Week 5, Show 1
Aug 3, 2009 1:41:58 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Aug 3, 2009 1:41:58 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008/2009
Week 5: Show 1
Battle Chamber - Peter Venkman Memorial Arena, NY
Home sweet home!! That's right the tag league is coming to you from sunny (for a change) upstate New York in the Battle Chamber!! And the NY Universal Battalion fans are loving it! And for good reason too as we have a whopper mac stacker with cheese of a main event here! (sorry, I missed lunch) We're actually gonna be switching the usual order of the show a bit for this show, doing things a little 'crazay' due to the way Drake Yoshida expected the matches to go. I guess this change makes sense as this IS the home of the Chaos emperor Geese himself. So check out what we have lined up for you!
Tonight's Card:
Interblock Match: Team Kaboom vs. PCW Originals
Block A matches:
Cuban Assassins vs. 4CPW
SNUH vs. Snake Mountain
Block C Match:
Fatman Pro Wres vs. Clan of the Sun
Block A match:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Busch Boys
Block C Matches:
Canada Brothers vs. Team SMN
Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
And we start off with an interblock match! Chatter before the show was that Book and Mike were concerned with having "Psycho" Willy Pierot (or, as I like to call him, "Willy the Parrot") in this match cause of the unpredictable aspect of 3 on 3 tornado (or as I like to call them, "twister") matches. But Willy was brave and wanted to wrestle so Book and Mike agreed. They are definitely going to be on guard for Willy's health as he is the smallest man here and not accustomed to this kind of uncontrolled environment. Meanwhile Jack, Hector, and Augusto understood the situation and agreed to wrestle this match cleanly which isn't really a concern cause they've done that the entire league! So let's see what went down.
Interblock Match: Team Kaboom vs. PCW
Jack Carter/Hector Smyth/Augusto Vilmar vs. Book Matthews/Mike Sandberg/Willy Pierot
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I was hoping Willy would have won but he did well and never gave up. That's counts for something, right!? In MY book it does - the book of exotic parrots! Meanwhile there were handshakes of sportsmanship after the match so really, we're all winners for having experienced that! Go team!
Team Kaboom (O) [Windpipe Chop - 13:33] (O) PCW Originals
Block A
Our first ranked league match tonight consists of two teams that might not share the level of sportsmanship we saw in the previous match. Though, in their defense, the jury is still out on 4CPW who have behaved rather erratically throughout the league. Both teams here actually have 1 win and 2 losses so i think tonight may be the time for one of these groups to put the pedal to the ole metal if you know what I mean. No, not a biker rally, more intensity! The Cuban Assassins are still getting used to their new identity after being legally forced to shed their "Llamas Brothers" name. What's in a name, you ask? A whole lot if you're Jean Carter and wrote it in hearts all over your 5th grade notebook and backyard tree! But for the Cuban Assassins, they probably burned bugs in their backyard with magnifying glasses. Anyway - to the match!
Match #1: Cuban Assassins vs. 4CPW
Lorenzo Llamas/Llamas Jr. vs. Mike Gainer/Minus
Minus starts off with Llamas Jr and the two test each other's speed and credit card debt. I think Minus came out ahead, and by that, I mean he has less of both but he still managed to take control by capitalizing on Llamas' tendency to play to the crowd, which is something Minus doesn't believe in, especially after the crowd let him have it for an odd comment at the start of this league! But Lorenzo makes sure Jr doesn't get into any big trouble and interferes on his behalf.
And wow - I didn't expect to see this - Mike Gainer charges into the ring and flattens Lorenzo with a lariat! Mike looks really angry here - I think he wanted to have 4CPW be stronger contenders and the frustration has just built up in him! Minus happens to bump into him and Gainer takes advantage with a lightning quick "No Gainer" (flatliner)! Llamas Jr. popped up from the sudden impact of his FACE being planted into the mat and right into the Trendkiller (Hurricane slam) for the quick elimination!! 4CPW is up 2-1!
Lorenzo Llamas is none too happy about this and starts complaining to the referee (Fry) about the interference only to get chewed out in return that HE STARTED IT! Best playground defense ever, if I do so say myself! (Little Johnny Johnson put gummi bears down my shirt once in 4th grade but then I glued his hands to his pants...that caused problems later in his life though and he went blind for some reason).
Lorenzo continues protesting which distracts the ref as Bobby Llamas comes out from backstage with a steel chair and flattens both Minus and Mike Gainer!! But Fry turns around just in time to see the chair used on Minus (still the legal man) and awards 4CPW the match! They win but from their bodies in the ring, you can see how the Cuban Assassins earned their new name
Cuban Assassins (X) [Disqualification - 9:10] (O) 4CPW
Ok and for my next trick, ladies and gentlemen, I will bring out snakes and crabs and scary masked men! That's right - in case you couldn't get enough of two meanie groups wrestling each other, here's another one! But hey, this time you get to see the actual match video so that's worth something, right? Right!? It is in my book! Especially since one of these teams happen to be the current reigning, and multi-time, Battalion Champions - Sssssnake Mountain! They are 2-1 right now and face the very dominant SNUH team who is at 3-1. It took a lot of teams to finally force a loss in that column for SNUH but Snake Mountain does not appear concerned as they walk down the aisle. Marauder is one of the biggest and strongest men in the Battalion and is not backing down against the monstrous Kwyjibo. And confirming what I learned from junior high biology, snakes don't particularly fear crab juice! Let's get to the match and see what happens!
Match #2: SNUH vs. Snake Mountain
Crab Juice/Kwyjibo vs. Naja Mask/Marauder
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And the current Battalion Champions get a HUGE win, dropping the record of SNUH to 3-2. Marauder was inspired here but Naja Mask also showed just how dangerous he can be when teamed up with his long time tag partner and friend. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and the Busch Boyz better be ready to do their best tonight with Snake Mountain rising to 3-1. Block A is certainly heating up!
