Week 5, Show 2
Sept 8, 2009 2:58:33 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Sept 8, 2009 2:58:33 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League - 2008/2009
Week 5: Show 2
Bonarsteads - Tweedmouth, UK
Hi! We're back in England!! Can you believe a country actually allowed UBL action BACK within its hallowed borders after the crazy and uncouth league we've had! Well England was just raring to get more out of control action and we'll likely oblige them, especially with our main event tonight!!
This is a historic occasion as we are at the famous Tweedmouth outdoor arena. So outdoors that it's actually RAINING in the ring! Sgt. Yoshida talked with OrochiGeese about SAFETY for this show and he said that as long as there isn't a total downpour, the action will continue. Of course, the fact he isn't wrestling tonight may be a factor here but as long as we aren't raining cats and dogs and gooses, there will be matches! And possibly broken ankles! Due to the rain storm, we did not want to record any of the action so as to avoid any of the super expensive equipment getting destroyed or staff getting injured and bringing workers compensation claims. Electrocutions aren't fun and neither are red tape bureaucratic messes (especially since I have to take care of them)! So you'll just have to bare with ole Jean telling you how the matches went. Speaking of matches, let's see what we have lined up for you tonight!
Tonight's Card:
Block B matches:
Team NDP vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Mad Gear Gang vs. Freedom Brigade
Delphin Army vs. Team McPro
Interblock Match: Team BATT vs. Black Venom
Block D Match:
Los Salseros Americanos vs. ARMADA
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
PTFW vs. Los Rudos Infernos
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block B
We're starting off with Block B tonight where Team NDP and Team BATT are both tied for the lead with 3 wins and only 1 loss. While Team BATT is involved in an interblock match, Team NDP is up first here tonight against the winless Legitimate Businessman's Club. A team that appears to be getting some respect from the more surly members of the crowd. Speaking of the crowd, I have noticed that a lot of the areas are sectioned off for specific fans of each Battalion, especially for the PTFW and LRI sections. Team NDP does not have the strongest following here cause they are clearly seen as rivals to the British fans' two favorite teams in Block D and Fatman Ryuu in Block C. But Mr. E. doesn't appear to require support and Matt Shane also appears to be less interested in the fans then he used to be. Swanky new attire though!
Match #1:Team NDP vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Mr. E/Matt Shane vs. Rico Pizzicato/Rocky Marioni
The fan support didn't exactly lead to in ring success for LBC who had a very motivated Matt Shane to deal with. Even though Team NDP picked up an impressive victory against Team McPro at our last Block B show, it was Colleen who sealed the deal and I think Matt wants to make good here on his claim that he's the leader of this team. But every time he tried to do that, Mr. E. got in his way and prove that he's not just some big scary, nightmare-infesting, creepy, ghoulish, grab your teddy bear and pray-inducing, monster, he's also one with an eye for glory And so he made it a point to make sure Matt doesn't get credit for his team's success by getting into the ring at random occasions to make his impact felt. Of course, this irritated Matt and the bickering between the two led to Rocky and Rico Pizzicato making a few runs in the match, with Rocky using his brawling to knock Matt to the mat...(sorry) after being distracted by E.
And it all came to a head when Rico got into position to pin Matt after hitting the "Pizza Cutter" (which the fans went NUTS for, I didn't even know England HAD pizza!). However, Mr. E's earlier arrogance was not enough to stop him from breaking up the pin and getting the advantage back for his team. When Rico went for one later, HE SLIPPED!! It must have been the rain! (No one likes wet pizza!) Rico quickly tagged out and Rocky took over, but he didn't learn his lesson and after trying to punch Matt, his leg slipped, putting him in a very painful looking split! Team NDP used this situation to their advantage and kept Rocky off his feet with Matt out wrestling the brawler. The highlight of the match was when the two FINALLY acted like a true team to eliminate Rocky Marioni. They used a double team variation of Matt's "Punk Buster" where Mr. E actually lifted Matt onto his shoulders to deliver the move after Rocky fought out of a previous attempt. The crowd loved this and I think their adulation satisfied Matt enough to actually cede the ring to Mr. E to finish off Rico with a half nelson suplex he calls the "Phenominal Mystery".
Team NDP (O) ["Phenominal Mystery"- 43:30] (X) LBC
I'm guessing it's not like one of those Nancy Drew novels though. Or anything involving a crime-solving dog and ole Mr. Perkins from the haunted lighthouse. Um...our next match is between the Mad Gear Gang, who are tied with 2 wins and 2 losses, and the Freedom Brigade who are struggling with a surprising record of 1 win and 2 losses. It is probably the quality of competition and the fact that Red Coogan got slightly injured at the Moooon show, but the British fans are behind the Brigade, perhaps thinking Kickass as a modern American James Bond...or just not liking the Mad Gear Gang. Let's get to the match!
Match #2: Mad Gear Gang vs. Freedom Brigade
A.L Armstrong./Scombrocese vs. Red Coogan/Captain Kickass
You can tell their struggles motivated the Brigade as they were no-nonsense. Cap also appears comfortable in the rain as you gotta imagine the missions he has seen in worse conditions! The other three men certainly had a more careful pace, concerned about slipping after some of the problems in the last match. While Cap was the smallest man here, he was by far the most aggressive and focused. And he was having no problem at all dismantling the bigger but less combat-skilled Scombre. And when Scombre doesn't get his way, we've seen him get agitated and sloppy and that was happening here. But Cap wasn't easing up and Scombre made a huge mistake of giving his back to Kickass, to yell at A.L. to help him out, which led to an immediate Combat Clutch from behind. Scombre didn't waste a second in tapping, absolutely freaked out that he couldn't breathe but was swallowing rain water at the same time!!
