Week 6, Show 2
Jan 13, 2010 23:00:55 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Jan 13, 2010 23:00:55 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League: 2008-10
Week 6: Show 2
Combat Quarters - Militarized Zone.
Yeeps. Jean Carter here and by here, I mean nowhere cause I'm not allowed to tell you where we are! In fact, this "place" is so classified that all the wrestlers were told to arrive in a bus station and were then blindfolded and transported to the arena. People got more then a little worried that we were gonna be sent to a prison camp! Luckily, the arena just appears to be some barracks. Unluckily, this doesn't appear to be the barracks of any acknowledged public military!! So we all have to be on our best behavior here or else we may disappear!! Or maybe we already did! (Later note: We didn't. Phew.) I wouldn't want to be the Mad Gear Gang right now or any other opponents of the Orochi Army, that's for sure!! Only Geese and a select few know where we all are and if you anger him, you might end up in the middle of nowhere in a black hole of confusion! Speaking of black holes, that was a cool swirly effect on the BattleTron to show the matches for tonight...or today, we don't even know what time it is!! It might be yesterday!
*A graphic comes onto the screen...today*
Tonight's Card:
Block C matches:
PCW Originals vs. Team SMN
Canada Brothers vs. Clan of the Sun
Fatman Pro Wrestling vs. Dod Squod
Interblock Match: Mad Gear Gang vs. Orochi Army
Block B Matches:
Team BATT vs. Team McPro
Delphin Army vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Team NDP vs. Freedom Brigade
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block C
The wrestles were bussed in but the fans weren't. They were already present and appear to be soldiers, or mercenaries. Definitely a different crowd then we're used to, I'm a little freaked out, to be honest. I better watch what I say tonight, folks. Cause I... I never saw machetes allowed into a wrestling show.
We'll get things started here with the PCW Originals, who have 2 wins and 2 losses, against the 1 and 3 Team SMN. And PCW is bringing out "Willy the Parrot," as I like to call him. (As it's rude to call someone psycho), to represent them and I hope he's ok. Some of the mercenaries are making jokes about him and that's REALLY rude but uh, I think I'll use the power of the pen here rather then my voice. Both teams are now down to the ring and we're ready to go.
Match #1: PCW Originals vs. Team SMN
"Psycho" Willy Pierot/Mike Sandberg vs. Mike Poe/Razgriz
Willy starts the match, against Mike Sandberg's advice. Mike Poe (Let's just call him Poe here) is in the ring with Willy and not taking him seriously at all. He's pushing him around and acting like a mean bully. Meanwhile, Mike is getting fired up on the apron. Poe grabs Willy's body and pins him down on the ground with his arms, like a dropping powerslam but with no real impact. He hopes to end this without too much trouble but Willy is kicking and screaming and this is uncomfortable to watch. Poe can't keep his shoulders down and is getting impatient. And while on the ground, Willy manages to hit Poe in the face with a chop!! Good shot, Willy! Poe is up and looking startled, and here's another chop! But this was involuntary! Willy looks stunned that he just knocked Poe on his back, goes to pin, but Razgriz breaks it up! Nice try, Willy!! However Poe is incensed at this and folds Willy up with an unnecessarily hard powerbomb for a pin.
A livid Mike Sandberg runs from the apron and spears Poe all the way into the corner turnbuckle!! Wow! Mike is unloading on Poe, then lifts him up for a Jackhammer...BAM! What impact! The ref goes to count but...NO! Razgriz breaks it up again!! And then hits a nasty legdrop to the back of Mike's head. The two of them have Mike isolated here and hit a variety of double team striking moves. The numbers game is too much for Mike as he falls to a double team powerbomb and pin by Poe. I think Mike may have been more concerned with Willy's health though then winning the match since he quickly rolls out of the ring after the fall and goes to check on his friend. That makes Mike the real winner in my book.
(Drake's note: Not in the one that matters, mine.)
PCW Originals (X) [Double Powerbomb - 8:45] (O) Team SMN
Willy appears to be ok, just a little shaken up. Mike is helping him backstage but I don't think Willy is injured. So let's refocus on the next match!! It involves two teams who are down on their luck. Both the Canada Brothers and the Clan of the Sun have been statistically eliminated with their record of 1 win and 3 losses. The Canada Brothers don't appear to be too popular here - I guess a nation that isn't known for war isn't gonna be favored by this crowd. The Clan of the Sun appear to be getting some cheers though.
Match #2: Canada Brothers vs. Clan of the Sun
Canada Doug/Bob vs. Apolo Helios/Huitzlpotl
Apolo was a FORCE to be reckoned with here!! Unfortunately for the Canada Brothers, they must have had their force OF reckoning confiscated from them by security. (likely by Geese's request after that attack a few shows ago). Doug and Bob could barely move Apolo who was constantly knocking him down with shoulder blocks and lariats. Huitzi did just enough to keep Doug and Bob on their feet while Apolo took a few breaks to rest and breathe in between his doled out beatings. Huitzi actually managed to take Doug out with the...and I quote "Sacrifice for 52 Years" punch to the chest. Then he tagged Apolo in for the overwhelming "Golden Helios" lariat for the easy pin to eliminate Bob and pick up the victory.
