Week 4, Show 1
Apr 11, 2009 20:27:50 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Apr 11, 2009 20:27:50 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008
Week 4: Show 1
McPro Arena - Lincoln Ballroom, Rushmore Plaza Civic Center - Rapid City, South Dakota
Hallo, Jean Carter partying it up in the Rushmore Plaza Civic Center in Rapid CIty, South Dakota! McPro sure knows how to treat a girl, that's for sure! Folks we have a huge night of action tonight and there is a buzz in the air like you would.not.BELIEVE. I know typing periods in sentences is poor grammar but you wrestling fans like style and I'm here to convey just how genuinely COOL the feeling is tonight.
McPro is a storied promotion, a legendary one that its founder Twinky McLanahan built with his bare hands and sweating, shirtless chest. (Focus...) But it was the fans who responded to his Snack Road vision and did so with passion. It's these fans that stuck with the promotion during some trying times in the past few years. Closures, re-openings, under the radar shows, poetic spammers, the likes. And so it's only fair to say that they are hungrier for a show like this honoring their promotion then perhaps any other crowd has been so far. Especially given the history that Orochi-O's has with them, from the participation of Orochi Army in McPro, to the boastings of Orochi Geese that he KILLED this promotion. Yet, if you take a look at this promotion, you'll see that its fan base are VERY much alive. And in our main event we will be featuring one homegrown McPro talent in Nick Strife, and one man closely allied with the founders of McPro, Eddie Swan.
But that's later, and this is now. And yesterday was partially cloudy. So let's get to the full card!
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Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
Cuban Assassins vs. SNUH
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. 4CPW
Team Kaboom vs. Snake Mountain
Interblock Match: Busch Boyz vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Block B Matches:
Team BATT vs. Freedom Brigade
Delphin Army vs. Mad Gear Gang
Team NDP vs. Team McPro
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block A
Let's mosey on down to our first match tonight where we have FPJ's SNUH taking on the Llamas Bro...wait, no? Huh? They're not called that anymore? Ok, folks, we have our first piece of surprising news. Sergeant Yoshida just informed me that the Llamas Brothers have been forced to change their name to the Cuban Assassins! We don't have the full details here but apparently Lorenzo Llamas was not pleased with the Llamas Brothers unimpressive display so far and yanked his trademark away. That sounds painful. But the "Cuban Assassins" sound painful too. Can they deliver said pain to the SNUH team of Crab Juice and the tallest man in UBL, Khlau Kalash? Can the Cuban Assassin bring their record to 2 and 1 against the already dominating 2 and 1 SNUH team? Let's find out...in video form! Click the linky pleasey!!
Match #1: Cuban Assassins vs. SNUH
Llamas Jr/Bobby Llamas vs. Crab Juice/Khlau Kalash
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What a match we had there! Bobby Llamas pulled off a miraculous feat just pinning the very dominant Khlau Kalash, who had crushed Llamas Jr. earlier. And it looked like Bobby had control over the match, only for Crab Juice to rally, excite the fans with a Nip or too, and get the quick roll-up!! And the fans are handing it to Crab Juice by spilling out their Mountain Dew in the aisles, poor janitors are gonna have a slip'n'slide party tonight! But the fans seem to love Crab Juice despite being terrified of Khlau Kalash! In either case, SNUH goes to 3 and 1 and are now leading Block A! And since the Busch Boys, who are 2 and 1, have an Interblock match tonight, SNUH will enjoy a round of having the best Block A record! Who says a little Khlau Kalash and Crab Juice won't just take you to the top!
Cuban Assassins (X) [Rolling Prawn Hold - 26:15] (O) SNUH
Our next match tonight is between J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team 4CPW. 4CPW is 1 and 1 while J.U.S.T.I.C.E has fallen to a surprising 1 and 2. Don't dismay though, for at least 1 loss can be blamed on the chaos of Orochi Geese at the last show. He had Thunder Strike and Jang Bae interrogated by Agent 0 during the scheduled time for their match so that only Jason Hyde was available to wrestle. Geese then made himself Jason's partner, and enraged his opponents before walking away and leaving Jason in the ring to get beaten up and defeated by two angry monsters of team SNUH. Thunder Strike was reported to be "angry" at what happened and both he and Jang are now fresh. 4CPW, on the other hand, got defeated by the members of ARMADA in an interblock match so they are definitely more fatigued. Let's see if it makes a difference here.
Team 4CPW is coming to the ring to modest applause. I think the McPro fans have heard of this budding promotion. Thunder Strike and Jang Bae now come to the ring and Thunder Strike is ALL business. But he actually, wow...did he just reach for a microphone? THUNDER STRIKE IS GOING TO VOLUNTARILY TALK? Wow...I gotta transcribe this or else I won't believe it tomorrow!
[TS:] "Geese...I know you're in some hospital bed right now in NYC. You spread yourself too thin as usual and weren't prepared to face one of the many that you've angered. There's a line forming to take you out once and for all, Geese. But make no mistake, I'll be at the front of it when this league ends. What you did to Jason and to us last time is just fuel to the fire. Now watch it burn."
Thunder throws down the mic and immediately starts elbowing Darren Doomsday! Even Jang Bae looks a bit surprised and holds him back long enough for the bell to ring. But Thunder breaks free and this match is on!!
Match #2: J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. 4CPW
Thunder Strike/Jang Bae vs. Mike Gainer/Darren Doomsday
Thunder has already begun dismantling Darren with elbows and knees to no response here. Mike Gainer tries to pull Thunder off but Strike kicks him in the stomach before he has a chance to do anything. As Mike slowly regains his posture, Thunder hits him with a rolling side kcik that sends him over the top rope!! Thunder then shoulder butts Darren in the stomach and uses his own momentum to lift him up and over for a Northern Lights Suplex variant which I think he has started calling the "S.O.S." (Secret Ops Suplex). And that gets the sudden victory over the very stunned and overwhelmed Darren Doomsday!
