Week 2, Show 2 (Moon!)
Oct 14, 2008 21:27:44 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Oct 14, 2008 21:27:44 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008
Week 2: Show 2
Arena: Lunarversal Battle Dome - the Earth's Moon
*We fade in on an unlikely proposition for a professional wrestling show - the moon. It is covered by a large encampment of small grey domes with UBL flags on them. A giant clear crystal dome is the most eye-catching part of the shot and surrounds a ring with the Universal Battle Arena logo in the middle. The dome is bolted into the ground around the ring, allowing just enough room for two wrestlers to fit side by side between the ring and the dome. On both the North and South side of the dome, there are sets of double-doors that lead to the moons surface. There are also machines installed on the East and West side of the domed ring. They appears to be generators, simulating the gaseous atmosphere and gravity of Earth.. It seems to work too! Because while crew members are wearing space suits on the outside of the dome, we see "Mean" Jean Carter on the inside without a space suit...but not horrifically imploding.
[MJC:] "Hi! I'm Jean Carter! And on behalf of the Universal Battle League and Orochi-O's Inc, let me welcome everyone to...the MOON for the fourth Universal Battalion show!! And while many amazing feats will no doubt be accomplished tonight, it gives me great pleasure to say that I have FINALLY completed my long-held high school yearbook quest!!"
*MJC pulls out an old "Riverdale High" yearbook with a frayed cover. She thumbs through to a page with a tabbed corner. Jean points to a picture of a young lady with braces and a text inscription under it.*
[MJC:] "'Jean Carter - Most likely to go to the Moon!' HA! I told you cheerleaders that it wasn't an insult! And here I am, working for the best wrestling and sugary sweet breakfast cereal company in the UNIVERSE and they have me hosting a show on the moon!! Take THAT, guidance counselor who said I wouldn't amount to anything!! Take THAT Johnny Quarterback who said my face had more craters then the very surface I'm standing on! Ya like moonrocks? How do you like THEM moonrocks!! HA!"
MJC catches her breath and then shoves her over-sized yearbook into her back pocket. ("Hammer space" seems to be in convenient abundance on the moon. Go figure!)
[MJC:] "Now for those of you unable to catch this on laggy bandwidth-eating Lunarvision, BUT ARE INSTEAD constantly refreshing your interweb browsers for live blogging recap results, I'd like to offer an artist's conception of what tonight's ring setup looks like!"
*A slideshow of pictures begins to display on the screen*
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/MoonBase.PNG
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/LunarQueen.PNG
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/Lunarlooza.PNG
[MJC:] "Well now. That's...that's just GREAT. Luckily, I've been assured those last two pictures were DRAFT sketches for the Dome setup. So no time for potentially embarrassing explanations that I can't talk myself out of... cause we truly have an interstellar show for you tonight, folks! And while we couldn't implement the usual Battle-Tron setup, we do have a nice closed-circuit TV graphic for you all! But THIS time, the picture will NOT be provided by those nosy engineering students backstage!"
*Another graphic comes onto the screen*
Tonight's Card:
Special UBL Reserve Exhibition match
("Kids, get your paren't permission and join the Lunar Reserves Club today!")
Block B matches:
Mad Gear Gang vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Team BATT vs. Team NDP
Team McPro vs. Freedom Brigade
Interblock Match: Delphin Army vs. Los Salseros Americanos
Block C Matches:
PTFW vs. Black Venom
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Los Rudos Infernos
Team Moon Gas 200 Yen vs. ARMADA
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
[MJC:] "Due to the historic nature of this show, OrochiGeese wanted to give two members of the UBL Reserves a chance to represent their growing and accomplished roster! We know that Kyle Walker is one of the participants but we haven't been informed as to who his opponent is!"
*Kyle Walker exits out of one of the smaller grey domes (with an Orochi Army flag in addition to a UBL one) and is wearing a spacesuit. As he is leaving the dome, the ring crew attaches a thick steel cable "tether" to the back of his spacesuit, giving that extra bit of SAFETY as he makes his way to the north side of the Dome via crew-assisted moonwalk. He opens the outer door of the dome and goes inside. The inner door slides open a few seconds after the outer door closes, allowing the atmospheric pressure of the ring area to stay contained and stable. Kyle enters through the inner door and begins taking off his space suit.*
[MJC:] "And folks, what you just saw was the painstaking safety and security measures we have instituted on this show to make sure that everyone is taken care of. We won't be showing these procedures for every match but we wanted to make sure the audience knew that our athletes are totally taken care of on this exciting night. And now folks, let's find out who Kyle's opponent...
*The sound system inside the Dome suddenly pipes in ""Troops March On"*
[MJC:] "OHMIGAWSH! Is that...is HE back?!"
*Sure enough, the large space suited form of the Roman Centurion makes its return to a UBL ring! And what a show to return on! No doubt, this is sending RIPPLES through the internet!*
[MJC:] "I can't believe this! No one ever thought he would ever be able to return to the ring after he was brutally attacked last year by Geese! But here before very our eyes stands the Centurion!! And...wait a second, I bet he asked for this match and specific opponent! Kyle Walker is OrochiGeese's friend and student! Does Centurion want to start his revenge on Geese by assaulting Kyle!?"
*Centurion gets to the ring and begins taking his space suit off. He is staring a hole straight through Kyle...so much so that Kyle looks a bit uncharacteristically tentative.*
[MJC:] "While Centurion has never been much of a threat, you gotta admit the huge size and strength advantage he has over Kyle...not to mention the fact he appears very angry and motivated! But wait...*
*Centurion grabs MJC's mic...prompting a "how rude" facial response by MJC*
[Centurion:] "Finally...the Centurion has come BACK to the Universal Battle League!"
*There's no live audience here to provide a response but I doubt they'd be amused by that anyway.*
[Centurion:] "This proud occasion also marks a most lofty achievement for my people! One small step for Centurion, one giant leap for all Roman kind!! Veni...Vidi... We walked on the moon!"
[Centurion:] "But my glorious return tonight only reflects on the reason for my long absence - the barbaric actions of OrochiGeese, the mentor of the BOY who stands in front of me right now!"
*Kyle points to himself and mouths 'boy?" with an angry expression*
[Centurion:] "BOY, you take back this message back to your tribal king of Germania, Geese! Tell him that I am here to avenge Rome for all he has done to me and my great people! Tell him THAT with the look on your face when you return defeated and beaten after this match!!"
*Centurion throws the mic down and immediately goes for Kyle. The bell rings and this match is ON!*
Match # R: Kyle Walker vs. the Centurion
Centurion looks more fierce then we've ever seen him and if we had a live crowd, they might actually be shocked! He's beating his chest and shouting Roman war chants to pump himself up and attempt to psyche Kyle out! And for his part, Kyle does look a bit nervous here in response.
Centurion rushes Kyle and knocks him over with a shoulder block. He then attempts to mount him with punches but Kyle is too quick and rolls to the safety of the outside the ring. He takes a breather while Centurion continues stomping around menacingly. Finally, after motivating himself, Kyle slowly gets back into the ring, pausing to notice the serious and even violent look on Centurion's face. Centurion rushes again but Kyle dropkicks him in the chest, causing Centurion to bounce back a bit but remain on his feet. Kyle runs the opposite ropes, giving him extra momentum for a diving cross body block, but it's not enough as Centurion's strength allows him to catch Kyle! Centurion attempts to hit his signature stomach breaker, but as he begins to lift Kyle over his head, Kyle floats over to Centurion's back where he immediately transitions into a 'Walk'n'Drop' (Front russian leg sweep)....hitting it flawlessly...for the 3 count?!
Oh man, this match is ALREADY over. Centurion is barely moving on the mat as Kyle laid him out with his finisher...30 seconds into the match!!
Kyle Walker (O) ["Walk'n'Drop' - :30] (X) Centurion
*Kyle just shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders in disgust. He walks away as some of the medical crew surrounding the ring (in spacesuits) enter as Kyle leaves. They are attending to Centurion who appears to have re-injured that previous broken neck of his! Folks, with all that intensity Centurion seemed to have, it didn't do him much good!! He may be right back on the shelf again after only 30 seconds of action marking his 'glorious return'!! Meanwhile, Kyle calmly walks back to the Orochi Army dome with the honor of being the first victorious wrestler on the moon tonight! MJC gets back into the ring as the medics help take Centurion away to the medical dome in an extra large vacuum-sealed gurney... attached by a tether.*
[MJC:] "Even though Centurion rudely took my mic, I still hope he's ok. Neck injuries aren't well, you know."
