Mr. Clyde! It looked like Clyde was going to take the victory after two harsh minutes of offence but Jang took exception to a Clyde striking combination and answered with his own stronger one, leaving Clyde open for the finishing blow in the form of a punishing axe kick, one of Jang's strongest techniques! Clyde did not have any energy left and was declared knocked out. Jang Bae showed his striking prowess and got his first win against Mr. Clyde, AND first official victory in the UBL!
Jang Bae (O) [Standing Axe Kick - Third Round: 3:16] (X) Naja Mask
*OrochiGeese shoots up out of his chair and runs up to the cage, where he begins shouting at Anji that Clyde wasn't knocked out and could still continue. Anji seems less then convinced about OG's rantings and not entirely happy that his decision is being questioned. OG climbs into the cage and looks like he's about to assault Jang Bae when Thunder Strike runs out from the audience and leaps the cage as well. Thunder Strike backs up Jang Bae and its now a two on one since Clyde is still down. OG screams for Anji to back him up but after the disrespect OG showed him earlier, Anji is merely leaving the cage. OG gulps when he realizes he's in a bad situation until Kyle Walker jumps into the cage (literally, he JUMPED onto the top of it in one leap) and backs him up. Thunder Strike warns Kyle not to get involved but Kyle is not going to allow Geese to get double teamed. The four men stare at each other, each unwilling to back off, until Mr. Clyde finally starts coming back to consciousness. Jang Bae then gets Thunder Strike to leave as he doesn't want the match tarnished by any post-match antics. They leave as OG is furious about what just went down and appears to be yelling at Mr. Clyde for losing. Kyle just stands there not exactly knowing what to do, but still keeping a look-out to make sure that Thunder Strike and Jang Bae don't return to attack. OG finally stops yelling at Mr. Clyde so that he can go backstage, while Kyle and OG return to their seats.*
We now come to our second match as Juan Leche makes his official UBL debut! Juan Leche is a former PW-W IHW Junior Champion as well as a C-CWA Junior Weight Champion. He is known and respected all over the world and is now a valued part of UBL. But he has not had a match for a few months and is facing a very hungry, determined Gavin Usher who would love to pull off a huge upset and spoil Leche's debut! Gavin Usher has been very successful this past year in McPro and UBL as the leader of the geNEON stable and it would be a huge feather in his cap to defeat Juan Leche. But Juan Leche has promised that he has come to the UBL more passionate then ever, and he looks just that as we get ready for this next match.
Match #2 - Juan Leche vs. Gavin Usher
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And Juan Leche has won his debut match here in UBL but not without quite a spirited struggle by Gavin Usher! The two really went at it displaying the best of junior heavyweight style as they both vied for victory. But in the end, it was Juan Leche who applied a very painful-looking version of an STF to get the victory. And in this one match, he has given the fans a huge taste of what is to come in the future for him in UBL, and it looks quite promising judging by the fans reactions! As for Gavin Usher, he gave a very strong effort against a top world renowned wrestler and hopefully can continue his strong performances as he gains more experience. For a man still relatively new to the wrestling world, he has shown a lot of potential.
Juan Leche (O) ["Leche Stretch" - 16:41] (X) Gavin Usher
And it is now time for the "First Blood Match" between Jakob Furis and Marquis de Douleur. But before either of the two combatants come out to ringside, UBL Sergeant Drake Yoshida marches out with a microphone.
Drake: "UBL "First Blood" match rules have a twist on them that other feds don't. We here in the UBL don't want to see a "first blood" match end prematurely based on an errant or random blow. We want to see real DOMINATION. To that effect, here are the rules. In order to win a "First Blood" match, a wrestler has to FIRST t cause his opponent to bleed and THEN either pin, submit, or knock them out. Anyone can get a lucky shot to draw some blood, but it takes a real winner to make his opponent bleed and THEN put his angered opponent away as well. And yes, this is also to prevent a questionable competitor like Jakob Furis from attempting to throw ketchup on his opponent and steal an unearned cheap victory."
*Drake leaves as the crowd issues overall positive applause for the modified rules. Jakob Furis comes out looking absolutely AGHAST at Drake Yoshida, who simply smirks at him and leaves. It is clear that Furis is now completely confused as to what to do and that he may need a new gameplan. Marquis comes out shortly after, completely calm and it looks like we are ready for this match!*
Match #3 - Jakob Furis vs. Marquis de Douleur
And this is NOT going well for Furis from the start! Marquis begins peppering Furis with snapping low kicks, you can HEAR the welts forming! Furis immediately bails out and walks it off a bit...I suppose the possibility of morphing into a bat hasn't occurred to him. Let's hope that thought continues to evade him.
