Week 3. Show 2
Feb 5, 2009 3:19:42 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Feb 5, 2009 3:19:42 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008-9
Week 3: Show 2
The Fatman-ryuu Dojo - Tweedmouth, UK
Cheerio!! This is Dame Jean Carter here in lovely ole England!! And I've been riding in lifts, followed by bobbies, and eating fish and chips all week! And if thats not stereotypically British enough, I've also been drinking so much tea that time has slowed down around me! In the time it took you to read this paragraph, I already wrote the entire show!!!! Decaf Jean, decaf next time!!
But you can't blame a girl for getting excited as the main event of this show has been quite long awaited! Quite, indeed! OrochiGeese has not stepped into the ring with "Big-boned" Dave Fairbairn ever since their days in the old Pro Wrestlng WILD territory. (oh the stories people have told) But before you get too nostalgic about guys elbowing each other in the face and shaving each other's heads FOR REAL, remember that this ENTIRE show has quite a line up of exciting and equally important matches in terms of RANKINGS! So let's check out the card!
This is the match lineup for tonight:
Block B matches:
Team NDP vs. Mad Gear Gang
Team BATT vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Delphin Army vs. Freedom Brigade
Interblock Match: Team McPro vs. Team SMN
Block C Matches:
PCW Originals vs. Clan of the Sun
Canada Brothers vs. Dod Squad
Fatman Pro Wres vs. Orochi Army
(Jean's Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and are 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and is a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match!)
Despite Geese's rivalry with Dave, Drake has instructed me to thank Fatman Pro Wrestling for allowing us to use their Dojo tonight as the arena! This literally has all the comforts of home cause I am told Martin Fairbairn sometimes passes out and sleeps here! We also have a very rabid bunch of fans, no doubt cheering for their home Battalion but also ready for a night of unforgettable action! Let's get to the ring, shall we, guv'nas!
Block B
Our first match pits Team NDP against the Mad Gear Gang. Now, New Damage Pro Wrestling has had quite the busy month with their New Years, No Limits tour going strong. And on that tour, Matt Shane has just come off a frustrating loss to Adam Galcian, who attentive UBL fans will know is in this Battalion as the leader of ARMADA! Matt seems motivated tonight but so is Mad Gear who is undefeated in this league!! Team NDP is split with 1 win and 1 loss. I know ole Jean hasn't said much about rankings before this show, but now that we're one show away from being into the fourth week of a seven week league, the teams are gonna have to kick things into high gear! And that means I will too!! Official win/loss records are really important in leagues so let's see if I can't debrief you guys when its appropriate! As for now, both teams have come down to the ring, Team NDP getting a very large amount of cheers. Here we go!
Match #1: Team NDP vs. Mad Gear Gang
Mr. E/Matt Shane vs. Scombrésoce/A.L. Armstrong
Kaiser Sose..uh, Scombresoce is starting out for this team. (Usual Suspects was a great movie but it gave me nightmares!) against Mr. E. (another guy who gives me the heeblejeebles!). Both these guys are fearless and the fans don't seem too surprised when we get an ole fashioned 2-man english football riot right in the middle of the ring! "Mann United you say? BAH! Arsenal or bust!" (You can really tell that guidebook I bought was worth the $6). So after these two just level each other with punches, lariats, and evil eyes, A.L. Armstrong calls for Scombre to have a corner meeting. No punch and pie included...boring meeting!
Mr. E. gets impatient after a few seconds and charges, but Mad Gear saw it coming and may have even planned it, and double team E in the corner with hammer punches! This brings in Matt Shane but the referee (Guybrush...is that his name?) holds him back. Come on, Mr. Brush! He's just trying to even the odds! Oh well, looks like order has been retained as now A.L. Armstrong is in the ring and appears to be outwrestling Mr. E.. He's keeping the big man down with a variety of what is called "rest holds" in the olde english. Finally, Matt Shane looks like he's had ENOUGH of all this tomfoolery and rushes into the ring, nailing A.L. with a superkick as he has Mr. E in a sleeper (luckily Mr. E ducked!)!! Mr. E. takes immediate advantage and hits the "Phenominal Mystery" (Half Nelson Suplex) for the very quick pin!!!!
Matt Shane then goes over to the other corner slingshots Scombre inside!! It's not exactly like Matt to be so aggressive but he looks so charged up for tonight! But Mr. E. is still the legal man and refuses to tag out, resulting in a bit of a shoving match between him and Matt! This probably wasn't a great idea as the still somewhat freshSconesaresaucy Scombre gets up and blindsides Mr. E with a punch to the jaw! But startlingly, Mr. E. gets back up!! That would freak out just about anyone but Scombre has the wherewithal to immediately kick him in the stomach and hit the Brouilleur (Spinning Doctor Bomb)! The fatigue from the brawl earlier as well as A.L's offence helped keep Mr. E. down for the pinfall. But as A.L is celebrating the pin, he fails to see Matt Shane up on the top rope...and Matt dives onto the still sitting Scombre with a dropkick right to the face, sending Scombre literally tumbling backwards and upside down onto his face!! That was incredible, Matt!! And he immediately picks up the pinfall without any problem.
Team NDP (O) [Top Rope Dropkick - 13:23 ] (X) Mad Gear Gang
Ok, once the dust clears in the ring we can continue!! And my foot tapping doesn't appear to speed anything up. But let's get on with the talky part, shall we! Next up we have Team BATT against the Legitimate Businessman's Club. I believe some of the Team BATT members are actually from this fair country so they are getting their homecomings worth of applause! BATT is looking to get a win here to bring their record to 2-1 while LBC just wants their first victory! LBC isn't getting too much love from the English crowd though a few fans in Stuart Robinson shirts appear to appreciate them. Takes shenanigans to love shenanigans I suppose. So both teams are now raring to go and I'd rather not let my wordsmithery stop them. You see the bloggy link, click it and watch the match, why doncha!?
Match #2: Team BATT vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Red Dragon/Masked Man vs. Marioni/Sal Monella
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Even the LBC fell short, they certainly looked extremely impressive and gave Team BATT a run for their pounds. That's the currency here, right? I wish I would have known THAT before I bought all those Tower of London "fun bucks." Not nearly as fun as I hoped!
