Tarnation!
Feb 27, 2023 3:53:18 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Feb 27, 2023 3:53:18 GMT -5
*Clad in a full white 3-piece suit and a giant white cowboy hat, Charles Langford stands in front of a "3 of a Kind" banner. He is filled with vim, vinegar, and just a bit of whiskey to angry up the blood.*
[Charles:] "Hamada! You wanna talk accountability to a man of the law, son? Far as I can see, it's your despicable actions that need to be brought to justice. I counted at least five cases of defamation of my character, of my good intentions, of the righteous soul of Kurt Sanders, of the great state of Tennessee, and Jasper's mutton chops. "
*His voice raises upon the last remark and he looks angrier than ever.*
[Charles:] "You don't slander a man's mutton, Hamada! And if Wingate becomes amenable to your suggestion to ban 3 of a Kind from having gentlemanly accompaniment outside the ring, I’ll bring an action for discrimination so fast he’ll Brexit his way out of the colonies. Everyone knows it's legal to have ring seconds. Why could Baccarat Fu have one but not Kurt or myself? You can't say we done something wrong before we dun did it! That's unamerican as shepherd's pie.
And you wanna falsely blame good ole Jasper for what happened last show? He didn't trip up young Mr. Hyde. Boy just plum forgot how to run the ropes on account of him being away for so long. Miss Gordon is the one who should be banned - she was the one with malicious intent and forethought! As for my unfortunate match with Mr. O'Brian-"
*Charles takes off his hat and does a slight apologetic bow but with a smirk*
[Charles:] "Come on, friends, I had just re-agitated the ankle I hurt mere moments ago. I wasn't trying to duck an honorable fight. I just needed a gentleman's time out to rebalance the fragile humors in my aching appendage. Jasper was gonna help me out but Corey done ran into 'em! You can't blame Mr. Woodruff for either match. He's as loyal as a dog, twice as dumb, and thrice as loud. It was all a big misunderstanding that doesn't hurt our high moral caliber."
*Charles' expression turns serious again.*
[Charles:] "But then I hear Hamada asking Wingate to fire me if I don't agree to some shady 'replacement' match. That's tortious interference with our contract!! And just who in tarnation is getting replaced?! I didn't spend a lifetime countin cards and learning the odds of every poker hand just to be taken over by some duplicitous doppelganger!"
*Charles' expression looks utterly confused and slightly drunk.*
[Charles:] "If you ask me, Hamada is too stiff like so many of his peers. They think uncompromising 'moral integrity' makes them strong but they barkin up the wrong tree. It takes moral flexibility to survive as a pro wrestler as in life. The second something goes wrong with these uptight youngsters, they snap like a piece of balsa wood.
That's why Tetsu and Yoshirozuna fell apart. That's even why Joachim fell apart. That boy was holier than thou and the second someone held a mirror to his true self, his glass soul shattered. A real shame, it was."
*Charles takes his hat off again as if he to pay respects.*
[Charles:] "So I refuse to wrestle Hamada-"
*Charles notices something off screen and freezes for a second. He struggles to regain his composure.*
[Charles:] "But, uh, if I did rassle 'em, he'd surely lose and uh, embarrass himself. So there's no need for a match between us. Now, I gotta go and play some pokah before I lose my buzz...uh, business sense."
*Charles signals for the camera to cut off and the promo fades to black.*
*But even though the camera is off, this occasion isn't over. Charles looks visibly nervous and the reason is staring him in the face. Two seconds later, he is joined by Geese Walker who is smiling in an aggressive, unsettling way.*
[Charles:] "Now, what matter of concern you got? You think you can throw your weight around everywhere?"
[Geese:] "Speaking of getting thrown, I'm looking forward to watching you wrestle JET Hamada."
[Charles:] "Listen here - I just said I wouldn't be. It ain't none of yo business, anyway!"