A.L learned the lesson from his teammate about NOT PANICKING (something we all learned from the English) and was a bit more methodical, using his size, skill, and patience to give Cap some problems, causing him to tag Red in. And here we had a classic battle of big men but the advantage was firmly with the Brigade as Cap was there backing up Red was needed. A.L. couldn't fight off the 2 on 1 situations that occurred everytime there was a pin attempt and finally succumbed to a huge bearhug from Red. I've heard tales that Red has actually hoisted trees up from their roots with that bear hug...in CANADA of all places! So you know what those arms are capable of, and now so does A.L. Armstrong and the fans!
Mad Gear Gang (X) ["Freedom-Plex" - 18:30] (O) Freedom Brigade
And our final Block B match for the night places the 1-2 Delphin Army against the 2-1 Team McPro. Delphin Army will be represented by the Crusher and a mystery wrestler. (on account of the rotating third spot for that Battalion). And so Team McPro comes out first with a very strong lineup of Nick Strife and Bak Fu. Crusher comes out and wow...he's followed by BINGO-1 HOSS, Big Ben! And you gotta figure that was planned for tonight's show given that we are in England and Big Ben is a CLOCK. The fans are LOVING the symbolism here and the fact that we have what appears to be a doozy of a match! Bak Fu is staring the big man down but Big Ben isn't giving an inch! We're gonna have a real war here!
Match #3: Delphin Army vs. Team McPro
Big Ben/Crusher vs. Nick Strife/Bak Fu
Crusher starts off with Nick Strife and these two are ready to wrestle tonight! Both have ignored the rain (which actually has subsided a bit...probably cause the rain god is afraid of Bak Fu). Strife takes advantage but Crusher is a seasoned veteran and has Strife fighting for every exchange. After a bit of time where no advantage is clearly given, the two tag out to their very attention-garnering partners.
The fans go NUTS here as Bak Fu goes in against a man who is close to being at least 1 and a half times as big as him. But Bak Fu knows no fear and launches into an insanely, almost impossible to follow (or stop) barrage of punches, elbows, kicks and knees. Big Ben just stands there and takes it and finally piefaces Bak (and not Eel Pie for you Brits) and pushes him backwards. Absolute silence from the crowd but then Bak Fu does the same thing!!! This time it is Bak who relents after a few seconds. He actually walks away and turns his back on Ben? Why would he-- OMG...Big Ben just fell down!! It was like two seconds after the last blow! Eew he just spit a little bit of blood out too! What the heck did Bak Fu just do!? I feel like I'm in an animu here and the crowd is stunned! They are even more stunned when Big Ben gets up and calls Bak back for more! Bak nods and the two launch into a war where Bak throws elbows and Big Ben uses headbutts and throws. The rain starts up again and these two are still going at it.
OH MY! LIGHTNING! Lightning just struck like an inch away from Bak, who anticipated it and jumped forward, careening into the unsuspecting Ben! Well THAT turned the tide of the match, apparently Bak can control the elements to his advantage now!? SCARY! Geese better be watching this, he won't be happy that someone besides him benefited from the power of lightning!! Bak has Ben in the corner and tags in Nick and now it's Nick's turn, but Ben still has a lot of fight in him. The two go at it, with Nick working on Ben's arms finally leading up to a Tiger Driver attempt...blocked and Big Ben actually hoists Nick Strife up on his shoulders...SAMOAN DROP!! The huge Big Ben just landed right on top of Strife and he just got the pin!!
But wait....Bak is in the ring, waiting for Big Ben to get up...but no, no sneak attack! Rather, Bak Fu just walks right up to him, kicks him in the stomach, and applies his back rolling guillotine choke, a new finisher of his for this league! Ben can't fight out of it as Bak has it on too tight and the damage Nick Strife did to his arms and shoulders were enough to render them useless in this situation. Crusher even gets into the ring and attempts to kick Bak off but he hangs on and...Ben taps!
And we're down to Bak and Crusher. Crusher has the advantage here as Bak is still getting up off the mat from the sleeper. Crusher is more rested and definitely has control but the rain has picked up too. Crusher goes for a lariat, slips, Bak goes up on the top rope with perfect balance...and nails a moonsault foot dive! And he goes for the pin! Crusher manages to fight it off though and attempts a few roll-ups, hoping to keep Bak down this way and not have to actually hurt him enough to pin him as that is usually very difficult. But Bak just gets irritated at the roll-up attempts and....attempts the HELLBOUND! But no..he slips too from the rain...and Crusher ends up taking a modified slam and landing right under Bak's arm...Bak Fu realizes it and transitions into the "Last Breath" sleeper!! Crusher can't get his footing due to the puddles of rain and has no choice but to tap! This match is over and everyone is just soaking wet!!