*MJC pauses in pained thought but then pushes herself to get energetic again*
[MJC:] "And after only about an hour and a half of other activities, we are finally ready for our first official Battalion match of the night! As the Mad Gear Gang takes on the LBC! Let's get to the action!"
Block A
It's time for the Mad Gear Gang to face the LBC. Rocky Marioni of the LBC is still recovering after the intense beating that Bak Fu gave him during the first week of competition so it wasn't difficult for LBC to choose their members tonight. On the other side, Deke Armstrong seemed healthy enough after Mad Gear's previous victory over BATT and he is joined by the beastly Scombrésoce making his Battalion debut. (Due to his unwieldy name, Scombrésoce will be heretofore known as "Bill"...no, I think "Scombre" works here!)
Match #1: Mad Gear Gang vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Scombrésoce/Deke Armstrong vs. Rico Pizzicato/Sal Monella
Rico Pizzicato has come in with an attitude (based on the injury that his teammate Rocky suffered at the previous show) and wants to vent his anger onto Mad Gear Gang, specifically the debutingBill Scombre. Rico goes right at the huge Scombre with an array of closed fists (legal on the moon...really) and even a few kicks that may have made their way south of the border...which, in turn, causes Scombre to absolutely FLIP THE F*CK OUT angry and go after the smaller Rico who now appears to be rethinking his strategy! Scombre is chasing Rico around the ring and finally catches up with him, only to have Sal Monella get involved and poke Scombre in the eyes! This buys Rico enough time to tag out, and Sal comes in taking the fight to Sombre with punches of his own. We didn't really get to see what Sal had in his arsenal during the previous show cause LBC got so quickly dominated by the shocking appearance of the McPro team. But Sal is now showing us that experience he has as a former boxer. Scombre is a brawler but doesn't appear as polished or as skilled as Sal, and is having trouble getting an advantage, despite Scombre's superior size. This causes another temper flare in Scombre, but this time its exhibited by tagging out in a huff to Deke.
Deke was highly effective in Mad Gear's previous match, getting pinfalls on both opponents. And that dominance of Deke is popping up again here. For while Sal is definitely the superior fighter in terms of ability, Deke is such a f'n tank that he just charges through one of Sal's punches with his own raw power channeled through a double axe-handle. Sal, not accustomed to facing someone of the size and power of Deke, definitely appears to be off his game. And it isn't long until Deke has Sal completely under control, drilling him to the mat with power moves such as body slams and gut wrench suplexes. Every time Rico tries to interfere, Scombre scares him off again like in the beginning of the match. Sal ultimately has no answer to the raw power that is Deke and falls to a "Deke Break" (Last Ride) while Rico stands frozen on the apron under the watchful and angry stare of Scombre.
Or frozen at least until the ref counts Sal out, and then Rico JETS into the ring and hits a huge running "Pizza Cutter" (diamond cutter) on Deke right as he's getting up from pinning Sal! Scombre protests and is about to get into the ring but Coach McGuirk (the ref for the match) says that Rico is now the legal man and he's allowing this. Gotta applaud the opportunism of Rico here as Deke finally looks like he's in trouble in this match. But Rico also realizes that Deke is not quite out of it and so its too early to try to pin him and risk giving up the momentum he has. Instead, Rico takes advantage of the seeming lack of technical skills of Deke and slaps on what he hungrily calls the "Mozzarella Stretch" (Dancing Yahoo). Deke has nowhere to go and looks completely unsure of how to break the hold!! The damage done to him from the previous show also appears to be playing a part in his prone state. And by the time the huge Scombre gets into the ring and lumbers over, Deke has tapped out!! LBC has evened it up!
And now we're back to square one, just with two less wrestlers, as Scombre is chasing Rico around the ring, angry at the tactics of the captain of the LBC. Rico isn't known for his courage but he is quite fiery and so finally mans up and tries to brawl with Scombre! But Scombre is just the bigger and badder man here and punishes Rico with an array of power moves similar to what we saw from Deke. Scombre goes big and smashes Rico to the mat with a powerbomb for a 2 count...but Rico actually gets a shoulder off the mat and then manuevers his legs into a triangle choke, showcasing his submission abilities! Scombre struggles but Rico has this thing on tight in desperation! Scombre begins lifting Rico with his arms...but falls back down as the hold is putting on too much pressure on his shoulders. But unlike Deke earlier, Scombre is in a position where he still has his legs under him...and so he uses his legs and back to POWER Rico up...despite remaining quite off-balance! And so it looks like Rico's hold may send them both down to the mat again... but Scombre gets some power from his own spinning momentum and proceeds to CRUSH Rico down to the mat with what appears to be a makeshift spinning doctor bomb...a move that he just so happens to call his finisher, the ["Brouilleur". Rico has the wind knocked clean out of him and is pinned easily for the 3 count.
Mad Gear Gang (O) ["Brouilleur" - 9:44 ] (X) LBC
*Both Battalions leave with little incident and we're ready for the next match. Team BATT comes out first with Diablo and Masked Man. Diablo struggled against Mad Gear during the previous show but Masked Man is fresh and making his debut here. Team NDP is up next led by Mr. E and...wait, where is the rest of them? Mr. E is the only one out here!! We quickly go to the ring where MJC has what we hope is an explanation.
[MJC:] "Folks there was a bit of a mix-up here, I'm afraid. Before any Battalion had a chance to look at the location list for these shows, Colleen Dramesi assigned her place in this match to Matt Shane. But once UBL finalized this lunar expedition, Colleen flat out DEMANDED that she be the first Dramesi on the moon! Matt Shane didn't seem to mind and even was happy to have a break to prepare for NDP's next match, since he was in the previous one. But, there was a bit of a problem...Colleen never cleared that change with UBL and we only learned about it when she was already on the moon."
*MJC gets closer to the camera and looks around, seeing if any officials are nearby*
[MJC:] "And uh...let's just say that UBL security thought that it was best...for Colleen's protection and totally not for Holly's, that Colleen DRAMESI not be forced to wrestle tonight. In fact, it was best to have a DRAMESI under tight security measures...total lock-down in a dome...the entire time we were on the moon!!! Since it was too late to have Matt Shane fly up here, Mr. E is in the unenviable position of going it alone! Remember, this is totally for Colleen's protection from uh...something!! And not for Holly's cause she's totally fine and confident and not at all scared at all AT ALL about anything, especially not Colleen's last name! But when asked about this whole mixup, Mr. E was actually happy not to have to rely on his two 'tone deaf' teammates to mess up his 'opera of violence.' Totally his words and not mine, I think Matt Shane has a lovely voice. Anyway, it looks like this match is about to start!"
Match #2: Team BATT vs. 'Team' NDP
Masked Man/Diablo vs. Mr. E.
Diablo and Masked man appear a bit confused here and they try to talk with Mr. E, offering to have one of them go "one on one" with him to make it fair. Diablo even goes to shake Mr. E's hand...which proves to be a HUGE mistake as Mr. E. immediately pulls him in for a short-armed lariat!! Masked Man protest but the ref (again ole McGuirk) sends him to the apron! Mr. E. follows-up on his questionably-gained advantage and goes to work on the back of Diablo that was weakened by Mad Gear on the previous show. It's clear Diablo is in trouble here as he is barely able to defend himself. Mr. E does everything he can to keep Masked Man out of this match, even throwing Diablo into Masked Man, knocking the Man off the apron!! Diablo bounces back into the ring but is facing away from Mr E...who grabs him from behind and hits the "Phenominal Mystery" (Half Nelson Suplex)!! Diablo is totally OUT and Mr. E picks up the easy victory in fall 1!
Or does he? No, he doesn't! Cause Masked Man was smart enough to reach out to make the tag to Diablo as the two knocked into each other!! Diablo wasn't the legal man after all so he wasn't pinned! Instead, we now have him struggling to gain his consciousness back as the angry Masked Man gets up from the floor outside and into the ring! It's still a handicap match! Mr. E's plan was working until it backfired a bit thanks to Masked Man's quick thinking. And Masked Man takes advantage of Mr. E's confusion here and begins taking the fight to him! Masked Man is pissed off at what happened earlier and is letting Mr. E know it! But Mr. E. is not someone to face off with in a blind rage cause there are few that know how to utilize anger more then him! And so he uses Masked Man's anger against him by playing possum and waiting for him to do something a bit more high risk (in Masked Man's case, a diving clothesline) and ducking just in time! Just like that, the scheming Mr. E has regained the advantage in this match.