Team BATT (O) [Jumping Armbreaker- 29:18] (X) LBC
Ooohh...what's that! OMG..."Seized by Fury" is playing and it's Geese! Orochi Geese is out here...and he's wearing a black suit with white pinstripes and a gold tie! Wow that man's got style to spare! He is carrying a microphone and is walking to the ring! OMIGAWSH...I'm gonna have to get every word down here or I'll be fired! Focus, Jean, focus!
[Geese:] "I come before you not just as the owner, not just as a participating Battalion wrestler, but as the man who has brought glory to UBL by earning a shot at the top championship of another promotion, the FPCPP. Soon I will be their king... just as I am yours. Since it was my resurrection of UBL that has inspired me to ever increasing heights in recent years, it is only fitting that I celebrate in front of my audience."
(MJC here in parenthesis! Wow, the fans aren't liking Geese here!! But he doesn't seem to even be acknowledging their reactions! But wait...I think he's reacting now as....it's Celes' music! OMG! General Celes is here in England!!!!! And she's coming out, with Mr. Figaro and Mr. Clyde following her!? What is going on here! She has her own microphone and is in the ring. Clyde and Figaro are staring on intently, Figaro isn't even smiling! And he didn't even try to flirt with anyone on the way to the ring! Celes stands in the ring and is looking at Geese's suit.
[Celes:] "I trust you brought a change of clothing?"
(MJC: Are we all going swimming!? Yea! Orochi-O's Swimfest 2009!)
[Geese:] "What you see is my wardrobe for the evening, dear General."
[Celes:] "That is quite unfortunate. I don't imagine wrestling in that will be easy."
[Geese:] "Nor will it be done. I am not sure if your hearing has suffered from the shrill voices of KENTA Army but I have a Title shot next weekend. As such, I have not prepared for any match tonight as it would be quite foolish for me to wrestle here and risk injury."
[Celes:] "No, it would be foolish for you to recant on your promise. We have told you for months now that you would be teaming with Clyde tonight against the Fatman Pro Wrestling Battalion. He and Figaro have had to go two shows without your involvement and you gave your WORD that you would back one of them up tonight. You are a cruel man, Geese, but even YOU stand by your word."
(Geese looks angry!)
[Geese:] "Do you know what I have had to go through recently to get my rightful Title shot?"
[Celes:] "Your outside business can no longer be a distraction. You have been neglecting your duties as an Orochi Army Battalion member for nearly a year. You WILL wrestle this match tonight."
(Uh oh...no one has ever ordered Geese around like that. And he doesn't seem happy.)
[Geese:] "Or WHAT?"
[Celes:] "Or we walk. Simple as that. You will be a Battalion of one. You do not have enough allies to fill in for us. Kyle is back in the states and even he is just one man. Figaro will not step in for you again. So if you do not team with Clyde, you will be forfeiting the match tonight. Most importantly, you will have permanently lost our services. And so your Orochi Army will be left with only you, Kyle, and your whore."
(OMG she did NOT just call Holly that to Geese's face!!!!! I think his eyes are turning red! Oh no! He's all up in Celes' face now. But when he does that, Clyde and Figaro get closer too and uh...they don't seem as jovial as they usually are on Voltage! Even Clyde is more tense then usual!)
[Geese:] "If you ever call her that again-"
(Celes smirks)
[Celes:] "I've called her that countless times and will continue to do so at my leisure. But this is not ABOUT me...or even her. If you are a member of this Battalion, if you are an ALLY to Clyde and Figaro, you will not sit by one more match as they take damage to their fatigued bodies for YOUR Battalion Championship goal. They are here to help you, and yet you care nothing of their efforts and plight on your behalf. If you actually care at all about them... "
[Geese:] "..."
(Geese isn't even responding to that! Instead, he's shaking with rage at what is going down! Come on Geese, they're your friends!! Clyde and Figaro just looked at each other and nodded with a resigned look.)
[Celes:] "Then if you actually care about WINNING, you realize you will be needed tonight to take on Dave Fairbairn. This show has been planned before you even earned yourself a shot at the FPCPP title you value so dearly in spite of your business here. This show has been planned before you snuck yourself on EFW Shows with some secret agenda that has caused you to split your attention: a tendency I have tried to dissuade you from for YEARS now. So tell me Geese, if UBL is truly your home promotion and THEY are truly your Orochi Army, then will you not be the king of YOUR castle for one night!? Is that too much to ask? Because if it is, then we will leave and return to OUR castle."
(The fans are silent and I can't believe this. I've heard Celes argue with Geese before but NEVER in public like this, never in front of the fans. And not only argue, but give an ultimatum!! Geese is furious but he's also deep in thought! For once, I don't think he knows what to do!)
[Celes:] "You have til the final match to make your decision. If you do not come out ready to wrestle, then I hope you spend that time looking for new recruits to your neglected army."
(Celes, Clyde, and Figaro walk to the back as Geese is fuming!! We better get to commercials folks!)
*Commercials for CWA's World Domination show*
Wow...that was some heavy stuff. Not to be selfish here, but if Celes leaves now, does that mean I'm the new OG-Joshi General....oh my, not now. I'm not ready yet! Geese you better come out there and fight tonight! Deep breaths, Jean, deep breaths. Ok, let's try to get back to business or else i'm gonna get fired by Drake the same night I may get a promotion in OG-Joshi!! OMG.
Deep breaths.
So we have our next match as the Delphin Army faces the Freedom Brigade. Freedom Brigade comes into tonight's show after one of the best matches of the Battalion: their encounter with Team McPro on the moooooon! They fell short but they earned the respect of a lot of the other Battalions and fans here, and certainly mine! Unfortunately, the also 0 and 1 Delphin Army is experiencing a touch of trouble as JD Delphin recently told Drake Yoshida that their third member, Gigatron, had left. Drake looked at him in the eye as if JD was joking and said that Gigatron had never actually come here to begin with. Unfortunately, Drake was right. For some reason, JD Delphin had believed Gigatron was participating in this Battalion the whole time, even the interblock match, but he wasn't. In fact, no one even knows what this Gigatron looks like!! I know Mr. Delphin is in BINGO-1 and I wonder if the loss of Johnny "got to him". Yanno...in the head. Eek! But for now, Drake is trying to decide what to do with the third spot on the Delphin Army Battalion. We hope to have an update on that but until then, JD and Crusher will be in action. Speaking of action, let's get to it!