Furis gets back into the ring and Marquis is there to drag him in but NO! Furis just threw something in Marquis' eyes! It appears to be some kind of powder, probably baby powder if we know Furis (how ELSE do you think he gets that perfect coloring!?). Marquis is temporarily blinded and Furis goes to work...and by that I mean he attempts some laughable offense. A few short chops to the throat and a chop to the chest for good measure...which just serves to anger Marquis who begins kicking back. Furis backs up a bit but that's exactly NOT the thing to do when you are on the defensive side of a kick combo. Looks like Furis should have studied some more tapes cause he is woefully ignorant about what to do against a martial arts oriented wrestler...just as he was last time.
Marquis regains the offensive and looks none the happier for being blinded. It looks like he's bringing out some of his bigger guns in retaliation....HIGH kicks. HIGH kicks that can cause FACE CUTS. See where I'm going with this? It's a First Blood Match. Still...still confused? FINE.
After a good ten seconds of unprotected face kicks, there appears to be a red fluid leaking from the evil pores of Jakob Furis' face. Is it ketchup, catsup, or BBQ sauce? NO! The unfortunate referee for this match (Coach McGuirk) is declaring it to be BLOOD and has told Marquis to step back a bit so that he can be sure Furis is bleeding. Furis is protesting but to no avail as the Coach has declared Furis first to bleed which means Marquis now has the chance to end this matchand our suffering.
Marquis goes over attempting to grab Furis but Furis ducks and hits a low-blow that RINGS like a BELL throughout the arena (the hell?). He then immediately rolls up Marquis for the 1, don't, think so! No count cause no blood, Vampire! Furis is arguing with the ref again but Coach ain't havin none of THAT, girlfriend! Oh no, Furis did NOT just push him! No, he didn't, don't worry. Furis has gone back on the assault as Marquis clutches at his douleurs. Furis, realizing he's in peril, starts elevating the level of dangerous offense from "child safe" to "with parent's permission". He starts aiming for Marquis face but oddly keeps sliding off. He goes for a face chop but barely makes contact. What is happening here?
Luckily for Furis, the ref is also concerned and goes over to find a HUGE helping of vaseline smudged on Marquis' face. EEW. But its gotten the job done in avoiding cuts by stopping Furis from making direct contact. Still, gross. Coach refuses to wipe it off (as its gross) so Furis is left to his own wits. When those fail (in record time), Furis just resorts to a MINDLESS barrage of pun...no, INSULTS hurled at Marquis. Marquis takes CLASSIC french offense and walks away from Furis. What madness is this? Marquis goes into the corner and begins constructing what appears to be a rudimentary box.
Furis is aghast and has no idea what to do. He tries to break through the box but is NOT ABLE to penetrate the dark mime's defenses. The crowd is half jeering and half stupified by what is going on. Marquis simply looks quite offended at the barrage of insults Furis threw at him and for good reason, those were dirty third grade tactics. To a mime, offensive words can hurt worse then sticks and stones. Furis is definitely going to have to undergo sensitivity training seminars courtesy of UBL. But so the audience doesn't continue to get up for an early intermission, Furis makes a last ditch effort to break through the box. He actually attempts to open a door on his side of the box...not realizing that Marquis has already exited the box on the opposite side and is now perched menacingly on the turnbuckle. With a great "a-HA!", Furis manages to 'unlock' the door and walk 'inside' the box but immediately gets caught by a post diving sunset flip up for the 1...2...NO!
Oh and this is NOT good, not at all! It looked certain that Marquis was going to get the 3 count but the ref was dragged out of the ring by none other then...
DEVIL GOOSE!! He snuck out from below the ring and is now brandishing a barbed wire bat! He rolls inside to wear Furis looks dumbfounded and CLOBBERS him over the head, spilling blood everywhere! He then does the same to the Marquis and the mat is swimming with blood! Devil Goose is howling and making terrible noises and he has managed to win this First Blood match without even being involved! This is total chaos and the two competitors lay on the floor as the great Goocifer roars his satisfaction and finally leaves.
Jakob Furis (-) [No Contest - 90:42 (that's what it FELT like!) ] (-) Marquis De Douleur
*Intermission period. Commercial for OG-Joshi Voltage and a sad "See ya next year" summer season-closing message from Orochi-O's Land park. A summer of fun was had though!
Meanwhile, various fans take the time to stretch their legs and walk over to the merchandise counter to pick up some food and new UBL shirts such as: "Leche is Fresh", "Vote for Geese: Chaos '08", "Naja Mask suckssss" (why did he approve that shirt!?) and "Brooke Broke ya" shirts. Speaking of Johnny Brooke...*
*Johnny Brooke, accompanied by the same blond Japanese girl as in his last promo, enter the ring. Johnny's wearing wrestling trunks and "Brooke Broke Ya" shirt, and calls for a microphone*
*Johnny takes a mic and smiles at the crowd*
Johnny: "Hey kids. I know... you looked at the card for the show, and just like two months ago there was a sad, depressing lack of Johnny. Some of you made it here anyway, and for that I decided to give you the gift of Brooke."