SNUH (X) ["Inertian Hammer"- 43:30] (O) Snake Mountain
Block C
But Block C is nothing to sneeze at either - unless you have allergies...like I do. (Cold-Eez are life savers guys, well not actually Life Savers but you know). We currently have TWO teams with 3 wins. The Dods are undefeated and leading the block with a record of 3-0 while the Fatman Pro Wrestling Battalion is close behind with a record of 3-1. Of note is that if Fatman wins tonight and the Dods lose, there will be a tie in the block leadership! And the Orochi Army won't be far behind either in that case. So this is a really really really important night for Block C fans and deep down, I think we can say we all are in that group!
Let's start off Block C's action tonight with the Fatman-Ryu Crew up against the Clan of the Stun-gun, err Sun Fun, ack, I mean Sun-gun. Clan of the Sun is struggling with a 1-2 record and are up against the leader of Fatman Pro Wres, "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn. Sorry folks, but I was instructed at an early age never to call anyone 'fat' unless it was with a 'ph'. And 'Phat' Dave Fairbairn just doesn't work until I hear him 'drop some crazy rhymes' as the kids say. I hope it's nursery rhymes though - like the old lady and the shoe. Speaking of shoes, I won't get to buy more of my own if I get fired so onto the match!
Match #3: Fatman Pro Wres vs. Clan of the Sun
Dave/Sit Kwok Fu vs. Apolo/Ra-Horus-Aten
Ra starts off with Sit Kwok Fu. And as Ra tries to use his great speed to his advantage, he keeps getting knocked down by the tough as nails Sit Kwok Fu. Seriously, I saw this guy breaking ice blocks backstage with his HEAD which was cool cause I asked for crushed ice for a snow cone. But Ra shows that he's more then just a high flyer, he also has judo and wrestling skills and begins to take advantage of it against an unsuspecting and probably cold-headed Sit! But never rule out the ability of Sit as he keeps reversing Ra's takedowns into arm bars! Arm bars! We got quite a match here as Dave and Apolo stare at each other from across the ring. Finally after Sit and Ra do enough damage to each other, they tag in their partners.
And wow the crowd LOVES this right now - Dave is in the ring patting his elbow pad while Apolo is warming up his lariating arm! And they go right at it! Dave pummeling Apolo with elbows as Apolo then uses the space created to hit Dave with lariats! Dave gets control after a surprising dropkick for the big man, and as he takes it to Apolo in the corner, chants of "Dave-sawa" are clearly heard, a teary eyed tribute to the great Mitsuharu Misawa. Dave continues taking advantage of his momentum and hits a huge tiger driver but only gets a 2 count. Apolo manages to escape and tag out to Ra but well, this is just a mismatch. Dave smiles and Ra realizes he is NOT in a good place here. Ra tries to use his speed and flying ability and just about BOUNCES off of Dave. Then Ra tries to take Dave down with a rear takedown, he laughs, throws a rear elbow followed by a ROLLING ELBOW and bam, Ra is out cold. Dave doesn't even bother pinning him, the ref just eliminates Ra and gets him out of the ring. Rotundman Pro up 2-1!
But this angers Apolo who BLINDSIDES Dave with a lariat from behind! THAT knocks Dave out of the ring and he has to collect himself a bit. When he gets back up, Sit tags himself in as he's livid at Apolo for attacking Dave from behind. But his anger isn't enough to quell the rage of Apolo who is just letting loose with all kinds of power moves here, Sit may be in trouble! Apolo then runs the ropes and hits the "Golden Helios" (Western Lariat)! But Dave comes in and breaks up the pin a shade before the 3 count! Apolo still has control over Sit though and calls for ANOTHER Golden Helios. holding his arm high in the air, but as he runs the ropes he doesn't see Dave wind up to strike him with a METSUKEN and again, total devastation!! Apolo has been KO'd by Dave's finisher!! Sit goes for the pin, since Dave wasn't the legal man, and gets the cover here. This wasn't easy but Fairbairn's leadership and power got his team the victory!
Fatman Pro (O) ["METSUKEN" - 18:30] (X) Clan of the Sun
Intermission
And to celebrate their victory, Dave and Sit went over to the Park's Chippy's Stand where their friend, and member of Fatman Ryu School, Park Young Tae was frying up some summer classics. Like a korean bi bim bap dog which was a hot dog with a fried egg! Wow you may want to go right to the doctor after eating it! Also some kim chee fries which made many eyes in the audience watery either cause of the spice or from nostalgic memories of summers past. Ahh now I got something in my eye...it's mustard - I love summer!
Block A
Ok, ok, I'm fine now. And ready for the next match as we have a doozey here! J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is at 2-2 and the Busch Boyz are at 2-1. They both know that Snake Mountain is on the upswing and are now leading the block. We don't have too many shows left so every single win here really counts, no fooling around! Thunder Strike and Jason Hyde are gonna be facing the best possible combination of the Busch Battalion: the brothers Raz and Duz. And considering I have heard reports of some locker room tension in J.U.S.T.I.C.E., they better pull it together cause blood is certainly thicker then dissension so the Busch's have the advantage here! Will that advantage help them win this match or will Thunder and Jason, two of the biggest stars of the singles league, pull it together? Let's find out!
Match #4: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Busch Boyz
Jason Hyde/Thunder Strike vs. Raz/Duz
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And what a war we had here! Both teams were relentless but, in the end, it was Thunder Strike's finisher, a move that has beaten the best in UBL, that won this for them. I think this was one of the finest matches we've had this whole league, that's for sure!! The Busch's have nothing to be ashamed of but they are really gonna have to work harder and hope for some key losses if their title hopes are to be continued.