Delphin Army (X) ["Last Breath" - 9:10] (O) Team McPro
Intermission
Well I'm glad we're ready for intermission as I think the ring needs to be cleaned from all this rain, lightning char burns, and the unfortunate uh...discharge from Big Ben earlier. I've heard it can get a bit damp in England, this is out of control! Team McPro got the victory but you do have to hand it to Delphin Army for their resilience in this odd situation. We are taking a thirty minute rain break which luckily you, the viewer, doesn't have to experience. The poor crowd has to deal with unheated food though as with lightning going on everywhere, it's a good idea not to have any electricity going on or open flames. The merch table is open though. And all the fans are buying UBL umbrellas and ponchos. I've heard it can get a bit damp in England, this is out of control! The fans are entertaining themselves with various chants and songs - some of them appear to be about Battalion teams, but most about football. And now that the rain has died down again, we are going to an interblock match between Team BATT who are 3-1 and Black Venom who have the inverted record of 1-3. Team BATT has a LOT of support among these fans as I believe BATT Is centered in England. Black Venom, well, they don't seem to be garnering the same support.
Interblock Match: Team BATT vs. Black Venom
Diablo/Masked Man/Red Dragon vs. Kurobara/Kemnebi/Dokuja
Folks. I just can't keep track of all this. It does seem that Black Venom is more at home in this type of match due to the chaotic situation. While I think Team BATT have the stronger wrestlers, Black Venom really benefits from double and triple teaming their opponents as well as a referee (the Coach) who appears blissfully ignorant of their weapon use. Unfortunately this leads to a pretty quick victory as Kurobara puts away Red Dragon after using a STEEL CHAIR and uses the ropes to keep him down. Cheaters...
Team BATT (X) [Chair - 13:33] (O) Black Venom
Block D
And it's time for some Block D action - the Block of choice for fans here given the two Battalions in the main event. But we still have two matches to get to first. We start with Los Salseros Americanos against ARMADA. LSA has a record of 2-1 and ARMADA is trying to rebound from its somewhat struggling 1-2 record. This match appears to be an opportunity to do so as I really think LSA is heavily out matched here. While Nectarine Hughes has a backstage reputation for working "TART", Ivan Vigoro is quickly becoming one of the most feared wrestlers in this league, the UBL, and NDP.
Match #4: Los Salseros Americanos vs. ARMADA
Avocado Schwartz/Nectarine Hughes vs. Ryan Ramirez/Ivan Vigoro
Avocado and Ryan started off this match. Avocado attempted to mat wrestle while Ryan tried to take it to the air. Frankly, the crowd wasn't so into this and were chanting for their partners to get involved, sensing a squirmish of epic proportions. Finally, both Ivan and Nectarine came into the ring and threw their own partners out! Then they just started brawling! The fans went NUTS for this and Ryan and Avocado looked embarrassed. Poor sad avocado, that just makes me tear up, yanno? Oh and...Ivan Vigoro knocked out Nectarine Hughes about 2 minutes later with his super lariat, the Draco Cannon. A knocked out nectarine is also cause for grief. Ivan invited Avocado into the ring who initially refused and finally got counted out. Given that he never made the tag to begin with, he actually was counted out earlier but no one cared to notice as a knocked out nectarine is cause for greater attention. In any case, smart move avocado.
Los Salseros Americanos (X) ["Draco Cannon"- 5:21] (O) ARMADA
We turn next to a very potentially exciting match as the HUGE BINGO-1 Heroes with an excellent record of 3-1 face the upstart Team Moon Gas 200Y with the record of 2-1. TMG suffered a bit of a freak loss at their last show against Black Venom when uh...an 'aerial malfunction' happened to Sam McCloud. But we've been assured that he's ok and ready to compete as is the team leader, Ozzy DaBoe. Meanwhile BINGO-1 appear to be rather surly, knowing that their arch rivals Los Rudos Infernos, the team who caused Johnny BINGO's 'disappearance', is in the main event. Will they be able to focus on this next task at hand?
Match #5: BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Tax/DF Allen vs. Ozzy Daboe/McCloud
DF Allen starts off with McCloud, apparently wearing an actual James Bond outfit which the fans are eating up. (so much for Captain Kickass's reaction!). Apparently though, when I talked to him (Sam, not James Bond) after the match, he said it wasn't a James Bond outfit but an homage to FLEX wrestler "Secret Agent Mann". Not sure what's going on there but the fans still loved it! We got some great action in this bout as McCloud and Allen took it to each other with DF having the power advantage and McCloud getting in some great strikes, yelling out the various names of them. "POWER DUNK" (In Donuts?) "100 HAND SLAP" (he has two, for the record). "THIS RING IS WET!" Oh wait...that wasn't a move. After he took control, DF tried to tag out but McCloud yelled out "GET OVER HERE!" and appaered to throw something...and DF Allen walked right over. Either Sam has an invisible whip or chain or DF just didn't like to be yelled at. But DF then tackled Sam to the ground, not at all expecting a suden triangle choke, Sam calls the "Triforce Lock" . Tax rushes in but Ozzy cuts him off and DF appaered to have no choice but to tap. And did.
Though if you ask me, it seems a bit premature as DF walked it off after and appeared fine. Tax did take control though afterwards and eventually Sam was forced to tag out. Tax and Ozzy did battle and while it looked like Tax was gaining the upper hand, we ended up with one of the strangest finishes ever in UBL as the rain picked up intensity. Right when it looked like Tax was gonna put Ozzy up, down, and away with a powerbomb, Team Chuu Chuu from OG-Joshi came into the ring and started Para Para dancing. Now, we've seen them do that before (and I'm confirming that is IS Team Chuu Chuu which Drake wasn't able to, or seemed to care about doing) but this time, they were caught in the rain. And I'm guessing that Tax thought it was either impossible for Para Para dancing to exist in the rain OR that the nice white shirts that Yuri and Yaio were wearing were getting ruined, but it distracted him long enough (I mean the boy was just SHOCKED and staring forwards into space) to get Para Para Plexed by Ozzy Da Boe for the pin!! TMG win!!
