Cosmic K*O*

[OrochiGeese]

*It's 9 pm on January 1st, 2024. But the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena parking lot is still lit up like a Christmas tree due to all of the emergency vehicles flashing their lights. The inner loop immediately outside the Arena is completely surrounded by police, FBI agents, and the National Guard.  The loop outside of that is full of poison control trucks, ambulances, and mobile scientific labs. The far outer loop is made up of impatient journalists. One of them, a professionally dressed man in his 30's, has apparently gotten approval to set up their gear and begin filming.*

"On behalf of WWES News, this is Hunter Scoops live at the scene of an emerging safety and public health crisis. I am outside the privately owned Peter Venkman Memorial Arena in Westchester, New York.  This is the home of a professional wrestling promotion named 'OG-Joshi' (which he pronounced as OG-Josh-ee") and one called UBBLE (arguably correctly pronounced.).

Earlier today, a number of pedestrians walking near the arena began acting impulsively, erratically, and dangerously.  Police and emergency medical professionals initially chalked it up to a calendar coincidence: with the real cause being irresponsible New Years Eve revelry. However, as more strange behavior was reported in the vicinity, a clear pattern started to emerge with the arena as the epicenter. The initial preliminary findings pointed to a gas leak, but it now appears that a highly dangerous psychotropic nerve agent has been deployed in aerosol form in and around the arena.

Equally as concerning is the locked down status of the arena and the motives of those inside of it. As more public safety and health officials came to investigate the situation, they tried to get into the building but were denied access.  The doors were locked and heavily barricaded. As the situation became more worrisome, SWAT teams tried to breach any door or window they could find but were rebuffed by a display of force and tactical intelligence from inside."

*The camera turns to the Arena and we see all manner of attempts to get inside the arena but to no avail.*

[Hunter:] "Federal officials were soon notified and arrived promptly.  A business woman named Ruby Moreno then contacted them and the media with claims that she had months of recorded surveillance video inside the Arena. She agreed to share it with authorities on the grounds that she be granted amnesty for any federal wiretapping charges and for not informing them of the situation earlier. She has since shared the footage with the authorities. We have been waiting to get clearance to view it and share it with all of you as well. And a few minutes ago, that request was actually granted. But before we show it, I'd like to introduce Miss Moreno and see if she can answer a few questions."

*Ruby Moreno walks in front of the camera.  She is wearing a formal grey business suit.  The usual swagger and arrogance in her expression and body language is dialed down several notches.*

[Hunter:] "Thank you for joining us, Miss Moreno."

[Ruby:] "Please call me Ruby. And before you ask, this was a delicate situation. I did not withhold this information for personal gain, but rather to ensure that the proper individuals were involved in bringing it to a peaceful ending."

[Hunter:] "And who might those individuals be?"

[Ruby:] "For everyone's safety, I can't provide that information publicly until the situation is resolved."

[Hunter:] "So, what exactly is your connection to all of this? Is it your status as the owner of rival professional wrestling promotion named LAFF?"

*Ruby looks momentarily irked but shakes it off.*

[Ruby:] "In full disclosure, I have a complicated relationship with many individuals in both promotions.  In the past, I spearheaded an effort to engage in a hostile takeover of UBL: a mission I have deeply come to regret.  I also once owned OG-Joshi. The company that I co-own, Los Angeles Women's Lucha, has been both rival and partner to OG-Joshi over the years. However, the reason for my surveillance was to ensure that I could intervene in any situation."

[Hunter:] "And this would certainly qualify as an unusual one."

[Ruby:] "I wish I could say this was unusual for them, but it is certainly dangerous."

[Hunter:] "What can you tell us about the instigator, assuming the singular."

*Ruby takes a second to compose herself. In a tone that can only be described as "PR Speak" and which is far less genuine than what she said before, she continues.*

[Ruby:] "We have no reason to believe there was more than one original instigator."

[Hunter:] "But that doesn't mean there can't be, right?"