As for J.U.S.T.I.C.E., they are tied with SNUH for a 3-2 record, just a hair behind Snake Mountain! Snakes don't have hair though. And if they did it would probably be really greasy and slicked back. Stay away from him girls, he'll just break your heart! It will only end in tears!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (O) ["Thunder Clap"- 40:21] (X) Busch Boyz
Block C
We're ready for our next match which features the winless Canada Brothers against the 1-2 Team SMN. Mike Poe and Aigion are representing SMN while Canada Bob is...the only one to show up for his team! And that is because of the damage Orochi Geese inflicted on both Dave and Doug at the previous Battalion!! And what's this? It's Sergeant Drake Yoshida coming to ringside!! He has a throat bandage on too.
[Drake:] "I have often been accused of showing favoritism towards some wrestlers while arbitrarily punishing others. I believe that to be inaccurate and slanderous but I have thick skin. I can persevere. However, in the interest of showing the purity of competition in UBL, I would like to help out the Canada Brothers. Orochi Geese injured both Dave and Doug in a post match attack. What happens IN a sanctioned match is one thing - if you get hurt then I am under no obligation to make your team whole. But it is entirely different when an attack happens outside of the official match time. So it is only right to give this Battalion a chance to be whole until all their members heal. As such, I have given the Canada Brothers advanced notice to choose their replacement tonight to team with Bob-"
The Canadian National Anthem is playing! OMG! It's Shady!! It's Mr. Canada X!! He must be the replacement for tonight and what a choice! A former PW-W CWD Hardware champion, err hardcore! But it might as well be hardware as he's coming down swinging the Canadian Chair of Justice! And not the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. we saw earlier!! Poe and Aigion bail out of the ring as the crowd greets Shady to a mixture of cheers for surprise at his supporting his countryman but also boos for the way he has messed with the head of Juan Leche in recent months on the Reserve Roster!! Shady is an accomplished tag team wrestler and one of the biggest superstars from the old PW-W. Team SMN has a tall order in front of them!
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Team SMN
Bob/Shady vs. Mike Poe/Aigion
And Shady is contemplating the sheer size of the SMN team while grinning. He still hasn't dropped his chair either. He whispers something to Bob who then distracts the referee (Coach McGuirk). Then Shady smashes the mat with the chair and throws the chair to Mike Poe who catches it. Shady immediately lies down on the floor right as the ref looks over! Mike Poe is trying to explain what happened but the ref isn't having ANY of it!! I think, yes, Shady just got Mike Poe disqualified right off the bat!! This is not a good position for SMN to be in and Shady showed exactly what he's capable of!! Dirtiest player up North, he is!
Bob wants in on the fun, perhaps sensing the chance of actually picking up a victory here, but Shady isn't having any of it. For some reason he calls out - "save your strength" - I guess since Bob is the only healthy member of the Canada Brothers right now. Either that or he's just trying to be a considerate friend! Either way, Shady takes it upon himself to eliminate Aigion as well and starts off with some blistering chops. See those, Luke, that's wrestling - we'll get you all ready for it!
Shady hasn't wrestled for a while but there are no signs of ring rust here. The time away may have given him even more energy as he's showing why he was one of the best wrestlers on the PW-W roster when he wanted to be. Aigion has no answer to this assault and when he finally does get some breathing room after a sudden chin breaker, Bob runs in to cut off his momentum. Shady capitalizes with one of the lengthiest vertical suplexes I've ever seen - he calls it "We stand on gUard for thee". Some visiting fans from Canada actually start and finish singing "O Canada" before Shady finally drops Aigion down! Aigion gets up woozy and Shady grabs him in a front face lock, screams out "EH" and drops him with a DDT!! This match is over!
Canada Brothers (O) ["Sha-dy-d-t" - 25:18] (X) Team SMN
Now it's time for the main event!! Folks this is like HUGE! We have two of the top teams of this Block and league in general. And two teams who do NOT like each other one bit! Orochi Geese and Jack Dod have had a rivalry spanning years dating back to the PW-W. Geese still blames Jack Dod for costing him a shot at the PW-W Championship when Jack upset his plans in OG-FPD. Then a year later, Jack crashed OG-FPD again to trick Geese into granting him a spot in the Universal Champions league...a league that he then went onto win!! Jack isn't just a thorn in Geese's side, he's like a spear through his head! And THAT's a headache!! However, Geese has defeated Jack Dod before and has been preparing for months for this very match.
Then we have the enforcers of each team. Mr. Figaro and Caleb Dod have split victories in the past - both have a lot of pride and even more power. But the most important thing may be team loyalty. Caleb is insanely loyal to Jack, and one would HAVE to be insane to take part in Jack's antics! But Mr. Figaro and Geese have been on the outs for the last few months and Figaro refused to help Geese take apart the Canada Brothers last time! Will Mr. Figaro help Geese tonight? I think if this is meant as a competitive match, Figaro will. But if Geese wants to eliminate the Dods from the league through chaotic violence and injuries, Figaro will have no part in it. So what will it be!? We're about to find out!
Match #6: Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
Uh...why exactly is Canada Meg, the manager of the Canada Brothers coming out NOW? The match with her Battalion is over with and THIS one is supposed to start and, wait she has a mic?
[Meg:] "Settle down, eh? I wanted to thank UBL for letting Mr. Canada team with Bob and to let everyone know that what happened last show with you, Mr. Geese was a misunderstanding."
The crowd is buzzing with confusion as Orochi Geese is shrugging his shoulders. He doesn't appear to care one way or another if the Canada Brothers, and Sister, are ok with his actions. The Dods and Mr. Figaro look on impatiently, ready to start the match and seemingly annoyed as to why Meg is out here now.
[Meg:] "So to show there are no hard feelings, Mr. Geese, I wanted to inform you that your friend Mr. Clyde got beaten up backstage right before this match, and I'm here to show who did it."
Well THAT got Mr. Figaro's full attention!! He begins barking at Canada Meg to explain herself.