And Mr. E is going at Masked Man with the same intensity and gameplay that he used against Diablo. This is paying off and its now Masked Man who is desperate to make the tag. But unfortunately, Diablo is still quite woozy and is barely able to support himself on the apron. However, Masked Man is not in as bad shape as Diablo was and is still mounting resistance to Mr. E's attempts to end the match by repeatedly kicking out of Mr. E's powerbomb attempts! This results in Mr. E's own frustration causes him to lose a bit of focus. As during a back body drop attempt, Mr. E. lowers his head way too early and Masked Man plants Mr. E right in the middle of the ring with a huge jumping piledriver!! This gets a shocking 2.9 considering Mr. E hasn't really suffered that much damage up to that point, but that piledriver was that effective. Masked Man doesn't know whether to attempt the tag or continue fighting in his weakened condition, but Diablo is still out of it enough for it to be wasteful to tag out now, especially with Mr. E on the proverbial ropes. Diablo positions for a rear grapple and hits a big german suplex for a 2.9. But Mr. E. still has enough left in him to fight out. Masked Man goes for yet another german suplex but Mr. E. hits a desperation mule kick, catching Masked Man right in the 'maskicles'.
This buys Mr. E. enough of a respite to notice that Diablo is still in bad shape. And so, Mr. E uses BATT's previous accidental strategy against them by bringing Masked Man over and slamming him onto Diablo in such a way that they make contact for a tag!! Diablo is the legal man but against his will!! Mr. E. then lariats Masked Man over the ropes to the outside and then drags Diablo into the ring. And it's take 2 on the "Phenominal Mystery"!! This time he gets the pin on the LEGAL Diablo and Mr. E has managed to bring this down from a handicap match to a 1 on 1. But wait, (60 minutes after eating to swim), as soon as Mr. E. gets up, Masked Man is already in the ring behind him! After all the shenanigans Mr. E has pulled this match, Masked Man isn't even giving him a CHANCE to recover after the pin! Masked Man grabs Mr. E from behind and thrusts him up for not 1, but 3 German suplexes, the third ending in a bridging pin! Having been taken by surprise, not to mention the damage suffered earlier, Mr. E. is not able to kick out of the pin! Masked Man leads BATT to victory in what has no doubt been one of the oddest matches of the Battalion so far!!
BATT (O) [Triple German Suplex- 31:34] (X) Team NDP
You gotta give Mr. E. credit for having the success and courage (or blind rage?) he had here. It's rare to have one wrestler be able to deal with a handicap match in such a competent degree, but in the end, BATT was just too much for him thanks to the increased intensity of Masked Man.
A big "EARLIER TONIGHT" graphic comes on the screen. That is followed by another message - "THIS TAKES PLACE ON THE MOON BETWEEN TMG WATCHING SEASONS ONE AND TWO OF 24"
*Team Moon Gas 200 Yen (and Reynold Anderson) were watching the ring being set up. Reynold was in a space suit, while OTAKU, Sam, and Ozzy were simply wearing paper bags over their heads*
[Reynold:] How can you three breathe like that?
[Ozzy:] How can you breathe in that big stupid looking thing!
[Reynold:] This is a space suit with an oxygen tank so you can breathe in space... you know, because they're no air.
[Ozzy:] Of course there is air! We paid the air bill!
[Reynold:] You... paid... the air bill?
[Ozzy:] Yup.
[Reynold:] So why are you wearing those...
[Ozzy:] Our super-high-tech space-age protection helmets?
[Reynold:] ...If that's what you bloody loons are calling those paper bags then...
[Ozzy:] Oh, this is the latest moon trend. We don't actually need them.
*They take them off, and Reynold takes off his helmet as well*
[Sam:] The moon is AWESOME, man. They just opened up a Dave and Busters here...
[OTAKU:] And we can play RDD whenever we want!
[Reynold:] ...Okay.
[OTAKU:] But lets show our adoring fans...
[Ozzy:] All three of them...
[OTAKU:] What else there is to do on the moon.
[Ozzy:] Like... KARAOKE!
*Cut to a clip of TMG on a stage*
[TMG:] INTERGALACTIC PLANETARY THREE!
*Cut back to them on the moon*
[Sam:] And... well, that's about it really.
[Reynold:] So... why are we competing on the Moon again?
[Ozzy:] ...Good question.
[Reynold:] It's your home arena! It's the one you signed up on!
[Ozzy:] Did I?
*Suddenly, a man wearing a giant pincushion walked into the shot*
[PM:] I AM THE PINCUSHION MAN! WELCOME!
[Reynold:] ...Do you know that guy?
[Ozzy:] Well yeah, he's the Pincushion Man.
[OTAKU:] He's awesome!
[Sam:] n00b.
[Reynold:] ...I hate my life."
*We cut back to the arena where we see MJC nodding along with a tear in her eye to the TMG200Y Promo*
[MJC:] "Yet people say there are no visionaries anymore. Through TMG...the high arts LIVE!! ANYWAY, we're now ready for our next match which is gonna be a real humdinger, if I may use such language on a Moon show. Which, considering I haven't been fired yet, I guess I can. Two of the top Battalions of the entire league now meet in what has to be considered the first time they've ever met on the moon! Yeah, just TRY to argue with that airtight commentary! You owe me a soda, Clyde!"
*Red Coogan approaches the ring in a normal space suit but Captain Kickass is donning a leaner version.
[MJC:] "What gives with Cap's 'active-wear'!?"
*MJC speaks into her headset and nods*
[MJC:] "Apparently, this is a new prototype of Cap's that he had his Battation scientists come out with. This allows him to have all the control he needs to moon-walk. No tether necessary, just complete self-reliance for a rugged man like Captain Kickass. The ladies love that kinda attitude, boys!"
*Bak Fu comes out next, surprisingly wearing a space-suit. Seriously, if ANYONE in attendance tonight was to come out here not needing a space suit...
[MJC:] "Recently, I read on the internet that Bak Fu doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs HIM. The more I think of it though, either that was slightly exaggerated or maybe he just wanted to be humble about his abilities tonight. Probably the latter cause things are never exaggerated on the internet, kids.*
*Eddie Swan comes out next, led by Jo Ryder! Both in Ryder space suits!*
[MJC:] "You gotta love this, folks! Eddie Swan making his return to pro wrestling and the UBL, and doing it in style with Jo Ryder by his side! She's waving and appears quite happy to have this lunar opportunity. And she certainly had to fight for it cause Holly was NOT happy to have Jo joining us here. In fact, one of the reasons this show took so much time to produce was that we originally had to take TWO space shuttles rather then one!! Jo Ryder and Holly simply could not get along in such cramped space and almost resorted to blows during launch!! But Jo is here and I'm sure Bak and Eddie will benefit from her tutelage."
Match #3: Team McPro vs. Freedom Brigade
Eddie Swan/Bak Fu vs. Captain Kickass/Red Coogan
Eddie Swan and Red Coogan elect to start for their respective teams. Eddie fires off some blistering chops but Red cuts off his momentum with a huge overhead chop to the chest, sending Eddie reeling backwards. Then Red plants himself in the middle of the ring and challenges Eddie to take him off his feet! Eddie grins, loving the challenge of the big man. Red looks confident that his size will reign supreme here but he grossly underestimates the abilities of the NCAA and former Olympic-bound athlete (whose quest was short-circuited only due to injury), Eddie Swan. Swan slams Coogan down in is as close to an effortless style rear takedown as one can ever imagine against someone of Red's size. Swan is also able to keep Coogan on the mat in an amateur style pin, but since Red is on his stomach, the ref doesn't count. Still, Coogan is unable to escape! Kickass looks surprised but poised while Red is shocked, but Jo Ryder just claps along proud of Eddie's abilities. Even Bak Fu is seen to nod in deference to the feat.