[Ruby:] "Cosmic K*I*D was the original chief architect of this plan and is solely responsible as its catalyst. Since June, he has deployed a hallucinogenic gas to brainwash and manipulate each member of both rosters in that arena."

[Hunter:] "Those allegations are shocking."

[Ruby:] "They constitute a requitement of facts, easily corroborated by the video evidence that I have."

[Hunter:] "So tell me then, why the recent exposure of the gas to the general population? This Cosmic Boy-"

*Ruby actually laughs but quickly stifles it*

[Ruby:] "Cosmic K*I*D, but continue."

[Hunter:] "Okay, look, I don't get it. With that name, how seriously should we take him?"

[Ruby:] "Clearly more than most people thought they should."

[Hunter:] "Miss Moreno, I've done the research.  From just a few minutes of investigation journalism, it seems like he was demoted from Jinchuu to the Continuum League."

*Ruby sighs*

[Ruby:] "That makes absolutely no sense."

[Hunter:] "Okay, well I think my sources may be 'hallucinating' so let's move onto the salient point. You say the Kid's been drugging everyone inside the arena for six months.  However, there has been no leakage outside until today. Plenty of people have walked around here since June without any ill effects.  Why the sudden change?"

[Ruby:] "The new boss is not the same as the old boss.  Circumstances have actually changed...for the worse."

[Hunter:] "There's a new leader? The Kid isn't in charge anymore?"

[Ruby:] "The most violent coup I have ever seen has taken place."

[Hunter:] "And you possess footage of that as well?"

[Ruby:] "Everything, Hunter. I see everything...including things I wish I have not."

[Hunter:] "So this footage comes with a warning?"

[Ruby:] "I am not about to tell your avid watchers to change the dial and tank your ratings, I'm not heartless."

*Hunter breathes a sigh of relief.*

[Hunter:] "That's mighty noble of you-"

[Ruby:] "But upon viewing, their dreams will be haunted with violence that does not seem to be of this world."

[Hunter:] "Oh... so maybe we better splice some commercials in there to soften the blow?"

*Ruby grins, clearly appreciating the ploy.*

[Ruby:] "I will let them make their own decisions as the informed populace that we still pretend to have."

[Hunter:] "Ouch, that sounds a little too cynical and reflective, we better turn to the footage right now. Don't think too deeply about what Miss Moreno said and WATCH THIS FOOTAGE."


*End of Part 1*

[OrochiGeese]

*The network airs the surveillance video given to them by Ruby. The footage starts at 1pm on August 15, 2023.  We are in the rightful office of OG-Joshi Coach Jean Carter which has been taken over by Cosmic K*I*D. There is a long line of wrestlers in the outer waiting room lined up to meet with him. He is wrapping things up with the robot tag team formerly known as the B1nary Beats. He turns to Dissmastah Droid.*

[Cosmic:] "The full team name is now the TechT0ks. Your new name is DissGPT. You will rely on your upgraded large language model processing to battle-rap wrestlers and talk smack about their mothers."

[DissGPT:] "Y0 M0mma so fat, stand by for a list of delicious items that she may enjoy eating."

[Cosmic:] "Excellent! Pure fire right out of the gate and it nets us advertising money from sponsors."

*K*I*D turns to Rapbot 2K.*

[Cosmic:] "And you will be known as BlockB0t3K. I want you to mine crypto while you wrestle. Don't worry about the occasional blackouts. People just care about the last few seconds of the match anyway."

[Blockb0t3K:] "Your verbal output is off da chain, it raises my net value for a gain."

[Cosmic:] "Tight. You know, Yoshida may hate me for all this, but at least you two aren't humping his computer anymore."

*They leave the office, but no one walks in afterward.*

[Cosmic:] "Carter! Send the next one in!"

*The oversized head of Magog "The Mad" peaks in through the hallway.*

"Boss, she's not here. SCUMM Mask played a prank on her and she ran out of the room crying."