Mike Gainer then attacks Thunder from behind, and the fans aren't even booing him just due to the display we saw from Thunder and how HE got the jump on Darren. Mike is brawling with Thunder and seems to be getting some advantage but Thunder is not letting up. Jang is yelling from the apron to tag him in, which is smart since Thunder will be in their next match but Jang won't. So if Jang gets tired now, it's smart STRATEGY. (See that Harvard, shouldn't have turned me down!! That essay about my dog and I was DEEP.)
Thunder continues fighting with Mike until Mike hits a low blow. Then he grabs Thunders head and slams it backwards onto the mat almost like a chokeslam but with no lift. Jang looks frustrated here as he's still completely fresh and it won't do to have Thunder hurt. Mike pulls Thunder up but Thunder pops him under the chin with a well placed punch, staggering Mike! But rather then tag, he runs the ropes and hits a big kick to Mike's face. Thunder goes up top but Jang is still yelling at hm to come down and stop putting on a show for Geese. Thunder goes to hit a Thundersault (Mad Splash, he appears quite mad today too!) but Mike moves! Jang puts his hand on his face and shakes his head in frustration but then starts to actually get into the ring. As Mike goes to set up a No Gainer (Flatliner), Jang runs the opposite ropes and connects with a running STO right as the No Gainer is hitting Thunder Strike! Jang used MIke's own momentum against him to hit one of his specialties. Jang then lays Thunder's arm over Mike's chest and the ref (Fry) counts to 3! What a finish thanks to Jang's knowledge of holds!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E (O) [Kalash Chop - 20:40] (X) 4CPW
Jason Hyde comes out to the ring as Jang helps Thunder up. Both Jason and Jang are trying to talk to Thunder and ask him what is going on but Thunder just walks to the back without saying a further word. Looks like there may be some issues with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. but they now have 2 wins to match their 2 losses. Meanwhile 4CPW...well, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time against the wrong team. You gotta hand it to Mike Gainer for doing the best he could and he may have even had a chance at pinning Thunder Strike had Jang Bae not been a very quick thinker!
And we turn next to an interesting matchup on paper as Team Kaboom take on Snake Mountain. Smyth and Marauder are the fresh ones in this match. But the contrast in styles that interest me most are the speed, lucha, and submission abilities of Hector Smyth vs. the speed bursts and unorthodox style of Nightmare. And the old school wrestling ability of Jack Carter vs. the NCAA caliber wrestling of the Marauder. We are in for quite a treat here as Team Kaboom try to take their record to an even 2 and 2 while Snake Mountain tries to go to 2 and 1. (Thanks to Johnny Randolph for helping me to write that!)
Snake Mountain come down to the ring and do not receive their share of applause, and that's putting things lightly! I bet the McPro fans would take to them much better if they called themselves "Snack Mountain" but no such luck! Marauder has ignored the fans but is apparently agitated by a lot of the Eddie Swan signs around here. Jack Carter (no relation to lil ole me!! I even checked those wacky internet family trees which told me I was related to a Snork!) isn't the only opponent of Marauder that has a lot of wrestling experience and Eddie Swan is actually even more decorated in amateur wrestling then Marauder! Nightmare is just looking around the arena looking for potential weapons. Team Kaboom come to the ring next and are showered in cheers! Wow, what a reaction! The fans must have really loved their display against the Busch Boys at the previous Block A show. Even though they came up short, they certainly gave fans their money's worth and are getting some appreciation! Let's go to the match and see what is in store for us tonight!
Match #3: Team Kaboom vs. Snake Mountain
Hector Smyth/Jack Carter vs. Nightmare/Marauder
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Snake Mountain came in prepared for Jack Carter's wrestling but NOT for his vicious knees!! He picked up the first victory with the running knee to Marauder's face! Of coure you gotta give Nightmare credit for holding on as long as he did but Carter finally put HIM away too with MORE of those knees!! And here I thought I was the Carter with the most attention grabbing legs in UBL!
Team Kaboom (O) [Crown Knee Kicks- 40:03] (X) Snake Mountain
But this isn't over yet and Naja Mask has come down to the ring. I'm not sure what he's doing here as the match has been settled and no one CHEATED (probably since he just came to the ring now!) But rather then attack Team Kaboom, he's scolding Marauder. Nightmare in joining in on this and the fans don't like it one bit. Before things get too far, Jack Carter actually steps in to try to keep things civil but as he's doing so, Naja Mask fakes a dive onto the floor!! Marauder didn't actually see Jack hit Naja (cause he didn't!) but his view was obstructed and his best friend is on the floor! Marauder is a smart man but also is the protective sort so his passion can get the best of him! And it has!! He just shoulder rammed Jack to the floor but is held back by Hector Smyth and Augusto Vilmar who has run out to back up his team! Marauder is trying to get to Jack but security has swarmed out! Jack was just trying to help!! Oh man, what a way to be thanked for doing the right thing. Ok, ok, let's get to some intermission before things go haywire! Do people still say that? I thought ti was funny cause why would you find a wire in hay? Horses don't have much use for wires and hay isn't electric. It's really silly when you think about it. It's probably best not to.
So I'm heading over to the intermission stand where we have quite a treat. Park's Chippy's stand is a big deal to UBL but when in Dakota, act as the Dakotans do. And just what am I blabbering about?
FUNNEL CAKE.
McPro is known for its insatiable hunger for funnel cake and Park Young Tae is serving up his own brand of funnel cake along with McPro approved recipe. And the fans are loving it! We have an international funnel cake night here and I've never seen so much powder suger thrown around willy nilly!! It looks like it's snowing in April which really, isn't THAT surprising this year but still! You'd think this arena is haunted cause people are covered in sugar and running around like they were possessed! In fact, I'm getting a little frightened so I'm just gonna move on down to the merchandise booth.
