Week 2, Show 1
Jun 20, 2008 20:56:41 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Jun 20, 2008 20:56:41 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008
Week 2: Show 1
Arena: Slam Masters National Arena - Camden, New Jersey
*The camera focuses on "Mean" Jean Carter who is standing near the ring with a microphone*
[MJC:] "Hi! I'm Jean Carter and we're here in New Jersey for the Universal Battalion League's first show of the second "week"...yeah, uh, we're just naming them "weeks" but they are more like ROUNDS. Rounds that take MONTHS to finish!!! Yea, 2008 Universal Battalion League! We are LIVE from the Slam Masters National arena where the crowd is absolutely ELECTRIC. Seriously, we had to "ground" them all..."
*No one laughs*
[MJC:] "Sigh...I guess I should have done that joke on Voltage or Amplitude. Moving right along, let's just ignore my great physics joke and instead go to check out the even greater matches planned for tonight!"
*She points to the Battle-Tron*
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. Team Kaboom
SNUH vs. Busch Boys
4CPW vs. Snake Mountain
Interblock Match: Llamas Brothers vs. Canada Brothers
Block C Matches:
Clan of the Sun vs. Orochi Army
Fatman Pro Wres vs. PCW Originals
Team SMN vs. Dod Squad
[MJC:] "Let's head to the ring for the first match of the night. Jason Hyde and Jang Bae of J.U.S.T.I.C.E will take on Hector Smyth and Jack Carter of Team Kaboom. This is actually the second match in the row for Jason and Jang, as they represented J.U.S.T.I.C.E. in Week 2 and was victorious against the Llamas Brothers. While they are no doubt a bit fatigued, they have decided to fill in for Thunder Strike who they wanted to have a rest after his hellacious match with OrochiGeese at the previous Open show. Meanwhile, Team Kaboom wants to get some momentum going after their loss at the previous show to SNUH."
Block A
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team Kaboom come to the ring to a lot of fanfare and applause. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. get a very large reaction from the section of the SMN audience that is most familiar with UBL. But Team Kaboom also gets respect shown, especially when they extend their hands for a pre-match handshake, returned by J.U.S.T.I.C.E. Both teams appear on the "up and up" here so let's go to the match!
Match #1: J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. Team Kaboom
Jason Hyde/Jang Bae vs. Hector Smyth/Jack Carter
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Hector Smyth had an incredible match here, putting both Jang and Jason away at the end. But you can't discount the performance of Jack Carter here either, who was the fresh anchor of the team and helped rally Hector on after his previous match's frustration with SNUH. Meanwhile, Jason and Jang put up a phenomenal effort considering their fatigue but Jang's arm eventually gave way to Hector's excellent submission prowess. Then it was just a matter of time before a drained Jason fell prey to the 2 on 1 advantage. Team Kaboom just earned a hard fought victory against one of the favorites to win this entire league.
J.U.S.T.I.C.E (X) [La Majistral - 31:34] (O) Team Kaboom
A handshake is once again exchanged at the end of the match and this time Team Kaboom is getting as much of the love from the crowd, if not more, as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is getting. A tired but stoic Jason and Jang head backstage while Jack and Hector soak in the applause.
*We go backstage via the Battle-Tron where we see Thunder Strike in the hallway. It appears he is waiting to greet his Battalion-mates but is visited by someone else instead. As Thunder Strike glowers at his new guest, OrochiGeese merely grins widely and then shakes his head with pity.*
[Geese:] "A shame, really. Your boys couldn't quite get it done tonight, now could they?"
[Thunder:] "It's my fault and it's between them and me. I don't need your 'chaotic' powers of observation."
*OG claps his hands and cocks his head back in laughter*
[Geese:] "Now that you know I'm not gonna snap your neck for a while, you can finally crack a joke!"
*Thunder glares a hole through Geese*
[Geese:] "Settle, I'm just having 'friendly' conversation. We can do that now, you know."
[Thunder:] "Being in the military gave me a very strong stomach. I'm thankful for that now because just the THOUGHT of you ever using the word 'friend' again in my direction is making me sick."
[Geese:] "Now, now, don't go making up psychological trauma to accuse me of breaking the "Cease Fire."
*Geese leans casually against the wall and rolls his eyes*
[Geese:] "So, what have you been up to? Any exciting missions? Rethinking your anger towards me? Realizing it's all in your head...and not JUST cause of the mind control drugs *laughs*, but because you refuse to see things through the eyes of a winner but INSIST on playing the victim all your life?"
[Thunder:] "This Cease Fire is temporary and the time will come when I WILL finish what I started. I've won the past two matches against you, convincingly, and next time you and I are in the ring-"
*Just then, Jason and Jang arrive and look a bit startled at the confrontation.*
[Jang:] "Whoa, WHOA, you kids knock it off. We got paperwork to obey, you hear?"
*Jang tries to lead Thunder away from Geese, but Thunder doesn't budge.*
[Geese:] "Be my guest then. If you want to have your post-match meeting in front of me and the world, we'd be happy to hear it. First, Jang, let's discuss your utter inability to fight off that submission. I've seen Figaro put up more resistance against a stripper then you showed tonight! And Jason, poor Jason, taking it from all angles, I see. Maybe you should have stayed out of the Battalion, I don't think you're up to it."
[Thunder:] "You push me too far, scum!"
[Jang:] "Thunder, let's get out of here. He just wants you to break the treaty and get yourself fired."
[Geese:] "On the contrary, I'm having SO much fun now that I want to continue doing this!! At least until the end of the Battalion! Why would I get him to make a stupid mistake now and risk not being able to get my entertainment out of him!? But really, *Geese looks at his watch* I should get back to my locker room and have a nice team meeting with the WINNERS of Orochi Army. You three obviously have a lot to talk about so that you don't screw up yet again. My hopes for a productive meeting."
*Geese smirks and walks away as Thunder's face is turning red. The camera follows Geese as he walks around the corner and halfway down a long corridor to where Holly is standing with her arms covering her mouth, red in the face, about to burst into laughter*
[Geese:] "You were right, pushing his buttons proved to be most amusing."
[Holly:] "Oh my GAWD Geese, you're a natural!!! I thought you were gonna give him an Alicia-neurysm"
[Geese:] "You're too kind, but I am glad I provided some entertainment for you too."
*Geese puts his arm around Holly's shoulder and they both walk away.*
Back to the arena and we're ready for the next match. And as SNUH comes to the ring, we're introduced to Kwyjibo for the first time in this Battalion. He is being led down by the SNUH manager, Mr. Sparkle. Crab Juice comes along looking somewhat despondent. However, Mr. Sparkle gives him a can of Mountain Dew, and Crab Juice perks up again. The crowd's attention is firmly on the SAVAGE looking creature that is Kwjibo and many appear to dislike him. One specific fan managed to draw up a quick sign saying: "Tell him I hate him." Harsh but Kwyjibo's reaction....EATING the sign....might have just justified the fan's concerns.
Mastah P comes to the ring next adorned in bling and leading Duz Busch, the bigger of the Busch Boys.
Match #2: SNUH vs. Busch Boys
Kwyjibo/Crab Juice vs. Duz Busch/Mastah P
Mastah P. starts off with Crab Juice. Even though Crabby was involved in a match at the previous show, we didn't actually get to see what he could do IN the ring when he wasn't throwing Mountain Dew cans. Now that we get to see him, the fans are adamant that they want him to tag out! No he's not that bad, he's wrestling a solid lucha style which is frustrating Mastah P for a bit until P decides to start resorting to hooligan tactics. One such hooligan tactic is a kick to the Crab Juicers, which Crabby doesn't like much. This INFURIATES Kwyjibo and he marches into the ring without making a tag! Veteran UBL referee Coach McGuirk is not gonna allow that..and he, he doesn't. (I know my refs!) But seeing as this is Kwji's first offence, McGuirk just gives him a slap on the wrist...a literal slap on the wrist.
MISTAKE!! An enraged Kwyjibo LEVELS McGuirk out of nowhere with a thumb right to his throat!! I think he calls that the "Simian Spike" but he's not supposed to do it to the ref!! McGuirk is OUT COLD and senior ref Kenshin comes to the ring. Kwyjibo tries the same tactic on him but Kenshin ducks and then calls for the DQ on Kwyjibo!! Mr. Sparkle is livid and is throwing cans of Mountain Dew at Kenshin (who, while dodging Kwjibo's repeated thumb thrusts, deftly slices each can in two. Really it was pretty damn cool to see!) and gets himself DQ'd for such behavior. Kenshin calls for some help from the back and Agent 0 of UBL Security comes down with a few of his fellow "spooks" to drag the Kwyjibo and Mr. Sparkle away.
This leaves Crab Juice in a very unenviable position as he is in a one on two against two relatively fresh opponents. In fact, to make things even 'figgity fresher' (Mastah P's words, not mine!), Mastah P. tags in to Duz Busch. And from that point on, it became a one way road downhill for Crab Juice. Duz, the big man of the Busch Boys, is able to easily overpower the lonely lucha (awwwe, an adorable alliteration). But before he gets the pinfall, Mastah P asks to get tagged back in. They deliver a double powerbomb onto Crab Juice and Mastah P. cockily covers (...sorry) with one foot for the victory.