Match #3: Delphin Army vs. Freedom Brigade
JD Delphin/Crusher vs. Captain Kickass/Aaron Eldridge
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Freedom Brigade rebounded strongly from their past loss but Delphin Army is really gonna have to come to terms with their "loss" of uh, someone who wasn't really there to begin with! Figure THAT out, fans! And when you do, let me in on it!
Delphin Army (X) [Lunging Cross - 23:51] (O) Freedom Brigade
INTERMISSION
Allrighty! I've been looking forward to this for a while! As many of you know, UBL has been serviced recently by Park Young-Tae's "Chippy" stand! But tonight, we actually have a full grill, it looks like something out of Iron Chef here!! Folks, Park is really catering to his home crowd and they are loving the FEAST of Park! But if I can just get a quick...hold on buster, I'm not cutting, I'm staff here! No I won't queue up, I have a job to do! Security! Security!!
*rustling*
Ok, I got myself a fried eel pie on a stick. I'm sure this was worth getting accosted for!! But if you follow me to the merchandise table, I hear there are some great stuff. First and foremost, Geese wasted absolutely NO time in having his merch people print up an "Orochi Geese - FPCPP World Champion" shirt. Talk about getting ahead of himself!!!! In fact, he was SO guaranteed of his upcoming victory that he actually decided to give away these shirts for FREE - one to every fan tonight! Apparently, he wants "mind share" or whatever that means. Whenever I try to ask Holly about complicated marketing terms, she uses a sexual euphemism that demeans me in some way. So I'm much better off on Wikipedia! Along with Geese's pre-celebratory shirts, we have a bunch of "Orochi Army conquers England" shirts. These are...not selling so well. And my guess is if they were given away, they'd just be burned. But luckily these are not the only shirts available as we have a bunch of J.U.S.T.I.C.E. sleeveless t-shirts to show off "your guns", some BINGO-1 Heroes shirts as well. And of course, far and beyond the biggest sellers tonight are PTFW, LRI, and Fatman-Pro Wres merchandise. We have Dave headbands, Martin crotch-guards (eww), VD Dod lectures, the whole shebang. Even OG-Joshi star Lisa Robinson has some merchandise here, good for you Lisa!
Another group who seems to be a hot merch seller are Team McPro. And they are about to take part in the Interblock match tonight with Team SMN. There are a lot of big, tough, and fierce men in here and I think we're about to have quite a fight! Just putting Bak Fu in the kind of unpredictable situation that a 3 on 3 tornado match is making me a bit scared of even being in the arena! But if these tough Brits can do it, then I can too...NOICANT!
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Ok, Mean Jean Carter here reporting from the UPPER deck of the arena. I should be safe here! So let's get to the match!!
Interblock: Team McPro vs. Team SMN
Nick Strife, Bak Fu, Eddie Swan vs. Aigion, Mike Poe, Razgriz
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And what a fight we just had!! Team SMN really showed us something by not backing down from the top reputation that the McPro Battalion has. While Nick Strife got the victory here, it was not without a lot of resistance and very close nearfalls through the efforts of his opponents. We saw Aigion and Razgriz almost defeat Orochi Army on the Open Show before the Battalion began (in like 1982...) and they make a very formidable team with the bruiser, Mike Poe. I think McPro's (that rhymes with Mike Poe!) superior wrestling ability and experience won them this match but wowzers was that ever a close one!!
Team McPro (O) ["Tiger Driver" - 20:02] (X) Team SMN
Block C
And now it's time for some Block C action! I've been told that the "C" in Block "C" stands for "CHAOS" but it may also stand for "COMPETITION" or speaking in "CAPS". In either CASE, we have a big match coming up right now. Both the PCW and Clan of the Sun Battalions have 1 win and 1 loss a'piece. The PCW Originals have looked great, beating Orochi Army but falling just short of victory in a tremendous match with the Fatman Pro Wres team. For their part, Clan of the Sun lost to Orochi Army but beat Team SMN. Of note is that this is the first time Willy Pierot and Mike Sandberg are teaming up and well...it's quite a pairing! Willy is a big fan of Mike and I know Mike is very protective and supportive of his fans. So I'd advice Clan of the Sun to be...respectful of that. If you get what I'm saying... but you most certainly don't since I'm writing all this AFTER seeing the match. Oh I've given entirely too much away! Let's just see what happened!
Match #4: PCW Originals vs. Clan of the Sun[/b][/size]
Willy/Mike Sandberg vs. Huitzilopochtli/Ra-Horus-Aten
Huitzl offers Willy a handshake, and Willy takes it! Well isn't THAT nice! And the two thus begin a series of events that can best be described as flashtastic! No, no one flashed anyone! (note: I'm not including the fans in that statement) but these two really went at it with some luchafun moves that I couldn't wrap my head around! After it appeared that neither man had the advantage...though ONE of them appeared louder then the other (i shouldn't bring it up, it's not Willy's fault), they had to take a breather. The fans applauded as Huitzl offered Willy another handshake. But this time, Huitzl hit a low blow!! Oh this wasn't nice at all and Mike Sandberg just about flipped his lid in response! He ran into the ring and SPEARED Huitzl out of his boots...literally!!!! Willy then put on Huitzl's boots and walked around the ring in a very uncomfortable display for everyone. But Huitzl couldn't take advantage as he had the wind knocked out of him. Mike instructed Willy to make the pin, but he wanted to instead do the W! O! R! M! which got the crowd back into things! Willy picked up the pin immediately after. He then tagged in Mike Sandberg who faced off with Ra-Horus-Aten.
Ra and Mike went at it, Mike taking the advantage early on with a cavalcade of punches, slams, and shoulder blocks. Ra had to powder out and think of a strategy. He came back in and immediately took Mike down with some amateur style wrestling. Then he kept the advantage with some throws that I can't quite identify (they have Japanese-y names I think) but I Celes called that stuff judo in the past when Haley Cannon did it (though Haley did it better...sorry Ra!). Ra slammed Mike and then tried to keep him down with his wrestling but it appeared to be ALL he could do, as he wasn't able to really hurt the big man enough to get more then a 2 count. So Ra went over to the PCW corner and OMG he just slapped poor Willy!! This drove Mike mad once again and he rushed into the corner with a spear...but Ra used his agility to jump onto the ropes!! Mike ended up spearing the turnbuckles and that looked PAINFUL! Ra didn't hesitate for one second and jumped from the post onto Mike with a Phoenix Splash he calls the "Great Flight of the Aten" His opportunism paid off as he got the pinfall and evened up the match!!