[Meg:] "Easy, eh? I got the footage right here for ya-"
*The Battle Tron turns on as we see Jack and Caleb Dod in the hallway outside the Orochi Army locker room. They have dragged Mr. Clyde out and are viciously beating him. After a DodSmack on the concrete which knocks Clyde out, the Dods are run off by Celes, Thunder Strike, and Jason Hyde.*
Uh oh! Mr. Figaro is turning red and...OMG, he just jumped on both the Dods at the same time! I don't think this match can wait any longer! Meg is leaving the arena now, smiling. I don't know what's going on here but it's gonna go on even MORE now!! Let's get to the match before it gets to us!
Match #6: Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
Mr. Figaro/Orochi Geese vs. Caleb Dod/Jack Dod
(Viddler can be annoying with having their "preview pick" spoil the match so try not to have your mouse highlight the top menu bar on the screen where it says "Viddler, You, People, Videos, etc")
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Wow...that...that was NOT the Mr. Figaro I am used to seeing. No fun-loving, "special hugging" there, he was all business. And I think we learned something tonight - do not, under any circumstances, attack one of his friends because Figaro will be on you like peanut butter on jelly on wonderbread. I think the expression on Orochi Geese's face says it best as he just watched a man he thought to be his inferior survive and pin Jack Dod: the Universal Champion and a man who could legitimately argue with NEXUS Champion Gene Starr over who the most dominant wrestler in the UBL and the world is.
Orochi Army (O) [Tiger Plex - 39:07] (X) Dod Squod
Figaro has gotten big wins in his career - guys like Frog, Eddie Swan, Caleb Dod. But even with this being a tag team match, the crowd seems in shock that Mr. Figaro just held Jack Dod's shoulders to the mat. But at the same time, looking at Figaro's expression and his intensity early on in the match, I think the only shock is that no one saw this win coming. Caleb Dod pulls an equally shocked Jack Dod out of the ring as a still furious Figaro approaches, flanked by Geese, staring a hole in both of them. Geese doesn't appear angry here about the attack on Clyde, just opportunistic to have Figaro help him take out the Dods.
Wait - the Battle Tron has turned back on and we see General Celes motioning for Mr. Figaro, as she is helping Mr. Clyde out of the arena. Figaro stops advancing on the Dods and runs backstage to help Celes out with Clyde. Jack and Caleb appear relieved but are also too winded to take advantage of a 2 on 1 situation against Geese. They head through the crowd to safety, not wanting to go backstage and chance facing Mr. Figaro again. Geese is celebrating his team's win and it looks like this show is ove-
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Wait...what's going on. Is that Canada Meg out again? And it appears she'd joined by Dave, Doug, and Bob too and they are coming out to the ring. Geese shakes his head dismissively - it looks like the Canada Brothers weren't so forgiving after all! Was this whole thing a set-up? Were the Dods in on this too? They clearly attacked Mr. Clyde but I don't think they wanted to bring out what they did in Mr. Figaro. Maybe they thought taking out Mr. Clyde would scuttle the Orochi Army's chances of winning this block!!! I don't know - this is too confusing! Whatever the case may be I think the story right NOW is that the Canada Brothers DO want revenge for what happened at the last show! They get in the ring and Geese has little trouble defending himself. Doug and Dave aren't medically cleared to wrestle so they are trying to hold Geese down for Bob to do the damage but to no avail. Even though Geese is tired from the Dod face-off, he's against two injured men and someone who also had a match so Geese is saavy enough to get the upper hand. Geese is cleaning house with all three and...wait, that couldn't be - is that Ruby Moreno?
Yes - yes it is! The former LAWL OMG Champion! And with her comes her stable - Generation NEON! But before Ryan Wright, Dwayne Reade and Gavin Usher can make it to the ring, Genji Security is on top of the situation to head them off and protect Geese!! But now Ruby grabs a microphone!
[Ruby:] "I've waited for this so very long, Geese. You tried to kill McPro when my NEON was on the rise. Then your whore tries to kill LAWL when I am their guiding light. Consider turnabout fair play. And consider Generation NEON ready to rise to the heavens, replacing the Orochi Army as the top organization in this industry. Tonight, we start with their leader. For a man who supposedly has absolute power in this promotion, it is quite easy to get to you, leading me to believe that this Emperor truly has no clothes."
OMG! Some masked man just ran out from the crowd! He looks incredibly muscular and has just entered the ring behind Geese! Geese backs up into him, turns around surprised at the contact, and gets lariated inside out! Then the guy picks Geese up and spikes him head first to the mat with an Exploder suplex!!! Geese is out cold!! Security is now swarming the ring and the Canada Brothers and Generation NEON bail, along with the masked man who is being led out of the crowd by a smiling Ruby Moreno!! This is...chao...i can't even say that! OMG! Just...OMG! Geese has been knocked out here due to the agenda of none other then Ruby Moreno!! We all knew Geese had a lot of enemies, but for like 9 of them to collude like that.
Actually, maybe even more! OMG! If the Dods WERE involved with this whole thing, now this makes much more sense on their part! Geese would have seen a direct Dod attack on him coming from miles away but no one saw THIS coming! The Dod attack on Clyde didn't try to, or expect to, inflame Mr. Figaro, it just was attempted to lure him backstage after the match so Geese was alone and unprotected! And if Geese were then injured, then the Dods definitely have a better chance at claiming their Block!! But there's no direct proof they WERE involved in this so they can't be punished! Dastardly!!
Genji Security and medical personnel surround the ring and are taking Geese backstage in a stretcher. I can't believe some guy from the crowd just laid him out! Holly is probably besides herself and I'm sure Mr. Yoshida will get to the bottom of this. But I better get back to my job here while I still have one..
Um so...the next Battalion is coming to you from Tweedmouth! That's right, we'll be returning to jolly old England as the Pure Technical er...PTFW crew hosts us at the Bonarsteads arena. And we have a huge match for you as friends fight friends! PTFW led by Martin Fairbairn and flanked by Jimmy Cliff faces off with Los Rudos Infernos with Stuart Robinson and VD Dod!! If the craziness of tonight wasn't enough for you, then you'll love our next show - as Martin vs. Stuart may cause an English civil war! See ya then!