Canada Brothers (X) ["Golden Helios" - 12:20] (O) Clan of the Sun
It looks like not every team with a 1 and 3 record was on equal footing! Well Clan of the Sun could use some momentum since at the next show for Block C, the last show of the league, they'll be facing the Dod Squod! We'll see how effective Apolo's strength will be against Caleb Dod's!
Speaking of the Dods, they are in the next match against the Fa- Rotundman Pro Wrestling crew. In fact, both of these teams are sort of tied for the lead. I say sort of because the Dod Squod has 3 wins and 1 loss while Rotund has 4 wins and 1 loss. This is of course due to the fact that the Dod Squod already had their Interblock match so they had one less officially ranked match. But one of these teams are about to get their first loss and really, it's not easy to predict which one. They didn't get those great records for no reason, granted the Dods may have cheated a bit. But you're looking at two of the most dominant Battalions in this entire 28 group league, not just sub-Block. And they are both led by former PW-W World Champions, respectively "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn and Jack Dod. You don't get bigger time then that, folks. And it looks like Jack Dod is using this momentous occasion to grab a microphone and address the crowd as his opponents look on extremely impatiently from the ramp.
Due to some of the language Jack Dod has used in UBL, we're not allowed to quote him word for word anymore. And by language, I don't just mean swear words but language insulting to Orochi Geese. So much for "sticks and stones". But I'm gonna have to try to paraphrase this. Relevant thoughts, Jean!
Ok so Jack is refreshing our memories about the show in England at the Bonarsteads, the 10th league show during the 5th round of competition on the 8th year of the Harvest season (Drake's note: Not funny )from a few months ago. Dave Fairbairn looks annoyed at this 'ancient' history lesson but Jack is motioning him to relax and just listen and that 'it will all be over soon' (ominous!)
It was on that show where there was a brawl between these two teams (and a few others), with Dave elbowing Jack in the face after Jack lectured Stuart Robinson. Jack says he hasn't forgotten about the elbow, but mostly hasn't forgotten how amused he was that the fans back there in England were chanting for none other then their hero Johnny Bingo.. Jack said that 'he bit his tongue' on that show (ouch...oh wait, it was figurative) but he couldn't bear to hold back the truth any longer. What's this? Is he coming clean about something! Tell us, Jack! The truth will set you free!
Oh wait...now he's smiling...and laughing deviously and...
OH NO!! JACK DOD JUST ADMITTED TO PLANNING JOHNNY BINGO'S BLASTOFF!!!!!!!!!!!
HE'S LAUGHING LIKE A MADMAN!! He's saying he put Stuart and LRI up to it too! But he was the mastermind!! The whole scheme was planned by Jack to get revenge on Johnny for all those years ago when Johnny was the ref in the Evo.R match between Jack and Twinky McLanahan - when Twinky won! This guy holds a grudge as long as Geese! This is horrific!! I'M SICK OVER THIS DISGUSTING LANGUAGE AND ATTITUDE!! And even the fans, these hardened mercenaries, appear mildly disturbed that someone could actually launch a fellow human being into space with bad intentions!!!! BAD INTENTIONS!
Breathe, Jean, breathe.
Meanwhile, Dave is looking at his watch (which is symbolic since he isn't wearing one and is clearly bored at all this) and is now ready to get into the ring. Apparently the loss of his countryman under these circumstances isn't enough to rally him into action, just his busy schedule! I'm surprised at you Mr. Fairbairn!! But wait - before he gets into the ring - it's the BINGO-1 Battalion! They are rushing to the ring with chairs and Jack Dod is no doubt the target! He bails out of the ring and they chase him backstage. Dave is watching them, and doesn't even realize that Caleb and Ronnie have come up behind him with their own chairs- CONCHAIRTO!! Dave Fairbairn has just been knocked out!! And Jack Dod has been chased away!! I don't think we're getting the match these two teams planned on!! But Park and Sit Kwok Fu are certainly fired up after their leader just got BONKED by Caleb and Ronnie! The action has already started as medics go to get Dave out of the area safely. Let's get to the ring!
Match #3: Fatman Pro Wrestling vs. Dod Squod
Park Hyun-Soo/Sit Kwok Fu vs. Ronnie Dod/Caleb Dod
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Dave and Sit gave it their best efforts but a man like Caleb Dod...you have to be at more then your best, you have to be on his level. And unfortunately, Park and Sit weren't there tonight, certainly not when Ronnie was backing his partner up as well. The Dod Squod take this match and were able to adapt to the very weird situation quicker then ...waitaminute...