SNUH (X) [Double Powerbomb -> Cocky Pin - 9:44 ] (O) Busch Boys
*After the match, a woozy Coach McGuirk is helped to the back by Kenshin. Coach doesn't seem to know what hit him but I'm not sure he'd want to know. Meanwhile, Anji comes out to ringside to ref the next match. And here come the teams! Team 4CPW comes out first and is greeted by a sight that Minus may not be so happy to take in: a THRONG of fans wearing shirts that say ""Strong style, bitches!" Minus looks a bit embarrassed, not really wanting that phrase to be immortalized in the annals of Battalion merchandise history. But his partner for this match, Darren Doomsday just encourages him to do his talking in the ring for now on to avoid such embarrassing t-shirtifications. (yeah you read that, you can't un-read it!)*
*Naja Mask and Marauder come to the ring next for their first official 2008 Battalion match. At the previous show they were in a non-ranked 6 man match but tonight starts their journey to reclaim their Battalion titles. They were the previous Battalion Champions in 2005, not to mention four time holders of those belts in total. As such, they are seen as heavy favorites to win this league. But as we saw earlier with J.U.S.T.I.C.E., even Battalions that seem to have an edge can run into major troubles due to the high quality of competition here. And seeing as this is the largest Battalion that UBL has ever had, Naja and Marauder will have to up their game considerably to compete on these high levels. However, the confident looks on both their faces (through their masks) tell us they are ready to get started!*
Match #3: 4CPW vs. Snake Mountain
Minus/Darren Doomsday vs. Naja Mask/Marauder
Minus starts off with Naja in an interesting mix of speed. Naja wastes no time in shouting out "Ssssssssstrong ssssssstyle ssssssucksssss" which is probably the first time something Naja said was ever INTENTIONALLY funny. But this sudden burst of humor from Naja was a mistake as it just gets under Minus' skin enough to cause him to take the advantage early on with a flurry of elbows. Naja realizing he may have miscalculated decides to re-set the pace of the match and tags in Marauder.
Now with Naja safely on the apron, he once AGAIN makes his comment (significantly less funny now that it was said a second time and in relative safety). But when Minus charges Naja, Marauder just cuts off his path, catches him and HEAVES him across the ring right into his corner. Don't go messin with Naja when Marauder is near, folks. A shaken Minus tags in Darren Doomsday who charges at Marauder with a number of lariats. All hit, none do a spot of damage. Marauder grins and begins elbowing the hell out of Darren, leading him into a neutral corner, then picking him up and slamming him down with an amateur technique best called "a lift and drop". Minus gets a bit nervous here and climbs the ropes but Marauder looks up at him and Minus cautiously climbs back down. SMART. Marauder continues to have his way with Minus until a carefully placed low blow finds its mark. Darren quickly tags in Minus as Marauder tags Naja in.
So far Snake Mountain has held a bit of an advantage but 4CPW is not backing down. And Minus gets the crowd going in his favor by keeping his mouth shut and plain out-wrestling Naja. Naja is trying to get off the mat but Minus keeps back-dropping him right down, culminating in a nasty backdrop onto Naja's head. The crowd yells out "STRONG STYLE" but Minus shakes it off and sets up for what looks to be a Hurricane Slam when Naja manages to rake his eyes while being lifted. Naja punctuates this questionable tactic with a "Venom Spit" as Marauder has the ref's attention. Then Naja tags out, bringing Marauder back in. Marauder immediately hits a huge spear on the still blinded Minus and things look to be getting bad for 4CPW. Marauder places him into the corner and starts lifting him onto the turnbuckle. It's not clear what he's going for but luckily for Minus, he manages an elbow right onto the bridge of Marauder's nose. That looks like it hurt, folks. But it also enraged Marauder who gets into 3 point stance and looks like he's about to charge! Naja makes things worse for Minus by sneaking in back of him and pushing him off the turnbuckle....and Minus is airborne as he gets absolutely THROTTLED by Marauder's "Inertian Hammer". Marauder goes for the cover and gets the easy 3 while Naja cuts off Darren, and 4CPW got some troubles ahead.
Marauder is still rather irritated at getting hit in the nose with that elbow and Darren is taking his time getting into the ring while holding the ropes. Finally, Marauder grabs the ropes and pulls inwards, forcing Darren to flip into the ring the hard way. Marauder just unloads on Darren's back with a series of punishing hammer-like fists. But whether it's self-preservation or strategy, Darren is able to grab Marauder by the tights and yank him out of the ring backwards. Marauder falls down to the arena floor hard and Darren begins running the opposite ropes...and then to Marauder's side of the ring...Doomsday Device! Darren hit a beautiful springboard lariat that knocked Marauder down, and he may be in some trouble here thanks to Darren's quick thinking! But Naja Mask is not one to allow a 2 on 1 advantage to go un-advantagisized and runs the ropes himself for a spinning snake-like slithery senton! All 3 men are down as Anji gets to the 13 count. Darren manages to get himself back in the ring by 16 and with Naja's help, Marauder crawls in right at 19. If it wasn't for Naja there, Marauder would have definitely been counted out.
And that fact is not lost on Darren who sneers at Naja (the sneer returned with interest by the snake) and then immediately covers Marauder who still hasn't gotten up from rolling into the ring. He's really feeling the effects of that Doomsday Device too, especially since it knocked him head and back first onto the arena floor. However, Marauder has just enough to kick out at 2.9. Darren not knowing what else to do to put him away, goes up top for another Doomsday Device but Naja Mask is almost quicker to that side of the ring then Darren is to climb the ropes! Naja, reprising his earlier role of "Top rope game killer" pushes Darren off the ropes into the ring. Darren tries to bend down to lessen some of the impact of the fall but lands RIGHT in front of Marauder, who has just enough energy left to pick Darren up for what looks to be a spinning doctor bomb! Wow, we've never seen THAT out of Marauder before!! It kinda looks like his old ["Centrifugal Silencer" with the spin he put into it! But Darren is not with us here in analyzing it, as he just plain FELT It and got driven into the mat. Marauder holds on and manages to get the 3 count.
4CPW (X) ["Centrifugal Silencer" - 18:20] (O) Snake Mountain
After a very rocky Universal Champions League, Naja Mask has just shown why he is a lot more at home and effective in tag matches then he is in singles ones. As a tag wrestler, he knows exactly where to be in the ring at the right times and seems to set the pins up just in time for Marauder to knock them down. 4CPW had a very admirable showing here and Darren even rocked Marauder in a way few others have, but Snake Mountain proved to be too strong and cohesive a unit tonight to lose.
*And it's now time for intermission. A lot of native SMN merchandise is being aggressively sought out and purchased. Everything from Team SMN shirts to "C-Block" bandannas to "Master Shake" masks. And of course, UBL is doing its share of business as well with a surprising number of fans buying "Agent 0" merchandise: dark sunglasses, earpieces, and a black shirt that says: "nothing to see here" in big white letters. Also we got a very large amount of J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Thunder Strike merchandise considering his huge victory over OrochiGeese at the previous Open Show. Snake Mountain hooded sweatshirts are going fast too! And finally, a larger contingent then usual is buying Jakob Furis 'clip on vampire gothic shirts'. "For the vampire who just doesn't have time to button up a REAL shirt". "Park's Chippy"s food cart is once again a huge hit. Park Young-Tae is frying up some New Jersey favorites tonight...and deep fried haggis. Park is loving the attention of the Jersey girls too, or else he's just misinterpreting their "sausage" orders.*
And it it is NOW time for the interblock 6 man tag between the Canada Brothers and Llamas Brothers!
Interblock Match: Canada Brothers vs. Llamas Brothers
Canada Doug, Bob, Dave vs. Lorenzo Llamas, Bobby Llamas, Llamas Jr
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A heart-breakingly close loss for the Canada Brothers here. Canada Bob just cinched in the Canadian Crossface onto Llamas Jr. and looked a second away from victory when Lorenzo broke it up, then applied a King Cobra hold on the surprised Bob, forcing the tap out!! The hard luck Canada Brothers just can't seem to catch a break here as a match that looked like it could have gone their way was snatched up in the last second, literally, by the crafty leader of the Llamas Brothers, Lorenzo!
Canada Brothers (X) [King Cobra Hold- 16:44] (O) LLAMAS Brothers
Block C
And the fans cheer the coming of Block C...mistakenly thinking it means that SMN hero C-Block would be coming out. I'm not sure if this was false advertising or just a monumental fuck-up by the fans, but in either case, he's not coming. But "Mean" Jean assures everyone that ACTUAL native SMN talent will be coming later for the main event, and the fans settle down a bit.
Clan of the Sun are the first ones out. Interestingly enough, they are being booed rather loudly by the SMN fans. Perhaps the fans are still annoyed that C-Block is in the next match?