Week 5: Show 1
Battle Chamber - Peter Venkman Memorial Arena, NY
Home sweet home!! That's right the tag league is coming to you from sunny (for a change) upstate New York in the Battle Chamber!! And the NY Universal Battalion fans are loving it! And for good reason too as we have a whopper mac stacker with cheese of a main event here! (sorry, I missed lunch) We're actually gonna be switching the usual order of the show a bit for this show, doing things a little 'crazay' due to the way Drake Yoshida expected the matches to go. I guess this change makes sense as this IS the home of the Chaos emperor Geese himself. So check out what we have lined up for you!
Tonight's Card:
Interblock Match: Team Kaboom vs. PCW Originals
Block A matches:
Cuban Assassins vs. 4CPW
SNUH vs. Snake Mountain
Block C Match:
Fatman Pro Wres vs. Clan of the Sun
Block A match:
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Busch Boys
Block C Matches:
Canada Brothers vs. Team SMN
Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
And we start off with an interblock match! Chatter before the show was that Book and Mike were concerned with having "Psycho" Willy Pierot (or, as I like to call him, "Willy the Parrot") in this match cause of the unpredictable aspect of 3 on 3 tornado (or as I like to call them, "twister") matches. But Willy was brave and wanted to wrestle so Book and Mike agreed. They are definitely going to be on guard for Willy's health as he is the smallest man here and not accustomed to this kind of uncontrolled environment. Meanwhile Jack, Hector, and Augusto understood the situation and agreed to wrestle this match cleanly which isn't really a concern cause they've done that the entire league! So let's see what went down.
Interblock Match: Team Kaboom vs. PCW
Jack Carter/Hector Smyth/Augusto Vilmar vs. Book Matthews/Mike Sandberg/Willy Pierot
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I was hoping Willy would have won but he did well and never gave up. That's counts for something, right!? In MY book it does - the book of exotic parrots! Meanwhile there were handshakes of sportsmanship after the match so really, we're all winners for having experienced that! Go team!
Team Kaboom (O) [Windpipe Chop - 13:33] (O) PCW Originals
Block A
Our first ranked league match tonight consists of two teams that might not share the level of sportsmanship we saw in the previous match. Though, in their defense, the jury is still out on 4CPW who have behaved rather erratically throughout the league. Both teams here actually have 1 win and 2 losses so i think tonight may be the time for one of these groups to put the pedal to the ole metal if you know what I mean. No, not a biker rally, more intensity! The Cuban Assassins are still getting used to their new identity after being legally forced to shed their "Llamas Brothers" name. What's in a name, you ask? A whole lot if you're Jean Carter and wrote it in hearts all over your 5th grade notebook and backyard tree! But for the Cuban Assassins, they probably burned bugs in their backyard with magnifying glasses. Anyway - to the match!
Match #1: Cuban Assassins vs. 4CPW
Lorenzo Llamas/Llamas Jr. vs. Mike Gainer/Minus
Minus starts off with Llamas Jr and the two test each other's speed and credit card debt. I think Minus came out ahead, and by that, I mean he has less of both but he still managed to take control by capitalizing on Llamas' tendency to play to the crowd, which is something Minus doesn't believe in, especially after the crowd let him have it for an odd comment at the start of this league! But Lorenzo makes sure Jr doesn't get into any big trouble and interferes on his behalf.
And wow - I didn't expect to see this - Mike Gainer charges into the ring and flattens Lorenzo with a lariat! Mike looks really angry here - I think he wanted to have 4CPW be stronger contenders and the frustration has just built up in him! Minus happens to bump into him and Gainer takes advantage with a lightning quick "No Gainer" (flatliner)! Llamas Jr. popped up from the sudden impact of his FACE being planted into the mat and right into the Trendkiller (Hurricane slam) for the quick elimination!! 4CPW is up 2-1!
Lorenzo Llamas is none too happy about this and starts complaining to the referee (Fry) about the interference only to get chewed out in return that HE STARTED IT! Best playground defense ever, if I do so say myself! (Little Johnny Johnson put gummi bears down my shirt once in 4th grade but then I glued his hands to his pants...that caused problems later in his life though and he went blind for some reason).
Lorenzo continues protesting which distracts the ref as Bobby Llamas comes out from backstage with a steel chair and flattens both Minus and Mike Gainer!! But Fry turns around just in time to see the chair used on Minus (still the legal man) and awards 4CPW the match! They win but from their bodies in the ring, you can see how the Cuban Assassins earned their new name
Cuban Assassins (X) [Disqualification - 9:10] (O) 4CPW
Ok and for my next trick, ladies and gentlemen, I will bring out snakes and crabs and scary masked men! That's right - in case you couldn't get enough of two meanie groups wrestling each other, here's another one! But hey, this time you get to see the actual match video so that's worth something, right? Right!? It is in my book! Especially since one of these teams happen to be the current reigning, and multi-time, Battalion Champions - Sssssnake Mountain! They are 2-1 right now and face the very dominant SNUH team who is at 3-1. It took a lot of teams to finally force a loss in that column for SNUH but Snake Mountain does not appear concerned as they walk down the aisle. Marauder is one of the biggest and strongest men in the Battalion and is not backing down against the monstrous Kwyjibo. And confirming what I learned from junior high biology, snakes don't particularly fear crab juice! Let's get to the match and see what happens!
Match #2: SNUH vs. Snake Mountain
Crab Juice/Kwyjibo vs. Naja Mask/Marauder
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And the current Battalion Champions get a HUGE win, dropping the record of SNUH to 3-2. Marauder was inspired here but Naja Mask also showed just how dangerous he can be when teamed up with his long time tag partner and friend. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and the Busch Boyz better be ready to do their best tonight with Snake Mountain rising to 3-1. Block A is certainly heating up!