*Johnny grins*
Johnny: "As you all know, last show they put me up against Park Hyun-Soo. I understand that they wanted to give me a light warmup, but really? There has to be someone vaguely challenging out there."
*Johnny lowers the microphone and pauses, thinking for a moment*
Johnny: "Know what, kids? Can't really say anyone comes to mind. I've seen the ... competition they have around here, and I could take on any single one of them. In the end, the match would be summed up in those three little words. Brooke. Broke. Y-"
*"Troops March On" comes onto the speakers and the crowd issues a collective sound that somehow mixes shock, laughter, and a groan. Yes folks, none other then UBL job-boy Centurion has come out and he has a microphone! He gets into the ring and stands toe to toe with Johnny*
Centurion: "You want competition! "Ego pugna pro Rome!" (I fight for Rome)"
*Johnny raises an eyebrow, a mix of confusion and amusement on his face*
Centurion: "I have watched you insult the fine roster of the UBL. But no more! For now you will be challenged by the UBL wrestler who has been on the roster longer then anyone else!"
*Johnny looks around, and then over to the ramp*
Johnny: "So, who's this veteran to challenge me?"
Centurion: ME!! I speak of me!! The guardian of Rome, the guardian of UBL"
Johnny: "Sorry dude, never would have guessed. You really lost me at 'challenge'..."
*Johnny glances over to his girl, then turns back to Centurion with a smirk*
Johnny: "So, what makes you think you'll do a better job guarding UBL than, say, Rome?"
Centurion: "FOR THAT REMARK THERE WILL BE NO MERCY!! Johnny Brooke, I will face and defeat you at the September Open show!! I will make you Inflecto ut Rome! (Bow to Rome)"
*Centurion marches out of the ring to a smattering of applause and
confusion while Johnny just laughs at him.*
*Intermission ends*
*And now its time for the next match. Mr. Figaro comes out to ringside, boasting to every female fan he finds about his "prowess" and finally makes his way to the ring after high-fiving Holly and Kyle. OG doesn't give him any high-five love until Figaro wins his match. Figaro gets into the ring and gets a microphone*
Mr. Figaro: "YEAH! Let's hear it for ME, the hoss of Orochi Army and the man that "Popular Mechanics" calls the "least likely to stall during performance!" After beating Eddie Swine at the first Open show, I've proven that I'm at the peak of competition! So I wanted to give an Open Challenge to ANYONE who thinks they can knock me off the mountain of snow yaks! I aint thinking its gonna be done, if you hear me, but its nice for the kids to see that anything can happen in this sport of kings! So if anyone out there has the guts, the will, and the SIZE to challenge this here HOSS-"
*Mr. Figaro's rant is cut off by familiar music, music that raises the eyebrow of both him and Geese.*
Match #4 - Mr. Figaro Open Challenge
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BAH GAWD! Mr. Figaro has just been OUT-HOSSED by Caleb Dod, the hoss of the Dod Squad!! Caleb Dod was the one to accept the Figaro Open Challenge and met it more decisively then Figaro ever imagined!! Caleb Dod has just defeated Mr. Figaro in brutal fashion!!
Caleb Dod (O) ["Calebomb" - 11:52] (X) Mr. Figaro
*OrochiGeese AGAIN storms the ring, but Caleb Dod has already left through the opposite side at this point. OG decides to follow him to the stage area to attack but the curtain opens and none other then KING Of the Dods, Jack Dod backs up Caleb! Jack is laughing maniacally at Geese and gesturing how the Hoss of the Dods just defeated the Hoss of the Orochi Army! OG is violently angry but isn't foolish enough to rush both Caleb and Jack! They finish taunting OG and then leave the arena. Holly goes over and attempts to calm OG down but he just leaves the ringside area all together in a fit of rage. Mr. Figaro eventually gathers himself up and goes backstage too, looking a bit apprehensive as to the chiding that no doubt awaits him.*
And now it's time for another huge debut for the UBL as former PW-W Tag Team Champions and EVO-1 Cup Winners Los Rudos Infernos make their way to the ring for their first tag match here. VD Dod looks as talkative as ever ("...") while Stuart Robinson is already shouting about how the REAL reason OrochiGeese has gone backstage is because he is too 'bloody spooked' to face Stuart. Holly and Kyle seem to be rolling their eyes, but VD believes Stuart's allegations! Their opponents for the night are the always brave Canada Brothers, Bob and Doug, who are accompanied by Canada Meg. Both of these teams have already been signed for the "Universal Battalion" Tag league next year so this is a feeling out match for both of them. But it is also an opportunity for the rookie Canada Brothers to have a big showing against the feared LRI.