*We go into the stands to find correspondentTric Mean Jean Carter having just interviewed some fans.*
[MJC:] "Well Tom (?), it appears that many of the SMN fans have relatively long memories. They are still angry at Clan of the Sun for defeating Team SMN in the first show of the Battalion! So while no love is lost between Team SMN and Orochi Army given their history, the fans are NOT cheering for Clan of the Sun!"
*A particularly boisterous fan leans into the mic*
[Fan:]"Eh but yanno who I do like, sweetness?"
[MJC:] "Well, me I'm guessing, by what you just called me-"
[Fan:] "Ya, that too, hun. *Lightly taps MJC on the butt causing her to jump* But along with you and Team SMN, I like me some Legitimate Businessman's Club. When a-they comin to fight next?"
[MJC:] "Uh...soon as you stop sexually harassing me, maybe?"
[Sexual Harassment Fanda:] "Sounds good, thats what I'm talking about!"
[MJC:] "This has been uh, "Sweet" Jean Carter, now back to the ring!"
And with that explanation, we now see the fans showering the incoming Orochi Army with boos. Mr. Clyde is stoic as always and pays no mind but Mr. Figaro cries tears of disappointment and makes arm motions inferring that they are breaking his mighty heart. (ok, he actually SCREAMED that part!). With both teams not getting much fan support, it looks like it's actually up to their WRESTLING to do the job!!
Match #4: Clan of the Sun vs. Orochi Army
Huitzilopochtli/Apolo vs. Mr. Clyde/Mr. Figaro
Mr. Clyde starts off with Huitzilopochtli. No wait, let's call him Huitzi. (If I could call Kwjibo, "Kwji", I'm gonna call Huitzilopochtli, "Huitzi". Cause honestly, I'd have to get paid by the letter for saying his full name every time!!). And it appears Huitzi was an appropriate person to start the match against Clyde as both of these guys are running around each other showcasing their speed. Can the Mexican deity out-pace the ninja? In a word, no. Mr. Clyde appears about equal in foot speed but the clincher here is Clyde's striking velocity: a term that Mr. Figaro no doubt loves - "hard and fast". Clyde, despite looking a bit slower then usual due to this being his second straight match, still maintains his lightning quick reflexes and penchant for crisp striking. But Huitzi hangs with him for a bit, attempting some maneuvers that seem to befuddle even Clyde!! Huitzi, sensing he can no longer stand toe to toe with the ninja, elects instead to take Clyde down in a variety of arm-twisting subs with likely tongue-twisting names! However, Clyde is no slouch on the ground either and is able to reverse some of Huitzi's subs into his own, doing considerable damage to Huitzi's arm in the process. Huitzi wisely decides to take a breather and tags in Apolo: a man who was extremely impressive showing off his power game against the powerhouse of the SMN team, Mike Poe. (i know, i know, the SMN crowd is booing me, I get it). Figaro calls for the tag and we're ready for a battle of the bulge!
Neither man seems interested in engaging in a test of strength and go right into the POUNDING of faces. Apolo with punches, Figaro with elbows!! After a good series of exchanges from both, neither man backs down. So they then begin running the ropes and smacking into each other to see who budges. Neither man does, if you can believe it. Figaro looks at Clyde quizzically, asking what to do next. Clyde says sarcastically: "wrestle him" and like THAT, Figaro goes in for a double leg tackle, transitions into a back grapple and then takes Apolo down with a reverse takedown!! He goes right into a keylock, really riding Apolo through the use of expert leverage! Figaro's putting on a wrestling CLINIC here and-
Wait...wait...SORRY, I was watching the wrong match! *slaps forehead* What REALLY happened is that Figaro just shrugged off Clyde's advice and continued launching elbows at Apolo!! However, luckily for Figaro (and the sanity of Clyde), this strategy seemed to work as well. Figaro must have done more damage then Apolo during those running shoulderblocks and Apolo had his guard down and wasn't able to properly absorb Figaro's elbows! Figaro begins building momentum with more elbows and a few lariats before breaking out his bigger stuff. But he doesn't get the chance to as Apolo wisely tags to Huitzi.
Clyde takes over as well for his side and we seem like we're back to square 1. Only both men (and their partners are more fatigued). This is turning into a battle of attrition here as Clyde and Huitzi mirror their partners' resolves and launch into a striking battle. Clyde wins easily, but is also expending a lot of energy out there. So much so that he makes a rare mistake in not following up on a kick, only to have Huitzi grab his leg from the ground and transition into a ground octopus hold. Clyde tries to fight out of it but he really appears out of breath. Figaro has to run in and break the hold, showing a look of concern to his partner. Huitzi has control here and begins showing off his aerial skills with a number of impressive flippy moves. Even the crowd gains a level of begrudging respect for his performance here. And Clyde is still doing his best to keep up with the action. Either Huitzi intentionally drew Clyde out of breath early on with the challenge to match his speed, or Clyde is really feeling the effects of this second week.
Huitzi has Clyde tied up in the corner in a tarantula type move, but Clyde actually manages to get his own arm around Huitzi's neck, causing him to break the hold. It appears that Clyde is going to his corner but Apolo charges into the ring and NAILS Clyde with the Golden Helios western lariat, flipping him inside out! Figaro runs in to begin brawling with Apolo but the damage is done to Clyde and the brawl just serves to hide Huitzi, until Clyde turns around and gets hit with the Sacrifice for 52 Years, a heart punch. Clyde goes down and Huitzi gets the pin! Clan of the Sun are up 2-1!!
But now they have a VERY angry Figaro to deal with. Figaro goes over to check on his partner to see if he's ok. Huitzi takes advantage of his distraction and attempts to attack Figaro. An odd thing happens though...NOTHING. Huitzi doens't even budge Figaro as he's bent over checking to see if Clyde is allright. Huitzi tries everything, even a turnbuckle assisted flipping leg lariat, but it just bounces off the back of Figaro's neck. Huitzi shrugs his shoulders and goes to turn to Apolo to ask for advice. At this moment, Figaro raises up, his face bright red and a scary look in his eyes. Apolo covers his own eyes sensing the worst...and that's just what Huitzi gets. Right as he turns around to see what is going on, Figaro is mid stride from running the ropes and absolutely FLATTENS Huitzi with the South Figaro Lariat. It's not even a pinfall, Huitzi is just plain knocked out and the ref, Anji, calls for the bell.
Apolo treads lightly due to Figaro's remaining heightened anger. But Apolo isn't afraid, just strategically cautious. He ducks another South Figaro Lariat and then hits with his OWN western lariat at point blank range. Figaro barely budges. He is still looking over at Clyde, trying to see if he's all right. He even pushes Apolo so hard that he goes careening backwards out of the ring. Then Figaro goes back over to Clyde who is slowly getting up while holding his heart. Clyde nods that he is ok and slowly goes to their corner and then to stand on the floor outside. Figaro's mood lightens and he suddenly seems jovial again. Not the best time to calm down though as Apolo is now angry for the way he has been thrown around like a sack of las potatodoras! Apolo then takes control of the match with a few lariats, including a vicious head hold lariat that knocks Figaro down, as he tries to catch his breath.
At this point it's anyone's guess why Apolo does what he does next. He goes outside, still warily looking at Figaro, and walks over to Clyde. Clyde is still feeling the effects of the match and can't get away fast enough and Apolo flattens him with the Golden Helios,. Figaro sees this...and the fireworks are on again! He runs and LEAPS over the top rope with an elbow smash on a stunned Apolo!! He then ... oh shit no, hits a "Figaro Driver" right onto the arena floor!! Apolo isn't moving!! Figaro is shouting at Apolo for attacking the prone Clyde. Figaro rolls Apolo back into the ring and then immediately mounts him to execute the "Tiger Break" iron claw. Apolo is knocked out and the ref ends the match.
Clan of the Sun (X) ["Tiger Break" - 24:15] (O) Orochi Army
After the match ends, Figaro storms out angry with Clyde following him. The crowd is silent as they've never seen him so mad before. Clyde is walking a bit better but obviously looks like he needs some rest.
*On the Battle-Tron, we follow Figaro and Clyde backstage to the Orochi Army locker room. Figaro busts open the door and begins shouting at Geese and pointing at Clyde. But when Geese sees the camera on him, his eyes open widely and he immediately slams the locker room door and so all we hear is muffled shouting. At that moment, Thunder Strike happens to stroll by the Orochi Army lockerroom, hears shouting, and smirks to himself while saying "a nice team meeting indeed" before walking away*
And our next match involves two teams who are likely both crowd favorites. Although there may be a NJ/Philly rivalry that can cause some "competition" between SMN and PCW, its been clear from the sales at the merchandise booth that PCW is well respected here. And Fatman Pro Wres members are eagerly anticipated wrestling tonight, especially as this is the Battalion and UBL Debut of a LEGEND of pro wrestling, Fat Man Deibu Fairbairn. If this match wasn't interesting enough, Deibu will be going against Book Matthews, the mentor of one of Deibu's greatest rivals, Jason Blackhart. Throw in the "Burning Kid" and some guy who calls himself "Psycho Willy" and you got a keeper of a match! Let's get to it!