BINGO-1 Heroes (X) [Para Para Plex - 25:18] (O) Team Moon Gas 200Y
And the crowd appears as concerned about Team Chuu Chuu's wardrobe needing laundering as Tax did! Or maybe they are worried that Chuu Chuu will catch a chill! What caring fans!! And as the rain continues, so is the intensity of the crowd as it is time for the main event! PTFW (Pure Technical Friendly Wrestling) has a record of 2 and 2, Los RUD(E)OS Infernos have a record of 2-1. But if you just look at numbers, you're ignoring the impact LRI have had on this league. They have lied, cheated, and launched their opponents into space for victories. They have done everything one can do in pursuit of the almighty W. PTFW is not a stranger to brawling and maybe bending a few rules but its in pursuit of the FIGHT, not to try to cheat out cheap victories. However, the interesting thing here is the relationship between the two teams. Stuart Robinson and Martin Fairbarin actually train out of the same Fatman Ryuu Dojo owned by Martin's brother Dave...aka "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn. BUT don't think this means the two teams will wrestle a nice proper, english tea-worthy match. It just means they will EXPECT each other to brawl and fight and break the rules as they wouldn't have it any other way. I would expect each team to try to one-up themselves but at what cost!? Both teams get absolute ADORATION from the crowds. Even the fans that chant expletives at LRI appear to be doing it in good spirit. And the fans are chanting along with Martin's verbal tirades at Stuart and appear to know exactly what VD Dod is saying in response. (...) Let's get to the match!
Match #6: PTFW vs. Los Rudos Infernos
Martin Fairbairn/Jimmy Cliff vs. Stuart Robinson/VD Dod
And what happened in this match was...it was just too much. The two teams actually...gasp...WRESTLED. I can't believe it!! There were no eye rakes or biting or scratches...but arm drags and submissions and pins!! Either this was some kind of inside joke on the audience or the two teams were trying to one-up the other by doing what they wouldn't expect. "Keeping it clean" was certainly to LRI's advantage though given the superior size of their opponents and noted brawling prowess of Martin Fairbairn. And you really gotta give credit to Stuart Robinson here who went back to his old junior heavyweight days and wrestled a brilliant match. You know for all his violent actions and bad attitude, he proved he could still wrestle legit in the ring and be an effective force. The same goes for VD Dod who learned more then just the "Dod" tactics of handling situations. Jimmy Cliff and Martin Fairbairn were at a bit of a loss of how to handle the two in this match. After Stuart Robinson made Jimmy Cliff tap out with the "Burning Lock" (Figure Four Hizagatame), Martin was at a loss of what to do. He didn't have the technical skills of either of his opponents and was stuck in a bad place. Stuart had already done enough damage to his legs, as he wanted to keep the big man off his feet, and ended this match with a move you expect to win in a nearby country, the escargot.
PTFW (X) [Burning Lock Beta - 19:30] (O) Stuart Robinson/VD Dod
But if you've been watching the Battalion for more then a minute, you gotta know this wasn't the end of the show. Right after the match, the troops came in from the back. The Dod Squod come out first and got in the ring and appeared angry that LRI won by wrestling and not hijinks. Then BINGO-1 came out but they were held off by the Dods. BINGO-1 members wondered why the Dods and LRI had such a close alliance to begin with and you could hear the crowd start chanting: "WE WANT JOHNNY" which seemed to REALLY amuse Jack Dod who appeared on the verge of shouting something back in response. Finally, Team Fatman Ryuu came out led by Dave Fairbairn and the figurative roof (remember, outdoors!) came off the place. He walked right into the ring and looked at Stuart and Jack Dod speaking. Then Dave smiled at Jack Dod. Jack smiled back, surprised...and then was met by a MASSIVE elbow in the face by Dave!
And all heck broke loose right then and there!! BINGO-1 chased after LRI while Fatman Ryuu and PTFW tried to stop them from doing so but at the same time as Fatman chased the Dods!! The rain just kept coming and the only thing that stopped the brawl was Stuart Robinson shooting a fireball, buying enough room for LRI to bail out...in the backseat of Fat Lip's low rider...which then got stuck in the rain puddles, causing them to run to the back. Tax and TOMMY BONGO threw the car after LRI but no one was hurt. The Dods were then able to bail out when the Canada Brothers and Generation NEON (flanked by the same masked man who injured Geese) came to their aid, providing enough manpower for the Dod pursuers to back off. Jack Dod looked at his allies, mouthed "We're square" and then left. It looks like whatever deal they had is now paid off in full by both sides. And with PTFW and Fatman Ryuu standing tall in the ring, I think this show is now paid off in full for the fans as they loved the brawl we just had!!
And that is the end of "Week 5" of the Battalion. Just two "weeks" left to go as Show 11 (out of 14) is up next!! We will be coming to you from..."Snake Mountain", the home of the Battalion by that same name. No one quite knows where the show will be though. Naja Mask is from India, Marauder is from Australia, and I think Nightmare is from Brazil. That doesn't leave much room for a shared home base. All I know is that Drake Yoshida is excited to arrive at this location so perhaps that gives us a hint. Nancy Drew, can you solve the Phenominal Mystery of where the next Battalion show is? Or will I have to!!! See you next show!
