Of Lessons and Lutefisk
Oct 31, 2024 23:16:05 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Oct 31, 2024 23:16:05 GMT -5
*It’s a few weeks after Continuum VI and a few days after the Breakdown event put on by Sierra Wrestling All-Stars. Kazuo Saji is walking down the hallway in the Peter Venkman Memorial Arena in the direction of the physical therapy room. Sporting a stiff medical collar around his neck that matches the color of his chrome sunglasses, he appears to be in considerable pain. However, he maintains his composure after hearing a mighty roar coming from down the hallway.*
“Pretender!!”
*Kazuo rolls his eyes which raises the ire of the mountain of a man marching down the hall shouting epithets in old Norse: saliva flying everywhere. Brandr Hoff gets chest to chest with Saji and smiles vindictively.*
[Brandr:] “As I have known, you’re all talk. After I beat RYOMA last year, you dared puff out your chest at me like you were king of the jungle. But when it’s your turn to main event against Bak Fu, you passed out like a pussy.”
*Kazuo smirks and shakes his head in disbelief.*
[Saji:] “You really comin’ at me with a line like that, bro? Cause I am what I eat.”
[Brandr:] “Your foul mouth is no cover for your failures. Your tongue can not achieve what your body fails to do.”
*Brandr spits at the floor which makes Saji raise an eyebrow.*
[Saji:] “Not savin the spit, huh? I guess you're not a ‘do the work’ kinda guy?”
*Kazuo makes a lude gesture with his fingers and tongue. Brandr appears confused by this which causes Saji to sidle up next to him and whisper.*
[Saji:] “Pro tip: your girl’s deck not supposed to have dry rot when you board.”
*Brandr angrily chest bumps Kazuo, hard enough to aggravate his injured neck. Saji looks irritated but stays calm.*
[Saji:] “Bro, why you so mad?”
[Brandr:] “You're a coward! All you do is make jokes cause you’re hurt and can't do anything in return. Wouldn’t want to put your precious SWA Title reign further at risk. Nishimura makes an ass out of himself, but he still almost beat you. Mark my words - you barely escaped that match with your title, but luck won't be on your side for long.”
*Kazuo laughs in Brandr’s face.*
[Saji:] “Psh, I don't need luck, but you need a reality check. When was the last time you even won a Title? “
[Brandr:] “Deflect all you want. Everyone knows you will lose yours soon. Your neck is shot, and you’re spread too thin.”
[Saji:] “Bitch, when I get a spreadin, I’m thicker than a battle axe.”
*This severed an emotional nerve and a now furious Brandr gets face to face with Saji.*
[Brandr:] “That’s it! I’m not waiting for the tournament! You’ll fight me now.”
*Brandr begins to advance but Saji holds up his hand.*
[Saji:] “Wait, let's do this right. You, me, Title.”
*This confuses Brandr who momentarily stops walking.*
[Brandr:] “What?”
*Saji shakes his head with impatience.*
[Saji:] “Bro, anyone ever call you Knight Rider?”
[Brandr:] “Huh, no, why?”
[Saji:] “Cause dealing with you is a real hassle, Hoff. “
*Hoff shrugs which causes Saji further frustration.*
[Saji:] “I'll keep this simple. Look - you keep talkin’ about my Title since you clearly jelly. So I’m gonna put more shine on it under the bright lights. You, me, SWA Openweight Championship at the OG-FPD 21st Anniversary show. You in?”
*Brandr takes a second to consider this, then smiles arrogantly.*
[Brandr:] “I accept. Pillaging another promotion’s Title will be my pleasure.”
[Saji:] “I figure your pleasure is polishing up that pole arm every night, bitch.”
[Brandr:] “You will insult me no more!”
*Brandr pulls his fist back in preparation for a knuckle arrow, but it is caught from behind. He turns around to see Geese Walker in possession of his hand. Brandr tries to pull his arm back but Geese has too firm of a hold on it.*
[Brandr:] “You have no place here, berserker! Mind your own business!”
[Geese:] “Mr. Hoff, I was strolling through the hallway of a building owned by a close friend where I also happen to be employed. My place here is unquestionable. It is your actions that are suspect. You could have hit a lesser man with the wind up of a poorly executed, telegraphed punch. It was embarrassing at least, attempted battery at most. Not breaking your arm on the spot constitutes the utmost restraint in minding my own business. I have no desire to waste my time explaining to Moreno why she has to make yet another replacement for the league.