*Still possessing that smile, Geese steps closer. Sweat has formed on Charles brow.*
[Geese:] "It is my business, because JET Hamada is correct. Your match will honor the Championship that I will win."
[Charles:] "Well, you got no leverage over me, son. Last I heard, you were penniless living on a dirt farm."
[Geese:] "My capital is your guilt. Three years ago, Sanders and Woodruff stole the OG-Joshi World Championship belt: an object that far exceeded their combined value. That belt belonged to Robin who was giving it to Jean Carter."
[Charles:] "C'mon, that the best you can do. Three years ago? That's legal water under the bridge-"
*Geese steps even closer and he's nose to nose with a profusely sweating Charles who is dabbing his forehead with a monogrammed "CL" handkerchief.*
[Geese:] "Mr. Langford, do you have any idea what I do to people who steal from my family?"
[Charles:] "Tie 'em up in court in endless motions and charismatic, populist speeches to the jury like I do?"
*Geese points to Charles' no trembling hands.*
[Geese:] "I make Hammurabi's Code look like euthanasia."
*Geese snatches the handkerchief and drops it on the floor. He stamps on it so loud that Charles visibly jumps.*
[Charles:] "Ok now, listen here, what we got is a big misunderstanding. Of course, of course, I'll be honored to wrestle JET Hamada! What a wonderful competitor he is!"
[Geese:] "I thought you said he'd snap like wood and wasn't worth your time."
[Charles:] "Nonsense, friend. I was just foolin 'round talkin, and, uh, givin the boy advice. That's all, just trying to help out. And it's the Infinite Continuum league - I got nothing but time!"
[Geese:] "Cherish it, cause it will be up after the league is over."
*This angers Charles and he gathers himself to protest.*
[Charles:] "Now see here, I've been perfectly amenable to your threa-uh, suggestions."
[Geese:] "It was a threat and you folded. So lean into the failure, walk with your hat in between your legs to Wingate, and sign that contract to face JET."
[Charles:] "Sir, I do believe this conversation would be different if Kurt and Jasper were here."
[Geese:] "After we are done here, you can ask them how they were being entertained by their greeters."
*Geese points to the side and the camera turns to see Kurt and Jasper looking terrified as they are surrounded by a dead-eyed Kyle Walker and Mr. Clyde who is sharpening a katana.*
[Charles:] "Well, at least they're not lonesome over there. A pleasure doing business with you then!"
*Charles goes to walk away but Geese pulls him back by the arm and gets an inch away from his face.*
[Geese:] "I... am not a fool. Your schoolboy antics do not hide the stench of men who are up to something."
*Charles looks genuinely confused at this suggestion.*
[Charles:] "Sir, I haven't the faintest idea what you are saying but I would fight to the death for your right to say it. That I would, I guarantee!"
[Geese:] "Are you really trying to bluff the prince of propaganda with subterfuge the strength of an off-hand 2-7?"
[Charles:] "Well now, if you just wanted to play cards, you could'a said so."
*Charles reaches into his back pocket for a deck of cards but Geese knocks it down and cards fly everywhere. The jokers have Kurt Sander's face on it, the King's have Charles' face on it, and the Jacks have Jasper Woodruff's face on it. There are also like 10 aces in the deck.*
[Geese:] "Yes, keep wasting my time - that has served other wrestlers so well. Consider this your final warning before you three do anything that you truly regret. Because the only question I have right now is whether someone else will end your careers before I get a whiff of the true depths of your machinations that require I do so myself. And to that I offer this advice - angering Alicia Gordon, Jason Hyde, and Corey O'Brian in the span of one hour is probably the stupidest thing I have ever seen someone do. It is such an inspired feat of imbecility that it suggests one of two things: Either you are truly the three most foolish people to have ever walked the earth, or you three feel emboldened enough to eventually earn the worst of my attention. In any case, your downfall will be as swift as your retreat was today."