Fatman Pro Wrestling (X) [High Lift Chokeslam - 23:14] (O) Dod Squod
How did Caleb and Ronnie know to hit Dave with the chair so soon after Jack Dod fled!? They did nothing to help Jack against BINGO-1 guys but they already had chairs in their hand the second Dave's attention was shifted to the chase. If Dave had been in this match, it would have been far more even. Even as dominant as Jack Dod is, Dave Fairbairn nullifies him in that ring, he may even have the advantage in some situations. But if Dave is taken out, then...then the Dods must have known they would have the clear advantage going in. And they HAD to have known that if I just pieced it together!! This was a set-up!!
Jack sacrificed his place in the match to intentionally create a diversion to get Dave taken out. He knew what had to be done to give his team the strongest advantage they could have!! Jack had enough confidence in his team to ensure this huge win. And I really mean huge! Cause now, the Dods go to 4 and 1 while the Rotund crew fall to 4 and 2! The Dods now have the chance to win their Block at the last Battalion show. All they have to do is beat Clan of the Sun. And further, the Fatman Pro Wrestling team is now STUCK at 4 and 2 since they only have an interblock match at that last show! Fatman can no longer improve their record, this was their last ranked match!! Also, if Orochi Army wins at that show, they'll go to 4 and 2 as well! So either the Dods go to 5 and 1 by winning or there will be a three way tie with 4 wins and 2 losses among those three teams! ABSURDITY! So many factors at play here and the one question we have left is: DId Jack Dod really mean all that about Johnny Bingo or was this a plan just to draw BINGO-1 Battalion out for the diversion!? What is real here!?! Folks, we need a break!!
INTERMISSION
I don't know what to say but we're going backstage where Drake is talking to Geese in the hallway. Mr. Clyde and Mr. Figaro are flanking him.
[Drake:] "Sir, that confirms our suspicions but do you believe it?!"
[Geese:] "We will deal with it later, I have a match now."
[Drake:] "I can't believe he just took credit-"
[Geese:] "Drake...look at the intensity on Mr. Figaro's face. This is a time for battle. Nothing Jack Dod has done will change this next match. We will deal with the Bingo situation later. As for now, Mr. Figaro."
[Figaro:] "Yes."
[Geese:] "We can not have the lawless running this promotion. You saw what was just alleged by Dod, a man who injured our friend, Clyde. A man who manipulates people. And now, we are about to face a self-professed gang. A group of individuals who would just as soon injure Clyde, as the Dods would. What are we to do, Mr. Figaro, when a gang threatens our way of life?"
*Mr. Figaro elbows the wall, knocking a huge hole in it and then walks stoically to the ring. Geese smirks at Drake who looks taken back at Figaro's actions. Clyde follows, pausing a second to study and nod at Drake's reaction, before following his two partners to the ring.*
OOOOH-K, that was weird! It's me, Jean again and Figaro looks as pumped up as the BINGO-1 Battalion did before!! I wouldn't want to be Mad Gear now...or anyone that upsets Figaro. I don't know what Geese has said to him in the past few weeks but, it looks like the Figaro we saw in the match with the Dods is back even without Clyde getting injured. It's like that anger has been SUSTAINED. That's a scary and disturbing thought. But as the Battalion is winding down, perhaps the intensity is being picked up to finish the league strong and also send a message to the rest of the teams. In any case, everyone is in the ring now. Mad Gear look a little surprised at Figaro who is just standing there like a mountain staring at them. Geese steps back onto the apron, it looks like it's just Figaro and Clyde here, what's going on!
Interblock Match: Mad Gear Gang vs. Orochi Army
Deke Armstrong/"A.L" Armstrong/Scombrésoce vs. Mr. Clyde/Mr. Figaro/Orochi Geese
Utter devestation! Figaro has launched into some kind of rage and is elbowing his opponents to oblivion! Clyde is doing his part to keep them off balance and is kicking their arms to prevent them from double-teaming Figaro and stopping his onslaught! Figaro elbows A.L Armstrong out of the ring, then knocks Deke down with a shoulder butt. Geese takes care of A.L. on the outside, DDT'ing him on the floor. Clyde has Deke down in a jujigatame. Now Figaro is staring down Scombre who yells an expletive out and runs out of the ring!! Figaro motions for Clyde to let Deke up, which he does, then runs the ropes and flattens him with a South Figaro lariat! He's out, totally KO'd. This match is over!!
Mad Gear Gang (X) [South Figaro Lariat - 3:20] (O) Orochi Army
Figaro still seems just as intense now as he did when he started the match but Clyde gets him to calm down a bit. However, it is Geese who is able to bring Figaro back to a more normal mood, and the three walk backstage. This isn't the Figaro we know and love. This is...what did Geese do to him?