Match #5: Fatman Pro Wres vs. PCW Originals
Park Hyun Soo/Deibu vs. Psycho Willy Pierrot/Book Matthews
Handshakes to start, which is especially appreciated after the very violent and uncomfortable scenario we saw in the previous match. Park and Willy begin action for their team. This is also Willy's first Battalion match and well, what can you say other then that the crowd LOVES this "special" little guy. Park Hyun Soo, who has always been taught to fight his hardest to never yielding victory takes a few steps back to try to gauge just what he is dealing with here. He's going easy on Willy as it's clear Willy isn't quite all there. But Willy is there ENOUGH to take advantage of Park's lollygaggery in relation to him. Dave is shouting encouragement for Park but the fans seem to get upset every time Park hits Willy. This is leading to an odd situation here...which just gets even more odd as none other then LRI member and mentor of Park, Stuart Robinson, runs down to the ring. Stuart is livid yelling at Park to "kick the pooftah in the head" but Park is arguing with Stuart that it wouldn't be right. This sets Stuart further on edge, even grabbing Park's head to try to talk some sense into him. However, this pause in the action has just left Willy kinda shaky and when Park turns around, he walks right into Willy's "Involuntary Chop" (Rolling Kesa Giri Chop). Park bounces off the ropes and then into another involuntary movement of Willy, a flash pin rollup! Willy just pinned Park!!
Dave and Stuart both look at each other in disbelief. Stuart just shrugs his shoulders and marches to the back. It's hard to tell if he's upset that his student dropped the ball or happy that he just screwed with one of LRI"s biggest rivals, the Fatman Pro Wres team, even if he is close allies with Dave. It's never quite clear where Stuart's allegiances and motives lie...even to him, sometimes. On a side note, a fan struck up a conversation with Stuart on his way out about who he thinks will be the best "keeper" for the Battalion. They actually manage to discuss this for the remainder of the show.
But back to the present, Dave is currently down 1-2 against Willy and Book. But it seems like Book feels kinda bad about what just went down, and also doesn't want Willy to get hurt facing Dave. So Book "holds a team meeting" on the outside, leading to Willy getting counted out. And now it's down to Dave vs. Book!!
And the two meet in the middle of the ring, sizing each other up. Dave immediately attempts his feared elbows but Book has scouted him and ducks under an elbow, grabbing Dave for an early Book End, only to have Dave hit a reverse elbow out of it. The two step away from each other as the crowd cheers. They get back into it and this time Dave hits a toe kick to the stomach, Book didn't see it coming. Dave then unloads a few elbows to the back of Book's head...which by definition, he didn't see coming. But Book gets himself out of this predicament with a drop toe hold and then grabs a ground version of the "Twelve Dollar Dream" cobra clutch. He has it cinched in so Dave can't break the hold or grab the ropes, but this guy's a HOSS so he gets to his feet and then falls backwards onto Book. Hold - broken. Dave takes control and doesn't mess around here, he's going for some high impact throws and slams. A few vertical suplexes, a backdrop, even gets in an elbow combo. But Book isn't out of it yet and bounces off the ropes from the elbow combo and scores with kick to the stomach of his own, followed up by a Bronx (Texas) Jab which hypes the crowd!
Neither man is able to hold the advantage for very long. Book has clearly studied Dave well and Dave may be seeing shades of BLACKhart in Book, This is more of a war then a momentum-based affair and they are both trading what they have and absorbing what they can to give even more. The crowd is eating this up and shouts out with glee each time Dave throws an elbow and each time Book counters with a solid jab to the face. Dave is able to buy himself some breathing room after putting Book in the tree of woe and repeatedly elbowing his KNEES. A man can't dance after THAT! Dave takes advantage of Book's slow recovery and hits a huge "Fatman Slam", but Book is up before the count of 2. Dave hits ANOTHER one and this time grabs Book in the "Fatman Clutch". But Book isn't giving up, his eyes show too much resolve.
However, Dave gets a bit overzealous here. Rather then keeping the hold on to weaken Book or at least until Book fights out of it, he gives it up looking a bit frustrated. Book sees the opening and manages to spring up (using his hands rather then his elbowed-legs) and grabs Dave from behind, transitioning easily in the "Twelve Dollar Buster". Book gets a solid 2 here and, perhaps more importantly, a measure of control. He uses it to begin working on Dave's arm and punctuates that with the "Book Opening" (Shoulder Neckbreaker Drop). Another cover, 2.5. Book is patient though and just keeps finding ways to control Dave here. He attempts a powerbomb but his legs are still a bit weak and Dave is able to reverse with a back body drop, but is still a bit too woozy from the recent attack to take control. Book manages to lure Dave in though, looking more fatigued then he actually is, and Dave lets his guard down long enough to be grabbed with a look of shock on his face by the "Book End!". A 2.9 is achieved, but Dave gets up at the last millisecond, looking incredulous about the position he is in. Book follows up quickly, not wanting to waste precious time, and hits the "53 Years Old"! This might be over!! Book goes for the pin!
1...2....FOOT ON THE ROPES!! Dave just managed to kick his leg out to the ropes. And now it's Book who looks like he's racking his mind to figure out how to put Dave away! And that's just the opportunity Dave needs to mount a quick comeback with two quick elbows followed by a rolling elbow! Dave goes for the cover...2.5! But Book is still down! So Dave goes up top and scores with a diving elbow and the cover...2.89!! Do we have a robot ref counting these things!? Dave goes to irish whip Book into the turnbuckles, hoping to score with another hard elbow, but Book reverses and drags Dave in to him instead - he's looking for the "Book End" again! But Dave DUCKS the Bookend as he runs under Book's arm - this causes Book's whole body to spin for 2 whole seconds until...it suddenly stops and keels over on its side. What can stop a body in motion? A f'n "METSUKEN". Right to Book's jaw. Dave covers, this match is over.
Fatman Pro (O) ["MetsuKen"- 20:14] (X) PCW
Dave sorta collapses into the turnbuckles, using the ropes for support, as the ref and Willy help resuscitate Book. The crowd went insane for the Metsuken but now are hoping that Book is ok. This guy isn't a spring chicken and your bones get a bit fragile as you get older. Getting clocked in the face with the force of a f'n train can have some serious deleterious effects!! But Book begins to come to and is up on his own feet after a few minutes, at which Dave goes over to shake his hand and Willy's. Book raises Dave's hand and the two of them go backstage together in good spirits.
And now it's time for the main event of the evening!! You can feel the electricity get even higher in this arena as the hometown team is about to challenge one of the most dastardly, devious, and DANGEROUS teams in this Battalion. Jack Dod, the 2007 Universal Champion and his Dod Squad are again, one of the favorites to win this league. To beat them would be a serious feather in any Battalion's cap. And to beat them with your fans supporting you would be quite a career memory. But as strong as the fan support is here for SMN, no one can ever underestimate the resolve and chicanery of the Dod Squad.
And even though we can see smiles on the faces of Aigion and Mike Poe as the fans greet them, we can also see a look of contemplation and unease. They have to fend off and defeat a very tall order tonight. As the Dods come to the arena, THEY are overwhelmed by the cacophony of boos directed towards them. Jack doesn't seem to mind but Ronnie appears upset. Apparently Ron Quan Do does not have a Dojo in this area of Jersey...and that means less potential $ for Ronnie!! Jack sees Ronnie's reaction and uses this setback to pump up even more in spite of this crowd. Folks, we're ready for the main event, are you!?
Match #6: Team SMN vs. Dod Squad
Aigion/Mike Poe vs. JD Ronnie Dod/Jack Dod
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Team SMN, and especially Mike Poe, were quite brave in attempting to out-hikink Jack Dod. But unfortunately for them, that just made Jack Dod angrier and more prone to getting a victory anyway he could- which he grabbed just two seconds after Aigion was able to pin Ronnie with the help of Mike's outside interference!! However, in addition to raising the ire of the King of the Dods, Aigion also made a tactical mistake in attempting to lift the humongous Ronnie onto his shoulders for that Spicy Drop. As it now seems that Aigion's knees buckled which is exactly why Jack immediately went for that "4-Figure Leg Lock" - a move capable of winning ANY match, but especially one where his opponent's legs are injured. Jack Dod once again showed his heightened sense of opportunism mixed with expert ring saavy.