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Los Rudos Infernos (Stuart Robinson/VD Dod)
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Canada Brothers put up an unexpected fight and rose to a new level but it wasn't enough to put away the experienced and violent team of LRI. Stuart Robinson used TWO deadly Burner Breakers to put away Canada Bob and then even gave him a cheap shot in the form of a HUGE fireball after the match was over! That was no doubt a message for them and other teams about what happens when they challenge LRI, and a message well sent just a few months before the Battalion league begins. But the strongest message LRI sent was in their decisive victory as they showed UBL just what they are capable of. And as they leave the ring triumphantly, Canada Meg and medics rush the ring to attend to the burned and writhing Canada Bob.
VD Dod/Stuart Robinson (O) [Burner Breaker-25:05] (X) Canada Bob/Canada Doug
And as the smoke clears (literally, since someone's f'n FACE was on fire), we prepare ourselves for a HUGE main event, likely the biggest main event any UBL Open show has featured so far. The Mid-Continental Wrestling Commission President Herbert Plesac and UBL Owner OrochiGeese agreed two months ago to have this match: A match that will put the prestigious Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship on the line as Paddy Baker challenges the champion, Freyr Knutsen. This match has been talked about all month in the UBL, Valiant Wrestling Alliance, and the wrestling world as a whole.
But as big as this match is for the UBL to put on, it's even bigger for Paddy Baker. This surly, mean, and tough-as-adamantium veteran has been feuding with Freyr for around a YEAR now. Freyr actually defeated Paddy, the previous champion, for that very title on December 26th, 2006. He did so with his feared "Slalom punch" (Uraken). Paddy has been trying to win his title back ever since then and has gotten into a number of brawls and attempted a number of mind games with Freyr in that time. Recently, on the "Unchained" show, Freyr again defeated Paddy to retain his title. But in that match, Paddy came extremely close to victory and perhaps would have achieved it had his temper not taken over and forced him to confront the referee over a rope break rather then continue his assault on the downed Freyr. Did Paddy learn from that mistake or is he simply bound to fall into his old patterns of self-destructive anger? And can anyone beat the cool, collected, and dominant Freyr for his valued Championship? What exactly would it take to do it and can Paddy be the one to find that out? Or will he fall once again, like so many others have, to Freyr's deadly Slalom Punch? We will find all this out as UBL most proudly presents its main event right now.
Match #6 - Mid Continental Heavyweight Title Match:
Paddy Baker vs. Freyr Knutsen (c)
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Paddy did it!! Paddy Baker is the new Mid Continental Heavyweight Champion! Just as it looked like Freyr was going to put away the match with the Slalom Punch at the 18 minute mark, Paddy had a last second surge of adrenaline and kicked out! Freyr was shocked and unable to deal with the fact that Paddy had not stayed down for the move that put Paddy away so many times before! And it was just a matter of seconds later that Paddy took advantage and hit his high-impact inverted piledriver finisher on Freyr, sealing the victory for the surly celt! Paddy Baker has captured his title back and the fans are on their feet cheering for him! (A lot of Bostonians traveled two to three hours to the UBL arena for the occasion!).
Paddy Baker (O) ["Inverted Piledriver" - 19:06] (X) Freyr Knutsen
Paddy Baker now celebrates as Freyr is led away completely shocked and confused by his valet, Lena Onyakok. MCWC Herbert Plesac now comes out to ringside accompanied by UBL Sergeant Drake Yoshida and the two hand Paddy his MCWC Championship belt to the roar of approval from the crowd! We even have a few fans throwing some beers at Paddy who held his hand up to signal them and drowns them all as his championship rests on his waist and a (now drunken) smile shines brightly!*
Thank you for joining us for our third "Open" show. We will see you on September 30th for our next one and also in just one week for the next round of matches for the Universal Champion League!*
The third Open show is late but not forgotten! And we have six moderately entertaining matches with reasonably adequate endings! Low expectations, people! You can't help BUT win!
We see the usual Orochi-O's dignitaries sitting ringside as OrochiGeese has one of his usual egotistical scowls on his face. He's seated next to Holly and the most sought after rookie since Michael Jordan, the VWA Six Man Tag Team Champion and new member of the PW-W and DIPW rosters, Kyle Walker!