Eddie smirks as he lets Red get up, angering Red who then hoists Eddie up for a press slam. Swan has incredible technique but there is no doubt as to the power of Red Coogan! Eddie goes in for another slam but Coogan is smart enough to plant his back foot this time, and Eddie's momentum is cut off enough for Red to get the opportunity to hit a double axe handle. Coogan begins working on Swan's back with a number of vertical suplexes and gutwrenches. Jo begins to pound on the mat to rally Eddie, which begins to work until Red tags in Captain Kickass. The two hit a combined powerbomb/neckdrop and Kickass covers, just getting a 2. Kickass continues to work on Swan's back while mixing in some of his own deadly striking. However, when Kickass attempts a belly to belly, Swan takes exception to this encroachment of his style! Eddie holds on to the good Captain throughout the suplex and rolls with the belly to belly, causing them both to land back onto their feet where Eddie takes the initiative and executes his OWN style of belly to belly which sends Kickass skidding hard into the corner. Swan takes this opportunity to tag in Bak Fu.
Bak Fu slowly gets into the ring and stares down Kickass, who is getting up and wiping the moon dust off of him. As they slowly approach each other, neither man's stare wanders. Finally, Kickass throws the first blow in the form of an elbow, unfazing Bak. Bak fires right back and Kickass offers the same response. The two nod and even smile, enjoying their rare opportunity to go full bore against a worthy opponent. The next few minutes are just too awesome to possibly describe, as they throw every strike in their arsenal against each other, ranging from elbows to knees to the mythical flying archipelago (a hard to describe manuever that involves magnetic poles to provide momentum). Finally, both men let up, needing to catch their breath more then recover from any pain they feel. But it is clear to both they can not continue at this pace without an IV full of electrolytes. Eddie, Red, and Jo actually begin to clap for the two men in the ring, who shrug it off looking somewhat embarrassed at the accolades.
But its time to get serious again, and they decide to test their ground prowess. This time it's Bak who strikes first, going in for a double leg take down. Cap sprawls but Bak follows through and uses his great flexibility to use his arms to sweep Cap's legs. Bak lands on top, but Cap's initial counter gave him the time he needed to improve his position from prone bottom mount to bottom guard. And so when Bak attempts to go for a neck lock, Cap is in position to grab a Kimura! Bak is stunned here as Cap has it in perfectly, but Bak refuses to tap! This could be bad for Bak so early into the match and even Battalion, as Cap isn't one to relent or fail in his maneuvers. Jo urges Eddie to do something about it but Bak shouts to stay out. While still in the Kimura (and having been in it for a good five seconds), Bak begins HEADBUTTING Cap!! This immediately breaks up the kimura and even sends a rare look of shock onto Cap's face. When people call Bak a head-dropper, usually its not HIS head that he's dropping! But it worked here! The force of the headbutts broke up the mount and both men back off a bit. Bak begins to shake his arm out a bit, clearly favoring it, while Cap tries to get his balance back after those headbutts. Discretion beats out valor and the two men make the tag, allowing Eddie and Red back into the fold.
Red attempts to resume his assault on Eddie's back but Eddie is ready for him and goes into a LIFTING double leg take down of his own. Red has no defense to this and just does his best to avoid landing on his head. Eddie transitions into a boston crab but Red's great size and strength allows him to actually power out of the hold using his legs! Still, Coogan looks a bit woozy and so Eddie pushes the advantage by pushing Red into the corner and hitting some chops. He then gears up and grunts, hitting a HUGE belly to belly suplex on the giant! Eddie attempts a vertical suplex, but Red prevents Eddie from using a pro wrestling style throw where Red's size is just too great for him. Red reverses and slams Eddie down hard on his back. Then Red runs the ropes and hits a big splash for a 2 count. Red picks Eddie up and hits a back breaker, then...Red's climbing the ropes!! He hits a HUGE elbow dive pin onto Eddie and gets a 2.9 that is a hair away from the 3 count. Coogan drags Eddie into the center of the ring and picks him up into a bearhug. Jo Ryder begins punching the mat again, trying to rally Eddie. Eddie's hands are falling here and he may be in big trouble. His hand falls twice and is about to drop again when Jo screams out and Eddie's consciousness comes back. Cap looks a bit put off by Jo's emotional support here 'interfering' in the match, but Jo doesn't seem to care. She didn't attain her success by just lying back after all (quiet, Holly).
However, even though Eddie revives, he still can't break the clutch of Coogan, and so Bak Fu has to give a helping hand to Eddie in the form of a not-so-helpful KNEE to the face of Coogan. And this sends Cap in! All four men are in the ring as the mutual respect has finally been supplanted by the tension of the match and stakes! Cap and Eddie square off for the first time while Coogan targets Bak's arm with some huge double axe-handles on the other side of the ring. Coogan muscles Bak up onto the turnbuckle and goes for a top rope superplex. But Eddie has managed to block Coogan from behind! This gives Bak the opportunity to readjust and get his legs around Coogan...in frankensteiner position!! OMG he just sent Coogan to the outside with an avalanche frankensteiner! Coogan is out cold!! Kickass runs outside and begins to revive him. During this time, Swan has tagged Bak in but both men allow Kickass to tend to Red, perhaps feeling a bit concerned as to his health after the height and magnitude of that fall. As the count reaches 10, Coogan revives a bit and seems to be able to walk around, but Cap has to make a judgment call here. Can Red safely continue? Cap doesn't think so but Red refuses to give up and rolls into the mat on his own power. Red uses his last remaining spirt of energy to charge at Bak with a spear, but Bak actually counters it by by grabbing Red's head and rolling backwards into a front neck lock!! What an incredible reversal and Red has nowhere to go, no energy left, no choice but to tap out. McPro is up 2-1.
Cap runs into the ring and wastes no time in taking the fight to Bak, still getting up from choking out Red. Kickass goes right back to Bak's arm that he damaged before in the Kimura. This time, Kickass goes for a jujigatame to avoid Bak's headbutts. Bak holds on but its clear that arm is hurting. Kickass is just pulling back as hard as he can and Eddie runs in to break the hold up. Cap gets in Eddie's face, wanting to wrestle Bak 1 on 1, but Eddie reminds him that this is a tag match. It's clear that both men respect each other but have quite a difference in opinion in how this match should take place. Meanwhile, Bak has been given a chance to rest his arm a bit. The ref restores order and Eddie gets back onto the apron. Bak is up and avoids any elbow strikes, instead going for knees. Cap realizes Bak's offense will be limited to his legs and catches a knee, grabbing him in an exploder suplex for a possible pin! 2.9! Cap then goes into the Combat Clutch, with extra tweaking on the arm! Bak is not one to tap out though, as we've seen and both Eddie and Jo are getting nervous. Eddie runs in again, stomping Cap, but the ref sends Eddie out! Meanwhile, Cap takes advantage of the distraction and, while keeping on the clutch, transitions into a pin! Bak is trapped and can not escape the pin! Cap has pinned Bak and the match is all tied with just Cap and Eddie remaining.
Eddie comes in slowly but Cap gets into his face, none too happy with what has transpired. Eddie is just trying to concentrate on wrestling here but Cap is really angry here and is throwing elbows and knees like no one's business. Unfortunately, while Cap is flailing and Eddie goes for a chop, he catches Cap in the eye. But rather then taking advantage, he actually backs up a bit, allowing Cap to get his bearings back. Eddie's display of sportsmanship has calmed Cap down, but he appears a bit winded from his previous outburst as well as from the fatigue of the match. This makes it very difficult for him to fend off Eddie's high impact offense, culminating in a trio of german suplexes. Cap has enough energy to continue to kick out, but its clear that Eddie has the advantage here and continues doing damage to Cap's back. Cap is able to reverse a german suplex and switch to Eddie's back, where he then grabs Eddie in a rear naked choke! But rather then have both legs around Eddie, he keeps only one leg around him and the other wedged in Eddie's back, taking advantage of the damage Coogan did earlier and turning this hold into a much more painful one. It's clear this is a gamble though as his hold isn't as tight as it would be with two legs. The gamble does not pay off because Swan still has enough reserve left. And so, Eddie uses the elevated angle of his body due to Cap's knee, to flip out backwards, breaking the hold.
Both men are down now, Eddie favoring his back while Cap is simply out of energy. Eddie tries to lift Cap up but can't, that knee-assisted RNC was just too much for his back to support anyone else's weight. But Cap can't get himself to his feet either. And so, he keeps himself open for Swan's final line of attack, submission. Eddie grabs Cap in his signature elevated boston crab, and while Cap tries to fight it, Eddie musters one last bit of strength and roars, turning Cap over and pulling back as hard as he can! Cap refuses to tap out though, even despite his depleted energy reserve. Jo screams for Eddie to hold on regardless and he does just that, as Cap has nothing left and actually passes out in the hold.