*K*I*D seems incredibly pleased about this.*

[Cosmic:] "Excellent, just what I wanted from him. Okay, I guess you're next then. Come on in."

*Magog "The Mad" lumbers in and sits down as K*I*D looks through his notes.*

SPOILER: Click to show

[Cosmic:] "The notes on you say that....hmmm, you're a biker from a parallel universe where an apocalypse took place? That's beautiful. Look, I admit it's been hard keeping track of all the C and D level 'talent' on this bloated roster, but did we come up with that gimmick for you a few months ago? I honestly can't remember."

[Magog:] "Gimmick?"

[Cosmic:] "Interesting. Maybe I didn't 'set' you after all, but that's okay. I'm not sure I need to. I respect the conviction and think you'd even fit into the original UBL."

[Magog:] "The original UBL building was vaporized in my timeline."

[Cosmic:] "Sure, why wouldn't it be, right? Great stuff. So what biker gang are you in?"

[Magog:] "The Wasted Woes."

*Without looking up this time, K*I*D laughs to himself.*

[Cosmic:] "Nice, I always figured alliteration would rule in the apocalypse."

[Magog:] "We don't work directly for the Emperor but we hunt bounties for him and procure treasures."

*K*I*D is still looking down and making various check marks in his notes but nods in assent.*

[Cosmic:] "Of course, it's so important to be your own boss."

[Magog:] "I don't think he's happy with me though."

[Cosmic:] "Why's that? He issue a proclamation against spiked shoulder pads?"

[Magog:] "No, he pushed me a few minutes ago."

*Cosmic suddenly looks up with a look of confusion even perceptible through his mask.*

[Cosmic:] "So the apocalypse happened in the time since SCUMM Mask spilled Jean's herbal tea, or are you just on some completely different sh*t than I even imagined? Did Wonderland give you his tea?"

*A ruckus is heard outside of the office. We hear someone who sounds like Kurt Sanders angrily shout "No cuts, bitch" as Geese Walker strolls into the room wearing his finest business suit and pointing to his platinum watch.*

[Geese:] "I demand the next meeting. I have to talk with investors in an hour."

[Cosmic:] "I don't care if the business goose turns into the wolf of wall street, you're waiting your f*cking turn."

[Magog:] "You....you better do as he says."

*Magog looks nervously at K*I*D then points to Geese.*

[Cosmic:] "Stay out of it...wait, why are you angry with me? He's the one interfering with your time."

[Magog:] "But you've got something of his."

[Cosmic:] "If you mean thirty years of ulcers, he intended it as a gift."

[Magog:] "No.  Back home, that belongs to him."

*Magog points to the large gem in the Space-Time Continuum Championship belt. Geese looks even more confused than K*I*D does at this comment.*

[Magog:] "Returning that treasure to him is worth a lot."

[Cosmic:] "You're making me change my mind about not 'setting' you. There's nothing worse than a deranged sci fi fantasy with plot holes so big that a biker can drive through. How exactly does Orochi Greed fit into your apocalypse?"

*Magog stands up and bows to a very surprised Geese Walker.*

[Magog:] "Emperor."

*This enrages Cosmic K*I*D who holds up the belt and tears it in half, inadvertently causing a sonic boom and a blinding gold light that fills the entire office. Five minutes later, K*I*D regains his senses only to find that his Space-Time Continuum Title belt is gone, as are Magog and Geese.

K*I*D runs to the outer office and finds that the entire line of wrestlers is lying unconscious on the ground. Some of their bodies appear mangled and broken. K*I*D begins to panic as he hears people screaming. The horrific sounds are coming from the Basic Training Dojo which he slowly approaches. Upon peering through the door-sized hole where a door once stood, he freezes up. Geese is wearing the Space-Time Continuum belt and has just finished delivering a chokeslam to Yoshirozuna with ease. Wang Gom-Bu tries to stop him next but suffers the same fate. Geese does not turn his body to face K*I*D but slowly rotates his head to the left to acknowledge the presence of another."