So what happened next, you ask? Willy went over to Huitzi and offered a handshake of his own! Ra hesitated for a moment, clearly confused at this display. When he went to kick Willy, it was already too late. Willy had started to spin around and hit a HUGE rolling kesagiri chop!! The force of it knocked Ra right out on his arse! I can't believe that! (or that I just said "arse!") Willy then pinned Ra and got the victory!! After all that happened the whole match, Willy came out on top!! I just wonder if he actually MEANT to do that chop but then again, the name of it kinda answers that question, right? No? Oh well. Yea Willy!
PCW Originals (O) [Involuntary Chop - 12:44] (X) Clan of the Sun
Ok, once the situation in the ring gets all cleaned up, we can continue on. Up next we have the Dod Squod facing the Canada Brothers and well, I think this may be a pretty lopsided match. Caleb and Ronnie are HUGE and dominant whereas the Canada Brothers haven't won a match for a while. But despite that, they appear to be getting a very large reaction as they have just started to come out! The fans are really uniting behind the Canada Brothers here, I guess it is a British connection thing right? Didn't the Queen offer Canada a return or was that just a Kids in the Hall episode that I didn't understand well. Either way, Canada is NOT being blamed tonight! And both Doug and Bob actually look energized from this reaction, more so then I've ever seen them! Caleb and Ronnie now enter and seem to be laughing them off but the Canada Brothers are staring forward with a purpose! Can they pull off the crowd-fueled upset, or will the undefeated Dods (ok, fine, just 1 win but they dominated their interblock match!) continue their winning ways? Can Doug or Bob actually physically MOVE Caleb Dod in the ring? And is Ronnie Dod's "ZURGE" drink, that he has been promoting recently, a legal substance? Cause he just started passing those around the arena!! Oh boy, a lot of questions to answer and just one match to do it in, so let's get popping!
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Dod Squod
Canada Doug/Canada Bob vs. Ronnie Dod/Caleb Dod
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Canada Brothers (X) (O) Dod Squod
And we're going backstage to where Drake Yoshida is waiting outside Geese's locker room. Geese comes out and is about to walk by but Drake stops him!
[Geese:] "Don't slow me down, Drake, you know what I have to do."
[Drake:] "I've told you for over a year that Celes wasn't out for your best interests, nothing has changed. But now is not the time to deal with it. The fact is, your chances in the Battalion are in peril if you don't win this match. To not even wrestle it, and allow them to leave, would be irrational. The Dods just won their match and you know that they and the Fatman Battalion are the biggest threats to you in this sub league. As much as it disgusted me to hear Celes give you...OrochiGeese... an order, the fact remains you have a match to win tonight."
[Geese:] "She gave me an ultimatum, no one gets away with that."
[Drake:] "And you're focusing on THAT rather then your best interests? That's not like you."
[Geese:] "Holly said the same."
[Drake:] "Then listen to her if you won't to me. Celes insulted your honor, but now you have to do what's best for your GLORY. And that's gold, it always has been."
[Geese:] "Glory is mine to define. It is clear what I have to do, even if only I can derive enjoyment from doing it. The match is on, Drake."
Oh boy, Geese smirked and is now walking towards the ring area! Drake is smiling but seems confused, which for once I don't blame him for!
Amd it's time for the main event. I think Fatman Pro would usually come out last here since this is their home turf but well, after all that happened tonight, it's probably best they get on down to the ring so they are ready for anything. And they do just that as Park Hyun Soo and Dave Fairbairn come out to MASSIVE applause. Like, that may have been the biggest ovation ANY Battalion got this entire league!!! The fans are showing their love (especially the female fans, that's a few "pairs" of love to show!) and singing what sounds like some football "fight" songs. Dave looks incredibly focused, as does Park. They aren't even letting themselves bask in the celebration cause they know they will have a war!!
Clyde is out first, flanked by both Celes and Figaro. He waits on the stage. And with no music heralding his appearance, Orochi Geese comes out in his usual wrestling clothes. He smirks at Celes but doesn't make eye contact with Clyde or Figaro. Then he marches straight to the ring. Clyde follows and it looks like Figaro and Celes are standing by ...oh wait, they're sitting next to me now to watch the match.
H...hi Celes! ... Celes?
Ok, not so talkative tonight, that's ok. Hey Figaro, want a big hug?
He..he doesn't. Wow, ok, I'm getting creeped out here, and not in the usual way when Figaro is around me (especially when the topics of "hugs" or "big" are brought up). so let's just get to the match! Quickly now!
Match #6: Team Fatman Pro Wres vs. Orochi Army
Park Hyun Soo/Dave Fairbairn vs. Mr. Clyde/OrochiGeese
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What a match we just had! I don't even know what to say first here but Dave Fairbairn brought the crowd to a frenzy with the winning powerslam on the much smaller Clyde! A sudden powerslam from someone of Dave's strength against the smaller Clyde can be devestating! But I'm really shocked at how Dave was able to fight out of Clyde's Shadow Edge so late in the match! Also, you gotta give a lot of credit to Park Hyun Soo for what may have been his best effort EVER in a match, taking the fight to Geese! Drake has told me he has his eyes on Park and I can see why, he's really been delivering some fire in the ring!
Fatman Pro Wres (O) [Powerslam - 33:27] (X) Orochi Army
But Geese doesn't seem to have enjoyed this match as much as the fans and I have, and he's now yelling at Clyde for losing! Clyde isn't even up on his feet yet either! He's still recovering on the mat from that powerslam! Oh and here come Celes and Figaro. Figaro is getting between Geese and Clyde so that Celes can check on him. Once she helps Clyde up, she walks with him backstage and Figaro follows as the three go up the ramp. Geese just stands on the outside of the ring watching them go backstage.