Block B
Well as much as I want to take another intermission break to try to deal with what we just saw, we've got a trio of big matches here for you to watch: hopefully full of sportsmanship and non-enraged competition! Although maybe Bak Fu isn't the symbol of calmness we're looking for, he did get the mercenaries to settle down just by looking at them. That's a scary thought but hey, I'll take it! Team BATT and Team McPro are both tied at 3 wins and 1 loss. A win here would go a VERY long way to deciding who finishes up as the winner of Block B. Team NDP is the only other team that is in contention and they'll have a tough time in the main event tonight against the Freedom Brigade. So McPro and BATT, let's see what you got!!
Match #4: Team BATT vs. Team McPro
Masked Man/Diablo vs. Bak Fu/Eddie Swan
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A great match that had Eddie Swan showing why he is one of the top wrestlers in the world in clutch situations. His elevated crab finishes the match after a strong effort by team BATT. BATT isn't out of it yet but it's gonna take luck for them to be able to tie for the Block at this point. McPro certainly just helped their efforts as next show they face off with Mad Gear Gang who might not be the same after what we just saw earlier. BATT has the more crafty Delphin Army to face, and we'll see their craftyness right now!
Team BATT (X) [Elevated Boston Crab - 28:42] (O) Team McPro
Despite said craftyness, they are at 1 win and 3 losses. Their opponents are even more down on their luck. LBC have 4 losses and no wins. Let's see if the Delphin Army can pad their record a bit, or if LBC can finally "procure" a win. Of note is that JD Delphin has chosen BINGO-1's Mr. Pants to join the team effort, in light of the still unanswered "Gigatron" confusion. We've seen Mr. Pants in UBL before and as he dresses like a cat, he is clearly my favorite in this match! Yes you are! You're a pretty kitty with pretty kitty hair!! (Drake's note: That was uncomfortable for everyone.) One might say he is the favorite of the referee too, Coach McGuirk as the two appear to know each other. In a rare situation, LBC actually finds itself with the deck stacked against it. But their hunger for their first win has to be driving them here, and they are even getting a lot of crowd support. Whether that is cause the mercs don't care for a grown man dressed as a cat or they find some common bond with the 'paid muscle' of LBC, is for the home audience to decide!
Match #5: Delphin Army vs. LBC
Mr. Pants/JD Delphin vs. Sal Monella/Rico Pizzicato
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And the crowd support may have just rallied the LBC to their first victory!! Delphin Army seemed totally out of sorts as they are usually overwhelming crowd favorites. But the mercs here clearly had them off their game and LBC grabbed the victory at the end. Poor Mr. Pants. I wonder if he knows LOL Cat - the two could be friends and groom each other. (Drake's note: Again, uncomfortable.)
Delphin Army (X) [Kido Clutch - 29:08] (O) LBC
And we come now to the main event!! Team NDP is at a commanding 4 win and 1 loss record while the Freedom Brigade has 2 wins and 2 losses. The Freedom Brigade is probably the most hated Battalion in this arena today so far. The crowd is really yelling nasty things. Now, I had heard that Captain Kickass had requested a venue for this show but for whatever reason, it clearly wasn't afforded to him. Instead, his group of rag tag freedom lovers are the villains tonight as this crowd looks more like the type of people who Genji "Security" might hang around with. Team NDP is largely ignoring the crowd and more concerned with their own internal strife as Matt Shane and Colleen Dramesi have issues a'plenty. Colleen still has the NDP Championship that she won from Matt and more importantly, she recently punched him in the 'Shanes' with brass knuckles at the last NDP Maelstrom!!!! So um, I'm guessing their teamwork may be a little strained...like Matt's sitting in chair ability. Yeesh. They certainly won't have the teamwork and mutual respect that Aaron and Captain Kickass have for each other. While Matt and Colleen are both at the top of their singles games, this is a tag match with tag rules and tag you're it! Watch the match!
Match #6: Team NDP vs. Freedom Brigade
Matt Shane/Colleen Dramesi vs. Aaron Eldridge/Captain Kickass
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What a battle! And quite an accomplishment for Captain Kickass who just made Colleen tap out!! Matt Shane was on the floor and didn't appear too worried about the situation, I even caught him smiling as Colleen frantically tapped the mat. That's not gonna help their team rankings but I bet it did help his ego, or at least gave him a laugh. But what's not funny to Team NDP fans, and Mr. E, is that Freedom Brigade just played spoiler to their potentially reaching 5 wins and clinching the Block victory!!
Team NDP (X) [King Cobra Hold - 35:53] (O) Freedom Brigade
Ok and we've hit the end of our - what's going on? The mercs are getting up and ushering everyone out of the arena. Oh looks like we're going back on the busses. I'm Jean Carter and the Battalion will be coming to you next from a hopefully more relaxed setting in New Jersey! See you then!!