Week 5: Show 2
Bonarsteads - Tweedmouth, UK
Hi! We're back in England!! Can you believe a country actually allowed UBL action BACK within its hallowed borders after the crazy and uncouth league we've had! Well England was just raring to get more out of control action and we'll likely oblige them, especially with our main event tonight!!
This is a historic occasion as we are at the famous Tweedmouth outdoor arena. So outdoors that it's actually RAINING in the ring! Sgt. Yoshida talked with OrochiGeese about SAFETY for this show and he said that as long as there isn't a total downpour, the action will continue. Of course, the fact he isn't wrestling tonight may be a factor here but as long as we aren't raining cats and dogs and gooses, there will be matches! And possibly broken ankles! Due to the rain storm, we did not want to record any of the action so as to avoid any of the super expensive equipment getting destroyed or staff getting injured and bringing workers compensation claims. Electrocutions aren't fun and neither are red tape bureaucratic messes (especially since I have to take care of them)! So you'll just have to bare with ole Jean telling you how the matches went. Speaking of matches, let's see what we have lined up for you tonight!
Tonight's Card:
Block B matches:
Team NDP vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Mad Gear Gang vs. Freedom Brigade
Delphin Army vs. Team McPro
Interblock Match: Team BATT vs. Black Venom
Block D Match:
Los Salseros Americanos vs. ARMADA
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
PTFW vs. Los Rudos Infernos
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block B
We're starting off with Block B tonight where Team NDP and Team BATT are both tied for the lead with 3 wins and only 1 loss. While Team BATT is involved in an interblock match, Team NDP is up first here tonight against the winless Legitimate Businessman's Club. A team that appears to be getting some respect from the more surly members of the crowd. Speaking of the crowd, I have noticed that a lot of the areas are sectioned off for specific fans of each Battalion, especially for the PTFW and LRI sections. Team NDP does not have the strongest following here cause they are clearly seen as rivals to the British fans' two favorite teams in Block D and Fatman Ryuu in Block C. But Mr. E. doesn't appear to require support and Matt Shane also appears to be less interested in the fans then he used to be. Swanky new attire though!
Match #1:Team NDP vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Mr. E/Matt Shane vs. Rico Pizzicato/Rocky Marioni
The fan support didn't exactly lead to in ring success for LBC who had a very motivated Matt Shane to deal with. Even though Team NDP picked up an impressive victory against Team McPro at our last Block B show, it was Colleen who sealed the deal and I think Matt wants to make good here on his claim that he's the leader of this team. But every time he tried to do that, Mr. E. got in his way and prove that he's not just some big scary, nightmare-infesting, creepy, ghoulish, grab your teddy bear and pray-inducing, monster, he's also one with an eye for glory And so he made it a point to make sure Matt doesn't get credit for his team's success by getting into the ring at random occasions to make his impact felt. Of course, this irritated Matt and the bickering between the two led to Rocky and Rico Pizzicato making a few runs in the match, with Rocky using his brawling to knock Matt to the mat...(sorry) after being distracted by E.
And it all came to a head when Rico got into position to pin Matt after hitting the "Pizza Cutter" (which the fans went NUTS for, I didn't even know England HAD pizza!). However, Mr. E's earlier arrogance was not enough to stop him from breaking up the pin and getting the advantage back for his team. When Rico went for one later, HE SLIPPED!! It must have been the rain! (No one likes wet pizza!) Rico quickly tagged out and Rocky took over, but he didn't learn his lesson and after trying to punch Matt, his leg slipped, putting him in a very painful looking split! Team NDP used this situation to their advantage and kept Rocky off his feet with Matt out wrestling the brawler. The highlight of the match was when the two FINALLY acted like a true team to eliminate Rocky Marioni. They used a double team variation of Matt's "Punk Buster" where Mr. E actually lifted Matt onto his shoulders to deliver the move after Rocky fought out of a previous attempt. The crowd loved this and I think their adulation satisfied Matt enough to actually cede the ring to Mr. E to finish off Rico with a half nelson suplex he calls the "Phenominal Mystery".
Team NDP (O) ["Phenominal Mystery"- 43:30] (X) LBC
I'm guessing it's not like one of those Nancy Drew novels though. Or anything involving a crime-solving dog and ole Mr. Perkins from the haunted lighthouse. Um...our next match is between the Mad Gear Gang, who are tied with 2 wins and 2 losses, and the Freedom Brigade who are struggling with a surprising record of 1 win and 2 losses. It is probably the quality of competition and the fact that Red Coogan got slightly injured at the Moooon show, but the British fans are behind the Brigade, perhaps thinking Kickass as a modern American James Bond...or just not liking the Mad Gear Gang. Let's get to the match!
Match #2: Mad Gear Gang vs. Freedom Brigade
A.L Armstrong./Scombrocese vs. Red Coogan/Captain Kickass
You can tell their struggles motivated the Brigade as they were no-nonsense. Cap also appears comfortable in the rain as you gotta imagine the missions he has seen in worse conditions! The other three men certainly had a more careful pace, concerned about slipping after some of the problems in the last match. While Cap was the smallest man here, he was by far the most aggressive and focused. And he was having no problem at all dismantling the bigger but less combat-skilled Scombre. And when Scombre doesn't get his way, we've seen him get agitated and sloppy and that was happening here. But Cap wasn't easing up and Scombre made a huge mistake of giving his back to Kickass, to yell at A.L. to help him out, which led to an immediate Combat Clutch from behind. Scombre didn't waste a second in tapping, absolutely freaked out that he couldn't breathe but was swallowing rain water at the same time!!