Now, I highly recommend that you leave us be since I have business to discuss with Mr. Saji. I’d invite you to stay but you appear too emotionally volatile to be an asset. I know that the approach of lutefisk season can be trying on the spirit and the stomach, so I'll generously grant you a reprieve. I will let you go without further incident.”
*Brandr continues attempting to free his arm, but Geese’s expert grip is secure. Kazuo walks a few steps closer and gets in Brandr’s face.*
[Saji:] “Oh, my mistake, maybe you do love dat fish when it’s extra pungent.”
*A furious Brandr is desperately trying to escape but Geese increases the pressure to hold him in place.*
[Geese:] “Kazuo, I have a proposition. I intend on releasing Mr. Hoff’s arm on the condition that he walks away and leaves the arena. If you continue to mock him, he’ll be less amenable to this arrangement and may indulge in a mistake costly to his career. I prefer that my ring clearance not be compromised by the need to light a ship on fire in his honor. And I would not want to cost you a prestigious spot on the anniversary show by dispatching your opponent in front of you now.”
*Brandr stops struggling and channels his energy into an expression masking the pain.*
[Saji:] “Word, I’m cool. Let this basic Bran bitch go. I’ll see him soon enough.”
[Geese:] “Enjoy your day, Mr. Hoff. And congratulations on not being the biggest embarrassment in Block B.”
*Geese lets go of Brandr’s arm while deftly pushing him away at the same time. An enraged Brandr considers what to do but quickly realizes the odds are against him. He turns around, grumbles, and storms away.*
[Geese:] “Mr. Clyde will ensure he keeps his word and promptly exits. Don’t let those fantasy programs fool you: a viking has no chance against a ninja.”
[Saji:] “Would be fun to watch though. Popcorn emoji.”
*Geese shakes his head and sighs.*
[Geese:] “Did you just say popcorn emoji out loud?”
[Saji:] “I can text it to you instead if you want.”
*Saji reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell phone as Geese puts his palm on his forehead and lets out a sigh.*
[Geese:] “You’re making me want to speak to you less with each passing second.”
[Saji:] “Oh, word, you came to drop something on me, right?”
[Geese:] “Patience may be the first thing that hits the floor, but yes. Let’s go talk somewhere else. I’m aware of your injuries and think you need to see the trainer.”
*They both go into the physical therapy room.*
(Part 2 coming soon!)
“Pretender!!”
*Kazuo rolls his eyes which raises the ire of the mountain of a man marching down the hall shouting epithets in old Norse: saliva flying everywhere. Brandr Hoff gets chest to chest with Saji and smiles vindictively.*
[Brandr:] “As I have known, you’re all talk. After I beat RYOMA last year, you dared puff out your chest at me like you were king of the jungle. But when it’s your turn to main event against Bak Fu, you passed out like a pussy.”
*Kazuo smirks and shakes his head in disbelief.*
[Saji:] “You really comin’ at me with a line like that, bro? Cause I am what I eat.”
[Brandr:] “Your foul mouth is no cover for your failures. Your tongue can not achieve what your body fails to do.”
*Brandr spits at the floor which makes Saji raise an eyebrow.*
[Saji:] “Not savin the spit, huh? I guess you're not a ‘do the work’ kinda guy?”
*Kazuo makes a lude gesture with his fingers and tongue. Brandr appears confused by this which causes Saji to sidle up next to him and whisper.*
[Saji:] “Pro tip: your girl’s deck not supposed to have dry rot when you board.”
*Brandr angrily chest bumps Kazuo, hard enough to aggravate his injured neck. Saji looks irritated but stays calm.*
[Saji:] “Bro, why you so mad?”
[Brandr:] “You're a coward! All you do is make jokes cause you’re hurt and can't do anything in return. Wouldn’t want to put your precious SWA Title reign further at risk. Nishimura makes an ass out of himself, but he still almost beat you. Mark my words - you barely escaped that match with your title, but luck won't be on your side for long.”
*Kazuo laughs in Brandr’s face.*
[Saji:] “Psh, I don't need luck, but you need a reality check. When was the last time you even won a Title? “
[Brandr:] “Deflect all you want. Everyone knows you will lose yours soon. Your neck is shot, and you’re spread too thin.”