Week 6: Show 2
Combat Quarters - Militarized Zone.
Yeeps. Jean Carter here and by here, I mean nowhere cause I'm not allowed to tell you where we are! In fact, this "place" is so classified that all the wrestlers were told to arrive in a bus station and were then blindfolded and transported to the arena. People got more then a little worried that we were gonna be sent to a prison camp! Luckily, the arena just appears to be some barracks. Unluckily, this doesn't appear to be the barracks of any acknowledged public military!! So we all have to be on our best behavior here or else we may disappear!! Or maybe we already did! (Later note: We didn't. Phew.) I wouldn't want to be the Mad Gear Gang right now or any other opponents of the Orochi Army, that's for sure!! Only Geese and a select few know where we all are and if you anger him, you might end up in the middle of nowhere in a black hole of confusion! Speaking of black holes, that was a cool swirly effect on the BattleTron to show the matches for tonight...or today, we don't even know what time it is!! It might be yesterday!
*A graphic comes onto the screen...today*
Tonight's Card:
Block C matches:
PCW Originals vs. Team SMN
Canada Brothers vs. Clan of the Sun
Fatman Pro Wrestling vs. Dod Squod
Interblock Match: Mad Gear Gang vs. Orochi Army
Block B Matches:
Team BATT vs. Team McPro
Delphin Army vs. Legitimate Businessman's Club
Team NDP vs. Freedom Brigade
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match)
Block C
The wrestles were bussed in but the fans weren't. They were already present and appear to be soldiers, or mercenaries. Definitely a different crowd then we're used to, I'm a little freaked out, to be honest. I better watch what I say tonight, folks. Cause I... I never saw machetes allowed into a wrestling show.
We'll get things started here with the PCW Originals, who have 2 wins and 2 losses, against the 1 and 3 Team SMN. And PCW is bringing out "Willy the Parrot," as I like to call him. (As it's rude to call someone psycho), to represent them and I hope he's ok. Some of the mercenaries are making jokes about him and that's REALLY rude but uh, I think I'll use the power of the pen here rather then my voice. Both teams are now down to the ring and we're ready to go.
Match #1: PCW Originals vs. Team SMN
"Psycho" Willy Pierot/Mike Sandberg vs. Mike Poe/Razgriz
Willy starts the match, against Mike Sandberg's advice. Mike Poe (Let's just call him Poe here) is in the ring with Willy and not taking him seriously at all. He's pushing him around and acting like a mean bully. Meanwhile, Mike is getting fired up on the apron. Poe grabs Willy's body and pins him down on the ground with his arms, like a dropping powerslam but with no real impact. He hopes to end this without too much trouble but Willy is kicking and screaming and this is uncomfortable to watch. Poe can't keep his shoulders down and is getting impatient. And while on the ground, Willy manages to hit Poe in the face with a chop!! Good shot, Willy! Poe is up and looking startled, and here's another chop! But this was involuntary! Willy looks stunned that he just knocked Poe on his back, goes to pin, but Razgriz breaks it up! Nice try, Willy!! However Poe is incensed at this and folds Willy up with an unnecessarily hard powerbomb for a pin.
A livid Mike Sandberg runs from the apron and spears Poe all the way into the corner turnbuckle!! Wow! Mike is unloading on Poe, then lifts him up for a Jackhammer...BAM! What impact! The ref goes to count but...NO! Razgriz breaks it up again!! And then hits a nasty legdrop to the back of Mike's head. The two of them have Mike isolated here and hit a variety of double team striking moves. The numbers game is too much for Mike as he falls to a double team powerbomb and pin by Poe. I think Mike may have been more concerned with Willy's health though then winning the match since he quickly rolls out of the ring after the fall and goes to check on his friend. That makes Mike the real winner in my book.
(Drake's note: Not in the one that matters, mine.)
PCW Originals (X) [Double Powerbomb - 8:45] (O) Team SMN
Willy appears to be ok, just a little shaken up. Mike is helping him backstage but I don't think Willy is injured. So let's refocus on the next match!! It involves two teams who are down on their luck. Both the Canada Brothers and the Clan of the Sun have been statistically eliminated with their record of 1 win and 3 losses. The Canada Brothers don't appear to be too popular here - I guess a nation that isn't known for war isn't gonna be favored by this crowd. The Clan of the Sun appear to be getting some cheers though.
Match #2: Canada Brothers vs. Clan of the Sun
Canada Doug/Bob vs. Apolo Helios/Huitzlpotl
Apolo was a FORCE to be reckoned with here!! Unfortunately for the Canada Brothers, they must have had their force OF reckoning confiscated from them by security. (likely by Geese's request after that attack a few shows ago). Doug and Bob could barely move Apolo who was constantly knocking him down with shoulder blocks and lariats. Huitzi did just enough to keep Doug and Bob on their feet while Apolo took a few breaks to rest and breathe in between his doled out beatings. Huitzi actually managed to take Doug out with the...and I quote "Sacrifice for 52 Years" punch to the chest. Then he tagged Apolo in for the overwhelming "Golden Helios" lariat for the easy pin to eliminate Bob and pick up the victory.