There's a lot of McPro merchandise here and for good reason. Those fans who may not have been able to attend some recent shows can buy a lot of them on "shakycam" home video. Made by fans, for fans. I see we have "Winter to Reminter". Hrm, odd. Also don't forget "Ice pops and Light tubes - Ode to summer." And "HeyJennyItsYerBirthdayGetCrazy" which I'm guessing was a show or R rated ladies night out dedicated to owner Jenny McLanahan! But don't let the silly names stop you from purchasing some top action with wrestlers like Orochi Army's own Johnny Wang, Nick Strife, MONKEY, Juli Tanaka, and Jeremiah Jo...ohhh k, Drake is telling me to move right along. So maybe we should just get to the Interblock match before I get myself in trouble!! I do want to point out that all McPro apparel is coated with a special sugar resistant enzyme to ensure no funnel cake related mess...on your shirts at least. You'll need to submerge your head in turpentine for a few seconds to get that stuff off your skin!
We're about to have our Interblock match for the night and neither of these teams are getting that much love from the fans. The LBC and the Busch Boyz are both far from their home audiences and are also pretty flagrant cheaters and McPro fans stand for HONOR. Neither of these Battalions have anything to really gain here other then bragging rights. But BOTH these groups value bragging rights pretty highly given the things they are saying and gestures they are displaying to each other! Cut that out, they're kids around! Yeah so their faces are probably buried in their funnel cakes but it's still not right! Hrmph, let's get to the match!
Interblock Match: Busch Boyz vs. LBC
Mastah P/Raz Busch/Duz Busch vs. Rico Pizzicato/Sal Monella/Rocky Marioni
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Busch Boyz (O) [Dub Liminator - 14:18] (X) Legitimate Businessman's Club
Wow, you gotta hand it to the Busch Boyz for their excellent teamwork, actually finishing the match with their double team move! Perhaps a first for this league!! LBC did a pretty good job too but the Busch Boyz were "bout it bout it" which is what I was told to say to connect to today's youth.
Block D
And next we have the Delphin Army vs. the Mad Gear Gang. Now, as you all know, there's been some questions about the third member of the Delphin Army. We've seen JD Delphin and the Crusher but their third partner, "Gigatron" never showed up. What was even more strange is that while Crusher knew that (and appeared disturbed by it), JD had insisted that Gigatron was here the ENTIRE time, even in their 6 man match against the salsa fruit wrestlers! Now, a lot of people (and robots) don't give a damn what JD Delphin thinks but I sure do! If he said Gigatron was here, then more power to him! But unfortunately, that's not gonna be enough to win matches and put "hearts in seats". (I cleaned that up for you folks). So since we're halfway through the league, Drake Yoshida has been sporting enough to allow the BINGO team to choose temporary partners from the BINGO-1 roster for when Crusher or JD are given a week off, like today!! The only catch is that if the partners help them win the match, they have to pick new partners next time. The Armstrongs of the Mad Gear Gang are already in the ring but let's see who accompanies Crusher!
It's Beenie the Bear!! And the crowd is going feral in excitement over the BINGO-1 bear! The Armstrongs are not liking this as they really expected to have the size advantage over their opponents here. Crusher is strong but he is not as imposing as the Armstrongs and a bear is a crazy giant bear!! You can't out-bear a bear folks! And you can't tame one either and he's in the ring already causing a stir! Let's get to the match!
Match #4: Delphin Army vs. Mad Gear Gang
Crusher/Beenie the Bear vs. A.L. Armstrong/Deke Armstrong
BEAR MOVES! And a lot of them! Deke is in the ring first to give A.L. that extra time (since he was in the previous Mad Gear match) but really, I don't think it even matters here! Fresh, stale, you're just BEAR FOOD and Deke has no idea what to do here! He's trying to use the small height advantage he has to rain down blows but BEARS HATE RAIN!! I mean, come on, Deke! What do bears love? Picnics! What happens when it rains, the picnics are cancelled! And so is Deke's involvement in this match as he got picked up and slammed right down with a dropping powerslam! Delphin Army is up 2-1, and one of the two is a bear!
Beenie is then called over to his corner by Crusher who gives him what appears to be bear food. A.L. decides to tempt fate and STEAL the bear food and I can't even believe I'm writing this nonsense but I SWEAR it's happening!! A.L. stole the bear food and kicked it into the audience and Beenie growled so loud some of the lights in the arena broke. A.L. eyes popped wide open and he ran the heck away from the ring!! Beenie gave chase but one of the very VERY kindhearted McPro audience members gave Beenie their funnel cake! I think they either wanted to ensure A.L's life OR wanted to see a bear eat funnel cake! And really, I can't blame them for either, and the latter has proven to be quite a sight! If you ever want to see what a combined McPro and BINGO-1 promotion would look like, it's funnel cake all over a bear. There, THAT question is solved! Of course, with both Beenie and A.L. out of the ring during these hijinks, the ref (Guybrush) has called for a double count-out. But since Crusher was still in the match, Delphin Army picks up the win! I'm sure Mad Gear will be able to "grin and bear" this loss though...get it...
Delphin Army (O) [Bear stuff - 8:10] (X) Mad Gear Gang
Ok, no more bear jokes for 24 hours or my pay is cut. Great. So let's get to our fifth Battalion match this evening as Team BATT face off with the Freedom Brigade!! Team BATT have a good record at 2 and 1 while Freedom Brigade has split a win and a loss. Diablo and Aaron are the fresh wrestlers on their teams and in this match, I think that will really matter. Red Coogan got injured in the Brigade's previous match with Team McPro on the moooon. Bak Fu hit Red with an avalanche reverse Frankensteiner to the floor! That move will give you the shakes anytime but for a man of Red's size to land on his neck like that, it can't be a GOOD thing. However, even though Captain Kickass wanted Red to sit this one out, Red wanted to be a good soldier for his team. Cause if Cap had to wrestle two matches in a row, their entire rotation would be out of balance. Red is definitely the biggest and strongest man in this match, and perhaps Block, so it's not like he's entirely a weak link. Also, Team BATT hasn't exactly shown us their tendencies so it's unknown if they will exploit that neck injury or be respectful to "The Kodiak", Coogan. Let's find out!!
Match #5: Team BATT vs. Freedom Brigade
Red Dragon/Diablo vs. Aaron Eldridge/Red Coogan
Oh no, two guys with "Red" in their names!!! I'll do the best I can folks, if anyone is confused...sorry!!