Meanwhile. the fans are all going "Fat-man-Pro", "Fat-man-Pro!" as Dave leads them in the chant while Park Hyun Soo is leaning back against the ropes soaking in the moment!! What a victory for Fatman Pro Wrestling and the people of England as a whole!! This has been an unforgettable Battalion!! That's for sure!! We'll see you next as Week 4 starts, emanating from the McPro Arena in South Dakota! Til then, this has been Mean Jean Carter...who may possibly be OG-Joshi General by the end of this week! Aah!! Bye-E!
Week 3: Show 2
The Fatman-ryuu Dojo - Tweedmouth, UK
Cheerio!! This is Dame Jean Carter here in lovely ole England!! And I've been riding in lifts, followed by bobbies, and eating fish and chips all week! And if thats not stereotypically British enough, I've also been drinking so much tea that time has slowed down around me! In the time it took you to read this paragraph, I already wrote the entire show!!!! Decaf Jean, decaf next time!!
But you can't blame a girl for getting excited as the main event of this show has been quite long awaited! Quite, indeed! OrochiGeese has not stepped into the ring with "Big-boned" Dave Fairbairn ever since their days in the old Pro Wrestlng WILD territory. (oh the stories people have told) But before you get too nostalgic about guys elbowing each other in the face and shaving each other's heads FOR REAL, remember that this ENTIRE show has quite a line up of exciting and equally important matches in terms of RANKINGS! So let's check out the card!
This is the match lineup for tonight:
Block B matches:
Team NDP vs. Mad Gear Gang
Team BATT vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Delphin Army vs. Freedom Brigade
Interblock Match: Team McPro vs. Team SMN
Block C Matches:
PCW Originals vs. Clan of the Sun
Canada Brothers vs. Dod Squad
Fatman Pro Wres vs. Orochi Army
(Jean's Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and are 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and is a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match!)
Despite Geese's rivalry with Dave, Drake has instructed me to thank Fatman Pro Wrestling for allowing us to use their Dojo tonight as the arena! This literally has all the comforts of home cause I am told Martin Fairbairn sometimes passes out and sleeps here! We also have a very rabid bunch of fans, no doubt cheering for their home Battalion but also ready for a night of unforgettable action! Let's get to the ring, shall we, guv'nas!
Block B
Our first match pits Team NDP against the Mad Gear Gang. Now, New Damage Pro Wrestling has had quite the busy month with their New Years, No Limits tour going strong. And on that tour, Matt Shane has just come off a frustrating loss to Adam Galcian, who attentive UBL fans will know is in this Battalion as the leader of ARMADA! Matt seems motivated tonight but so is Mad Gear who is undefeated in this league!! Team NDP is split with 1 win and 1 loss. I know ole Jean hasn't said much about rankings before this show, but now that we're one show away from being into the fourth week of a seven week league, the teams are gonna have to kick things into high gear! And that means I will too!! Official win/loss records are really important in leagues so let's see if I can't debrief you guys when its appropriate! As for now, both teams have come down to the ring, Team NDP getting a very large amount of cheers. Here we go!
Match #1: Team NDP vs. Mad Gear Gang
Mr. E/Matt Shane vs. Scombrésoce/A.L. Armstrong
Kaiser Sose..uh, Scombresoce is starting out for this team. (Usual Suspects was a great movie but it gave me nightmares!) against Mr. E. (another guy who gives me the heeblejeebles!). Both these guys are fearless and the fans don't seem too surprised when we get an ole fashioned 2-man english football riot right in the middle of the ring! "Mann United you say? BAH! Arsenal or bust!" (You can really tell that guidebook I bought was worth the $6). So after these two just level each other with punches, lariats, and evil eyes, A.L. Armstrong calls for Scombre to have a corner meeting. No punch and pie included...boring meeting!
Mr. E. gets impatient after a few seconds and charges, but Mad Gear saw it coming and may have even planned it, and double team E in the corner with hammer punches! This brings in Matt Shane but the referee (Guybrush...is that his name?) holds him back. Come on, Mr. Brush! He's just trying to even the odds! Oh well, looks like order has been retained as now A.L. Armstrong is in the ring and appears to be outwrestling Mr. E.. He's keeping the big man down with a variety of what is called "rest holds" in the olde english. Finally, Matt Shane looks like he's had ENOUGH of all this tomfoolery and rushes into the ring, nailing A.L. with a superkick as he has Mr. E in a sleeper (luckily Mr. E ducked!)!! Mr. E. takes immediate advantage and hits the "Phenominal Mystery" (Half Nelson Suplex) for the very quick pin!!!!
Matt Shane then goes over to the other corner slingshots Scombre inside!! It's not exactly like Matt to be so aggressive but he looks so charged up for tonight! But Mr. E. is still the legal man and refuses to tag out, resulting in a bit of a shoving match between him and Matt! This probably wasn't a great idea as the still somewhat fresh
Team NDP (O) [Top Rope Dropkick - 13:23 ] (X) Mad Gear Gang
Ok, once the dust clears in the ring we can continue!! And my foot tapping doesn't appear to speed anything up. But let's get on with the talky part, shall we! Next up we have Team BATT against the Legitimate Businessman's Club. I believe some of the Team BATT members are actually from this fair country so they are getting their homecomings worth of applause! BATT is looking to get a win here to bring their record to 2-1 while LBC just wants their first victory! LBC isn't getting too much love from the English crowd though a few fans in Stuart Robinson shirts appear to appreciate them. Takes shenanigans to love shenanigans I suppose. So both teams are now raring to go and I'd rather not let my wordsmithery stop them. You see the bloggy link, click it and watch the match, why doncha!?
Match #2: Team BATT vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Red Dragon/Masked Man vs. Marioni/Sal Monella
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Even the LBC fell short, they certainly looked extremely impressive and gave Team BATT a run for their pounds. That's the currency here, right? I wish I would have known THAT before I bought all those Tower of London "fun bucks." Not nearly as fun as I hoped!
Team BATT (O) [Jumping Armbreaker- 29:18] (X) LBC
Ooohh...what's that! OMG..."Seized by Fury" is playing and it's Geese! Orochi Geese is out here...and he's wearing a black suit with white pinstripes and a gold tie! Wow that man's got style to spare! He is carrying a microphone and is walking to the ring! OMIGAWSH...I'm gonna have to get every word down here or I'll be fired! Focus, Jean, focus!