Canada Brothers (X) ["Golden Helios" - 12:20] (O) Clan of the Sun
It looks like not every team with a 1 and 3 record was on equal footing! Well Clan of the Sun could use some momentum since at the next show for Block C, the last show of the league, they'll be facing the Dod Squod! We'll see how effective Apolo's strength will be against Caleb Dod's!
Speaking of the Dods, they are in the next match against the Fa- Rotundman Pro Wrestling crew. In fact, both of these teams are sort of tied for the lead. I say sort of because the Dod Squod has 3 wins and 1 loss while Rotund has 4 wins and 1 loss. This is of course due to the fact that the Dod Squod already had their Interblock match so they had one less officially ranked match. But one of these teams are about to get their first loss and really, it's not easy to predict which one. They didn't get those great records for no reason, granted the Dods may have cheated a bit. But you're looking at two of the most dominant Battalions in this entire 28 group league, not just sub-Block. And they are both led by former PW-W World Champions, respectively "Rotund" Dave Fairbairn and Jack Dod. You don't get bigger time then that, folks. And it looks like Jack Dod is using this momentous occasion to grab a microphone and address the crowd as his opponents look on extremely impatiently from the ramp.
Due to some of the language Jack Dod has used in UBL, we're not allowed to quote him word for word anymore. And by language, I don't just mean swear words but language insulting to Orochi Geese. So much for "sticks and stones". But I'm gonna have to try to paraphrase this. Relevant thoughts, Jean!
Ok so Jack is refreshing our memories about the show in England at the Bonarsteads, the 10th league show during the 5th round of competition on the 8th year of the Harvest season (Drake's note: Not funny )from a few months ago. Dave Fairbairn looks annoyed at this 'ancient' history lesson but Jack is motioning him to relax and just listen and that 'it will all be over soon' (ominous!)
It was on that show where there was a brawl between these two teams (and a few others), with Dave elbowing Jack in the face after Jack lectured Stuart Robinson. Jack says he hasn't forgotten about the elbow, but mostly hasn't forgotten how amused he was that the fans back there in England were chanting for none other then their hero Johnny Bingo.. Jack said that 'he bit his tongue' on that show (ouch...oh wait, it was figurative) but he couldn't bear to hold back the truth any longer. What's this? Is he coming clean about something! Tell us, Jack! The truth will set you free!
Oh wait...now he's smiling...and laughing deviously and...
OH NO!! JACK DOD JUST ADMITTED TO PLANNING JOHNNY BINGO'S BLASTOFF!!!!!!!!!!!
HE'S LAUGHING LIKE A MADMAN!! He's saying he put Stuart and LRI up to it too! But he was the mastermind!! The whole scheme was planned by Jack to get revenge on Johnny for all those years ago when Johnny was the ref in the Evo.R match between Jack and Twinky McLanahan - when Twinky won! This guy holds a grudge as long as Geese! This is horrific!! I'M SICK OVER THIS DISGUSTING LANGUAGE AND ATTITUDE!! And even the fans, these hardened mercenaries, appear mildly disturbed that someone could actually launch a fellow human being into space with bad intentions!!!! BAD INTENTIONS!
Breathe, Jean, breathe.
Meanwhile, Dave is looking at his watch (which is symbolic since he isn't wearing one and is clearly bored at all this) and is now ready to get into the ring. Apparently the loss of his countryman under these circumstances isn't enough to rally him into action, just his busy schedule! I'm surprised at you Mr. Fairbairn!! But wait - before he gets into the ring - it's the BINGO-1 Battalion! They are rushing to the ring with chairs and Jack Dod is no doubt the target! He bails out of the ring and they chase him backstage. Dave is watching them, and doesn't even realize that Caleb and Ronnie have come up behind him with their own chairs- CONCHAIRTO!! Dave Fairbairn has just been knocked out!! And Jack Dod has been chased away!! I don't think we're getting the match these two teams planned on!! But Park and Sit Kwok Fu are certainly fired up after their leader just got BONKED by Caleb and Ronnie! The action has already started as medics go to get Dave out of the area safely. Let's get to the ring!
Match #3: Fatman Pro Wrestling vs. Dod Squod
Park Hyun-Soo/Sit Kwok Fu vs. Ronnie Dod/Caleb Dod
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Dave and Sit gave it their best efforts but a man like Caleb Dod...you have to be at more then your best, you have to be on his level. And unfortunately, Park and Sit weren't there tonight, certainly not when Ronnie was backing his partner up as well. The Dod Squod take this match and were able to adapt to the very weird situation quicker then ...waitaminute...