Fighting commences! Red Dragon is in the ring with Aaron, one of our Australian competitors!! The second one in the league in addition to Marauder! G'day mates!! Haha, that never gets old, right Aussies!? So these guys are testing each other with strikes and meanwhile Diablo is on the ring apron glaring at Red Coogan. That can't be good! After Dragon and Aaron tag out from fatigue, Diablo immediately goes for the neck of Red!! Wow, guess we got our answer! Luckily for Coogan, he's a tall drink of water and it's a bit hard to actually hit his neck directly when he's standing straight up! But Diablo is flexible and is doing what he can until Coogan just powers him out of the ring with a shout and a push! And now Coogan is chasing Diablo on the outside but Red Dragon distracts him long enough for Diablo to hit a back grab neckbreaker on Coogan right on the ground!! Ouch!! Aaron finally comes over but it's too little too late as Diablo cuts him off in the ring. Plus, Coogan is already in a bad way and Red is stopping whatever remaining strength he has to get back into the ring!! And the ref has finished his outside count and Red Coogan has been counted out! Rather then go backstage with the medics, he is electing to stay and try to watch the back of Aaron and you have to applaud that teamworkmanship. Coogan is a good friend, folks!
But Aaron is in the ring with both Red and Diablo remaining for Team BATT and this isn't good! As angry as Aaron is seeing what happened to his partner, he simply can't deal with a 2 on 1 with constant tagging! He's doing his best to ground both men with his very skilled submissions but any mistake Aaron makes leads to a tag to the fresh opponent on the apron. This match ends after neck-related offense to Aaron including, at one point, Diablo sending him out of the ring with a throwing german suplex!! Aaron seems to be ok if not shaken by that, but not resistant enough to stop or kick out of a powerbomb by Diablo..
Team BATT (O) [Powerbomb - 15:14] (X) Freedom Brigade
And now it's time for the main event!! The fans are already getting excited and neither team has come out yet! Not only would this be a huge match on any occasion just based on the participants, but with this being for a league ranking, wow! Then throw in some of the not so nice words that each team has had for the other in the last few months! The tension is so thick you could cut it with a bear cla...DAMN! There goes my roller blade budget! Oh well, I'd probably skin my knee anyway.
Team NDP are out first and are met with a nasty response - boo's and they are NOT saying "boo-urns" which would be sad for the cremation business. (They have a role to play in this cycle of life too!) Team NDP is shrugging off the negative energy - Matt Shane looking focused and Colleen basking in the glow of the boos. She's had plenty of criticisms in her career but she turned it into motivation to become the current NDP Heavyweight Champion, beating her teammate, no less! Colleen is all poise and Matt is READY.
And so are the fans as they give a huge ovation as Jo Ryder appears first on the apron, hey, I know her! And she's leading her charge Eddie Swan and Nick Strife to the ring to THUNDEROUS applause! Eddie is grinning along with Jo who is leading him by the hand (oooh!) and Nick is nodding at the huge moment here, letting himself soak it in! For a man who was close to suffering a career ending injury at the dastardly hands of dastardly Jack dastardly Dod, Nick has every right to be AMPED at the position he finds himself in. And the fans are letting him know it's OK to smile! Live life to the fullest, Nick!! Live it!!
But the moment itself isn't the only reason he's happy. Team McPro has been unstoppable with the best record and performance in the league so far! They have two wins and no losses and even won their Interblock match a few shows ago!! Team NDP isn't doing so shabby either with two wins and only 1 loss. So this match is really huge for this sub block and entire league. Whichever team wins tonight has a good to great chance of wrapping up this Block if they stay consistent!! Even I'm feeling the pressure here! Get a grip Jean, you can have your herbal tea later!! Ok, let's get to the match! Now!
Match #6: Team NDP vs. Team McPro
Matt Shane/Colleen Dramesi vs. Nick Strife/Eddie Swan
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It's a cliche that even a nano-second of hesitation or confusion can cost a competitor a win but we just saw it is true. Eddie Swan is usually apt to pin immediately following his "JUMBO Knee" but for some reason, he picked Colleen up and then paused a second, giving her just enough time to roll him up for the pin! Why Eddie did that, I don't know but Jo Ryder looks very confused. I'll let Team Ryder address that but for now, there is no question that both teams gave their all here, especially Colleen and Eddie!!
Team NDP (O) [Rolling Prawn Hold - 41:33] (X) Team McPro
And both Jo and Nick are back in the ring helping Eddie up and giving him some water. Eddie goes over to Colleen, in the other corner, and holds his hand out. Colleen looks at him, as the crowd is going nuts and chanting: "SHAKE HIS HAND, SHAKE HIS HAND, BUY ROCK BAND, SHAKE HIS HAND". Colleen smiles, holds her hands out and then..EWWW SPITS IN IT!! She just spit in his hand and rolled out of the ring. Eddie just smiles and says: "Well guess we found out the answer to THAT question" which makes Colleen scowl. I have no idea what that meant but the fans seem to be enjoying it. Even Matt Shane laughed a bit, causing Colleen further annoyed looks! Matt goes over and extends his hand to both Eddie and Nick, and they take it (Eddie using his non-spit on hand), causing the fans to chant: "THANKS FOR THE MATCH!" which is nice of them and shows good upbringing! Matt walks backstage and lets Team McPro stay in the ring. They weren't victorious but a match like that is never to be ashamed of. And while they fall to the still impressive 2 and 1, they showed every other Battalion in this league just what it takes to beat them...and that doesn't even apply to their partner Bak Fu who will be waiting in the wings for their next match!
Ok fans and we'll be coming to you next from Valuan Arena in uh, Valua. Wow, I have no earthly idea where Valua is but I hope I can get a sticker for my luggage!! Blocks C and D will be in competition at that show and our main event will be PTFW, represented by Martin Fairbairn and Park Young Tae vs. ARMADA, represented by Ivan Vigoro and Adam Galcian. I thought Galcian was from Canada but uh, maybe they annexed Valua? Act of war? I'll leave that up to the blogosphere. For now, this is MJC signing off! Bye-e!