Team SMN (X) ["4-Figure Leg Lock" - 33:47] (O) Dod Squad
*And if you can believe it, we're now 3 shows into this Battalion!! And we are approaching the show that many have been pondering about for a while - will it really happen? Will UBL put a Battalion on the moon? This has to be faked right? RIGHT? No dice, Mr. Cynical. We're taking you and Alica to the moon and you're gonna see the main event of ARMADA vs. TMG200Y! Are you ready!? Good...cause it will be another month or so! So stock up on moon supplies and get ready to go lunar this summer with UBL!*
Week 2: Show 1
Arena: Slam Masters National Arena - Camden, New Jersey
*The camera focuses on "Mean" Jean Carter who is standing near the ring with a microphone*
[MJC:] "Hi! I'm Jean Carter and we're here in New Jersey for the Universal Battalion League's first show of the second "week"...yeah, uh, we're just naming them "weeks" but they are more like ROUNDS. Rounds that take MONTHS to finish!!! Yea, 2008 Universal Battalion League! We are LIVE from the Slam Masters National arena where the crowd is absolutely ELECTRIC. Seriously, we had to "ground" them all..."
*No one laughs*
[MJC:] "Sigh...I guess I should have done that joke on Voltage or Amplitude. Moving right along, let's just ignore my great physics joke and instead go to check out the even greater matches planned for tonight!"
*She points to the Battle-Tron*
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. Team Kaboom
SNUH vs. Busch Boys
4CPW vs. Snake Mountain
Interblock Match: Llamas Brothers vs. Canada Brothers
Block C Matches:
Clan of the Sun vs. Orochi Army
Fatman Pro Wres vs. PCW Originals
Team SMN vs. Dod Squad
[MJC:] "Let's head to the ring for the first match of the night. Jason Hyde and Jang Bae of J.U.S.T.I.C.E will take on Hector Smyth and Jack Carter of Team Kaboom. This is actually the second match in the row for Jason and Jang, as they represented J.U.S.T.I.C.E. in Week 2 and was victorious against the Llamas Brothers. While they are no doubt a bit fatigued, they have decided to fill in for Thunder Strike who they wanted to have a rest after his hellacious match with OrochiGeese at the previous Open show. Meanwhile, Team Kaboom wants to get some momentum going after their loss at the previous show to SNUH."
Block A
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team Kaboom come to the ring to a lot of fanfare and applause. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. get a very large reaction from the section of the SMN audience that is most familiar with UBL. But Team Kaboom also gets respect shown, especially when they extend their hands for a pre-match handshake, returned by J.U.S.T.I.C.E. Both teams appear on the "up and up" here so let's go to the match!
Match #1: J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. Team Kaboom
Jason Hyde/Jang Bae vs. Hector Smyth/Jack Carter
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Hector Smyth had an incredible match here, putting both Jang and Jason away at the end. But you can't discount the performance of Jack Carter here either, who was the fresh anchor of the team and helped rally Hector on after his previous match's frustration with SNUH. Meanwhile, Jason and Jang put up a phenomenal effort considering their fatigue but Jang's arm eventually gave way to Hector's excellent submission prowess. Then it was just a matter of time before a drained Jason fell prey to the 2 on 1 advantage. Team Kaboom just earned a hard fought victory against one of the favorites to win this entire league.
J.U.S.T.I.C.E (X) [La Majistral - 31:34] (O) Team Kaboom
A handshake is once again exchanged at the end of the match and this time Team Kaboom is getting as much of the love from the crowd, if not more, as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is getting. A tired but stoic Jason and Jang head backstage while Jack and Hector soak in the applause.
*We go backstage via the Battle-Tron where we see Thunder Strike in the hallway. It appears he is waiting to greet his Battalion-mates but is visited by someone else instead. As Thunder Strike glowers at his new guest, OrochiGeese merely grins widely and then shakes his head with pity.*
[Geese:] "A shame, really. Your boys couldn't quite get it done tonight, now could they?"
[Thunder:] "It's my fault and it's between them and me. I don't need your 'chaotic' powers of observation."
*OG claps his hands and cocks his head back in laughter*
[Geese:] "Now that you know I'm not gonna snap your neck for a while, you can finally crack a joke!"
*Thunder glares a hole through Geese*
[Geese:] "Settle, I'm just having 'friendly' conversation. We can do that now, you know."
[Thunder:] "Being in the military gave me a very strong stomach. I'm thankful for that now because just the THOUGHT of you ever using the word 'friend' again in my direction is making me sick."
[Geese:] "Now, now, don't go making up psychological trauma to accuse me of breaking the "Cease Fire."
*Geese leans casually against the wall and rolls his eyes*
[Geese:] "So, what have you been up to? Any exciting missions? Rethinking your anger towards me? Realizing it's all in your head...and not JUST cause of the mind control drugs *laughs*, but because you refuse to see things through the eyes of a winner but INSIST on playing the victim all your life?"
[Thunder:] "This Cease Fire is temporary and the time will come when I WILL finish what I started. I've won the past two matches against you, convincingly, and next time you and I are in the ring-"
*Just then, Jason and Jang arrive and look a bit startled at the confrontation.*
[Jang:] "Whoa, WHOA, you kids knock it off. We got paperwork to obey, you hear?"
*Jang tries to lead Thunder away from Geese, but Thunder doesn't budge.*
[Geese:] "Be my guest then. If you want to have your post-match meeting in front of me and the world, we'd be happy to hear it. First, Jang, let's discuss your utter inability to fight off that submission. I've seen Figaro put up more resistance against a stripper then you showed tonight! And Jason, poor Jason, taking it from all angles, I see. Maybe you should have stayed out of the Battalion, I don't think you're up to it."
[Thunder:] "You push me too far, scum!"
[Jang:] "Thunder, let's get out of here. He just wants you to break the treaty and get yourself fired."
[Geese:] "On the contrary, I'm having SO much fun now that I want to continue doing this!! At least until the end of the Battalion! Why would I get him to make a stupid mistake now and risk not being able to get my entertainment out of him!? But really, *Geese looks at his watch* I should get back to my locker room and have a nice team meeting with the WINNERS of Orochi Army. You three obviously have a lot to talk about so that you don't screw up yet again. My hopes for a productive meeting."
*Geese smirks and walks away as Thunder's face is turning red. The camera follows Geese as he walks around the corner and halfway down a long corridor to where Holly is standing with her arms covering her mouth, red in the face, about to burst into laughter*
[Geese:] "You were right, pushing his buttons proved to be most amusing."
[Holly:] "Oh my GAWD Geese, you're a natural!!! I thought you were gonna give him an Alicia-neurysm"
[Geese:] "You're too kind, but I am glad I provided some entertainment for you too."
*Geese puts his arm around Holly's shoulder and they both walk away.*
Back to the arena and we're ready for the next match. And as SNUH comes to the ring, we're introduced to Kwyjibo for the first time in this Battalion. He is being led down by the SNUH manager, Mr. Sparkle. Crab Juice comes along looking somewhat despondent. However, Mr. Sparkle gives him a can of Mountain Dew, and Crab Juice perks up again. The crowd's attention is firmly on the SAVAGE looking creature that is Kwjibo and many appear to dislike him. One specific fan managed to draw up a quick sign saying: "Tell him I hate him." Harsh but Kwyjibo's reaction....EATING the sign....might have just justified the fan's concerns.
Mastah P comes to the ring next adorned in bling and leading Duz Busch, the bigger of the Busch Boys.
Match #2: SNUH vs. Busch Boys
Kwyjibo/Crab Juice vs. Duz Busch/Mastah P
Mastah P. starts off with Crab Juice. Even though Crabby was involved in a match at the previous show, we didn't actually get to see what he could do IN the ring when he wasn't throwing Mountain Dew cans. Now that we get to see him, the fans are adamant that they want him to tag out! No he's not that bad, he's wrestling a solid lucha style which is frustrating Mastah P for a bit until P decides to start resorting to hooligan tactics. One such hooligan tactic is a kick to the Crab Juicers, which Crabby doesn't like much. This INFURIATES Kwyjibo and he marches into the ring without making a tag! Veteran UBL referee Coach McGuirk is not gonna allow that..and he, he doesn't. (I know my refs!) But seeing as this is Kwji's first offence, McGuirk just gives him a slap on the wrist...a literal slap on the wrist.
MISTAKE!! An enraged Kwyjibo LEVELS McGuirk out of nowhere with a thumb right to his throat!! I think he calls that the "Simian Spike" but he's not supposed to do it to the ref!! McGuirk is OUT COLD and senior ref Kenshin comes to the ring. Kwyjibo tries the same tactic on him but Kenshin ducks and then calls for the DQ on Kwyjibo!! Mr. Sparkle is livid and is throwing cans of Mountain Dew at Kenshin (who, while dodging Kwjibo's repeated thumb thrusts, deftly slices each can in two. Really it was pretty damn cool to see!) and gets himself DQ'd for such behavior. Kenshin calls for some help from the back and Agent 0 of UBL Security comes down with a few of his fellow "spooks" to drag the Kwyjibo and Mr. Sparkle away.
This leaves Crab Juice in a very unenviable position as he is in a one on two against two relatively fresh opponents. In fact, to make things even 'figgity fresher' (Mastah P's words, not mine!), Mastah P. tags in to Duz Busch. And from that point on, it became a one way road downhill for Crab Juice. Duz, the big man of the Busch Boys, is able to easily overpower the lonely lucha (awwwe, an adorable alliteration). But before he gets the pinfall, Mastah P asks to get tagged back in. They deliver a double powerbomb onto Crab Juice and Mastah P. cockily covers (...sorry) with one foot for the victory.