[Geese:] "I come before you not just as the owner, not just as a participating Battalion wrestler, but as the man who has brought glory to UBL by earning a shot at the top championship of another promotion, the FPCPP. Soon I will be their king... just as I am yours. Since it was my resurrection of UBL that has inspired me to ever increasing heights in recent years, it is only fitting that I celebrate in front of my audience."
(MJC here in parenthesis! Wow, the fans aren't liking Geese here!! But he doesn't seem to even be acknowledging their reactions! But wait...I think he's reacting now as....it's Celes' music! OMG! General Celes is here in England!!!!! And she's coming out, with Mr. Figaro and Mr. Clyde following her!? What is going on here! She has her own microphone and is in the ring. Clyde and Figaro are staring on intently, Figaro isn't even smiling! And he didn't even try to flirt with anyone on the way to the ring! Celes stands in the ring and is looking at Geese's suit.
[Celes:] "I trust you brought a change of clothing?"
(MJC: Are we all going swimming!? Yea! Orochi-O's Swimfest 2009!)
[Geese:] "What you see is my wardrobe for the evening, dear General."
[Celes:] "That is quite unfortunate. I don't imagine wrestling in that will be easy."
[Geese:] "Nor will it be done. I am not sure if your hearing has suffered from the shrill voices of KENTA Army but I have a Title shot next weekend. As such, I have not prepared for any match tonight as it would be quite foolish for me to wrestle here and risk injury."
[Celes:] "No, it would be foolish for you to recant on your promise. We have told you for months now that you would be teaming with Clyde tonight against the Fatman Pro Wrestling Battalion. He and Figaro have had to go two shows without your involvement and you gave your WORD that you would back one of them up tonight. You are a cruel man, Geese, but even YOU stand by your word."
(Geese looks angry!)
[Geese:] "Do you know what I have had to go through recently to get my rightful Title shot?"
[Celes:] "Your outside business can no longer be a distraction. You have been neglecting your duties as an Orochi Army Battalion member for nearly a year. You WILL wrestle this match tonight."
(Uh oh...no one has ever ordered Geese around like that. And he doesn't seem happy.)
[Geese:] "Or WHAT?"
[Celes:] "Or we walk. Simple as that. You will be a Battalion of one. You do not have enough allies to fill in for us. Kyle is back in the states and even he is just one man. Figaro will not step in for you again. So if you do not team with Clyde, you will be forfeiting the match tonight. Most importantly, you will have permanently lost our services. And so your Orochi Army will be left with only you, Kyle, and your whore."
(OMG she did NOT just call Holly that to Geese's face!!!!! I think his eyes are turning red! Oh no! He's all up in Celes' face now. But when he does that, Clyde and Figaro get closer too and uh...they don't seem as jovial as they usually are on Voltage! Even Clyde is more tense then usual!)
[Geese:] "If you ever call her that again-"
(Celes smirks)
[Celes:] "I've called her that countless times and will continue to do so at my leisure. But this is not ABOUT me...or even her. If you are a member of this Battalion, if you are an ALLY to Clyde and Figaro, you will not sit by one more match as they take damage to their fatigued bodies for YOUR Battalion Championship goal. They are here to help you, and yet you care nothing of their efforts and plight on your behalf. If you actually care at all about them... "
[Geese:] "..."
(Geese isn't even responding to that! Instead, he's shaking with rage at what is going down! Come on Geese, they're your friends!! Clyde and Figaro just looked at each other and nodded with a resigned look.)
[Celes:] "Then if you actually care about WINNING, you realize you will be needed tonight to take on Dave Fairbairn. This show has been planned before you even earned yourself a shot at the FPCPP title you value so dearly in spite of your business here. This show has been planned before you snuck yourself on EFW Shows with some secret agenda that has caused you to split your attention: a tendency I have tried to dissuade you from for YEARS now. So tell me Geese, if UBL is truly your home promotion and THEY are truly your Orochi Army, then will you not be the king of YOUR castle for one night!? Is that too much to ask? Because if it is, then we will leave and return to OUR castle."
(The fans are silent and I can't believe this. I've heard Celes argue with Geese before but NEVER in public like this, never in front of the fans. And not only argue, but give an ultimatum!! Geese is furious but he's also deep in thought! For once, I don't think he knows what to do!)
[Celes:] "You have til the final match to make your decision. If you do not come out ready to wrestle, then I hope you spend that time looking for new recruits to your neglected army."
(Celes, Clyde, and Figaro walk to the back as Geese is fuming!! We better get to commercials folks!)
*Commercials for CWA's World Domination show*
Wow...that was some heavy stuff. Not to be selfish here, but if Celes leaves now, does that mean I'm the new OG-Joshi General....oh my, not now. I'm not ready yet! Geese you better come out there and fight tonight! Deep breaths, Jean, deep breaths. Ok, let's try to get back to business or else i'm gonna get fired by Drake the same night I may get a promotion in OG-Joshi!! OMG.
Deep breaths.
So we have our next match as the Delphin Army faces the Freedom Brigade. Freedom Brigade comes into tonight's show after one of the best matches of the Battalion: their encounter with Team McPro on the moooooon! They fell short but they earned the respect of a lot of the other Battalions and fans here, and certainly mine! Unfortunately, the also 0 and 1 Delphin Army is experiencing a touch of trouble as JD Delphin recently told Drake Yoshida that their third member, Gigatron, had left. Drake looked at him in the eye as if JD was joking and said that Gigatron had never actually come here to begin with. Unfortunately, Drake was right. For some reason, JD Delphin had believed Gigatron was participating in this Battalion the whole time, even the interblock match, but he wasn't. In fact, no one even knows what this Gigatron looks like!! I know Mr. Delphin is in BINGO-1 and I wonder if the loss of Johnny "got to him". Yanno...in the head. Eek! But for now, Drake is trying to decide what to do with the third spot on the Delphin Army Battalion. We hope to have an update on that but until then, JD and Crusher will be in action. Speaking of action, let's get to it!
Match #3: Delphin Army vs. Freedom Brigade
JD Delphin/Crusher vs. Captain Kickass/Aaron Eldridge
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Freedom Brigade rebounded strongly from their past loss but Delphin Army is really gonna have to come to terms with their "loss" of uh, someone who wasn't really there to begin with! Figure THAT out, fans! And when you do, let me in on it!