Week 4: Show 1
McPro Arena - Lincoln Ballroom, Rushmore Plaza Civic Center - Rapid City, South Dakota
Hallo, Jean Carter partying it up in the Rushmore Plaza Civic Center in Rapid CIty, South Dakota! McPro sure knows how to treat a girl, that's for sure! Folks we have a huge night of action tonight and there is a buzz in the air like you would.not.BELIEVE. I know typing periods in sentences is poor grammar but you wrestling fans like style and I'm here to convey just how genuinely COOL the feeling is tonight.
McPro is a storied promotion, a legendary one that its founder Twinky McLanahan built with his bare hands and sweating, shirtless chest. (Focus...) But it was the fans who responded to his Snack Road vision and did so with passion. It's these fans that stuck with the promotion during some trying times in the past few years. Closures, re-openings, under the radar shows, poetic spammers, the likes. And so it's only fair to say that they are hungrier for a show like this honoring their promotion then perhaps any other crowd has been so far. Especially given the history that Orochi-O's has with them, from the participation of Orochi Army in McPro, to the boastings of Orochi Geese that he KILLED this promotion. Yet, if you take a look at this promotion, you'll see that its fan base are VERY much alive. And in our main event we will be featuring one homegrown McPro talent in Nick Strife, and one man closely allied with the founders of McPro, Eddie Swan.
But that's later, and this is now. And yesterday was partially cloudy. So let's get to the full card!
*A graphic comes onto the screen*
Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
Cuban Assassins vs. SNUH
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. 4CPW
Team Kaboom vs. Snake Mountain
Interblock Match: Busch Boyz vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Block B Matches:
Team BATT vs. Freedom Brigade
Delphin Army vs. Mad Gear Gang
Team NDP vs. Team McPro
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block A
Let's mosey on down to our first match tonight where we have FPJ's SNUH taking on the Llamas Bro...wait, no? Huh? They're not called that anymore? Ok, folks, we have our first piece of surprising news. Sergeant Yoshida just informed me that the Llamas Brothers have been forced to change their name to the Cuban Assassins! We don't have the full details here but apparently Lorenzo Llamas was not pleased with the Llamas Brothers unimpressive display so far and yanked his trademark away. That sounds painful. But the "Cuban Assassins" sound painful too. Can they deliver said pain to the SNUH team of Crab Juice and the tallest man in UBL, Khlau Kalash? Can the Cuban Assassin bring their record to 2 and 1 against the already dominating 2 and 1 SNUH team? Let's find out...in video form! Click the linky pleasey!!
Match #1: Cuban Assassins vs. SNUH
Llamas Jr/Bobby Llamas vs. Crab Juice/Khlau Kalash
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What a match we had there! Bobby Llamas pulled off a miraculous feat just pinning the very dominant Khlau Kalash, who had crushed Llamas Jr. earlier. And it looked like Bobby had control over the match, only for Crab Juice to rally, excite the fans with a Nip or too, and get the quick roll-up!! And the fans are handing it to Crab Juice by spilling out their Mountain Dew in the aisles, poor janitors are gonna have a slip'n'slide party tonight! But the fans seem to love Crab Juice despite being terrified of Khlau Kalash! In either case, SNUH goes to 3 and 1 and are now leading Block A! And since the Busch Boys, who are 2 and 1, have an Interblock match tonight, SNUH will enjoy a round of having the best Block A record! Who says a little Khlau Kalash and Crab Juice won't just take you to the top!
Cuban Assassins (X) [Rolling Prawn Hold - 26:15] (O) SNUH
Our next match tonight is between J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team 4CPW. 4CPW is 1 and 1 while J.U.S.T.I.C.E has fallen to a surprising 1 and 2. Don't dismay though, for at least 1 loss can be blamed on the chaos of Orochi Geese at the last show. He had Thunder Strike and Jang Bae interrogated by Agent 0 during the scheduled time for their match so that only Jason Hyde was available to wrestle. Geese then made himself Jason's partner, and enraged his opponents before walking away and leaving Jason in the ring to get beaten up and defeated by two angry monsters of team SNUH. Thunder Strike was reported to be "angry" at what happened and both he and Jang are now fresh. 4CPW, on the other hand, got defeated by the members of ARMADA in an interblock match so they are definitely more fatigued. Let's see if it makes a difference here.
Team 4CPW is coming to the ring to modest applause. I think the McPro fans have heard of this budding promotion. Thunder Strike and Jang Bae now come to the ring and Thunder Strike is ALL business. But he actually, wow...did he just reach for a microphone? THUNDER STRIKE IS GOING TO VOLUNTARILY TALK? Wow...I gotta transcribe this or else I won't believe it tomorrow!
[TS:] "Geese...I know you're in some hospital bed right now in NYC. You spread yourself too thin as usual and weren't prepared to face one of the many that you've angered. There's a line forming to take you out once and for all, Geese. But make no mistake, I'll be at the front of it when this league ends. What you did to Jason and to us last time is just fuel to the fire. Now watch it burn."
Thunder throws down the mic and immediately starts elbowing Darren Doomsday! Even Jang Bae looks a bit surprised and holds him back long enough for the bell to ring. But Thunder breaks free and this match is on!!
Match #2: J.U.S.T.I.C.E vs. 4CPW
Thunder Strike/Jang Bae vs. Mike Gainer/Darren Doomsday
Thunder has already begun dismantling Darren with elbows and knees to no response here. Mike Gainer tries to pull Thunder off but Strike kicks him in the stomach before he has a chance to do anything. As Mike slowly regains his posture, Thunder hits him with a rolling side kcik that sends him over the top rope!! Thunder then shoulder butts Darren in the stomach and uses his own momentum to lift him up and over for a Northern Lights Suplex variant which I think he has started calling the "S.O.S." (Secret Ops Suplex). And that gets the sudden victory over the very stunned and overwhelmed Darren Doomsday!