SNUH (X) [Double Powerbomb -> Cocky Pin - 9:44 ] (O) Busch Boys
*After the match, a woozy Coach McGuirk is helped to the back by Kenshin. Coach doesn't seem to know what hit him but I'm not sure he'd want to know. Meanwhile, Anji comes out to ringside to ref the next match. And here come the teams! Team 4CPW comes out first and is greeted by a sight that Minus may not be so happy to take in: a THRONG of fans wearing shirts that say ""Strong style, bitches!" Minus looks a bit embarrassed, not really wanting that phrase to be immortalized in the annals of Battalion merchandise history. But his partner for this match, Darren Doomsday just encourages him to do his talking in the ring for now on to avoid such embarrassing t-shirtifications. (yeah you read that, you can't un-read it!)*
*Naja Mask and Marauder come to the ring next for their first official 2008 Battalion match. At the previous show they were in a non-ranked 6 man match but tonight starts their journey to reclaim their Battalion titles. They were the previous Battalion Champions in 2005, not to mention four time holders of those belts in total. As such, they are seen as heavy favorites to win this league. But as we saw earlier with J.U.S.T.I.C.E., even Battalions that seem to have an edge can run into major troubles due to the high quality of competition here. And seeing as this is the largest Battalion that UBL has ever had, Naja and Marauder will have to up their game considerably to compete on these high levels. However, the confident looks on both their faces (through their masks) tell us they are ready to get started!*
Match #3: 4CPW vs. Snake Mountain
Minus/Darren Doomsday vs. Naja Mask/Marauder
Minus starts off with Naja in an interesting mix of speed. Naja wastes no time in shouting out "Ssssssssstrong ssssssstyle ssssssucksssss" which is probably the first time something Naja said was ever INTENTIONALLY funny. But this sudden burst of humor from Naja was a mistake as it just gets under Minus' skin enough to cause him to take the advantage early on with a flurry of elbows. Naja realizing he may have miscalculated decides to re-set the pace of the match and tags in Marauder.
Now with Naja safely on the apron, he once AGAIN makes his comment (significantly less funny now that it was said a second time and in relative safety). But when Minus charges Naja, Marauder just cuts off his path, catches him and HEAVES him across the ring right into his corner. Don't go messin with Naja when Marauder is near, folks. A shaken Minus tags in Darren Doomsday who charges at Marauder with a number of lariats. All hit, none do a spot of damage. Marauder grins and begins elbowing the hell out of Darren, leading him into a neutral corner, then picking him up and slamming him down with an amateur technique best called "a lift and drop". Minus gets a bit nervous here and climbs the ropes but Marauder looks up at him and Minus cautiously climbs back down. SMART. Marauder continues to have his way with Minus until a carefully placed low blow finds its mark. Darren quickly tags in Minus as Marauder tags Naja in.
So far Snake Mountain has held a bit of an advantage but 4CPW is not backing down. And Minus gets the crowd going in his favor by keeping his mouth shut and plain out-wrestling Naja. Naja is trying to get off the mat but Minus keeps back-dropping him right down, culminating in a nasty backdrop onto Naja's head. The crowd yells out "STRONG STYLE" but Minus shakes it off and sets up for what looks to be a Hurricane Slam when Naja manages to rake his eyes while being lifted. Naja punctuates this questionable tactic with a "Venom Spit" as Marauder has the ref's attention. Then Naja tags out, bringing Marauder back in. Marauder immediately hits a huge spear on the still blinded Minus and things look to be getting bad for 4CPW. Marauder places him into the corner and starts lifting him onto the turnbuckle. It's not clear what he's going for but luckily for Minus, he manages an elbow right onto the bridge of Marauder's nose. That looks like it hurt, folks. But it also enraged Marauder who gets into 3 point stance and looks like he's about to charge! Naja makes things worse for Minus by sneaking in back of him and pushing him off the turnbuckle....and Minus is airborne as he gets absolutely THROTTLED by Marauder's "Inertian Hammer". Marauder goes for the cover and gets the easy 3 while Naja cuts off Darren, and 4CPW got some troubles ahead.
Marauder is still rather irritated at getting hit in the nose with that elbow and Darren is taking his time getting into the ring while holding the ropes. Finally, Marauder grabs the ropes and pulls inwards, forcing Darren to flip into the ring the hard way. Marauder just unloads on Darren's back with a series of punishing hammer-like fists. But whether it's self-preservation or strategy, Darren is able to grab Marauder by the tights and yank him out of the ring backwards. Marauder falls down to the arena floor hard and Darren begins running the opposite ropes...and then to Marauder's side of the ring...Doomsday Device! Darren hit a beautiful springboard lariat that knocked Marauder down, and he may be in some trouble here thanks to Darren's quick thinking! But Naja Mask is not one to allow a 2 on 1 advantage to go un-advantagisized and runs the ropes himself for a spinning snake-like slithery senton! All 3 men are down as Anji gets to the 13 count. Darren manages to get himself back in the ring by 16 and with Naja's help, Marauder crawls in right at 19. If it wasn't for Naja there, Marauder would have definitely been counted out.
And that fact is not lost on Darren who sneers at Naja (the sneer returned with interest by the snake) and then immediately covers Marauder who still hasn't gotten up from rolling into the ring. He's really feeling the effects of that Doomsday Device too, especially since it knocked him head and back first onto the arena floor. However, Marauder has just enough to kick out at 2.9. Darren not knowing what else to do to put him away, goes up top for another Doomsday Device but Naja Mask is almost quicker to that side of the ring then Darren is to climb the ropes! Naja, reprising his earlier role of "Top rope game killer" pushes Darren off the ropes into the ring. Darren tries to bend down to lessen some of the impact of the fall but lands RIGHT in front of Marauder, who has just enough energy left to pick Darren up for what looks to be a spinning doctor bomb! Wow, we've never seen THAT out of Marauder before!! It kinda looks like his old ["Centrifugal Silencer" with the spin he put into it! But Darren is not with us here in analyzing it, as he just plain FELT It and got driven into the mat. Marauder holds on and manages to get the 3 count.
4CPW (X) ["Centrifugal Silencer" - 18:20] (O) Snake Mountain
After a very rocky Universal Champions League, Naja Mask has just shown why he is a lot more at home and effective in tag matches then he is in singles ones. As a tag wrestler, he knows exactly where to be in the ring at the right times and seems to set the pins up just in time for Marauder to knock them down. 4CPW had a very admirable showing here and Darren even rocked Marauder in a way few others have, but Snake Mountain proved to be too strong and cohesive a unit tonight to lose.
*And it's now time for intermission. A lot of native SMN merchandise is being aggressively sought out and purchased. Everything from Team SMN shirts to "C-Block" bandannas to "Master Shake" masks. And of course, UBL is doing its share of business as well with a surprising number of fans buying "Agent 0" merchandise: dark sunglasses, earpieces, and a black shirt that says: "nothing to see here" in big white letters. Also we got a very large amount of J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Thunder Strike merchandise considering his huge victory over OrochiGeese at the previous Open Show. Snake Mountain hooded sweatshirts are going fast too! And finally, a larger contingent then usual is buying Jakob Furis 'clip on vampire gothic shirts'. "For the vampire who just doesn't have time to button up a REAL shirt". "Park's Chippy"s food cart is once again a huge hit. Park Young-Tae is frying up some New Jersey favorites tonight...and deep fried haggis. Park is loving the attention of the Jersey girls too, or else he's just misinterpreting their "sausage" orders.*
And it it is NOW time for the interblock 6 man tag between the Canada Brothers and Llamas Brothers!
Interblock Match: Canada Brothers vs. Llamas Brothers
Canada Doug, Bob, Dave vs. Lorenzo Llamas, Bobby Llamas, Llamas Jr
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A heart-breakingly close loss for the Canada Brothers here. Canada Bob just cinched in the Canadian Crossface onto Llamas Jr. and looked a second away from victory when Lorenzo broke it up, then applied a King Cobra hold on the surprised Bob, forcing the tap out!! The hard luck Canada Brothers just can't seem to catch a break here as a match that looked like it could have gone their way was snatched up in the last second, literally, by the crafty leader of the Llamas Brothers, Lorenzo!
Canada Brothers (X) [King Cobra Hold- 16:44] (O) LLAMAS Brothers
Block C
And the fans cheer the coming of Block C...mistakenly thinking it means that SMN hero C-Block would be coming out. I'm not sure if this was false advertising or just a monumental fuck-up by the fans, but in either case, he's not coming. But "Mean" Jean assures everyone that ACTUAL native SMN talent will be coming later for the main event, and the fans settle down a bit.
Clan of the Sun are the first ones out. Interestingly enough, they are being booed rather loudly by the SMN fans. Perhaps the fans are still annoyed that C-Block is in the next match?