Delphin Army (X) [Lunging Cross - 23:51] (O) Freedom Brigade
INTERMISSION
Allrighty! I've been looking forward to this for a while! As many of you know, UBL has been serviced recently by Park Young-Tae's "Chippy" stand! But tonight, we actually have a full grill, it looks like something out of Iron Chef here!! Folks, Park is really catering to his home crowd and they are loving the FEAST of Park! But if I can just get a quick...hold on buster, I'm not cutting, I'm staff here! No I won't queue up, I have a job to do! Security! Security!!
*rustling*
Ok, I got myself a fried eel pie on a stick. I'm sure this was worth getting accosted for!! But if you follow me to the merchandise table, I hear there are some great stuff. First and foremost, Geese wasted absolutely NO time in having his merch people print up an "Orochi Geese - FPCPP World Champion" shirt. Talk about getting ahead of himself!!!! In fact, he was SO guaranteed of his upcoming victory that he actually decided to give away these shirts for FREE - one to every fan tonight! Apparently, he wants "mind share" or whatever that means. Whenever I try to ask Holly about complicated marketing terms, she uses a sexual euphemism that demeans me in some way. So I'm much better off on Wikipedia! Along with Geese's pre-celebratory shirts, we have a bunch of "Orochi Army conquers England" shirts. These are...not selling so well. And my guess is if they were given away, they'd just be burned. But luckily these are not the only shirts available as we have a bunch of J.U.S.T.I.C.E. sleeveless t-shirts to show off "your guns", some BINGO-1 Heroes shirts as well. And of course, far and beyond the biggest sellers tonight are PTFW, LRI, and Fatman-Pro Wres merchandise. We have Dave headbands, Martin crotch-guards (eww), VD Dod lectures, the whole shebang. Even OG-Joshi star Lisa Robinson has some merchandise here, good for you Lisa!
Another group who seems to be a hot merch seller are Team McPro. And they are about to take part in the Interblock match tonight with Team SMN. There are a lot of big, tough, and fierce men in here and I think we're about to have quite a fight! Just putting Bak Fu in the kind of unpredictable situation that a 3 on 3 tornado match is making me a bit scared of even being in the arena! But if these tough Brits can do it, then I can too...NOICANT!
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Ok, Mean Jean Carter here reporting from the UPPER deck of the arena. I should be safe here! So let's get to the match!!
Interblock: Team McPro vs. Team SMN
Nick Strife, Bak Fu, Eddie Swan vs. Aigion, Mike Poe, Razgriz
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And what a fight we just had!! Team SMN really showed us something by not backing down from the top reputation that the McPro Battalion has. While Nick Strife got the victory here, it was not without a lot of resistance and very close nearfalls through the efforts of his opponents. We saw Aigion and Razgriz almost defeat Orochi Army on the Open Show before the Battalion began (in like 1982...) and they make a very formidable team with the bruiser, Mike Poe. I think McPro's (that rhymes with Mike Poe!) superior wrestling ability and experience won them this match but wowzers was that ever a close one!!
Team McPro (O) ["Tiger Driver" - 20:02] (X) Team SMN
Block C
And now it's time for some Block C action! I've been told that the "C" in Block "C" stands for "CHAOS" but it may also stand for "COMPETITION" or speaking in "CAPS". In either CASE, we have a big match coming up right now. Both the PCW and Clan of the Sun Battalions have 1 win and 1 loss a'piece. The PCW Originals have looked great, beating Orochi Army but falling just short of victory in a tremendous match with the Fatman Pro Wres team. For their part, Clan of the Sun lost to Orochi Army but beat Team SMN. Of note is that this is the first time Willy Pierot and Mike Sandberg are teaming up and well...it's quite a pairing! Willy is a big fan of Mike and I know Mike is very protective and supportive of his fans. So I'd advice Clan of the Sun to be...respectful of that. If you get what I'm saying... but you most certainly don't since I'm writing all this AFTER seeing the match. Oh I've given entirely too much away! Let's just see what happened!
Match #4: PCW Originals vs. Clan of the Sun[/b][/size]
Willy/Mike Sandberg vs. Huitzilopochtli/Ra-Horus-Aten
Huitzl offers Willy a handshake, and Willy takes it! Well isn't THAT nice! And the two thus begin a series of events that can best be described as flashtastic! No, no one flashed anyone! (note: I'm not including the fans in that statement) but these two really went at it with some luchafun moves that I couldn't wrap my head around! After it appeared that neither man had the advantage...though ONE of them appeared louder then the other (i shouldn't bring it up, it's not Willy's fault), they had to take a breather. The fans applauded as Huitzl offered Willy another handshake. But this time, Huitzl hit a low blow!! Oh this wasn't nice at all and Mike Sandberg just about flipped his lid in response! He ran into the ring and SPEARED Huitzl out of his boots...literally!!!! Willy then put on Huitzl's boots and walked around the ring in a very uncomfortable display for everyone. But Huitzl couldn't take advantage as he had the wind knocked out of him. Mike instructed Willy to make the pin, but he wanted to instead do the W! O! R! M! which got the crowd back into things! Willy picked up the pin immediately after. He then tagged in Mike Sandberg who faced off with Ra-Horus-Aten.
Ra and Mike went at it, Mike taking the advantage early on with a cavalcade of punches, slams, and shoulder blocks. Ra had to powder out and think of a strategy. He came back in and immediately took Mike down with some amateur style wrestling. Then he kept the advantage with some throws that I can't quite identify (they have Japanese-y names I think) but I Celes called that stuff judo in the past when Haley Cannon did it (though Haley did it better...sorry Ra!). Ra slammed Mike and then tried to keep him down with his wrestling but it appeared to be ALL he could do, as he wasn't able to really hurt the big man enough to get more then a 2 count. So Ra went over to the PCW corner and OMG he just slapped poor Willy!! This drove Mike mad once again and he rushed into the corner with a spear...but Ra used his agility to jump onto the ropes!! Mike ended up spearing the turnbuckles and that looked PAINFUL! Ra didn't hesitate for one second and jumped from the post onto Mike with a Phoenix Splash he calls the "Great Flight of the Aten" His opportunism paid off as he got the pinfall and evened up the match!!