Fatman Pro Wrestling (X) [High Lift Chokeslam - 23:14] (O) Dod Squod
How did Caleb and Ronnie know to hit Dave with the chair so soon after Jack Dod fled!? They did nothing to help Jack against BINGO-1 guys but they already had chairs in their hand the second Dave's attention was shifted to the chase. If Dave had been in this match, it would have been far more even. Even as dominant as Jack Dod is, Dave Fairbairn nullifies him in that ring, he may even have the advantage in some situations. But if Dave is taken out, then...then the Dods must have known they would have the clear advantage going in. And they HAD to have known that if I just pieced it together!! This was a set-up!!
Jack sacrificed his place in the match to intentionally create a diversion to get Dave taken out. He knew what had to be done to give his team the strongest advantage they could have!! Jack had enough confidence in his team to ensure this huge win. And I really mean huge! Cause now, the Dods go to 4 and 1 while the Rotund crew fall to 4 and 2! The Dods now have the chance to win their Block at the last Battalion show. All they have to do is beat Clan of the Sun. And further, the Fatman Pro Wrestling team is now STUCK at 4 and 2 since they only have an interblock match at that last show! Fatman can no longer improve their record, this was their last ranked match!! Also, if Orochi Army wins at that show, they'll go to 4 and 2 as well! So either the Dods go to 5 and 1 by winning or there will be a three way tie with 4 wins and 2 losses among those three teams! ABSURDITY! So many factors at play here and the one question we have left is: DId Jack Dod really mean all that about Johnny Bingo or was this a plan just to draw BINGO-1 Battalion out for the diversion!? What is real here!?! Folks, we need a break!!
INTERMISSION
I don't know what to say but we're going backstage where Drake is talking to Geese in the hallway. Mr. Clyde and Mr. Figaro are flanking him.
[Drake:] "Sir, that confirms our suspicions but do you believe it?!"
[Geese:] "We will deal with it later, I have a match now."
[Drake:] "I can't believe he just took credit-"
[Geese:] "Drake...look at the intensity on Mr. Figaro's face. This is a time for battle. Nothing Jack Dod has done will change this next match. We will deal with the Bingo situation later. As for now, Mr. Figaro."
[Figaro:] "Yes."
[Geese:] "We can not have the lawless running this promotion. You saw what was just alleged by Dod, a man who injured our friend, Clyde. A man who manipulates people. And now, we are about to face a self-professed gang. A group of individuals who would just as soon injure Clyde, as the Dods would. What are we to do, Mr. Figaro, when a gang threatens our way of life?"
*Mr. Figaro elbows the wall, knocking a huge hole in it and then walks stoically to the ring. Geese smirks at Drake who looks taken back at Figaro's actions. Clyde follows, pausing a second to study and nod at Drake's reaction, before following his two partners to the ring.*
OOOOH-K, that was weird! It's me, Jean again and Figaro looks as pumped up as the BINGO-1 Battalion did before!! I wouldn't want to be Mad Gear now...or anyone that upsets Figaro. I don't know what Geese has said to him in the past few weeks but, it looks like the Figaro we saw in the match with the Dods is back even without Clyde getting injured. It's like that anger has been SUSTAINED. That's a scary and disturbing thought. But as the Battalion is winding down, perhaps the intensity is being picked up to finish the league strong and also send a message to the rest of the teams. In any case, everyone is in the ring now. Mad Gear look a little surprised at Figaro who is just standing there like a mountain staring at them. Geese steps back onto the apron, it looks like it's just Figaro and Clyde here, what's going on!
Interblock Match: Mad Gear Gang vs. Orochi Army
Deke Armstrong/"A.L" Armstrong/Scombrésoce vs. Mr. Clyde/Mr. Figaro/Orochi Geese
Utter devestation! Figaro has launched into some kind of rage and is elbowing his opponents to oblivion! Clyde is doing his part to keep them off balance and is kicking their arms to prevent them from double-teaming Figaro and stopping his onslaught! Figaro elbows A.L Armstrong out of the ring, then knocks Deke down with a shoulder butt. Geese takes care of A.L. on the outside, DDT'ing him on the floor. Clyde has Deke down in a jujigatame. Now Figaro is staring down Scombre who yells an expletive out and runs out of the ring!! Figaro motions for Clyde to let Deke up, which he does, then runs the ropes and flattens him with a South Figaro lariat! He's out, totally KO'd. This match is over!!
Mad Gear Gang (X) [South Figaro Lariat - 3:20] (O) Orochi Army
Figaro still seems just as intense now as he did when he started the match but Clyde gets him to calm down a bit. However, it is Geese who is able to bring Figaro back to a more normal mood, and the three walk backstage. This isn't the Figaro we know and love. This is...what did Geese do to him?