Team McPro (O) [Swan Hold - 35:40] (X) Freedom Brigade
*Red gets into the ring and helps Cap regain his consciousness while Jo and Bak help Swan into the corner. Both Battalions take their time getting their energy back and meet in the ring. There's a long pause but finally, the teams shake each others hands and praise each other for their efforts. They get back into their space suits and go leave the dome while MJC finds her way back in.*
Week 2: Show 2
Arena: Lunarversal Battle Dome - the Earth's Moon
*We fade in on an unlikely proposition for a professional wrestling show - the moon. It is covered by a large encampment of small grey domes with UBL flags on them. A giant clear crystal dome is the most eye-catching part of the shot and surrounds a ring with the Universal Battle Arena logo in the middle. The dome is bolted into the ground around the ring, allowing just enough room for two wrestlers to fit side by side between the ring and the dome. On both the North and South side of the dome, there are sets of double-doors that lead to the moons surface. There are also machines installed on the East and West side of the domed ring. They appears to be generators, simulating the gaseous atmosphere and gravity of Earth.. It seems to work too! Because while crew members are wearing space suits on the outside of the dome, we see "Mean" Jean Carter on the inside without a space suit...but not horrifically imploding.
[MJC:] "Hi! I'm Jean Carter! And on behalf of the Universal Battle League and Orochi-O's Inc, let me welcome everyone to...the MOON for the fourth Universal Battalion show!! And while many amazing feats will no doubt be accomplished tonight, it gives me great pleasure to say that I have FINALLY completed my long-held high school yearbook quest!!"
*MJC pulls out an old "Riverdale High" yearbook with a frayed cover. She thumbs through to a page with a tabbed corner. Jean points to a picture of a young lady with braces and a text inscription under it.*
[MJC:] "'Jean Carter - Most likely to go to the Moon!' HA! I told you cheerleaders that it wasn't an insult! And here I am, working for the best wrestling and sugary sweet breakfast cereal company in the UNIVERSE and they have me hosting a show on the moon!! Take THAT, guidance counselor who said I wouldn't amount to anything!! Take THAT Johnny Quarterback who said my face had more craters then the very surface I'm standing on! Ya like moonrocks? How do you like THEM moonrocks!! HA!"
MJC catches her breath and then shoves her over-sized yearbook into her back pocket. ("Hammer space" seems to be in convenient abundance on the moon. Go figure!)
[MJC:] "Now for those of you unable to catch this on laggy bandwidth-eating Lunarvision, BUT ARE INSTEAD constantly refreshing your interweb browsers for live blogging recap results, I'd like to offer an artist's conception of what tonight's ring setup looks like!"
*A slideshow of pictures begins to display on the screen*
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/MoonBase.PNG
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/LunarQueen.PNG
og-fpd.fireproclub.com/Pics/UBL/Lunarlooza.PNG
[MJC:] "Well now. That's...that's just GREAT. Luckily, I've been assured those last two pictures were DRAFT sketches for the Dome setup. So no time for potentially embarrassing explanations that I can't talk myself out of... cause we truly have an interstellar show for you tonight, folks! And while we couldn't implement the usual Battle-Tron setup, we do have a nice closed-circuit TV graphic for you all! But THIS time, the picture will NOT be provided by those nosy engineering students backstage!"
*Another graphic comes onto the screen*
Tonight's Card:
Special UBL Reserve Exhibition match
("Kids, get your paren't permission and join the Lunar Reserves Club today!")
Block B matches:
Mad Gear Gang vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Team BATT vs. Team NDP
Team McPro vs. Freedom Brigade
Interblock Match: Delphin Army vs. Los Salseros Americanos
Block C Matches:
PTFW vs. Black Venom
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Los Rudos Infernos
Team Moon Gas 200 Yen vs. ARMADA
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
[MJC:] "Due to the historic nature of this show, OrochiGeese wanted to give two members of the UBL Reserves a chance to represent their growing and accomplished roster! We know that Kyle Walker is one of the participants but we haven't been informed as to who his opponent is!"
*Kyle Walker exits out of one of the smaller grey domes (with an Orochi Army flag in addition to a UBL one) and is wearing a spacesuit. As he is leaving the dome, the ring crew attaches a thick steel cable "tether" to the back of his spacesuit, giving that extra bit of SAFETY as he makes his way to the north side of the Dome via crew-assisted moonwalk. He opens the outer door of the dome and goes inside. The inner door slides open a few seconds after the outer door closes, allowing the atmospheric pressure of the ring area to stay contained and stable. Kyle enters through the inner door and begins taking off his space suit.*
[MJC:] "And folks, what you just saw was the painstaking safety and security measures we have instituted on this show to make sure that everyone is taken care of. We won't be showing these procedures for every match but we wanted to make sure the audience knew that our athletes are totally taken care of on this exciting night. And now folks, let's find out who Kyle's opponent...
*The sound system inside the Dome suddenly pipes in ""Troops March On"*
[MJC:] "OHMIGAWSH! Is that...is HE back?!"
*Sure enough, the large space suited form of the Roman Centurion makes its return to a UBL ring! And what a show to return on! No doubt, this is sending RIPPLES through the internet!*
[MJC:] "I can't believe this! No one ever thought he would ever be able to return to the ring after he was brutally attacked last year by Geese! But here before very our eyes stands the Centurion!! And...wait a second, I bet he asked for this match and specific opponent! Kyle Walker is OrochiGeese's friend and student! Does Centurion want to start his revenge on Geese by assaulting Kyle!?"
*Centurion gets to the ring and begins taking his space suit off. He is staring a hole straight through Kyle...so much so that Kyle looks a bit uncharacteristically tentative.*
[MJC:] "While Centurion has never been much of a threat, you gotta admit the huge size and strength advantage he has over Kyle...not to mention the fact he appears very angry and motivated! But wait...*
*Centurion grabs MJC's mic...prompting a "how rude" facial response by MJC*
[Centurion:] "Finally...the Centurion has come BACK to the Universal Battle League!"
*There's no live audience here to provide a response but I doubt they'd be amused by that anyway.*
[Centurion:] "This proud occasion also marks a most lofty achievement for my people! One small step for Centurion, one giant leap for all Roman kind!! Veni...Vidi... We walked on the moon!"
[Centurion:] "But my glorious return tonight only reflects on the reason for my long absence - the barbaric actions of OrochiGeese, the mentor of the BOY who stands in front of me right now!"
*Kyle points to himself and mouths 'boy?" with an angry expression*
[Centurion:] "BOY, you take back this message back to your tribal king of Germania, Geese! Tell him that I am here to avenge Rome for all he has done to me and my great people! Tell him THAT with the look on your face when you return defeated and beaten after this match!!"
*Centurion throws the mic down and immediately goes for Kyle. The bell rings and this match is ON!*
Match # R: Kyle Walker vs. the Centurion
Centurion looks more fierce then we've ever seen him and if we had a live crowd, they might actually be shocked! He's beating his chest and shouting Roman war chants to pump himself up and attempt to psyche Kyle out! And for his part, Kyle does look a bit nervous here in response.
Centurion rushes Kyle and knocks him over with a shoulder block. He then attempts to mount him with punches but Kyle is too quick and rolls to the safety of the outside the ring. He takes a breather while Centurion continues stomping around menacingly. Finally, after motivating himself, Kyle slowly gets back into the ring, pausing to notice the serious and even violent look on Centurion's face. Centurion rushes again but Kyle dropkicks him in the chest, causing Centurion to bounce back a bit but remain on his feet. Kyle runs the opposite ropes, giving him extra momentum for a diving cross body block, but it's not enough as Centurion's strength allows him to catch Kyle! Centurion attempts to hit his signature stomach breaker, but as he begins to lift Kyle over his head, Kyle floats over to Centurion's back where he immediately transitions into a 'Walk'n'Drop' (Front russian leg sweep)....hitting it flawlessly...for the 3 count?!
Oh man, this match is ALREADY over. Centurion is barely moving on the mat as Kyle laid him out with his finisher...30 seconds into the match!!