[Cosmic:] "Welcome back, I guess? Don't know how you woke up but here we are.  Look, you're the prince of propaganda, right? So of all people, you should respect what I did here this summer. It's actually a funny-"

*Geese interrupts with a deeper, hoarser, haunting voice than we've ever heard him possess.*

[Geese:] "Humor...is for swine. If I was truly back, I'd revel in the stench of the ruined sky."

*K*I*D laughs nervously as he tries to mask the fear rising in his throat.*

[Cosmic:] "Okay, you obviously suffered a break. How many belt rips does it take to get into the juicy center of Geese's brain. 1....2...3? I kid, I'm a Cosmic kidder after all. So let's just take a step back and talk it all out. I can cut you in on this whole thing easy.  Just try not do anything further that we're gonna regret."

[Geese:]  "Regret will envelop he who brought me here. They have surrendered this world."

*Geese adds a growl to punctuate his point. K*I*D steps backward but then notices movement in back of Geese. K*I*D's voice stops shaking as the confidence slowly returns.*

[Cosmic:] "Okay so speaking of surrendering, how about we start your Emperor's road back to sanity street by recognizing that belt isn't your property? It's mine. And what do you know, the Champion I chose to defend that belt has arrived. Centurion, do take back what's mine and try not to get any blood on it."

*An angry Centurion in full armor stomps into the room, throws his arms up in fury, and charges full steam ahead at Geese. Geese merely puts his hand out at the moment of impact to successfully stop him in his tracks. Geese then grabs the bottom of Centurion's helmet with his other hand and uses it to spin him around then drive his head and neck through the wall! Cosmic physically recoils as he sees his old friend twitching as a result of an undeniable spinal injury.*

[Geese:] "That was your Champion? That man held my prize? A man who's not even fit to be fed to the wild dogs of New Detroit?"

*Geese rips the gem out and throws the completely torn belt at the feet of K*I*D. K*I*D nervously tries to put it back together and re-tear it but there is no effect whatsoever. Geese taunts K*I*D by holding the gem out within range to be retrieved, but Cosmic is unable to grab it. Geese moves quicker than usual and perfectly anticipates the distance and reach that Cosmic has. K*I*D is completely unable to retrieve the gem and has tired himself out attempting to do so.*

[Cosmic:] "Magog...one last chance to serve me. I am the leader here."

[Magog:] "Emperor's Edict of 2005: get bowing or get broken."

*Magog laughs and you can see the spirit of Cosmic K*I*D finally break. Unfortunately, that is far from the only thing that does. Geese lunges forth with a lightning quick uraken, causing K*I*D's body to spin around. Geese hoists K*I*D up from behind then drives him into the wooden floor with a ferocious Infinity Chaos Hammer. An audible crack is heard from the neck of K*I*D as he is rendered unconscious. Geese stands, holds his gem up high, and turns to Magog.*

[Geese:] "Gather the rest to pay tribute and form my army. Then bring forth my queen."

*The broadcast feed accelerates and we see each member of the roster, including those who had been knocked unconscious or injured, kneeling in front of the self-proclaimed Emperor Geese. However, much to his chagrin, Robin Walker remains conspicuously absent.  Jean Carter and Luke Kisiera also appear to be missing.*


*We return to the live footage on January 1st, 2024 in front of the Arena where we find Hunter Scoops looking physically ill. Despite seeing the footage multiple times, Ruby doesn't look much better. However, she is able to grab the microphone from Hunter who has fallen to his knees. With her other hand, she points to the right of the camera.*

[Ruby:] "I hesitate to say this, knowing who is involved, but here comes the cavalry."

*The camera turns to where Ruby points. We see two tanks and an array of black military-grade SUV's pull up into the parking lot. The top hatch opens on each of the tanks. A man wearing a black mask and dark yellow trench coat pops out of the first tank and shouts to Ruby with a troubling, sarcastic voice.*

"Rubes! Great to see ya! Looks like we got us a Destiny family reunion!"

*To be continued*