Block B
Well as much as I want to take another intermission break to try to deal with what we just saw, we've got a trio of big matches here for you to watch: hopefully full of sportsmanship and non-enraged competition! Although maybe Bak Fu isn't the symbol of calmness we're looking for, he did get the mercenaries to settle down just by looking at them. That's a scary thought but hey, I'll take it! Team BATT and Team McPro are both tied at 3 wins and 1 loss. A win here would go a VERY long way to deciding who finishes up as the winner of Block B. Team NDP is the only other team that is in contention and they'll have a tough time in the main event tonight against the Freedom Brigade. So McPro and BATT, let's see what you got!!
Match #4: Team BATT vs. Team McPro
Masked Man/Diablo vs. Bak Fu/Eddie Swan
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A great match that had Eddie Swan showing why he is one of the top wrestlers in the world in clutch situations. His elevated crab finishes the match after a strong effort by team BATT. BATT isn't out of it yet but it's gonna take luck for them to be able to tie for the Block at this point. McPro certainly just helped their efforts as next show they face off with Mad Gear Gang who might not be the same after what we just saw earlier. BATT has the more crafty Delphin Army to face, and we'll see their craftyness right now!
Team BATT (X) [Elevated Boston Crab - 28:42] (O) Team McPro
Despite said craftyness, they are at 1 win and 3 losses. Their opponents are even more down on their luck. LBC have 4 losses and no wins. Let's see if the Delphin Army can pad their record a bit, or if LBC can finally "procure" a win. Of note is that JD Delphin has chosen BINGO-1's Mr. Pants to join the team effort, in light of the still unanswered "Gigatron" confusion. We've seen Mr. Pants in UBL before and as he dresses like a cat, he is clearly my favorite in this match! Yes you are! You're a pretty kitty with pretty kitty hair!! (Drake's note: That was uncomfortable for everyone.) One might say he is the favorite of the referee too, Coach McGuirk as the two appear to know each other. In a rare situation, LBC actually finds itself with the deck stacked against it. But their hunger for their first win has to be driving them here, and they are even getting a lot of crowd support. Whether that is cause the mercs don't care for a grown man dressed as a cat or they find some common bond with the 'paid muscle' of LBC, is for the home audience to decide!
Match #5: Delphin Army vs. LBC
Mr. Pants/JD Delphin vs. Sal Monella/Rico Pizzicato
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And the crowd support may have just rallied the LBC to their first victory!! Delphin Army seemed totally out of sorts as they are usually overwhelming crowd favorites. But the mercs here clearly had them off their game and LBC grabbed the victory at the end. Poor Mr. Pants. I wonder if he knows LOL Cat - the two could be friends and groom each other. (Drake's note: Again, uncomfortable.)
Delphin Army (X) [Kido Clutch - 29:08] (O) LBC
And we come now to the main event!! Team NDP is at a commanding 4 win and 1 loss record while the Freedom Brigade has 2 wins and 2 losses. The Freedom Brigade is probably the most hated Battalion in this arena today so far. The crowd is really yelling nasty things. Now, I had heard that Captain Kickass had requested a venue for this show but for whatever reason, it clearly wasn't afforded to him. Instead, his group of rag tag freedom lovers are the villains tonight as this crowd looks more like the type of people who Genji "Security" might hang around with. Team NDP is largely ignoring the crowd and more concerned with their own internal strife as Matt Shane and Colleen Dramesi have issues a'plenty. Colleen still has the NDP Championship that she won from Matt and more importantly, she recently punched him in the 'Shanes' with brass knuckles at the last NDP Maelstrom!!!! So um, I'm guessing their teamwork may be a little strained...like Matt's sitting in chair ability. Yeesh. They certainly won't have the teamwork and mutual respect that Aaron and Captain Kickass have for each other. While Matt and Colleen are both at the top of their singles games, this is a tag match with tag rules and tag you're it! Watch the match!
Match #6: Team NDP vs. Freedom Brigade
Matt Shane/Colleen Dramesi vs. Aaron Eldridge/Captain Kickass
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What a battle! And quite an accomplishment for Captain Kickass who just made Colleen tap out!! Matt Shane was on the floor and didn't appear too worried about the situation, I even caught him smiling as Colleen frantically tapped the mat. That's not gonna help their team rankings but I bet it did help his ego, or at least gave him a laugh. But what's not funny to Team NDP fans, and Mr. E, is that Freedom Brigade just played spoiler to their potentially reaching 5 wins and clinching the Block victory!!
Team NDP (X) [King Cobra Hold - 35:53] (O) Freedom Brigade
Ok and we've hit the end of our - what's going on? The mercs are getting up and ushering everyone out of the arena. Oh looks like we're going back on the busses. I'm Jean Carter and the Battalion will be coming to you next from a hopefully more relaxed setting in New Jersey! See you then!!