Kyle Walker (O) ["Walk'n'Drop' - :30] (X) Centurion
*Kyle just shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders in disgust. He walks away as some of the medical crew surrounding the ring (in spacesuits) enter as Kyle leaves. They are attending to Centurion who appears to have re-injured that previous broken neck of his! Folks, with all that intensity Centurion seemed to have, it didn't do him much good!! He may be right back on the shelf again after only 30 seconds of action marking his 'glorious return'!! Meanwhile, Kyle calmly walks back to the Orochi Army dome with the honor of being the first victorious wrestler on the moon tonight! MJC gets back into the ring as the medics help take Centurion away to the medical dome in an extra large vacuum-sealed gurney... attached by a tether.*
[MJC:] "Even though Centurion rudely took my mic, I still hope he's ok. Neck injuries aren't well, you know."
*MJC pauses in pained thought but then pushes herself to get energetic again*
[MJC:] "And after only about an hour and a half of other activities, we are finally ready for our first official Battalion match of the night! As the Mad Gear Gang takes on the LBC! Let's get to the action!"
Block A
It's time for the Mad Gear Gang to face the LBC. Rocky Marioni of the LBC is still recovering after the intense beating that Bak Fu gave him during the first week of competition so it wasn't difficult for LBC to choose their members tonight. On the other side, Deke Armstrong seemed healthy enough after Mad Gear's previous victory over BATT and he is joined by the beastly Scombrésoce making his Battalion debut. (Due to his unwieldy name, Scombrésoce will be heretofore known as "Bill"...no, I think "Scombre" works here!)
Match #1: Mad Gear Gang vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Scombrésoce/Deke Armstrong vs. Rico Pizzicato/Sal Monella
Rico Pizzicato has come in with an attitude (based on the injury that his teammate Rocky suffered at the previous show) and wants to vent his anger onto Mad Gear Gang, specifically the debuting
Deke was highly effective in Mad Gear's previous match, getting pinfalls on both opponents. And that dominance of Deke is popping up again here. For while Sal is definitely the superior fighter in terms of ability, Deke is such a f'n tank that he just charges through one of Sal's punches with his own raw power channeled through a double axe-handle. Sal, not accustomed to facing someone of the size and power of Deke, definitely appears to be off his game. And it isn't long until Deke has Sal completely under control, drilling him to the mat with power moves such as body slams and gut wrench suplexes. Every time Rico tries to interfere, Scombre scares him off again like in the beginning of the match. Sal ultimately has no answer to the raw power that is Deke and falls to a "Deke Break" (Last Ride) while Rico stands frozen on the apron under the watchful and angry stare of Scombre.
Or frozen at least until the ref counts Sal out, and then Rico JETS into the ring and hits a huge running "Pizza Cutter" (diamond cutter) on Deke right as he's getting up from pinning Sal! Scombre protests and is about to get into the ring but Coach McGuirk (the ref for the match) says that Rico is now the legal man and he's allowing this. Gotta applaud the opportunism of Rico here as Deke finally looks like he's in trouble in this match. But Rico also realizes that Deke is not quite out of it and so its too early to try to pin him and risk giving up the momentum he has. Instead, Rico takes advantage of the seeming lack of technical skills of Deke and slaps on what he hungrily calls the "Mozzarella Stretch" (Dancing Yahoo). Deke has nowhere to go and looks completely unsure of how to break the hold!! The damage done to him from the previous show also appears to be playing a part in his prone state. And by the time the huge Scombre gets into the ring and lumbers over, Deke has tapped out!! LBC has evened it up!
And now we're back to square one, just with two less wrestlers, as Scombre is chasing Rico around the ring, angry at the tactics of the captain of the LBC. Rico isn't known for his courage but he is quite fiery and so finally mans up and tries to brawl with Scombre! But Scombre is just the bigger and badder man here and punishes Rico with an array of power moves similar to what we saw from Deke. Scombre goes big and smashes Rico to the mat with a powerbomb for a 2 count...but Rico actually gets a shoulder off the mat and then manuevers his legs into a triangle choke, showcasing his submission abilities! Scombre struggles but Rico has this thing on tight in desperation! Scombre begins lifting Rico with his arms...but falls back down as the hold is putting on too much pressure on his shoulders. But unlike Deke earlier, Scombre is in a position where he still has his legs under him...and so he uses his legs and back to POWER Rico up...despite remaining quite off-balance! And so it looks like Rico's hold may send them both down to the mat again... but Scombre gets some power from his own spinning momentum and proceeds to CRUSH Rico down to the mat with what appears to be a makeshift spinning doctor bomb...a move that he just so happens to call his finisher, the ["Brouilleur". Rico has the wind knocked clean out of him and is pinned easily for the 3 count.
Mad Gear Gang (O) ["Brouilleur" - 9:44 ] (X) LBC
*Both Battalions leave with little incident and we're ready for the next match. Team BATT comes out first with Diablo and Masked Man. Diablo struggled against Mad Gear during the previous show but Masked Man is fresh and making his debut here. Team NDP is up next led by Mr. E and...wait, where is the rest of them? Mr. E is the only one out here!! We quickly go to the ring where MJC has what we hope is an explanation.
[MJC:] "Folks there was a bit of a mix-up here, I'm afraid. Before any Battalion had a chance to look at the location list for these shows, Colleen Dramesi assigned her place in this match to Matt Shane. But once UBL finalized this lunar expedition, Colleen flat out DEMANDED that she be the first Dramesi on the moon! Matt Shane didn't seem to mind and even was happy to have a break to prepare for NDP's next match, since he was in the previous one. But, there was a bit of a problem...Colleen never cleared that change with UBL and we only learned about it when she was already on the moon."
*MJC gets closer to the camera and looks around, seeing if any officials are nearby*
[MJC:] "And uh...let's just say that UBL security thought that it was best...for Colleen's protection and totally not for Holly's, that Colleen DRAMESI not be forced to wrestle tonight. In fact, it was best to have a DRAMESI under tight security measures...total lock-down in a dome...the entire time we were on the moon!!! Since it was too late to have Matt Shane fly up here, Mr. E is in the unenviable position of going it alone! Remember, this is totally for Colleen's protection from uh...something!! And not for Holly's cause she's totally fine and confident and not at all scared at all AT ALL about anything, especially not Colleen's last name! But when asked about this whole mixup, Mr. E was actually happy not to have to rely on his two 'tone deaf' teammates to mess up his 'opera of violence.' Totally his words and not mine, I think Matt Shane has a lovely voice. Anyway, it looks like this match is about to start!"
Match #2: Team BATT vs. 'Team' NDP
Masked Man/Diablo vs. Mr. E.
Diablo and Masked man appear a bit confused here and they try to talk with Mr. E, offering to have one of them go "one on one" with him to make it fair. Diablo even goes to shake Mr. E's hand...which proves to be a HUGE mistake as Mr. E. immediately pulls him in for a short-armed lariat!! Masked Man protest but the ref (again ole McGuirk) sends him to the apron! Mr. E. follows-up on his questionably-gained advantage and goes to work on the back of Diablo that was weakened by Mad Gear on the previous show. It's clear Diablo is in trouble here as he is barely able to defend himself. Mr. E does everything he can to keep Masked Man out of this match, even throwing Diablo into Masked Man, knocking the Man off the apron!! Diablo bounces back into the ring but is facing away from Mr E...who grabs him from behind and hits the "Phenominal Mystery" (Half Nelson Suplex)!! Diablo is totally OUT and Mr. E picks up the easy victory in fall 1!
Or does he? No, he doesn't! Cause Masked Man was smart enough to reach out to make the tag to Diablo as the two knocked into each other!! Diablo wasn't the legal man after all so he wasn't pinned! Instead, we now have him struggling to gain his consciousness back as the angry Masked Man gets up from the floor outside and into the ring! It's still a handicap match! Mr. E's plan was working until it backfired a bit thanks to Masked Man's quick thinking. And Masked Man takes advantage of Mr. E's confusion here and begins taking the fight to him! Masked Man is pissed off at what happened earlier and is letting Mr. E know it! But Mr. E. is not someone to face off with in a blind rage cause there are few that know how to utilize anger more then him! And so he uses Masked Man's anger against him by playing possum and waiting for him to do something a bit more high risk (in Masked Man's case, a diving clothesline) and ducking just in time! Just like that, the scheming Mr. E has regained the advantage in this match.