And our first match tonight starts off with a tremendous structure in the ring! It turns out to be one other then the massive steel OrochiGon cage! Mr. Clyde and his opponent Jang Bae are already inside the cage and are being checked for weapons by new UBL referee Anji Yukyuzan! (yeah, say THAT five times fast, bitches!). Apparently OrochiGeese and Drake Yoshida wanted another big time "no nonsense" referee for the UBL and resident ref Kenshin suggested Anji! So with the order taken care of for this match, it's time to see if Jang Bae can make good on his promise to out-strike and out-fight Mr. Clyde! Or if Mr. Clyde can win three in a row against Jang Bae and prove that his ninjutsu is superior to Jang's Tae Kwon Do! Who will win this one on one affair between two masters of the martial arts!? Let's find out!
Match #1 - OrochiGon Cage: Jang Bae vs. Mr. Clyde
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Jang Bae has a tremendous showing in this match and an even more tremendous comeback in the third round after reeling from a big onslaught from Mr. Clyde! It looked like Clyde was going to take the victory after two harsh minutes of offence but Jang took exception to a Clyde striking combination and answered with his own stronger one, leaving Clyde open for the finishing blow in the form of a punishing axe kick, one of Jang's strongest techniques! Clyde did not have any energy left and was declared knocked out. Jang Bae showed his striking prowess and got his first win against Mr. Clyde, AND first official victory in the UBL!
Jang Bae (O) [Standing Axe Kick - Third Round: 3:16] (X) Naja Mask
*OrochiGeese shoots up out of his chair and runs up to the cage, where he begins shouting at Anji that Clyde wasn't knocked out and could still continue. Anji seems less then convinced about OG's rantings and not entirely happy that his decision is being questioned. OG climbs into the cage and looks like he's about to assault Jang Bae when Thunder Strike runs out from the audience and leaps the cage as well. Thunder Strike backs up Jang Bae and its now a two on one since Clyde is still down. OG screams for Anji to back him up but after the disrespect OG showed him earlier, Anji is merely leaving the cage. OG gulps when he realizes he's in a bad situation until Kyle Walker jumps into the cage (literally, he JUMPED onto the top of it in one leap) and backs him up. Thunder Strike warns Kyle not to get involved but Kyle is not going to allow Geese to get double teamed. The four men stare at each other, each unwilling to back off, until Mr. Clyde finally starts coming back to consciousness. Jang Bae then gets Thunder Strike to leave as he doesn't want the match tarnished by any post-match antics. They leave as OG is furious about what just went down and appears to be yelling at Mr. Clyde for losing. Kyle just stands there not exactly knowing what to do, but still keeping a look-out to make sure that Thunder Strike and Jang Bae don't return to attack. OG finally stops yelling at Mr. Clyde so that he can go backstage, while Kyle and OG return to their seats.*
We now come to our second match as Juan Leche makes his official UBL debut! Juan Leche is a former PW-W IHW Junior Champion as well as a C-CWA Junior Weight Champion. He is known and respected all over the world and is now a valued part of UBL. But he has not had a match for a few months and is facing a very hungry, determined Gavin Usher who would love to pull off a huge upset and spoil Leche's debut! Gavin Usher has been very successful this past year in McPro and UBL as the leader of the geNEON stable and it would be a huge feather in his cap to defeat Juan Leche. But Juan Leche has promised that he has come to the UBL more passionate then ever, and he looks just that as we get ready for this next match.
Match #2 - Juan Leche vs. Gavin Usher
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And Juan Leche has won his debut match here in UBL but not without quite a spirited struggle by Gavin Usher! The two really went at it displaying the best of junior heavyweight style as they both vied for victory. But in the end, it was Juan Leche who applied a very painful-looking version of an STF to get the victory. And in this one match, he has given the fans a huge taste of what is to come in the future for him in UBL, and it looks quite promising judging by the fans reactions! As for Gavin Usher, he gave a very strong effort against a top world renowned wrestler and hopefully can continue his strong performances as he gains more experience. For a man still relatively new to the wrestling world, he has shown a lot of potential.
Juan Leche (O) ["Leche Stretch" - 16:41] (X) Gavin Usher
And it is now time for the "First Blood Match" between Jakob Furis and Marquis de Douleur. But before either of the two combatants come out to ringside, UBL Sergeant Drake Yoshida marches out with a microphone.
Drake: "UBL "First Blood" match rules have a twist on them that other feds don't. We here in the UBL don't want to see a "first blood" match end prematurely based on an errant or random blow. We want to see real DOMINATION. To that effect, here are the rules. In order to win a "First Blood" match, a wrestler has to FIRST t cause his opponent to bleed and THEN either pin, submit, or knock them out. Anyone can get a lucky shot to draw some blood, but it takes a real winner to make his opponent bleed and THEN put his angered opponent away as well. And yes, this is also to prevent a questionable competitor like Jakob Furis from attempting to throw ketchup on his opponent and steal an unearned cheap victory."