SNUH (X) ["Inertian Hammer"- 43:30] (O) Snake Mountain
Block C
But Block C is nothing to sneeze at either - unless you have allergies...like I do. (Cold-Eez are life savers guys, well not actually Life Savers but you know). We currently have TWO teams with 3 wins. The Dods are undefeated and leading the block with a record of 3-0 while the Fatman Pro Wrestling Battalion is close behind with a record of 3-1. Of note is that if Fatman wins tonight and the Dods lose, there will be a tie in the block leadership! And the Orochi Army won't be far behind either in that case. So this is a really really really important night for Block C fans and deep down, I think we can say we all are in that group!
Let's start off Block C's action tonight with the Fatman-Ryu Crew up against the Clan of the Stun-gun, err Sun Fun, ack, I mean Sun-gun. Clan of the Sun is struggling with a 1-2 record and are up against the leader of Fatman Pro Wres, "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn. Sorry folks, but I was instructed at an early age never to call anyone 'fat' unless it was with a 'ph'. And 'Phat' Dave Fairbairn just doesn't work until I hear him 'drop some crazy rhymes' as the kids say. I hope it's nursery rhymes though - like the old lady and the shoe. Speaking of shoes, I won't get to buy more of my own if I get fired so onto the match!
Match #3: Fatman Pro Wres vs. Clan of the Sun
Dave/Sit Kwok Fu vs. Apolo/Ra-Horus-Aten
Ra starts off with Sit Kwok Fu. And as Ra tries to use his great speed to his advantage, he keeps getting knocked down by the tough as nails Sit Kwok Fu. Seriously, I saw this guy breaking ice blocks backstage with his HEAD which was cool cause I asked for crushed ice for a snow cone. But Ra shows that he's more then just a high flyer, he also has judo and wrestling skills and begins to take advantage of it against an unsuspecting and probably cold-headed Sit! But never rule out the ability of Sit as he keeps reversing Ra's takedowns into arm bars! Arm bars! We got quite a match here as Dave and Apolo stare at each other from across the ring. Finally after Sit and Ra do enough damage to each other, they tag in their partners.
And wow the crowd LOVES this right now - Dave is in the ring patting his elbow pad while Apolo is warming up his lariating arm! And they go right at it! Dave pummeling Apolo with elbows as Apolo then uses the space created to hit Dave with lariats! Dave gets control after a surprising dropkick for the big man, and as he takes it to Apolo in the corner, chants of "Dave-sawa" are clearly heard, a teary eyed tribute to the great Mitsuharu Misawa. Dave continues taking advantage of his momentum and hits a huge tiger driver but only gets a 2 count. Apolo manages to escape and tag out to Ra but well, this is just a mismatch. Dave smiles and Ra realizes he is NOT in a good place here. Ra tries to use his speed and flying ability and just about BOUNCES off of Dave. Then Ra tries to take Dave down with a rear takedown, he laughs, throws a rear elbow followed by a ROLLING ELBOW and bam, Ra is out cold. Dave doesn't even bother pinning him, the ref just eliminates Ra and gets him out of the ring. Rotundman Pro up 2-1!
But this angers Apolo who BLINDSIDES Dave with a lariat from behind! THAT knocks Dave out of the ring and he has to collect himself a bit. When he gets back up, Sit tags himself in as he's livid at Apolo for attacking Dave from behind. But his anger isn't enough to quell the rage of Apolo who is just letting loose with all kinds of power moves here, Sit may be in trouble! Apolo then runs the ropes and hits the "Golden Helios" (Western Lariat)! But Dave comes in and breaks up the pin a shade before the 3 count! Apolo still has control over Sit though and calls for ANOTHER Golden Helios. holding his arm high in the air, but as he runs the ropes he doesn't see Dave wind up to strike him with a METSUKEN and again, total devastation!! Apolo has been KO'd by Dave's finisher!! Sit goes for the pin, since Dave wasn't the legal man, and gets the cover here. This wasn't easy but Fairbairn's leadership and power got his team the victory!
Fatman Pro (O) ["METSUKEN" - 18:30] (X) Clan of the Sun
Intermission
And to celebrate their victory, Dave and Sit went over to the Park's Chippy's Stand where their friend, and member of Fatman Ryu School, Park Young Tae was frying up some summer classics. Like a korean bi bim bap dog which was a hot dog with a fried egg! Wow you may want to go right to the doctor after eating it! Also some kim chee fries which made many eyes in the audience watery either cause of the spice or from nostalgic memories of summers past. Ahh now I got something in my eye...it's mustard - I love summer!
Block A
Ok, ok, I'm fine now. And ready for the next match as we have a doozey here! J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is at 2-2 and the Busch Boyz are at 2-1. They both know that Snake Mountain is on the upswing and are now leading the block. We don't have too many shows left so every single win here really counts, no fooling around! Thunder Strike and Jason Hyde are gonna be facing the best possible combination of the Busch Battalion: the brothers Raz and Duz. And considering I have heard reports of some locker room tension in J.U.S.T.I.C.E., they better pull it together cause blood is certainly thicker then dissension so the Busch's have the advantage here! Will that advantage help them win this match or will Thunder and Jason, two of the biggest stars of the singles league, pull it together? Let's find out!
Match #4: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Busch Boyz
Jason Hyde/Thunder Strike vs. Raz/Duz
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And what a war we had here! Both teams were relentless but, in the end, it was Thunder Strike's finisher, a move that has beaten the best in UBL, that won this for them. I think this was one of the finest matches we've had this whole league, that's for sure!! The Busch's have nothing to be ashamed of but they are really gonna have to work harder and hope for some key losses if their title hopes are to be continued.
As for J.U.S.T.I.C.E., they are tied with SNUH for a 3-2 record, just a hair behind Snake Mountain! Snakes don't have hair though. And if they did it would probably be really greasy and slicked back. Stay away from him girls, he'll just break your heart! It will only end in tears!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (O) ["Thunder Clap"- 40:21] (X) Busch Boyz
Block C
We're ready for our next match which features the winless Canada Brothers against the 1-2 Team SMN. Mike Poe and Aigion are representing SMN while Canada Bob is...the only one to show up for his team! And that is because of the damage Orochi Geese inflicted on both Dave and Doug at the previous Battalion!! And what's this? It's Sergeant Drake Yoshida coming to ringside!! He has a throat bandage on too.