[Saji:] “Bitch, when I get a spreadin, I’m thicker than a battle axe.”
*This severed an emotional nerve and a now furious Brandr gets face to face with Saji.*
[Brandr:] “That’s it! I’m not waiting for the tournament! You’ll fight me now.”
*Brandr begins to advance but Saji holds up his hand.*
[Saji:] “Wait, let's do this right. You, me, Title.”
*This confuses Brandr who momentarily stops walking.*
[Brandr:] “What?”
*Saji shakes his head with impatience.*
[Saji:] “Bro, anyone ever call you Knight Rider?”
[Brandr:] “Huh, no, why?”
[Saji:] “Cause dealing with you is a real hassle, Hoff. “
*Hoff shrugs which causes Saji further frustration.*
[Saji:] “I'll keep this simple. Look - you keep talkin’ about my Title since you clearly jelly. So I’m gonna put more shine on it under the bright lights. You, me, SWA Openweight Championship at the OG-FPD 21st Anniversary show. You in?”
*Brandr takes a second to consider this, then smiles arrogantly.*
[Brandr:] “I accept. Pillaging another promotion’s Title will be my pleasure.”
[Saji:] “I figure your pleasure is polishing up that pole arm every night, bitch.”
[Brandr:] “You will insult me no more!”
*Brandr pulls his fist back in preparation for a knuckle arrow, but it is caught from behind. He turns around to see Geese Walker in possession of his hand. Brandr tries to pull his arm back but Geese has too firm of a hold on it.*
[Brandr:] “You have no place here, berserker! Mind your own business!”
[Geese:] “Mr. Hoff, I was strolling through the hallway of a building owned by a close friend where I also happen to be employed. My place here is unquestionable. It is your actions that are suspect. You could have hit a lesser man with the wind up of a poorly executed, telegraphed punch. It was embarrassing at least, attempted battery at most. Not breaking your arm on the spot constitutes the utmost restraint in minding my own business. I have no desire to waste my time explaining to Moreno why she has to make yet another replacement for the league.
Now, I highly recommend that you leave us be since I have business to discuss with Mr. Saji. I’d invite you to stay but you appear too emotionally volatile to be an asset. I know that the approach of lutefisk season can be trying on the spirit and the stomach, so I'll generously grant you a reprieve. I will let you go without further incident.”
*Brandr continues attempting to free his arm, but Geese’s expert grip is secure. Kazuo walks a few steps closer and gets in Brandr’s face.*
[Saji:] “Oh, my mistake, maybe you do love dat fish when it’s extra pungent.”
*A furious Brandr is desperately trying to escape but Geese increases the pressure to hold him in place.*
[Geese:] “Kazuo, I have a proposition. I intend on releasing Mr. Hoff’s arm on the condition that he walks away and leaves the arena. If you continue to mock him, he’ll be less amenable to this arrangement and may indulge in a mistake costly to his career. I prefer that my ring clearance not be compromised by the need to light a ship on fire in his honor. And I would not want to cost you a prestigious spot on the anniversary show by dispatching your opponent in front of you now.”
*Brandr stops struggling and channels his energy into an expression masking the pain.*
[Saji:] “Word, I’m cool. Let this basic Bran bitch go. I’ll see him soon enough.”
[Geese:] “Enjoy your day, Mr. Hoff. And congratulations on not being the biggest embarrassment in Block B.”
*Geese lets go of Brandr’s arm while deftly pushing him away at the same time. An enraged Brandr considers what to do but quickly realizes the odds are against him. He turns around, grumbles, and storms away.*
[Geese:] “Mr. Clyde will ensure he keeps his word and promptly exits. Don’t let those fantasy programs fool you: a viking has no chance against a ninja.”
[Saji:] “Would be fun to watch though. Popcorn emoji.”
*Geese shakes his head and sighs.*
[Geese:] “Did you just say popcorn emoji out loud?”
[Saji:] “I can text it to you instead if you want.”
*Saji reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell phone as Geese puts his palm on his forehead and lets out a sigh.*
[Geese:] “You’re making me want to speak to you less with each passing second.”
[Saji:] “Oh, word, you came to drop something on me, right?”
[Geese:] “Patience may be the first thing that hits the floor, but yes. Let’s go talk somewhere else. I’m aware of your injuries and think you need to see the trainer.”
*They both go into the physical therapy room.*
(Part 2 coming soon!)