*Drake leaves as the crowd issues overall positive applause for the modified rules. Jakob Furis comes out looking absolutely AGHAST at Drake Yoshida, who simply smirks at him and leaves. It is clear that Furis is now completely confused as to what to do and that he may need a new gameplan. Marquis comes out shortly after, completely calm and it looks like we are ready for this match!*
Match #3 - Jakob Furis vs. Marquis de Douleur
And this is NOT going well for Furis from the start! Marquis begins peppering Furis with snapping low kicks, you can HEAR the welts forming! Furis immediately bails out and walks it off a bit...I suppose the possibility of morphing into a bat hasn't occurred to him. Let's hope that thought continues to evade him.
Furis gets back into the ring and Marquis is there to drag him in but NO! Furis just threw something in Marquis' eyes! It appears to be some kind of powder, probably baby powder if we know Furis (how ELSE do you think he gets that perfect coloring!?). Marquis is temporarily blinded and Furis goes to work...and by that I mean he attempts some laughable offense. A few short chops to the throat and a chop to the chest for good measure...which just serves to anger Marquis who begins kicking back. Furis backs up a bit but that's exactly NOT the thing to do when you are on the defensive side of a kick combo. Looks like Furis should have studied some more tapes cause he is woefully ignorant about what to do against a martial arts oriented wrestler...just as he was last time.
Marquis regains the offensive and looks none the happier for being blinded. It looks like he's bringing out some of his bigger guns in retaliation....HIGH kicks. HIGH kicks that can cause FACE CUTS. See where I'm going with this? It's a First Blood Match. Still...still confused? FINE.
After a good ten seconds of unprotected face kicks, there appears to be a red fluid leaking from the evil pores of Jakob Furis' face. Is it ketchup, catsup, or BBQ sauce? NO! The unfortunate referee for this match (Coach McGuirk) is declaring it to be BLOOD and has told Marquis to step back a bit so that he can be sure Furis is bleeding. Furis is protesting but to no avail as the Coach has declared Furis first to bleed which means Marquis now has the chance to end this match
Marquis goes over attempting to grab Furis but Furis ducks and hits a low-blow that RINGS like a BELL throughout the arena (the hell?). He then immediately rolls up Marquis for the 1, don't, think so! No count cause no blood, Vampire! Furis is arguing with the ref again but Coach ain't havin none of THAT, girlfriend! Oh no, Furis did NOT just push him! No, he didn't, don't worry. Furis has gone back on the assault as Marquis clutches at his douleurs. Furis, realizing he's in peril, starts elevating the level of dangerous offense from "child safe" to "with parent's permission". He starts aiming for Marquis face but oddly keeps sliding off. He goes for a face chop but barely makes contact. What is happening here?
Luckily for Furis, the ref is also concerned and goes over to find a HUGE helping of vaseline smudged on Marquis' face. EEW. But its gotten the job done in avoiding cuts by stopping Furis from making direct contact. Still, gross. Coach refuses to wipe it off (as its gross) so Furis is left to his own wits. When those fail (in record time), Furis just resorts to a MINDLESS barrage of pun...no, INSULTS hurled at Marquis. Marquis takes CLASSIC french offense and walks away from Furis. What madness is this? Marquis goes into the corner and begins constructing what appears to be a rudimentary box.
Furis is aghast and has no idea what to do. He tries to break through the box but is NOT ABLE to penetrate the dark mime's defenses. The crowd is half jeering and half stupified by what is going on. Marquis simply looks quite offended at the barrage of insults Furis threw at him and for good reason, those were dirty third grade tactics. To a mime, offensive words can hurt worse then sticks and stones. Furis is definitely going to have to undergo sensitivity training seminars courtesy of UBL. But so the audience doesn't continue to get up for an early intermission, Furis makes a last ditch effort to break through the box. He actually attempts to open a door on his side of the box...not realizing that Marquis has already exited the box on the opposite side and is now perched menacingly on the turnbuckle. With a great "a-HA!", Furis manages to 'unlock' the door and walk 'inside' the box but immediately gets caught by a post diving sunset flip up for the 1...2...NO!
Oh and this is NOT good, not at all! It looked certain that Marquis was going to get the 3 count but the ref was dragged out of the ring by none other then...
DEVIL GOOSE!! He snuck out from below the ring and is now brandishing a barbed wire bat! He rolls inside to wear Furis looks dumbfounded and CLOBBERS him over the head, spilling blood everywhere! He then does the same to the Marquis and the mat is swimming with blood! Devil Goose is howling and making terrible noises and he has managed to win this First Blood match without even being involved! This is total chaos and the two competitors lay on the floor as the great Goocifer roars his satisfaction and finally leaves.