[Drake:] "I have often been accused of showing favoritism towards some wrestlers while arbitrarily punishing others. I believe that to be inaccurate and slanderous but I have thick skin. I can persevere. However, in the interest of showing the purity of competition in UBL, I would like to help out the Canada Brothers. Orochi Geese injured both Dave and Doug in a post match attack. What happens IN a sanctioned match is one thing - if you get hurt then I am under no obligation to make your team whole. But it is entirely different when an attack happens outside of the official match time. So it is only right to give this Battalion a chance to be whole until all their members heal. As such, I have given the Canada Brothers advanced notice to choose their replacement tonight to team with Bob-"
The Canadian National Anthem is playing! OMG! It's Shady!! It's Mr. Canada X!! He must be the replacement for tonight and what a choice! A former PW-W CWD Hardware champion, err hardcore! But it might as well be hardware as he's coming down swinging the Canadian Chair of Justice! And not the J.U.S.T.I.C.E. we saw earlier!! Poe and Aigion bail out of the ring as the crowd greets Shady to a mixture of cheers for surprise at his supporting his countryman but also boos for the way he has messed with the head of Juan Leche in recent months on the Reserve Roster!! Shady is an accomplished tag team wrestler and one of the biggest superstars from the old PW-W. Team SMN has a tall order in front of them!
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. Team SMN
Bob/Shady vs. Mike Poe/Aigion
And Shady is contemplating the sheer size of the SMN team while grinning. He still hasn't dropped his chair either. He whispers something to Bob who then distracts the referee (Coach McGuirk). Then Shady smashes the mat with the chair and throws the chair to Mike Poe who catches it. Shady immediately lies down on the floor right as the ref looks over! Mike Poe is trying to explain what happened but the ref isn't having ANY of it!! I think, yes, Shady just got Mike Poe disqualified right off the bat!! This is not a good position for SMN to be in and Shady showed exactly what he's capable of!! Dirtiest player up North, he is!
Bob wants in on the fun, perhaps sensing the chance of actually picking up a victory here, but Shady isn't having any of it. For some reason he calls out - "save your strength" - I guess since Bob is the only healthy member of the Canada Brothers right now. Either that or he's just trying to be a considerate friend! Either way, Shady takes it upon himself to eliminate Aigion as well and starts off with some blistering chops. See those, Luke, that's wrestling - we'll get you all ready for it!
Shady hasn't wrestled for a while but there are no signs of ring rust here. The time away may have given him even more energy as he's showing why he was one of the best wrestlers on the PW-W roster when he wanted to be. Aigion has no answer to this assault and when he finally does get some breathing room after a sudden chin breaker, Bob runs in to cut off his momentum. Shady capitalizes with one of the lengthiest vertical suplexes I've ever seen - he calls it "We stand on gUard for thee". Some visiting fans from Canada actually start and finish singing "O Canada" before Shady finally drops Aigion down! Aigion gets up woozy and Shady grabs him in a front face lock, screams out "EH" and drops him with a DDT!! This match is over!
Canada Brothers (O) ["Sha-dy-d-t" - 25:18] (X) Team SMN
Now it's time for the main event!! Folks this is like HUGE! We have two of the top teams of this Block and league in general. And two teams who do NOT like each other one bit! Orochi Geese and Jack Dod have had a rivalry spanning years dating back to the PW-W. Geese still blames Jack Dod for costing him a shot at the PW-W Championship when Jack upset his plans in OG-FPD. Then a year later, Jack crashed OG-FPD again to trick Geese into granting him a spot in the Universal Champions league...a league that he then went onto win!! Jack isn't just a thorn in Geese's side, he's like a spear through his head! And THAT's a headache!! However, Geese has defeated Jack Dod before and has been preparing for months for this very match.
Then we have the enforcers of each team. Mr. Figaro and Caleb Dod have split victories in the past - both have a lot of pride and even more power. But the most important thing may be team loyalty. Caleb is insanely loyal to Jack, and one would HAVE to be insane to take part in Jack's antics! But Mr. Figaro and Geese have been on the outs for the last few months and Figaro refused to help Geese take apart the Canada Brothers last time! Will Mr. Figaro help Geese tonight? I think if this is meant as a competitive match, Figaro will. But if Geese wants to eliminate the Dods from the league through chaotic violence and injuries, Figaro will have no part in it. So what will it be!? We're about to find out!
Match #6: Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
Uh...why exactly is Canada Meg, the manager of the Canada Brothers coming out NOW? The match with her Battalion is over with and THIS one is supposed to start and, wait she has a mic?
[Meg:] "Settle down, eh? I wanted to thank UBL for letting Mr. Canada team with Bob and to let everyone know that what happened last show with you, Mr. Geese was a misunderstanding."
The crowd is buzzing with confusion as Orochi Geese is shrugging his shoulders. He doesn't appear to care one way or another if the Canada Brothers, and Sister, are ok with his actions. The Dods and Mr. Figaro look on impatiently, ready to start the match and seemingly annoyed as to why Meg is out here now.
[Meg:] "So to show there are no hard feelings, Mr. Geese, I wanted to inform you that your friend Mr. Clyde got beaten up backstage right before this match, and I'm here to show who did it."
Well THAT got Mr. Figaro's full attention!! He begins barking at Canada Meg to explain herself.
[Meg:] "Easy, eh? I got the footage right here for ya-"
*The Battle Tron turns on as we see Jack and Caleb Dod in the hallway outside the Orochi Army locker room. They have dragged Mr. Clyde out and are viciously beating him. After a DodSmack on the concrete which knocks Clyde out, the Dods are run off by Celes, Thunder Strike, and Jason Hyde.*
Uh oh! Mr. Figaro is turning red and...OMG, he just jumped on both the Dods at the same time! I don't think this match can wait any longer! Meg is leaving the arena now, smiling. I don't know what's going on here but it's gonna go on even MORE now!! Let's get to the match before it gets to us!