And Mr. E is going at Masked Man with the same intensity and gameplay that he used against Diablo. This is paying off and its now Masked Man who is desperate to make the tag. But unfortunately, Diablo is still quite woozy and is barely able to support himself on the apron. However, Masked Man is not in as bad shape as Diablo was and is still mounting resistance to Mr. E's attempts to end the match by repeatedly kicking out of Mr. E's powerbomb attempts! This results in Mr. E's own frustration causes him to lose a bit of focus. As during a back body drop attempt, Mr. E. lowers his head way too early and Masked Man plants Mr. E right in the middle of the ring with a huge jumping piledriver!! This gets a shocking 2.9 considering Mr. E hasn't really suffered that much damage up to that point, but that piledriver was that effective. Masked Man doesn't know whether to attempt the tag or continue fighting in his weakened condition, but Diablo is still out of it enough for it to be wasteful to tag out now, especially with Mr. E on the proverbial ropes. Diablo positions for a rear grapple and hits a big german suplex for a 2.9. But Mr. E. still has enough left in him to fight out. Masked Man goes for yet another german suplex but Mr. E. hits a desperation mule kick, catching Masked Man right in the 'maskicles'.
This buys Mr. E. enough of a respite to notice that Diablo is still in bad shape. And so, Mr. E uses BATT's previous accidental strategy against them by bringing Masked Man over and slamming him onto Diablo in such a way that they make contact for a tag!! Diablo is the legal man but against his will!! Mr. E. then lariats Masked Man over the ropes to the outside and then drags Diablo into the ring. And it's take 2 on the "Phenominal Mystery"!! This time he gets the pin on the LEGAL Diablo and Mr. E has managed to bring this down from a handicap match to a 1 on 1. But wait, (60 minutes after eating to swim), as soon as Mr. E. gets up, Masked Man is already in the ring behind him! After all the shenanigans Mr. E has pulled this match, Masked Man isn't even giving him a CHANCE to recover after the pin! Masked Man grabs Mr. E from behind and thrusts him up for not 1, but 3 German suplexes, the third ending in a bridging pin! Having been taken by surprise, not to mention the damage suffered earlier, Mr. E. is not able to kick out of the pin! Masked Man leads BATT to victory in what has no doubt been one of the oddest matches of the Battalion so far!!
BATT (O) [Triple German Suplex- 31:34] (X) Team NDP
You gotta give Mr. E. credit for having the success and courage (or blind rage?) he had here. It's rare to have one wrestler be able to deal with a handicap match in such a competent degree, but in the end, BATT was just too much for him thanks to the increased intensity of Masked Man.
A big "EARLIER TONIGHT" graphic comes on the screen. That is followed by another message - "THIS TAKES PLACE ON THE MOON BETWEEN TMG WATCHING SEASONS ONE AND TWO OF 24"
*Team Moon Gas 200 Yen (and Reynold Anderson) were watching the ring being set up. Reynold was in a space suit, while OTAKU, Sam, and Ozzy were simply wearing paper bags over their heads*
[Reynold:] How can you three breathe like that?
[Ozzy:] How can you breathe in that big stupid looking thing!
[Reynold:] This is a space suit with an oxygen tank so you can breathe in space... you know, because they're no air.
[Ozzy:] Of course there is air! We paid the air bill!
[Reynold:] You... paid... the air bill?
[Ozzy:] Yup.
[Reynold:] So why are you wearing those...
[Ozzy:] Our super-high-tech space-age protection helmets?
[Reynold:] ...If that's what you bloody loons are calling those paper bags then...
[Ozzy:] Oh, this is the latest moon trend. We don't actually need them.
*They take them off, and Reynold takes off his helmet as well*
[Sam:] The moon is AWESOME, man. They just opened up a Dave and Busters here...
[OTAKU:] And we can play RDD whenever we want!
[Reynold:] ...Okay.
[OTAKU:] But lets show our adoring fans...
[Ozzy:] All three of them...
[OTAKU:] What else there is to do on the moon.
[Ozzy:] Like... KARAOKE!
*Cut to a clip of TMG on a stage*
[TMG:] INTERGALACTIC PLANETARY THREE!
*Cut back to them on the moon*
[Sam:] And... well, that's about it really.
[Reynold:] So... why are we competing on the Moon again?
[Ozzy:] ...Good question.
[Reynold:] It's your home arena! It's the one you signed up on!
[Ozzy:] Did I?
*Suddenly, a man wearing a giant pincushion walked into the shot*
[PM:] I AM THE PINCUSHION MAN! WELCOME!
[Reynold:] ...Do you know that guy?
[Ozzy:] Well yeah, he's the Pincushion Man.
[OTAKU:] He's awesome!
[Sam:] n00b.
[Reynold:] ...I hate my life."
*We cut back to the arena where we see MJC nodding along with a tear in her eye to the TMG200Y Promo*
[MJC:] "Yet people say there are no visionaries anymore. Through TMG...the high arts LIVE!! ANYWAY, we're now ready for our next match which is gonna be a real humdinger, if I may use such language on a Moon show. Which, considering I haven't been fired yet, I guess I can. Two of the top Battalions of the entire league now meet in what has to be considered the first time they've ever met on the moon! Yeah, just TRY to argue with that airtight commentary! You owe me a soda, Clyde!"
*Red Coogan approaches the ring in a normal space suit but Captain Kickass is donning a leaner version.
[MJC:] "What gives with Cap's 'active-wear'!?"
*MJC speaks into her headset and nods*
[MJC:] "Apparently, this is a new prototype of Cap's that he had his Battation scientists come out with. This allows him to have all the control he needs to moon-walk. No tether necessary, just complete self-reliance for a rugged man like Captain Kickass. The ladies love that kinda attitude, boys!"
*Bak Fu comes out next, surprisingly wearing a space-suit. Seriously, if ANYONE in attendance tonight was to come out here not needing a space suit...
[MJC:] "Recently, I read on the internet that Bak Fu doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs HIM. The more I think of it though, either that was slightly exaggerated or maybe he just wanted to be humble about his abilities tonight. Probably the latter cause things are never exaggerated on the internet, kids.*
*Eddie Swan comes out next, led by Jo Ryder! Both in Ryder space suits!*
[MJC:] "You gotta love this, folks! Eddie Swan making his return to pro wrestling and the UBL, and doing it in style with Jo Ryder by his side! She's waving and appears quite happy to have this lunar opportunity. And she certainly had to fight for it cause Holly was NOT happy to have Jo joining us here. In fact, one of the reasons this show took so much time to produce was that we originally had to take TWO space shuttles rather then one!! Jo Ryder and Holly simply could not get along in such cramped space and almost resorted to blows during launch!! But Jo is here and I'm sure Bak and Eddie will benefit from her tutelage."
Match #3: Team McPro vs. Freedom Brigade
Eddie Swan/Bak Fu vs. Captain Kickass/Red Coogan
Eddie Swan and Red Coogan elect to start for their respective teams. Eddie fires off some blistering chops but Red cuts off his momentum with a huge overhead chop to the chest, sending Eddie reeling backwards. Then Red plants himself in the middle of the ring and challenges Eddie to take him off his feet! Eddie grins, loving the challenge of the big man. Red looks confident that his size will reign supreme here but he grossly underestimates the abilities of the NCAA and former Olympic-bound athlete (whose quest was short-circuited only due to injury), Eddie Swan. Swan slams Coogan down in is as close to an effortless style rear takedown as one can ever imagine against someone of Red's size. Swan is also able to keep Coogan on the mat in an amateur style pin, but since Red is on his stomach, the ref doesn't count. Still, Coogan is unable to escape! Kickass looks surprised but poised while Red is shocked, but Jo Ryder just claps along proud of Eddie's abilities. Even Bak Fu is seen to nod in deference to the feat.
Eddie smirks as he lets Red get up, angering Red who then hoists Eddie up for a press slam. Swan has incredible technique but there is no doubt as to the power of Red Coogan! Eddie goes in for another slam but Coogan is smart enough to plant his back foot this time, and Eddie's momentum is cut off enough for Red to get the opportunity to hit a double axe handle. Coogan begins working on Swan's back with a number of vertical suplexes and gutwrenches. Jo begins to pound on the mat to rally Eddie, which begins to work until Red tags in Captain Kickass. The two hit a combined powerbomb/neckdrop and Kickass covers, just getting a 2. Kickass continues to work on Swan's back while mixing in some of his own deadly striking. However, when Kickass attempts a belly to belly, Swan takes exception to this encroachment of his style! Eddie holds on to the good Captain throughout the suplex and rolls with the belly to belly, causing them both to land back onto their feet where Eddie takes the initiative and executes his OWN style of belly to belly which sends Kickass skidding hard into the corner. Swan takes this opportunity to tag in Bak Fu.