Jakob Furis (-) [No Contest - 90:42 (that's what it FELT like!) ] (-) Marquis De Douleur
*Intermission period. Commercial for OG-Joshi Voltage and a sad "See ya next year" summer season-closing message from Orochi-O's Land park. A summer of fun was had though!
Meanwhile, various fans take the time to stretch their legs and walk over to the merchandise counter to pick up some food and new UBL shirts such as: "Leche is Fresh", "Vote for Geese: Chaos '08", "Naja Mask suckssss" (why did he approve that shirt!?) and "Brooke Broke ya" shirts. Speaking of Johnny Brooke...*
*Johnny Brooke, accompanied by the same blond Japanese girl as in his last promo, enter the ring. Johnny's wearing wrestling trunks and "Brooke Broke Ya" shirt, and calls for a microphone*
*Johnny takes a mic and smiles at the crowd*
Johnny: "Hey kids. I know... you looked at the card for the show, and just like two months ago there was a sad, depressing lack of Johnny. Some of you made it here anyway, and for that I decided to give you the gift of Brooke."
*Johnny grins*
Johnny: "As you all know, last show they put me up against Park Hyun-Soo. I understand that they wanted to give me a light warmup, but really? There has to be someone vaguely challenging out there."
*Johnny lowers the microphone and pauses, thinking for a moment*
Johnny: "Know what, kids? Can't really say anyone comes to mind. I've seen the ... competition they have around here, and I could take on any single one of them. In the end, the match would be summed up in those three little words. Brooke. Broke. Y-"
*"Troops March On" comes onto the speakers and the crowd issues a collective sound that somehow mixes shock, laughter, and a groan. Yes folks, none other then UBL job-boy Centurion has come out and he has a microphone! He gets into the ring and stands toe to toe with Johnny*
Centurion: "You want competition! "Ego pugna pro Rome!" (I fight for Rome)"
*Johnny raises an eyebrow, a mix of confusion and amusement on his face*
Centurion: "I have watched you insult the fine roster of the UBL. But no more! For now you will be challenged by the UBL wrestler who has been on the roster longer then anyone else!"
*Johnny looks around, and then over to the ramp*
Johnny: "So, who's this veteran to challenge me?"
Centurion: ME!! I speak of me!! The guardian of Rome, the guardian of UBL"
Johnny: "Sorry dude, never would have guessed. You really lost me at 'challenge'..."
*Johnny glances over to his girl, then turns back to Centurion with a smirk*
Johnny: "So, what makes you think you'll do a better job guarding UBL than, say, Rome?"
Centurion: "FOR THAT REMARK THERE WILL BE NO MERCY!! Johnny Brooke, I will face and defeat you at the September Open show!! I will make you Inflecto ut Rome! (Bow to Rome)"
*Centurion marches out of the ring to a smattering of applause and
confusion while Johnny just laughs at him.*
*Intermission ends*
*And now its time for the next match. Mr. Figaro comes out to ringside, boasting to every female fan he finds about his "prowess" and finally makes his way to the ring after high-fiving Holly and Kyle. OG doesn't give him any high-five love until Figaro wins his match. Figaro gets into the ring and gets a microphone*
Mr. Figaro: "YEAH! Let's hear it for ME, the hoss of Orochi Army and the man that "Popular Mechanics" calls the "least likely to stall during performance!" After beating Eddie Swine at the first Open show, I've proven that I'm at the peak of competition! So I wanted to give an Open Challenge to ANYONE who thinks they can knock me off the mountain of snow yaks! I aint thinking its gonna be done, if you hear me, but its nice for the kids to see that anything can happen in this sport of kings! So if anyone out there has the guts, the will, and the SIZE to challenge this here HOSS-"
*Mr. Figaro's rant is cut off by familiar music, music that raises the eyebrow of both him and Geese.*
Match #4 - Mr. Figaro Open Challenge
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BAH GAWD! Mr. Figaro has just been OUT-HOSSED by Caleb Dod, the hoss of the Dod Squad!! Caleb Dod was the one to accept the Figaro Open Challenge and met it more decisively then Figaro ever imagined!! Caleb Dod has just defeated Mr. Figaro in brutal fashion!!