*Geese pats Charles on his now dreadfully pale cheek and walks away. Mr. Clyde and Kyle catch up with Geese while Jasper huffs and puffs like he just ran a marathon. The scene fades as Kurt remains without an expression.*
[Charles:] "Hamada! You wanna talk accountability to a man of the law, son? Far as I can see, it's your despicable actions that need to be brought to justice. I counted at least five cases of defamation of my character, of my good intentions, of the righteous soul of Kurt Sanders, of the great state of Tennessee, and Jasper's mutton chops. "
*His voice raises upon the last remark and he looks angrier than ever.*
[Charles:] "You don't slander a man's mutton, Hamada! And if Wingate becomes amenable to your suggestion to ban 3 of a Kind from having gentlemanly accompaniment outside the ring, I’ll bring an action for discrimination so fast he’ll Brexit his way out of the colonies. Everyone knows it's legal to have ring seconds. Why could Baccarat Fu have one but not Kurt or myself? You can't say we done something wrong before we dun did it! That's unamerican as shepherd's pie.
And you wanna falsely blame good ole Jasper for what happened last show? He didn't trip up young Mr. Hyde. Boy just plum forgot how to run the ropes on account of him being away for so long. Miss Gordon is the one who should be banned - she was the one with malicious intent and forethought! As for my unfortunate match with Mr. O'Brian-"
*Charles takes off his hat and does a slight apologetic bow but with a smirk*
[Charles:] "Come on, friends, I had just re-agitated the ankle I hurt mere moments ago. I wasn't trying to duck an honorable fight. I just needed a gentleman's time out to rebalance the fragile humors in my aching appendage. Jasper was gonna help me out but Corey done ran into 'em! You can't blame Mr. Woodruff for either match. He's as loyal as a dog, twice as dumb, and thrice as loud. It was all a big misunderstanding that doesn't hurt our high moral caliber."
*Charles' expression turns serious again.*
[Charles:] "But then I hear Hamada asking Wingate to fire me if I don't agree to some shady 'replacement' match. That's tortious interference with our contract!! And just who in tarnation is getting replaced?! I didn't spend a lifetime countin cards and learning the odds of every poker hand just to be taken over by some duplicitous doppelganger!"
*Charles' expression looks utterly confused and slightly drunk.*
[Charles:] "If you ask me, Hamada is too stiff like so many of his peers. They think uncompromising 'moral integrity' makes them strong but they barkin up the wrong tree. It takes moral flexibility to survive as a pro wrestler as in life. The second something goes wrong with these uptight youngsters, they snap like a piece of balsa wood.
That's why Tetsu and Yoshirozuna fell apart. That's even why Joachim fell apart. That boy was holier than thou and the second someone held a mirror to his true self, his glass soul shattered. A real shame, it was."
*Charles takes his hat off again as if he to pay respects.*
[Charles:] "So I refuse to wrestle Hamada-"
*Charles notices something off screen and freezes for a second. He struggles to regain his composure.*
[Charles:] "But, uh, if I did rassle 'em, he'd surely lose and uh, embarrass himself. So there's no need for a match between us. Now, I gotta go and play some pokah before I lose my buzz...uh, business sense."
*Charles signals for the camera to cut off and the promo fades to black.*
*But even though the camera is off, this occasion isn't over. Charles looks visibly nervous and the reason is staring him in the face. Two seconds later, he is joined by Geese Walker who is smiling in an aggressive, unsettling way.*
[Charles:] "Now, what matter of concern you got? You think you can throw your weight around everywhere?"
[Geese:] "Speaking of getting thrown, I'm looking forward to watching you wrestle JET Hamada."
[Charles:] "Listen here - I just said I wouldn't be. It ain't none of yo business, anyway!"
*Still possessing that smile, Geese steps closer. Sweat has formed on Charles brow.*
[Geese:] "It is my business, because JET Hamada is correct. Your match will honor the Championship that I will win."