Bak Fu slowly gets into the ring and stares down Kickass, who is getting up and wiping the moon dust off of him. As they slowly approach each other, neither man's stare wanders. Finally, Kickass throws the first blow in the form of an elbow, unfazing Bak. Bak fires right back and Kickass offers the same response. The two nod and even smile, enjoying their rare opportunity to go full bore against a worthy opponent. The next few minutes are just too awesome to possibly describe, as they throw every strike in their arsenal against each other, ranging from elbows to knees to the mythical flying archipelago (a hard to describe manuever that involves magnetic poles to provide momentum). Finally, both men let up, needing to catch their breath more then recover from any pain they feel. But it is clear to both they can not continue at this pace without an IV full of electrolytes. Eddie, Red, and Jo actually begin to clap for the two men in the ring, who shrug it off looking somewhat embarrassed at the accolades.
But its time to get serious again, and they decide to test their ground prowess. This time it's Bak who strikes first, going in for a double leg take down. Cap sprawls but Bak follows through and uses his great flexibility to use his arms to sweep Cap's legs. Bak lands on top, but Cap's initial counter gave him the time he needed to improve his position from prone bottom mount to bottom guard. And so when Bak attempts to go for a neck lock, Cap is in position to grab a Kimura! Bak is stunned here as Cap has it in perfectly, but Bak refuses to tap! This could be bad for Bak so early into the match and even Battalion, as Cap isn't one to relent or fail in his maneuvers. Jo urges Eddie to do something about it but Bak shouts to stay out. While still in the Kimura (and having been in it for a good five seconds), Bak begins HEADBUTTING Cap!! This immediately breaks up the kimura and even sends a rare look of shock onto Cap's face. When people call Bak a head-dropper, usually its not HIS head that he's dropping! But it worked here! The force of the headbutts broke up the mount and both men back off a bit. Bak begins to shake his arm out a bit, clearly favoring it, while Cap tries to get his balance back after those headbutts. Discretion beats out valor and the two men make the tag, allowing Eddie and Red back into the fold.
Red attempts to resume his assault on Eddie's back but Eddie is ready for him and goes into a LIFTING double leg take down of his own. Red has no defense to this and just does his best to avoid landing on his head. Eddie transitions into a boston crab but Red's great size and strength allows him to actually power out of the hold using his legs! Still, Coogan looks a bit woozy and so Eddie pushes the advantage by pushing Red into the corner and hitting some chops. He then gears up and grunts, hitting a HUGE belly to belly suplex on the giant! Eddie attempts a vertical suplex, but Red prevents Eddie from using a pro wrestling style throw where Red's size is just too great for him. Red reverses and slams Eddie down hard on his back. Then Red runs the ropes and hits a big splash for a 2 count. Red picks Eddie up and hits a back breaker, then...Red's climbing the ropes!! He hits a HUGE elbow dive pin onto Eddie and gets a 2.9 that is a hair away from the 3 count. Coogan drags Eddie into the center of the ring and picks him up into a bearhug. Jo Ryder begins punching the mat again, trying to rally Eddie. Eddie's hands are falling here and he may be in big trouble. His hand falls twice and is about to drop again when Jo screams out and Eddie's consciousness comes back. Cap looks a bit put off by Jo's emotional support here 'interfering' in the match, but Jo doesn't seem to care. She didn't attain her success by just lying back after all (quiet, Holly).
However, even though Eddie revives, he still can't break the clutch of Coogan, and so Bak Fu has to give a helping hand to Eddie in the form of a not-so-helpful KNEE to the face of Coogan. And this sends Cap in! All four men are in the ring as the mutual respect has finally been supplanted by the tension of the match and stakes! Cap and Eddie square off for the first time while Coogan targets Bak's arm with some huge double axe-handles on the other side of the ring. Coogan muscles Bak up onto the turnbuckle and goes for a top rope superplex. But Eddie has managed to block Coogan from behind! This gives Bak the opportunity to readjust and get his legs around Coogan...in frankensteiner position!! OMG he just sent Coogan to the outside with an avalanche frankensteiner! Coogan is out cold!! Kickass runs outside and begins to revive him. During this time, Swan has tagged Bak in but both men allow Kickass to tend to Red, perhaps feeling a bit concerned as to his health after the height and magnitude of that fall. As the count reaches 10, Coogan revives a bit and seems to be able to walk around, but Cap has to make a judgment call here. Can Red safely continue? Cap doesn't think so but Red refuses to give up and rolls into the mat on his own power. Red uses his last remaining spirt of energy to charge at Bak with a spear, but Bak actually counters it by by grabbing Red's head and rolling backwards into a front neck lock!! What an incredible reversal and Red has nowhere to go, no energy left, no choice but to tap out. McPro is up 2-1.
Cap runs into the ring and wastes no time in taking the fight to Bak, still getting up from choking out Red. Kickass goes right back to Bak's arm that he damaged before in the Kimura. This time, Kickass goes for a jujigatame to avoid Bak's headbutts. Bak holds on but its clear that arm is hurting. Kickass is just pulling back as hard as he can and Eddie runs in to break the hold up. Cap gets in Eddie's face, wanting to wrestle Bak 1 on 1, but Eddie reminds him that this is a tag match. It's clear that both men respect each other but have quite a difference in opinion in how this match should take place. Meanwhile, Bak has been given a chance to rest his arm a bit. The ref restores order and Eddie gets back onto the apron. Bak is up and avoids any elbow strikes, instead going for knees. Cap realizes Bak's offense will be limited to his legs and catches a knee, grabbing him in an exploder suplex for a possible pin! 2.9! Cap then goes into the Combat Clutch, with extra tweaking on the arm! Bak is not one to tap out though, as we've seen and both Eddie and Jo are getting nervous. Eddie runs in again, stomping Cap, but the ref sends Eddie out! Meanwhile, Cap takes advantage of the distraction and, while keeping on the clutch, transitions into a pin! Bak is trapped and can not escape the pin! Cap has pinned Bak and the match is all tied with just Cap and Eddie remaining.
Eddie comes in slowly but Cap gets into his face, none too happy with what has transpired. Eddie is just trying to concentrate on wrestling here but Cap is really angry here and is throwing elbows and knees like no one's business. Unfortunately, while Cap is flailing and Eddie goes for a chop, he catches Cap in the eye. But rather then taking advantage, he actually backs up a bit, allowing Cap to get his bearings back. Eddie's display of sportsmanship has calmed Cap down, but he appears a bit winded from his previous outburst as well as from the fatigue of the match. This makes it very difficult for him to fend off Eddie's high impact offense, culminating in a trio of german suplexes. Cap has enough energy to continue to kick out, but its clear that Eddie has the advantage here and continues doing damage to Cap's back. Cap is able to reverse a german suplex and switch to Eddie's back, where he then grabs Eddie in a rear naked choke! But rather then have both legs around Eddie, he keeps only one leg around him and the other wedged in Eddie's back, taking advantage of the damage Coogan did earlier and turning this hold into a much more painful one. It's clear this is a gamble though as his hold isn't as tight as it would be with two legs. The gamble does not pay off because Swan still has enough reserve left. And so, Eddie uses the elevated angle of his body due to Cap's knee, to flip out backwards, breaking the hold.
Both men are down now, Eddie favoring his back while Cap is simply out of energy. Eddie tries to lift Cap up but can't, that knee-assisted RNC was just too much for his back to support anyone else's weight. But Cap can't get himself to his feet either. And so, he keeps himself open for Swan's final line of attack, submission. Eddie grabs Cap in his signature elevated boston crab, and while Cap tries to fight it, Eddie musters one last bit of strength and roars, turning Cap over and pulling back as hard as he can! Cap refuses to tap out though, even despite his depleted energy reserve. Jo screams for Eddie to hold on regardless and he does just that, as Cap has nothing left and actually passes out in the hold.
Team McPro (O) [Swan Hold - 35:40] (X) Freedom Brigade
*Red gets into the ring and helps Cap regain his consciousness while Jo and Bak help Swan into the corner. Both Battalions take their time getting their energy back and meet in the ring. There's a long pause but finally, the teams shake each others hands and praise each other for their efforts. They get back into their space suits and go leave the dome while MJC finds her way back in.*