Match #6: Orochi Army vs. Dod Squod
Mr. Figaro/Orochi Geese vs. Caleb Dod/Jack Dod
(Viddler can be annoying with having their "preview pick" spoil the match so try not to have your mouse highlight the top menu bar on the screen where it says "Viddler, You, People, Videos, etc")
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Wow...that...that was NOT the Mr. Figaro I am used to seeing. No fun-loving, "special hugging" there, he was all business. And I think we learned something tonight - do not, under any circumstances, attack one of his friends because Figaro will be on you like peanut butter on jelly on wonderbread. I think the expression on Orochi Geese's face says it best as he just watched a man he thought to be his inferior survive and pin Jack Dod: the Universal Champion and a man who could legitimately argue with NEXUS Champion Gene Starr over who the most dominant wrestler in the UBL and the world is.
Orochi Army (O) [Tiger Plex - 39:07] (X) Dod Squod
Figaro has gotten big wins in his career - guys like Frog, Eddie Swan, Caleb Dod. But even with this being a tag team match, the crowd seems in shock that Mr. Figaro just held Jack Dod's shoulders to the mat. But at the same time, looking at Figaro's expression and his intensity early on in the match, I think the only shock is that no one saw this win coming. Caleb Dod pulls an equally shocked Jack Dod out of the ring as a still furious Figaro approaches, flanked by Geese, staring a hole in both of them. Geese doesn't appear angry here about the attack on Clyde, just opportunistic to have Figaro help him take out the Dods.
Wait - the Battle Tron has turned back on and we see General Celes motioning for Mr. Figaro, as she is helping Mr. Clyde out of the arena. Figaro stops advancing on the Dods and runs backstage to help Celes out with Clyde. Jack and Caleb appear relieved but are also too winded to take advantage of a 2 on 1 situation against Geese. They head through the crowd to safety, not wanting to go backstage and chance facing Mr. Figaro again. Geese is celebrating his team's win and it looks like this show is ove-
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Wait...what's going on. Is that Canada Meg out again? And it appears she'd joined by Dave, Doug, and Bob too and they are coming out to the ring. Geese shakes his head dismissively - it looks like the Canada Brothers weren't so forgiving after all! Was this whole thing a set-up? Were the Dods in on this too? They clearly attacked Mr. Clyde but I don't think they wanted to bring out what they did in Mr. Figaro. Maybe they thought taking out Mr. Clyde would scuttle the Orochi Army's chances of winning this block!!! I don't know - this is too confusing! Whatever the case may be I think the story right NOW is that the Canada Brothers DO want revenge for what happened at the last show! They get in the ring and Geese has little trouble defending himself. Doug and Dave aren't medically cleared to wrestle so they are trying to hold Geese down for Bob to do the damage but to no avail. Even though Geese is tired from the Dod face-off, he's against two injured men and someone who also had a match so Geese is saavy enough to get the upper hand. Geese is cleaning house with all three and...wait, that couldn't be - is that Ruby Moreno?
Yes - yes it is! The former LAWL OMG Champion! And with her comes her stable - Generation NEON! But before Ryan Wright, Dwayne Reade and Gavin Usher can make it to the ring, Genji Security is on top of the situation to head them off and protect Geese!! But now Ruby grabs a microphone!
[Ruby:] "I've waited for this so very long, Geese. You tried to kill McPro when my NEON was on the rise. Then your whore tries to kill LAWL when I am their guiding light. Consider turnabout fair play. And consider Generation NEON ready to rise to the heavens, replacing the Orochi Army as the top organization in this industry. Tonight, we start with their leader. For a man who supposedly has absolute power in this promotion, it is quite easy to get to you, leading me to believe that this Emperor truly has no clothes."
OMG! Some masked man just ran out from the crowd! He looks incredibly muscular and has just entered the ring behind Geese! Geese backs up into him, turns around surprised at the contact, and gets lariated inside out! Then the guy picks Geese up and spikes him head first to the mat with an Exploder suplex!!! Geese is out cold!! Security is now swarming the ring and the Canada Brothers and Generation NEON bail, along with the masked man who is being led out of the crowd by a smiling Ruby Moreno!! This is...chao...i can't even say that! OMG! Just...OMG! Geese has been knocked out here due to the agenda of none other then Ruby Moreno!! We all knew Geese had a lot of enemies, but for like 9 of them to collude like that.
Actually, maybe even more! OMG! If the Dods WERE involved with this whole thing, now this makes much more sense on their part! Geese would have seen a direct Dod attack on him coming from miles away but no one saw THIS coming! The Dod attack on Clyde didn't try to, or expect to, inflame Mr. Figaro, it just was attempted to lure him backstage after the match so Geese was alone and unprotected! And if Geese were then injured, then the Dods definitely have a better chance at claiming their Block!! But there's no direct proof they WERE involved in this so they can't be punished! Dastardly!!
Genji Security and medical personnel surround the ring and are taking Geese backstage in a stretcher. I can't believe some guy from the crowd just laid him out! Holly is probably besides herself and I'm sure Mr. Yoshida will get to the bottom of this. But I better get back to my job here while I still have one..
Um so...the next Battalion is coming to you from Tweedmouth! That's right, we'll be returning to jolly old England as the Pure Technical er...PTFW crew hosts us at the Bonarsteads arena. And we have a huge match for you as friends fight friends! PTFW led by Martin Fairbairn and flanked by Jimmy Cliff faces off with Los Rudos Infernos with Stuart Robinson and VD Dod!! If the craziness of tonight wasn't enough for you, then you'll love our next show - as Martin vs. Stuart may cause an English civil war! See ya then!