So what happened next, you ask? Willy went over to Huitzi and offered a handshake of his own! Ra hesitated for a moment, clearly confused at this display. When he went to kick Willy, it was already too late. Willy had started to spin around and hit a HUGE rolling kesagiri chop!! The force of it knocked Ra right out on his arse! I can't believe that! (or that I just said "arse!") Willy then pinned Ra and got the victory!! After all that happened the whole match, Willy came out on top!! I just wonder if he actually MEANT to do that chop but then again, the name of it kinda answers that question, right? No? Oh well. Yea Willy!
PCW Originals (O) [Involuntary Chop - 12:44] (X) Clan of the Sun
Ok, once the situation in the ring gets all cleaned up, we can continue on. Up next we have the Dod Squod facing the Canada Brothers and well, I think this may be a pretty lopsided match. Caleb and Ronnie are HUGE and dominant whereas the Canada Brothers haven't won a match for a while. But despite that, they appear to be getting a very large reaction as they have just started to come out! The fans are really uniting behind the Canada Brothers here, I guess it is a British connection thing right? Didn't the Queen offer Canada a return or was that just a Kids in the Hall episode that I didn't understand well. Either way, Canada is NOT being blamed tonight! And both Doug and Bob actually look energized from this reaction, more so then I've ever seen them! Caleb and Ronnie now enter and seem to be laughing them off but the Canada Brothers are staring forward with a purpose! Can they pull off the crowd-fueled upset, or will the undefeated Dods (ok, fine, just 1 win but they dominated their interblock match!) continue their winning ways? Can Doug or Bob actually physically MOVE Caleb Dod in the ring? And is Ronnie Dod's "ZURGE" drink, that he has been promoting recently, a legal substance? Cause he just started passing those around the arena!! Oh boy, a lot of questions to answer and just one match to do it in, so let's get popping!
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Dod Squod
Canada Doug/Canada Bob vs. Ronnie Dod/Caleb Dod
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Canada Brothers (X) (O) Dod Squod
And we're going backstage to where Drake Yoshida is waiting outside Geese's locker room. Geese comes out and is about to walk by but Drake stops him!
[Geese:] "Don't slow me down, Drake, you know what I have to do."
[Drake:] "I've told you for over a year that Celes wasn't out for your best interests, nothing has changed. But now is not the time to deal with it. The fact is, your chances in the Battalion are in peril if you don't win this match. To not even wrestle it, and allow them to leave, would be irrational. The Dods just won their match and you know that they and the Fatman Battalion are the biggest threats to you in this sub league. As much as it disgusted me to hear Celes give you...OrochiGeese... an order, the fact remains you have a match to win tonight."
[Geese:] "She gave me an ultimatum, no one gets away with that."
[Drake:] "And you're focusing on THAT rather then your best interests? That's not like you."
[Geese:] "Holly said the same."
[Drake:] "Then listen to her if you won't to me. Celes insulted your honor, but now you have to do what's best for your GLORY. And that's gold, it always has been."
[Geese:] "Glory is mine to define. It is clear what I have to do, even if only I can derive enjoyment from doing it. The match is on, Drake."
Oh boy, Geese smirked and is now walking towards the ring area! Drake is smiling but seems confused, which for once I don't blame him for!
Amd it's time for the main event. I think Fatman Pro would usually come out last here since this is their home turf but well, after all that happened tonight, it's probably best they get on down to the ring so they are ready for anything. And they do just that as Park Hyun Soo and Dave Fairbairn come out to MASSIVE applause. Like, that may have been the biggest ovation ANY Battalion got this entire league!!! The fans are showing their love (especially the female fans, that's a few "pairs" of love to show!) and singing what sounds like some football "fight" songs. Dave looks incredibly focused, as does Park. They aren't even letting themselves bask in the celebration cause they know they will have a war!!
Clyde is out first, flanked by both Celes and Figaro. He waits on the stage. And with no music heralding his appearance, Orochi Geese comes out in his usual wrestling clothes. He smirks at Celes but doesn't make eye contact with Clyde or Figaro. Then he marches straight to the ring. Clyde follows and it looks like Figaro and Celes are standing by ...oh wait, they're sitting next to me now to watch the match.
H...hi Celes! ... Celes?
Ok, not so talkative tonight, that's ok. Hey Figaro, want a big hug?
He..he doesn't. Wow, ok, I'm getting creeped out here, and not in the usual way when Figaro is around me (especially when the topics of "hugs" or "big" are brought up). so let's just get to the match! Quickly now!
Match #6: Team Fatman Pro Wres vs. Orochi Army
Park Hyun Soo/Dave Fairbairn vs. Mr. Clyde/OrochiGeese
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What a match we just had! I don't even know what to say first here but Dave Fairbairn brought the crowd to a frenzy with the winning powerslam on the much smaller Clyde! A sudden powerslam from someone of Dave's strength against the smaller Clyde can be devestating! But I'm really shocked at how Dave was able to fight out of Clyde's Shadow Edge so late in the match! Also, you gotta give a lot of credit to Park Hyun Soo for what may have been his best effort EVER in a match, taking the fight to Geese! Drake has told me he has his eyes on Park and I can see why, he's really been delivering some fire in the ring!
Fatman Pro Wres (O) [Powerslam - 33:27] (X) Orochi Army
But Geese doesn't seem to have enjoyed this match as much as the fans and I have, and he's now yelling at Clyde for losing! Clyde isn't even up on his feet yet either! He's still recovering on the mat from that powerslam! Oh and here come Celes and Figaro. Figaro is getting between Geese and Clyde so that Celes can check on him. Once she helps Clyde up, she walks with him backstage and Figaro follows as the three go up the ramp. Geese just stands on the outside of the ring watching them go backstage.
Meanwhile. the fans are all going "Fat-man-Pro", "Fat-man-Pro!" as Dave leads them in the chant while Park Hyun Soo is leaning back against the ropes soaking in the moment!! What a victory for Fatman Pro Wrestling and the people of England as a whole!! This has been an unforgettable Battalion!! That's for sure!! We'll see you next as Week 4 starts, emanating from the McPro Arena in South Dakota! Til then, this has been Mean Jean Carter...who may possibly be OG-Joshi General by the end of this week! Aah!! Bye-E!