Mike Gainer then attacks Thunder from behind, and the fans aren't even booing him just due to the display we saw from Thunder and how HE got the jump on Darren. Mike is brawling with Thunder and seems to be getting some advantage but Thunder is not letting up. Jang is yelling from the apron to tag him in, which is smart since Thunder will be in their next match but Jang won't. So if Jang gets tired now, it's smart STRATEGY. (See that Harvard, shouldn't have turned me down!! That essay about my dog and I was DEEP.)
Thunder continues fighting with Mike until Mike hits a low blow. Then he grabs Thunders head and slams it backwards onto the mat almost like a chokeslam but with no lift. Jang looks frustrated here as he's still completely fresh and it won't do to have Thunder hurt. Mike pulls Thunder up but Thunder pops him under the chin with a well placed punch, staggering Mike! But rather then tag, he runs the ropes and hits a big kick to Mike's face. Thunder goes up top but Jang is still yelling at hm to come down and stop putting on a show for Geese. Thunder goes to hit a Thundersault (Mad Splash, he appears quite mad today too!) but Mike moves! Jang puts his hand on his face and shakes his head in frustration but then starts to actually get into the ring. As Mike goes to set up a No Gainer (Flatliner), Jang runs the opposite ropes and connects with a running STO right as the No Gainer is hitting Thunder Strike! Jang used MIke's own momentum against him to hit one of his specialties. Jang then lays Thunder's arm over Mike's chest and the ref (Fry) counts to 3! What a finish thanks to Jang's knowledge of holds!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E (O) [Kalash Chop - 20:40] (X) 4CPW
Jason Hyde comes out to the ring as Jang helps Thunder up. Both Jason and Jang are trying to talk to Thunder and ask him what is going on but Thunder just walks to the back without saying a further word. Looks like there may be some issues with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. but they now have 2 wins to match their 2 losses. Meanwhile 4CPW...well, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time against the wrong team. You gotta hand it to Mike Gainer for doing the best he could and he may have even had a chance at pinning Thunder Strike had Jang Bae not been a very quick thinker!
And we turn next to an interesting matchup on paper as Team Kaboom take on Snake Mountain. Smyth and Marauder are the fresh ones in this match. But the contrast in styles that interest me most are the speed, lucha, and submission abilities of Hector Smyth vs. the speed bursts and unorthodox style of Nightmare. And the old school wrestling ability of Jack Carter vs. the NCAA caliber wrestling of the Marauder. We are in for quite a treat here as Team Kaboom try to take their record to an even 2 and 2 while Snake Mountain tries to go to 2 and 1. (Thanks to Johnny Randolph for helping me to write that!)
Snake Mountain come down to the ring and do not receive their share of applause, and that's putting things lightly! I bet the McPro fans would take to them much better if they called themselves "Snack Mountain" but no such luck! Marauder has ignored the fans but is apparently agitated by a lot of the Eddie Swan signs around here. Jack Carter (no relation to lil ole me!! I even checked those wacky internet family trees which told me I was related to a Snork!) isn't the only opponent of Marauder that has a lot of wrestling experience and Eddie Swan is actually even more decorated in amateur wrestling then Marauder! Nightmare is just looking around the arena looking for potential weapons. Team Kaboom come to the ring next and are showered in cheers! Wow, what a reaction! The fans must have really loved their display against the Busch Boys at the previous Block A show. Even though they came up short, they certainly gave fans their money's worth and are getting some appreciation! Let's go to the match and see what is in store for us tonight!
Match #3: Team Kaboom vs. Snake Mountain
Hector Smyth/Jack Carter vs. Nightmare/Marauder
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Snake Mountain came in prepared for Jack Carter's wrestling but NOT for his vicious knees!! He picked up the first victory with the running knee to Marauder's face! Of coure you gotta give Nightmare credit for holding on as long as he did but Carter finally put HIM away too with MORE of those knees!! And here I thought I was the Carter with the most attention grabbing legs in UBL!
Team Kaboom (O) [Crown Knee Kicks- 40:03] (X) Snake Mountain
But this isn't over yet and Naja Mask has come down to the ring. I'm not sure what he's doing here as the match has been settled and no one CHEATED (probably since he just came to the ring now!) But rather then attack Team Kaboom, he's scolding Marauder. Nightmare in joining in on this and the fans don't like it one bit. Before things get too far, Jack Carter actually steps in to try to keep things civil but as he's doing so, Naja Mask fakes a dive onto the floor!! Marauder didn't actually see Jack hit Naja (cause he didn't!) but his view was obstructed and his best friend is on the floor! Marauder is a smart man but also is the protective sort so his passion can get the best of him! And it has!! He just shoulder rammed Jack to the floor but is held back by Hector Smyth and Augusto Vilmar who has run out to back up his team! Marauder is trying to get to Jack but security has swarmed out! Jack was just trying to help!! Oh man, what a way to be thanked for doing the right thing. Ok, ok, let's get to some intermission before things go haywire! Do people still say that? I thought ti was funny cause why would you find a wire in hay? Horses don't have much use for wires and hay isn't electric. It's really silly when you think about it. It's probably best not to.
So I'm heading over to the intermission stand where we have quite a treat. Park's Chippy's stand is a big deal to UBL but when in Dakota, act as the Dakotans do. And just what am I blabbering about?
FUNNEL CAKE.
McPro is known for its insatiable hunger for funnel cake and Park Young Tae is serving up his own brand of funnel cake along with McPro approved recipe. And the fans are loving it! We have an international funnel cake night here and I've never seen so much powder suger thrown around willy nilly!! It looks like it's snowing in April which really, isn't THAT surprising this year but still! You'd think this arena is haunted cause people are covered in sugar and running around like they were possessed! In fact, I'm getting a little frightened so I'm just gonna move on down to the merchandise booth.