Caleb Dod (O) ["Calebomb" - 11:52] (X) Mr. Figaro
*OrochiGeese AGAIN storms the ring, but Caleb Dod has already left through the opposite side at this point. OG decides to follow him to the stage area to attack but the curtain opens and none other then KING Of the Dods, Jack Dod backs up Caleb! Jack is laughing maniacally at Geese and gesturing how the Hoss of the Dods just defeated the Hoss of the Orochi Army! OG is violently angry but isn't foolish enough to rush both Caleb and Jack! They finish taunting OG and then leave the arena. Holly goes over and attempts to calm OG down but he just leaves the ringside area all together in a fit of rage. Mr. Figaro eventually gathers himself up and goes backstage too, looking a bit apprehensive as to the chiding that no doubt awaits him.*
And now it's time for another huge debut for the UBL as former PW-W Tag Team Champions and EVO-1 Cup Winners Los Rudos Infernos make their way to the ring for their first tag match here. VD Dod looks as talkative as ever ("...") while Stuart Robinson is already shouting about how the REAL reason OrochiGeese has gone backstage is because he is too 'bloody spooked' to face Stuart. Holly and Kyle seem to be rolling their eyes, but VD believes Stuart's allegations! Their opponents for the night are the always brave Canada Brothers, Bob and Doug, who are accompanied by Canada Meg. Both of these teams have already been signed for the "Universal Battalion" Tag league next year so this is a feeling out match for both of them. But it is also an opportunity for the rookie Canada Brothers to have a big showing against the feared LRI.
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Los Rudos Infernos (Stuart Robinson/VD Dod)
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Canada Brothers put up an unexpected fight and rose to a new level but it wasn't enough to put away the experienced and violent team of LRI. Stuart Robinson used TWO deadly Burner Breakers to put away Canada Bob and then even gave him a cheap shot in the form of a HUGE fireball after the match was over! That was no doubt a message for them and other teams about what happens when they challenge LRI, and a message well sent just a few months before the Battalion league begins. But the strongest message LRI sent was in their decisive victory as they showed UBL just what they are capable of. And as they leave the ring triumphantly, Canada Meg and medics rush the ring to attend to the burned and writhing Canada Bob.
VD Dod/Stuart Robinson (O) [Burner Breaker-25:05] (X) Canada Bob/Canada Doug
And as the smoke clears (literally, since someone's f'n FACE was on fire), we prepare ourselves for a HUGE main event, likely the biggest main event any UBL Open show has featured so far. The Mid-Continental Wrestling Commission President Herbert Plesac and UBL Owner OrochiGeese agreed two months ago to have this match: A match that will put the prestigious Mid-Continental Heavyweight Championship on the line as Paddy Baker challenges the champion, Freyr Knutsen. This match has been talked about all month in the UBL, Valiant Wrestling Alliance, and the wrestling world as a whole.
But as big as this match is for the UBL to put on, it's even bigger for Paddy Baker. This surly, mean, and tough-as-adamantium veteran has been feuding with Freyr for around a YEAR now. Freyr actually defeated Paddy, the previous champion, for that very title on December 26th, 2006. He did so with his feared "Slalom punch" (Uraken). Paddy has been trying to win his title back ever since then and has gotten into a number of brawls and attempted a number of mind games with Freyr in that time. Recently, on the "Unchained" show, Freyr again defeated Paddy to retain his title. But in that match, Paddy came extremely close to victory and perhaps would have achieved it had his temper not taken over and forced him to confront the referee over a rope break rather then continue his assault on the downed Freyr. Did Paddy learn from that mistake or is he simply bound to fall into his old patterns of self-destructive anger? And can anyone beat the cool, collected, and dominant Freyr for his valued Championship? What exactly would it take to do it and can Paddy be the one to find that out? Or will he fall once again, like so many others have, to Freyr's deadly Slalom Punch? We will find all this out as UBL most proudly presents its main event right now.
Match #6 - Mid Continental Heavyweight Title Match:
Paddy Baker vs. Freyr Knutsen (c)
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Paddy did it!! Paddy Baker is the new Mid Continental Heavyweight Champion! Just as it looked like Freyr was going to put away the match with the Slalom Punch at the 18 minute mark, Paddy had a last second surge of adrenaline and kicked out! Freyr was shocked and unable to deal with the fact that Paddy had not stayed down for the move that put Paddy away so many times before! And it was just a matter of seconds later that Paddy took advantage and hit his high-impact inverted piledriver finisher on Freyr, sealing the victory for the surly celt! Paddy Baker has captured his title back and the fans are on their feet cheering for him! (A lot of Bostonians traveled two to three hours to the UBL arena for the occasion!).
Paddy Baker (O) ["Inverted Piledriver" - 19:06] (X) Freyr Knutsen
Paddy Baker now celebrates as Freyr is led away completely shocked and confused by his valet, Lena Onyakok. MCWC Herbert Plesac now comes out to ringside accompanied by UBL Sergeant Drake Yoshida and the two hand Paddy his MCWC Championship belt to the roar of approval from the crowd! We even have a few fans throwing some beers at Paddy who held his hand up to signal them and drowns them all as his championship rests on his waist and a (now drunken) smile shines brightly!*
Thank you for joining us for our third "Open" show. We will see you on September 30th for our next one and also in just one week for the next round of matches for the Universal Champion League!*