A.L learned the lesson from his teammate about NOT PANICKING (something we all learned from the English) and was a bit more methodical, using his size, skill, and patience to give Cap some problems, causing him to tag Red in. And here we had a classic battle of big men but the advantage was firmly with the Brigade as Cap was there backing up Red was needed. A.L. couldn't fight off the 2 on 1 situations that occurred everytime there was a pin attempt and finally succumbed to a huge bearhug from Red. I've heard tales that Red has actually hoisted trees up from their roots with that bear hug...in CANADA of all places! So you know what those arms are capable of, and now so does A.L. Armstrong and the fans!
Mad Gear Gang (X) ["Freedom-Plex" - 18:30] (O) Freedom Brigade
And our final Block B match for the night places the 1-2 Delphin Army against the 2-1 Team McPro. Delphin Army will be represented by the Crusher and a mystery wrestler. (on account of the rotating third spot for that Battalion). And so Team McPro comes out first with a very strong lineup of Nick Strife and Bak Fu. Crusher comes out and wow...he's followed by BINGO-1 HOSS, Big Ben! And you gotta figure that was planned for tonight's show given that we are in England and Big Ben is a CLOCK. The fans are LOVING the symbolism here and the fact that we have what appears to be a doozy of a match! Bak Fu is staring the big man down but Big Ben isn't giving an inch! We're gonna have a real war here!
Match #3: Delphin Army vs. Team McPro
Big Ben/Crusher vs. Nick Strife/Bak Fu
Crusher starts off with Nick Strife and these two are ready to wrestle tonight! Both have ignored the rain (which actually has subsided a bit...probably cause the rain god is afraid of Bak Fu). Strife takes advantage but Crusher is a seasoned veteran and has Strife fighting for every exchange. After a bit of time where no advantage is clearly given, the two tag out to their very attention-garnering partners.
The fans go NUTS here as Bak Fu goes in against a man who is close to being at least 1 and a half times as big as him. But Bak Fu knows no fear and launches into an insanely, almost impossible to follow (or stop) barrage of punches, elbows, kicks and knees. Big Ben just stands there and takes it and finally piefaces Bak (and not Eel Pie for you Brits) and pushes him backwards. Absolute silence from the crowd but then Bak Fu does the same thing!!! This time it is Bak who relents after a few seconds. He actually walks away and turns his back on Ben? Why would he-- OMG...Big Ben just fell down!! It was like two seconds after the last blow! Eew he just spit a little bit of blood out too! What the heck did Bak Fu just do!? I feel like I'm in an animu here and the crowd is stunned! They are even more stunned when Big Ben gets up and calls Bak back for more! Bak nods and the two launch into a war where Bak throws elbows and Big Ben uses headbutts and throws. The rain starts up again and these two are still going at it.
OH MY! LIGHTNING! Lightning just struck like an inch away from Bak, who anticipated it and jumped forward, careening into the unsuspecting Ben! Well THAT turned the tide of the match, apparently Bak can control the elements to his advantage now!? SCARY! Geese better be watching this, he won't be happy that someone besides him benefited from the power of lightning!! Bak has Ben in the corner and tags in Nick and now it's Nick's turn, but Ben still has a lot of fight in him. The two go at it, with Nick working on Ben's arms finally leading up to a Tiger Driver attempt...blocked and Big Ben actually hoists Nick Strife up on his shoulders...SAMOAN DROP!! The huge Big Ben just landed right on top of Strife and he just got the pin!!
But wait....Bak is in the ring, waiting for Big Ben to get up...but no, no sneak attack! Rather, Bak Fu just walks right up to him, kicks him in the stomach, and applies his back rolling guillotine choke, a new finisher of his for this league! Ben can't fight out of it as Bak has it on too tight and the damage Nick Strife did to his arms and shoulders were enough to render them useless in this situation. Crusher even gets into the ring and attempts to kick Bak off but he hangs on and...Ben taps!
And we're down to Bak and Crusher. Crusher has the advantage here as Bak is still getting up off the mat from the sleeper. Crusher is more rested and definitely has control but the rain has picked up too. Crusher goes for a lariat, slips, Bak goes up on the top rope with perfect balance...and nails a moonsault foot dive! And he goes for the pin! Crusher manages to fight it off though and attempts a few roll-ups, hoping to keep Bak down this way and not have to actually hurt him enough to pin him as that is usually very difficult. But Bak just gets irritated at the roll-up attempts and....attempts the HELLBOUND! But no..he slips too from the rain...and Crusher ends up taking a modified slam and landing right under Bak's arm...Bak Fu realizes it and transitions into the "Last Breath" sleeper!! Crusher can't get his footing due to the puddles of rain and has no choice but to tap! This match is over and everyone is just soaking wet!!