*We go into the stands to find correspondent
[MJC:] "Well Tom (?), it appears that many of the SMN fans have relatively long memories. They are still angry at Clan of the Sun for defeating Team SMN in the first show of the Battalion! So while no love is lost between Team SMN and Orochi Army given their history, the fans are NOT cheering for Clan of the Sun!"
*A particularly boisterous fan leans into the mic*
[Fan:]"Eh but yanno who I do like, sweetness?"
[MJC:] "Well, me I'm guessing, by what you just called me-"
[Fan:] "Ya, that too, hun. *Lightly taps MJC on the butt causing her to jump* But along with you and Team SMN, I like me some Legitimate Businessman's Club. When a-they comin to fight next?"
[MJC:] "Uh...soon as you stop sexually harassing me, maybe?"
[Sexual Harassment Fanda:] "Sounds good, thats what I'm talking about!"
[MJC:] "This has been uh, "Sweet" Jean Carter, now back to the ring!"
And with that explanation, we now see the fans showering the incoming Orochi Army with boos. Mr. Clyde is stoic as always and pays no mind but Mr. Figaro cries tears of disappointment and makes arm motions inferring that they are breaking his mighty heart. (ok, he actually SCREAMED that part!). With both teams not getting much fan support, it looks like it's actually up to their WRESTLING to do the job!!
Match #4: Clan of the Sun vs. Orochi Army
Huitzilopochtli/Apolo vs. Mr. Clyde/Mr. Figaro
Mr. Clyde starts off with Huitzilopochtli. No wait, let's call him Huitzi. (If I could call Kwjibo, "Kwji", I'm gonna call Huitzilopochtli, "Huitzi". Cause honestly, I'd have to get paid by the letter for saying his full name every time!!). And it appears Huitzi was an appropriate person to start the match against Clyde as both of these guys are running around each other showcasing their speed. Can the Mexican deity out-pace the ninja? In a word, no. Mr. Clyde appears about equal in foot speed but the clincher here is Clyde's striking velocity: a term that Mr. Figaro no doubt loves - "hard and fast". Clyde, despite looking a bit slower then usual due to this being his second straight match, still maintains his lightning quick reflexes and penchant for crisp striking. But Huitzi hangs with him for a bit, attempting some maneuvers that seem to befuddle even Clyde!! Huitzi, sensing he can no longer stand toe to toe with the ninja, elects instead to take Clyde down in a variety of arm-twisting subs with likely tongue-twisting names! However, Clyde is no slouch on the ground either and is able to reverse some of Huitzi's subs into his own, doing considerable damage to Huitzi's arm in the process. Huitzi wisely decides to take a breather and tags in Apolo: a man who was extremely impressive showing off his power game against the powerhouse of the SMN team, Mike Poe. (i know, i know, the SMN crowd is booing me, I get it). Figaro calls for the tag and we're ready for a battle of the bulge!
Neither man seems interested in engaging in a test of strength and go right into the POUNDING of faces. Apolo with punches, Figaro with elbows!! After a good series of exchanges from both, neither man backs down. So they then begin running the ropes and smacking into each other to see who budges. Neither man does, if you can believe it. Figaro looks at Clyde quizzically, asking what to do next. Clyde says sarcastically: "wrestle him" and like THAT, Figaro goes in for a double leg tackle, transitions into a back grapple and then takes Apolo down with a reverse takedown!! He goes right into a keylock, really riding Apolo through the use of expert leverage! Figaro's putting on a wrestling CLINIC here and-
Wait...wait...SORRY, I was watching the wrong match! *slaps forehead* What REALLY happened is that Figaro just shrugged off Clyde's advice and continued launching elbows at Apolo!! However, luckily for Figaro (and the sanity of Clyde), this strategy seemed to work as well. Figaro must have done more damage then Apolo during those running shoulderblocks and Apolo had his guard down and wasn't able to properly absorb Figaro's elbows! Figaro begins building momentum with more elbows and a few lariats before breaking out his bigger stuff. But he doesn't get the chance to as Apolo wisely tags to Huitzi.
Clyde takes over as well for his side and we seem like we're back to square 1. Only both men (and their partners are more fatigued). This is turning into a battle of attrition here as Clyde and Huitzi mirror their partners' resolves and launch into a striking battle. Clyde wins easily, but is also expending a lot of energy out there. So much so that he makes a rare mistake in not following up on a kick, only to have Huitzi grab his leg from the ground and transition into a ground octopus hold. Clyde tries to fight out of it but he really appears out of breath. Figaro has to run in and break the hold, showing a look of concern to his partner. Huitzi has control here and begins showing off his aerial skills with a number of impressive flippy moves. Even the crowd gains a level of begrudging respect for his performance here. And Clyde is still doing his best to keep up with the action. Either Huitzi intentionally drew Clyde out of breath early on with the challenge to match his speed, or Clyde is really feeling the effects of this second week.
Huitzi has Clyde tied up in the corner in a tarantula type move, but Clyde actually manages to get his own arm around Huitzi's neck, causing him to break the hold. It appears that Clyde is going to his corner but Apolo charges into the ring and NAILS Clyde with the Golden Helios western lariat, flipping him inside out! Figaro runs in to begin brawling with Apolo but the damage is done to Clyde and the brawl just serves to hide Huitzi, until Clyde turns around and gets hit with the Sacrifice for 52 Years, a heart punch. Clyde goes down and Huitzi gets the pin! Clan of the Sun are up 2-1!!
But now they have a VERY angry Figaro to deal with. Figaro goes over to check on his partner to see if he's ok. Huitzi takes advantage of his distraction and attempts to attack Figaro. An odd thing happens though...NOTHING. Huitzi doens't even budge Figaro as he's bent over checking to see if Clyde is allright. Huitzi tries everything, even a turnbuckle assisted flipping leg lariat, but it just bounces off the back of Figaro's neck. Huitzi shrugs his shoulders and goes to turn to Apolo to ask for advice. At this moment, Figaro raises up, his face bright red and a scary look in his eyes. Apolo covers his own eyes sensing the worst...and that's just what Huitzi gets. Right as he turns around to see what is going on, Figaro is mid stride from running the ropes and absolutely FLATTENS Huitzi with the South Figaro Lariat. It's not even a pinfall, Huitzi is just plain knocked out and the ref, Anji, calls for the bell.
Apolo treads lightly due to Figaro's remaining heightened anger. But Apolo isn't afraid, just strategically cautious. He ducks another South Figaro Lariat and then hits with his OWN western lariat at point blank range. Figaro barely budges. He is still looking over at Clyde, trying to see if he's all right. He even pushes Apolo so hard that he goes careening backwards out of the ring. Then Figaro goes back over to Clyde who is slowly getting up while holding his heart. Clyde nods that he is ok and slowly goes to their corner and then to stand on the floor outside. Figaro's mood lightens and he suddenly seems jovial again. Not the best time to calm down though as Apolo is now angry for the way he has been thrown around like a sack of las potatodoras! Apolo then takes control of the match with a few lariats, including a vicious head hold lariat that knocks Figaro down, as he tries to catch his breath.
At this point it's anyone's guess why Apolo does what he does next. He goes outside, still warily looking at Figaro, and walks over to Clyde. Clyde is still feeling the effects of the match and can't get away fast enough and Apolo flattens him with the Golden Helios,. Figaro sees this...and the fireworks are on again! He runs and LEAPS over the top rope with an elbow smash on a stunned Apolo!! He then ... oh shit no, hits a "Figaro Driver" right onto the arena floor!! Apolo isn't moving!! Figaro is shouting at Apolo for attacking the prone Clyde. Figaro rolls Apolo back into the ring and then immediately mounts him to execute the "Tiger Break" iron claw. Apolo is knocked out and the ref ends the match.
Clan of the Sun (X) ["Tiger Break" - 24:15] (O) Orochi Army
After the match ends, Figaro storms out angry with Clyde following him. The crowd is silent as they've never seen him so mad before. Clyde is walking a bit better but obviously looks like he needs some rest.
*On the Battle-Tron, we follow Figaro and Clyde backstage to the Orochi Army locker room. Figaro busts open the door and begins shouting at Geese and pointing at Clyde. But when Geese sees the camera on him, his eyes open widely and he immediately slams the locker room door and so all we hear is muffled shouting. At that moment, Thunder Strike happens to stroll by the Orochi Army lockerroom, hears shouting, and smirks to himself while saying "a nice team meeting indeed" before walking away*
And our next match involves two teams who are likely both crowd favorites. Although there may be a NJ/Philly rivalry that can cause some "competition" between SMN and PCW, its been clear from the sales at the merchandise booth that PCW is well respected here. And Fatman Pro Wres members are eagerly anticipated wrestling tonight, especially as this is the Battalion and UBL Debut of a LEGEND of pro wrestling, Fat Man Deibu Fairbairn. If this match wasn't interesting enough, Deibu will be going against Book Matthews, the mentor of one of Deibu's greatest rivals, Jason Blackhart. Throw in the "Burning Kid" and some guy who calls himself "Psycho Willy" and you got a keeper of a match! Let's get to it!