There's a lot of McPro merchandise here and for good reason. Those fans who may not have been able to attend some recent shows can buy a lot of them on "shakycam" home video. Made by fans, for fans. I see we have "Winter to Reminter". Hrm, odd. Also don't forget "Ice pops and Light tubes - Ode to summer." And "HeyJennyItsYerBirthdayGetCrazy" which I'm guessing was a show or R rated ladies night out dedicated to owner Jenny McLanahan! But don't let the silly names stop you from purchasing some top action with wrestlers like Orochi Army's own Johnny Wang, Nick Strife, MONKEY, Juli Tanaka, and Jeremiah Jo...ohhh k, Drake is telling me to move right along. So maybe we should just get to the Interblock match before I get myself in trouble!! I do want to point out that all McPro apparel is coated with a special sugar resistant enzyme to ensure no funnel cake related mess...on your shirts at least. You'll need to submerge your head in turpentine for a few seconds to get that stuff off your skin!
We're about to have our Interblock match for the night and neither of these teams are getting that much love from the fans. The LBC and the Busch Boyz are both far from their home audiences and are also pretty flagrant cheaters and McPro fans stand for HONOR. Neither of these Battalions have anything to really gain here other then bragging rights. But BOTH these groups value bragging rights pretty highly given the things they are saying and gestures they are displaying to each other! Cut that out, they're kids around! Yeah so their faces are probably buried in their funnel cakes but it's still not right! Hrmph, let's get to the match!
Interblock Match: Busch Boyz vs. LBC
Mastah P/Raz Busch/Duz Busch vs. Rico Pizzicato/Sal Monella/Rocky Marioni
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Busch Boyz (O) [Dub Liminator - 14:18] (X) Legitimate Businessman's Club
Wow, you gotta hand it to the Busch Boyz for their excellent teamwork, actually finishing the match with their double team move! Perhaps a first for this league!! LBC did a pretty good job too but the Busch Boyz were "bout it bout it" which is what I was told to say to connect to today's youth.
Block D
And next we have the Delphin Army vs. the Mad Gear Gang. Now, as you all know, there's been some questions about the third member of the Delphin Army. We've seen JD Delphin and the Crusher but their third partner, "Gigatron" never showed up. What was even more strange is that while Crusher knew that (and appeared disturbed by it), JD had insisted that Gigatron was here the ENTIRE time, even in their 6 man match against the salsa fruit wrestlers! Now, a lot of people (and robots) don't give a damn what JD Delphin thinks but I sure do! If he said Gigatron was here, then more power to him! But unfortunately, that's not gonna be enough to win matches and put "hearts in seats". (I cleaned that up for you folks). So since we're halfway through the league, Drake Yoshida has been sporting enough to allow the BINGO team to choose temporary partners from the BINGO-1 roster for when Crusher or JD are given a week off, like today!! The only catch is that if the partners help them win the match, they have to pick new partners next time. The Armstrongs of the Mad Gear Gang are already in the ring but let's see who accompanies Crusher!
It's Beenie the Bear!! And the crowd is going feral in excitement over the BINGO-1 bear! The Armstrongs are not liking this as they really expected to have the size advantage over their opponents here. Crusher is strong but he is not as imposing as the Armstrongs and a bear is a crazy giant bear!! You can't out-bear a bear folks! And you can't tame one either and he's in the ring already causing a stir! Let's get to the match!
Match #4: Delphin Army vs. Mad Gear Gang
Crusher/Beenie the Bear vs. A.L. Armstrong/Deke Armstrong
BEAR MOVES! And a lot of them! Deke is in the ring first to give A.L. that extra time (since he was in the previous Mad Gear match) but really, I don't think it even matters here! Fresh, stale, you're just BEAR FOOD and Deke has no idea what to do here! He's trying to use the small height advantage he has to rain down blows but BEARS HATE RAIN!! I mean, come on, Deke! What do bears love? Picnics! What happens when it rains, the picnics are cancelled! And so is Deke's involvement in this match as he got picked up and slammed right down with a dropping powerslam! Delphin Army is up 2-1, and one of the two is a bear!
Beenie is then called over to his corner by Crusher who gives him what appears to be bear food. A.L. decides to tempt fate and STEAL the bear food and I can't even believe I'm writing this nonsense but I SWEAR it's happening!! A.L. stole the bear food and kicked it into the audience and Beenie growled so loud some of the lights in the arena broke. A.L. eyes popped wide open and he ran the heck away from the ring!! Beenie gave chase but one of the very VERY kindhearted McPro audience members gave Beenie their funnel cake! I think they either wanted to ensure A.L's life OR wanted to see a bear eat funnel cake! And really, I can't blame them for either, and the latter has proven to be quite a sight! If you ever want to see what a combined McPro and BINGO-1 promotion would look like, it's funnel cake all over a bear. There, THAT question is solved! Of course, with both Beenie and A.L. out of the ring during these hijinks, the ref (Guybrush) has called for a double count-out. But since Crusher was still in the match, Delphin Army picks up the win! I'm sure Mad Gear will be able to "grin and bear" this loss though...get it...
Delphin Army (O) [Bear stuff - 8:10] (X) Mad Gear Gang
Ok, no more bear jokes for 24 hours or my pay is cut. Great. So let's get to our fifth Battalion match this evening as Team BATT face off with the Freedom Brigade!! Team BATT have a good record at 2 and 1 while Freedom Brigade has split a win and a loss. Diablo and Aaron are the fresh wrestlers on their teams and in this match, I think that will really matter. Red Coogan got injured in the Brigade's previous match with Team McPro on the moooon. Bak Fu hit Red with an avalanche reverse Frankensteiner to the floor! That move will give you the shakes anytime but for a man of Red's size to land on his neck like that, it can't be a GOOD thing. However, even though Captain Kickass wanted Red to sit this one out, Red wanted to be a good soldier for his team. Cause if Cap had to wrestle two matches in a row, their entire rotation would be out of balance. Red is definitely the biggest and strongest man in this match, and perhaps Block, so it's not like he's entirely a weak link. Also, Team BATT hasn't exactly shown us their tendencies so it's unknown if they will exploit that neck injury or be respectful to "The Kodiak", Coogan. Let's find out!!
Match #5: Team BATT vs. Freedom Brigade
Red Dragon/Diablo vs. Aaron Eldridge/Red Coogan
Oh no, two guys with "Red" in their names!!! I'll do the best I can folks, if anyone is confused...sorry!!