[Charles:] "Well, you got no leverage over me, son. Last I heard, you were penniless living on a dirt farm."
[Geese:] "My capital is your guilt. Three years ago, Sanders and Woodruff stole the OG-Joshi World Championship belt: an object that far exceeded their combined value. That belt belonged to Robin who was giving it to Jean Carter."
[Charles:] "C'mon, that the best you can do. Three years ago? That's legal water under the bridge-"
*Geese steps even closer and he's nose to nose with a profusely sweating Charles who is dabbing his forehead with a monogrammed "CL" handkerchief.*
[Geese:] "Mr. Langford, do you have any idea what I do to people who steal from my family?"
[Charles:] "Tie 'em up in court in endless motions and charismatic, populist speeches to the jury like I do?"
*Geese points to Charles' no trembling hands.*
[Geese:] "I make Hammurabi's Code look like euthanasia."
*Geese snatches the handkerchief and drops it on the floor. He stamps on it so loud that Charles visibly jumps.*
[Charles:] "Ok now, listen here, what we got is a big misunderstanding. Of course, of course, I'll be honored to wrestle JET Hamada! What a wonderful competitor he is!"
[Geese:] "I thought you said he'd snap like wood and wasn't worth your time."
[Charles:] "Nonsense, friend. I was just foolin 'round talkin, and, uh, givin the boy advice. That's all, just trying to help out. And it's the Infinite Continuum league - I got nothing but time!"
[Geese:] "Cherish it, cause it will be up after the league is over."
*This angers Charles and he gathers himself to protest.*
[Charles:] "Now see here, I've been perfectly amenable to your threa-uh, suggestions."
[Geese:] "It was a threat and you folded. So lean into the failure, walk with your hat in between your legs to Wingate, and sign that contract to face JET."
[Charles:] "Sir, I do believe this conversation would be different if Kurt and Jasper were here."
[Geese:] "After we are done here, you can ask them how they were being entertained by their greeters."
*Geese points to the side and the camera turns to see Kurt and Jasper looking terrified as they are surrounded by a dead-eyed Kyle Walker and Mr. Clyde who is sharpening a katana.*
[Charles:] "Well, at least they're not lonesome over there. A pleasure doing business with you then!"
*Charles goes to walk away but Geese pulls him back by the arm and gets an inch away from his face.*
[Geese:] "I... am not a fool. Your schoolboy antics do not hide the stench of men who are up to something."
*Charles looks genuinely confused at this suggestion.*
[Charles:] "Sir, I haven't the faintest idea what you are saying but I would fight to the death for your right to say it. That I would, I guarantee!"
[Geese:] "Are you really trying to bluff the prince of propaganda with subterfuge the strength of an off-hand 2-7?"
[Charles:] "Well now, if you just wanted to play cards, you could'a said so."
*Charles reaches into his back pocket for a deck of cards but Geese knocks it down and cards fly everywhere. The jokers have Kurt Sander's face on it, the King's have Charles' face on it, and the Jacks have Jasper Woodruff's face on it. There are also like 10 aces in the deck.*
[Geese:] "Yes, keep wasting my time - that has served other wrestlers so well. Consider this your final warning before you three do anything that you truly regret. Because the only question I have right now is whether someone else will end your careers before I get a whiff of the true depths of your machinations that require I do so myself. And to that I offer this advice - angering Alicia Gordon, Jason Hyde, and Corey O'Brian in the span of one hour is probably the stupidest thing I have ever seen someone do. It is such an inspired feat of imbecility that it suggests one of two things: Either you are truly the three most foolish people to have ever walked the earth, or you three feel emboldened enough to eventually earn the worst of my attention. In any case, your downfall will be as swift as your retreat was today."
*Geese pats Charles on his now dreadfully pale cheek and walks away. Mr. Clyde and Kyle catch up with Geese while Jasper huffs and puffs like he just ran a marathon. The scene fades as Kurt remains without an expression.*