Delphin Army (X) ["Last Breath" - 9:10] (O) Team McPro
Intermission
Well I'm glad we're ready for intermission as I think the ring needs to be cleaned from all this rain, lightning char burns, and the unfortunate uh...discharge from Big Ben earlier. I've heard it can get a bit damp in England, this is out of control! Team McPro got the victory but you do have to hand it to Delphin Army for their resilience in this odd situation. We are taking a thirty minute rain break which luckily you, the viewer, doesn't have to experience. The poor crowd has to deal with unheated food though as with lightning going on everywhere, it's a good idea not to have any electricity going on or open flames. The merch table is open though. And all the fans are buying UBL umbrellas and ponchos. I've heard it can get a bit damp in England, this is out of control! The fans are entertaining themselves with various chants and songs - some of them appear to be about Battalion teams, but most about football. And now that the rain has died down again, we are going to an interblock match between Team BATT who are 3-1 and Black Venom who have the inverted record of 1-3. Team BATT has a LOT of support among these fans as I believe BATT Is centered in England. Black Venom, well, they don't seem to be garnering the same support.
Interblock Match: Team BATT vs. Black Venom
Diablo/Masked Man/Red Dragon vs. Kurobara/Kemnebi/Dokuja
Folks. I just can't keep track of all this. It does seem that Black Venom is more at home in this type of match due to the chaotic situation. While I think Team BATT have the stronger wrestlers, Black Venom really benefits from double and triple teaming their opponents as well as a referee (the Coach) who appears blissfully ignorant of their weapon use. Unfortunately this leads to a pretty quick victory as Kurobara puts away Red Dragon after using a STEEL CHAIR and uses the ropes to keep him down. Cheaters...
Team BATT (X) [Chair - 13:33] (O) Black Venom
Block D
And it's time for some Block D action - the Block of choice for fans here given the two Battalions in the main event. But we still have two matches to get to first. We start with Los Salseros Americanos against ARMADA. LSA has a record of 2-1 and ARMADA is trying to rebound from its somewhat struggling 1-2 record. This match appears to be an opportunity to do so as I really think LSA is heavily out matched here. While Nectarine Hughes has a backstage reputation for working "TART", Ivan Vigoro is quickly becoming one of the most feared wrestlers in this league, the UBL, and NDP.
Match #4: Los Salseros Americanos vs. ARMADA
Avocado Schwartz/Nectarine Hughes vs. Ryan Ramirez/Ivan Vigoro
Avocado and Ryan started off this match. Avocado attempted to mat wrestle while Ryan tried to take it to the air. Frankly, the crowd wasn't so into this and were chanting for their partners to get involved, sensing a squirmish of epic proportions. Finally, both Ivan and Nectarine came into the ring and threw their own partners out! Then they just started brawling! The fans went NUTS for this and Ryan and Avocado looked embarrassed. Poor sad avocado, that just makes me tear up, yanno? Oh and...Ivan Vigoro knocked out Nectarine Hughes about 2 minutes later with his super lariat, the Draco Cannon. A knocked out nectarine is also cause for grief. Ivan invited Avocado into the ring who initially refused and finally got counted out. Given that he never made the tag to begin with, he actually was counted out earlier but no one cared to notice as a knocked out nectarine is cause for greater attention. In any case, smart move avocado.
Los Salseros Americanos (X) ["Draco Cannon"- 5:21] (O) ARMADA
We turn next to a very potentially exciting match as the HUGE BINGO-1 Heroes with an excellent record of 3-1 face the upstart Team Moon Gas 200Y with the record of 2-1. TMG suffered a bit of a freak loss at their last show against Black Venom when uh...an 'aerial malfunction' happened to Sam McCloud. But we've been assured that he's ok and ready to compete as is the team leader, Ozzy DaBoe. Meanwhile BINGO-1 appear to be rather surly, knowing that their arch rivals Los Rudos Infernos, the team who caused Johnny BINGO's 'disappearance', is in the main event. Will they be able to focus on this next task at hand?
Match #5: BINGO-1 Heroes vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Tax/DF Allen vs. Ozzy Daboe/McCloud
DF Allen starts off with McCloud, apparently wearing an actual James Bond outfit which the fans are eating up. (so much for Captain Kickass's reaction!). Apparently though, when I talked to him (Sam, not James Bond) after the match, he said it wasn't a James Bond outfit but an homage to FLEX wrestler "Secret Agent Mann". Not sure what's going on there but the fans still loved it! We got some great action in this bout as McCloud and Allen took it to each other with DF having the power advantage and McCloud getting in some great strikes, yelling out the various names of them. "POWER DUNK" (In Donuts?) "100 HAND SLAP" (he has two, for the record). "THIS RING IS WET!" Oh wait...that wasn't a move. After he took control, DF tried to tag out but McCloud yelled out "GET OVER HERE!" and appaered to throw something...and DF Allen walked right over. Either Sam has an invisible whip or chain or DF just didn't like to be yelled at. But DF then tackled Sam to the ground, not at all expecting a suden triangle choke, Sam calls the "Triforce Lock" . Tax rushes in but Ozzy cuts him off and DF appaered to have no choice but to tap. And did.
Though if you ask me, it seems a bit premature as DF walked it off after and appeared fine. Tax did take control though afterwards and eventually Sam was forced to tag out. Tax and Ozzy did battle and while it looked like Tax was gaining the upper hand, we ended up with one of the strangest finishes ever in UBL as the rain picked up intensity. Right when it looked like Tax was gonna put Ozzy up, down, and away with a powerbomb, Team Chuu Chuu from OG-Joshi came into the ring and started Para Para dancing. Now, we've seen them do that before (and I'm confirming that is IS Team Chuu Chuu which Drake wasn't able to, or seemed to care about doing) but this time, they were caught in the rain. And I'm guessing that Tax thought it was either impossible for Para Para dancing to exist in the rain OR that the nice white shirts that Yuri and Yaio were wearing were getting ruined, but it distracted him long enough (I mean the boy was just SHOCKED and staring forwards into space) to get Para Para Plexed by Ozzy Da Boe for the pin!! TMG win!!