Fighting commences! Red Dragon is in the ring with Aaron, one of our Australian competitors!! The second one in the league in addition to Marauder! G'day mates!! Haha, that never gets old, right Aussies!? So these guys are testing each other with strikes and meanwhile Diablo is on the ring apron glaring at Red Coogan. That can't be good! After Dragon and Aaron tag out from fatigue, Diablo immediately goes for the neck of Red!! Wow, guess we got our answer! Luckily for Coogan, he's a tall drink of water and it's a bit hard to actually hit his neck directly when he's standing straight up! But Diablo is flexible and is doing what he can until Coogan just powers him out of the ring with a shout and a push! And now Coogan is chasing Diablo on the outside but Red Dragon distracts him long enough for Diablo to hit a back grab neckbreaker on Coogan right on the ground!! Ouch!! Aaron finally comes over but it's too little too late as Diablo cuts him off in the ring. Plus, Coogan is already in a bad way and Red is stopping whatever remaining strength he has to get back into the ring!! And the ref has finished his outside count and Red Coogan has been counted out! Rather then go backstage with the medics, he is electing to stay and try to watch the back of Aaron and you have to applaud that teamworkmanship. Coogan is a good friend, folks!
But Aaron is in the ring with both Red and Diablo remaining for Team BATT and this isn't good! As angry as Aaron is seeing what happened to his partner, he simply can't deal with a 2 on 1 with constant tagging! He's doing his best to ground both men with his very skilled submissions but any mistake Aaron makes leads to a tag to the fresh opponent on the apron. This match ends after neck-related offense to Aaron including, at one point, Diablo sending him out of the ring with a throwing german suplex!! Aaron seems to be ok if not shaken by that, but not resistant enough to stop or kick out of a powerbomb by Diablo..
Team BATT (O) [Powerbomb - 15:14] (X) Freedom Brigade
And now it's time for the main event!! The fans are already getting excited and neither team has come out yet! Not only would this be a huge match on any occasion just based on the participants, but with this being for a league ranking, wow! Then throw in some of the not so nice words that each team has had for the other in the last few months! The tension is so thick you could cut it with a bear cla...DAMN! There goes my roller blade budget! Oh well, I'd probably skin my knee anyway.
Team NDP are out first and are met with a nasty response - boo's and they are NOT saying "boo-urns" which would be sad for the cremation business. (They have a role to play in this cycle of life too!) Team NDP is shrugging off the negative energy - Matt Shane looking focused and Colleen basking in the glow of the boos. She's had plenty of criticisms in her career but she turned it into motivation to become the current NDP Heavyweight Champion, beating her teammate, no less! Colleen is all poise and Matt is READY.
And so are the fans as they give a huge ovation as Jo Ryder appears first on the apron, hey, I know her! And she's leading her charge Eddie Swan and Nick Strife to the ring to THUNDEROUS applause! Eddie is grinning along with Jo who is leading him by the hand (oooh!) and Nick is nodding at the huge moment here, letting himself soak it in! For a man who was close to suffering a career ending injury at the dastardly hands of dastardly Jack dastardly Dod, Nick has every right to be AMPED at the position he finds himself in. And the fans are letting him know it's OK to smile! Live life to the fullest, Nick!! Live it!!
But the moment itself isn't the only reason he's happy. Team McPro has been unstoppable with the best record and performance in the league so far! They have two wins and no losses and even won their Interblock match a few shows ago!! Team NDP isn't doing so shabby either with two wins and only 1 loss. So this match is really huge for this sub block and entire league. Whichever team wins tonight has a good to great chance of wrapping up this Block if they stay consistent!! Even I'm feeling the pressure here! Get a grip Jean, you can have your herbal tea later!! Ok, let's get to the match! Now!
Match #6: Team NDP vs. Team McPro
Matt Shane/Colleen Dramesi vs. Nick Strife/Eddie Swan
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It's a cliche that even a nano-second of hesitation or confusion can cost a competitor a win but we just saw it is true. Eddie Swan is usually apt to pin immediately following his "JUMBO Knee" but for some reason, he picked Colleen up and then paused a second, giving her just enough time to roll him up for the pin! Why Eddie did that, I don't know but Jo Ryder looks very confused. I'll let Team Ryder address that but for now, there is no question that both teams gave their all here, especially Colleen and Eddie!!
Team NDP (O) [Rolling Prawn Hold - 41:33] (X) Team McPro
And both Jo and Nick are back in the ring helping Eddie up and giving him some water. Eddie goes over to Colleen, in the other corner, and holds his hand out. Colleen looks at him, as the crowd is going nuts and chanting: "SHAKE HIS HAND, SHAKE HIS HAND, BUY ROCK BAND, SHAKE HIS HAND". Colleen smiles, holds her hands out and then..EWWW SPITS IN IT!! She just spit in his hand and rolled out of the ring. Eddie just smiles and says: "Well guess we found out the answer to THAT question" which makes Colleen scowl. I have no idea what that meant but the fans seem to be enjoying it. Even Matt Shane laughed a bit, causing Colleen further annoyed looks! Matt goes over and extends his hand to both Eddie and Nick, and they take it (Eddie using his non-spit on hand), causing the fans to chant: "THANKS FOR THE MATCH!" which is nice of them and shows good upbringing! Matt walks backstage and lets Team McPro stay in the ring. They weren't victorious but a match like that is never to be ashamed of. And while they fall to the still impressive 2 and 1, they showed every other Battalion in this league just what it takes to beat them...and that doesn't even apply to their partner Bak Fu who will be waiting in the wings for their next match!
Ok fans and we'll be coming to you next from Valuan Arena in uh, Valua. Wow, I have no earthly idea where Valua is but I hope I can get a sticker for my luggage!! Blocks C and D will be in competition at that show and our main event will be PTFW, represented by Martin Fairbairn and Park Young Tae vs. ARMADA, represented by Ivan Vigoro and Adam Galcian. I thought Galcian was from Canada but uh, maybe they annexed Valua? Act of war? I'll leave that up to the blogosphere. For now, this is MJC signing off! Bye-e!