Match #5: Fatman Pro Wres vs. PCW Originals
Park Hyun Soo/Deibu vs. Psycho Willy Pierrot/Book Matthews
Handshakes to start, which is especially appreciated after the very violent and uncomfortable scenario we saw in the previous match. Park and Willy begin action for their team. This is also Willy's first Battalion match and well, what can you say other then that the crowd LOVES this "special" little guy. Park Hyun Soo, who has always been taught to fight his hardest to never yielding victory takes a few steps back to try to gauge just what he is dealing with here. He's going easy on Willy as it's clear Willy isn't quite all there. But Willy is there ENOUGH to take advantage of Park's lollygaggery in relation to him. Dave is shouting encouragement for Park but the fans seem to get upset every time Park hits Willy. This is leading to an odd situation here...which just gets even more odd as none other then LRI member and mentor of Park, Stuart Robinson, runs down to the ring. Stuart is livid yelling at Park to "kick the pooftah in the head" but Park is arguing with Stuart that it wouldn't be right. This sets Stuart further on edge, even grabbing Park's head to try to talk some sense into him. However, this pause in the action has just left Willy kinda shaky and when Park turns around, he walks right into Willy's "Involuntary Chop" (Rolling Kesa Giri Chop). Park bounces off the ropes and then into another involuntary movement of Willy, a flash pin rollup! Willy just pinned Park!!
Dave and Stuart both look at each other in disbelief. Stuart just shrugs his shoulders and marches to the back. It's hard to tell if he's upset that his student dropped the ball or happy that he just screwed with one of LRI"s biggest rivals, the Fatman Pro Wres team, even if he is close allies with Dave. It's never quite clear where Stuart's allegiances and motives lie...even to him, sometimes. On a side note, a fan struck up a conversation with Stuart on his way out about who he thinks will be the best "keeper" for the Battalion. They actually manage to discuss this for the remainder of the show.
But back to the present, Dave is currently down 1-2 against Willy and Book. But it seems like Book feels kinda bad about what just went down, and also doesn't want Willy to get hurt facing Dave. So Book "holds a team meeting" on the outside, leading to Willy getting counted out. And now it's down to Dave vs. Book!!
And the two meet in the middle of the ring, sizing each other up. Dave immediately attempts his feared elbows but Book has scouted him and ducks under an elbow, grabbing Dave for an early Book End, only to have Dave hit a reverse elbow out of it. The two step away from each other as the crowd cheers. They get back into it and this time Dave hits a toe kick to the stomach, Book didn't see it coming. Dave then unloads a few elbows to the back of Book's head...which by definition, he didn't see coming. But Book gets himself out of this predicament with a drop toe hold and then grabs a ground version of the "Twelve Dollar Dream" cobra clutch. He has it cinched in so Dave can't break the hold or grab the ropes, but this guy's a HOSS so he gets to his feet and then falls backwards onto Book. Hold - broken. Dave takes control and doesn't mess around here, he's going for some high impact throws and slams. A few vertical suplexes, a backdrop, even gets in an elbow combo. But Book isn't out of it yet and bounces off the ropes from the elbow combo and scores with kick to the stomach of his own, followed up by a Bronx (Texas) Jab which hypes the crowd!
Neither man is able to hold the advantage for very long. Book has clearly studied Dave well and Dave may be seeing shades of BLACKhart in Book, This is more of a war then a momentum-based affair and they are both trading what they have and absorbing what they can to give even more. The crowd is eating this up and shouts out with glee each time Dave throws an elbow and each time Book counters with a solid jab to the face. Dave is able to buy himself some breathing room after putting Book in the tree of woe and repeatedly elbowing his KNEES. A man can't dance after THAT! Dave takes advantage of Book's slow recovery and hits a huge "Fatman Slam", but Book is up before the count of 2. Dave hits ANOTHER one and this time grabs Book in the "Fatman Clutch". But Book isn't giving up, his eyes show too much resolve.
However, Dave gets a bit overzealous here. Rather then keeping the hold on to weaken Book or at least until Book fights out of it, he gives it up looking a bit frustrated. Book sees the opening and manages to spring up (using his hands rather then his elbowed-legs) and grabs Dave from behind, transitioning easily in the "Twelve Dollar Buster". Book gets a solid 2 here and, perhaps more importantly, a measure of control. He uses it to begin working on Dave's arm and punctuates that with the "Book Opening" (Shoulder Neckbreaker Drop). Another cover, 2.5. Book is patient though and just keeps finding ways to control Dave here. He attempts a powerbomb but his legs are still a bit weak and Dave is able to reverse with a back body drop, but is still a bit too woozy from the recent attack to take control. Book manages to lure Dave in though, looking more fatigued then he actually is, and Dave lets his guard down long enough to be grabbed with a look of shock on his face by the "Book End!". A 2.9 is achieved, but Dave gets up at the last millisecond, looking incredulous about the position he is in. Book follows up quickly, not wanting to waste precious time, and hits the "53 Years Old"! This might be over!! Book goes for the pin!
1...2....FOOT ON THE ROPES!! Dave just managed to kick his leg out to the ropes. And now it's Book who looks like he's racking his mind to figure out how to put Dave away! And that's just the opportunity Dave needs to mount a quick comeback with two quick elbows followed by a rolling elbow! Dave goes for the cover...2.5! But Book is still down! So Dave goes up top and scores with a diving elbow and the cover...2.89!! Do we have a robot ref counting these things!? Dave goes to irish whip Book into the turnbuckles, hoping to score with another hard elbow, but Book reverses and drags Dave in to him instead - he's looking for the "Book End" again! But Dave DUCKS the Bookend as he runs under Book's arm - this causes Book's whole body to spin for 2 whole seconds until...it suddenly stops and keels over on its side. What can stop a body in motion? A f'n "METSUKEN". Right to Book's jaw. Dave covers, this match is over.
Fatman Pro (O) ["MetsuKen"- 20:14] (X) PCW
Dave sorta collapses into the turnbuckles, using the ropes for support, as the ref and Willy help resuscitate Book. The crowd went insane for the Metsuken but now are hoping that Book is ok. This guy isn't a spring chicken and your bones get a bit fragile as you get older. Getting clocked in the face with the force of a f'n train can have some serious deleterious effects!! But Book begins to come to and is up on his own feet after a few minutes, at which Dave goes over to shake his hand and Willy's. Book raises Dave's hand and the two of them go backstage together in good spirits.
And now it's time for the main event of the evening!! You can feel the electricity get even higher in this arena as the hometown team is about to challenge one of the most dastardly, devious, and DANGEROUS teams in this Battalion. Jack Dod, the 2007 Universal Champion and his Dod Squad are again, one of the favorites to win this league. To beat them would be a serious feather in any Battalion's cap. And to beat them with your fans supporting you would be quite a career memory. But as strong as the fan support is here for SMN, no one can ever underestimate the resolve and chicanery of the Dod Squad.
And even though we can see smiles on the faces of Aigion and Mike Poe as the fans greet them, we can also see a look of contemplation and unease. They have to fend off and defeat a very tall order tonight. As the Dods come to the arena, THEY are overwhelmed by the cacophony of boos directed towards them. Jack doesn't seem to mind but Ronnie appears upset. Apparently Ron Quan Do does not have a Dojo in this area of Jersey...and that means less potential $ for Ronnie!! Jack sees Ronnie's reaction and uses this setback to pump up even more in spite of this crowd. Folks, we're ready for the main event, are you!?
Match #6: Team SMN vs. Dod Squad
Aigion/Mike Poe vs. JD Ronnie Dod/Jack Dod
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Team SMN, and especially Mike Poe, were quite brave in attempting to out-hikink Jack Dod. But unfortunately for them, that just made Jack Dod angrier and more prone to getting a victory anyway he could- which he grabbed just two seconds after Aigion was able to pin Ronnie with the help of Mike's outside interference!! However, in addition to raising the ire of the King of the Dods, Aigion also made a tactical mistake in attempting to lift the humongous Ronnie onto his shoulders for that Spicy Drop. As it now seems that Aigion's knees buckled which is exactly why Jack immediately went for that "4-Figure Leg Lock" - a move capable of winning ANY match, but especially one where his opponent's legs are injured. Jack Dod once again showed his heightened sense of opportunism mixed with expert ring saavy.
Team SMN (X) ["4-Figure Leg Lock" - 33:47] (O) Dod Squad
*And if you can believe it, we're now 3 shows into this Battalion!! And we are approaching the show that many have been pondering about for a while - will it really happen? Will UBL put a Battalion on the moon? This has to be faked right? RIGHT? No dice, Mr. Cynical. We're taking you and Alica to the moon and you're gonna see the main event of ARMADA vs. TMG200Y! Are you ready!? Good...cause it will be another month or so! So stock up on moon supplies and get ready to go lunar this summer with UBL!*