BINGO-1 Heroes (X) [Para Para Plex - 25:18] (O) Team Moon Gas 200Y
And the crowd appears as concerned about Team Chuu Chuu's wardrobe needing laundering as Tax did! Or maybe they are worried that Chuu Chuu will catch a chill! What caring fans!! And as the rain continues, so is the intensity of the crowd as it is time for the main event! PTFW (Pure Technical Friendly Wrestling) has a record of 2 and 2, Los RUD(E)OS Infernos have a record of 2-1. But if you just look at numbers, you're ignoring the impact LRI have had on this league. They have lied, cheated, and launched their opponents into space for victories. They have done everything one can do in pursuit of the almighty W. PTFW is not a stranger to brawling and maybe bending a few rules but its in pursuit of the FIGHT, not to try to cheat out cheap victories. However, the interesting thing here is the relationship between the two teams. Stuart Robinson and Martin Fairbarin actually train out of the same Fatman Ryuu Dojo owned by Martin's brother Dave...aka "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn. BUT don't think this means the two teams will wrestle a nice proper, english tea-worthy match. It just means they will EXPECT each other to brawl and fight and break the rules as they wouldn't have it any other way. I would expect each team to try to one-up themselves but at what cost!? Both teams get absolute ADORATION from the crowds. Even the fans that chant expletives at LRI appear to be doing it in good spirit. And the fans are chanting along with Martin's verbal tirades at Stuart and appear to know exactly what VD Dod is saying in response. (...) Let's get to the match!
Match #6: PTFW vs. Los Rudos Infernos
Martin Fairbairn/Jimmy Cliff vs. Stuart Robinson/VD Dod
And what happened in this match was...it was just too much. The two teams actually...gasp...WRESTLED. I can't believe it!! There were no eye rakes or biting or scratches...but arm drags and submissions and pins!! Either this was some kind of inside joke on the audience or the two teams were trying to one-up the other by doing what they wouldn't expect. "Keeping it clean" was certainly to LRI's advantage though given the superior size of their opponents and noted brawling prowess of Martin Fairbairn. And you really gotta give credit to Stuart Robinson here who went back to his old junior heavyweight days and wrestled a brilliant match. You know for all his violent actions and bad attitude, he proved he could still wrestle legit in the ring and be an effective force. The same goes for VD Dod who learned more then just the "Dod" tactics of handling situations. Jimmy Cliff and Martin Fairbairn were at a bit of a loss of how to handle the two in this match. After Stuart Robinson made Jimmy Cliff tap out with the "Burning Lock" (Figure Four Hizagatame), Martin was at a loss of what to do. He didn't have the technical skills of either of his opponents and was stuck in a bad place. Stuart had already done enough damage to his legs, as he wanted to keep the big man off his feet, and ended this match with a move you expect to win in a nearby country, the escargot.
PTFW (X) [Burning Lock Beta - 19:30] (O) Stuart Robinson/VD Dod
But if you've been watching the Battalion for more then a minute, you gotta know this wasn't the end of the show. Right after the match, the troops came in from the back. The Dod Squod come out first and got in the ring and appeared angry that LRI won by wrestling and not hijinks. Then BINGO-1 came out but they were held off by the Dods. BINGO-1 members wondered why the Dods and LRI had such a close alliance to begin with and you could hear the crowd start chanting: "WE WANT JOHNNY" which seemed to REALLY amuse Jack Dod who appeared on the verge of shouting something back in response. Finally, Team Fatman Ryuu came out led by Dave Fairbairn and the figurative roof (remember, outdoors!) came off the place. He walked right into the ring and looked at Stuart and Jack Dod speaking. Then Dave smiled at Jack Dod. Jack smiled back, surprised...and then was met by a MASSIVE elbow in the face by Dave!
And all heck broke loose right then and there!! BINGO-1 chased after LRI while Fatman Ryuu and PTFW tried to stop them from doing so but at the same time as Fatman chased the Dods!! The rain just kept coming and the only thing that stopped the brawl was Stuart Robinson shooting a fireball, buying enough room for LRI to bail out...in the backseat of Fat Lip's low rider...which then got stuck in the rain puddles, causing them to run to the back. Tax and TOMMY BONGO threw the car after LRI but no one was hurt. The Dods were then able to bail out when the Canada Brothers and Generation NEON (flanked by the same masked man who injured Geese) came to their aid, providing enough manpower for the Dod pursuers to back off. Jack Dod looked at his allies, mouthed "We're square" and then left. It looks like whatever deal they had is now paid off in full by both sides. And with PTFW and Fatman Ryuu standing tall in the ring, I think this show is now paid off in full for the fans as they loved the brawl we just had!!
And that is the end of "Week 5" of the Battalion. Just two "weeks" left to go as Show 11 (out of 14) is up next!! We will be coming to you from..."Snake Mountain", the home of the Battalion by that same name. No one quite knows where the show will be though. Naja Mask is from India, Marauder is from Australia, and I think Nightmare is from Brazil. That doesn't leave much room for a shared home base. All I know is that Drake Yoshida is excited to arrive at this location so perhaps that gives us a hint. Nancy Drew, can you solve the Phenominal Mystery of where the next Battalion show is? Or will I have to!!! See you next show!