Week 7, Show 1
Mar 2, 2010 21:05:23 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Mar 2, 2010 21:05:23 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League: 2008-10
Week 7: Show 1
Legitimate Businessman's Club - New Jersey
Upset that you'll have to wait longer for more league action!? Fuhgettabout it! This is Jean Carter coming to you from South Juysey! We're at a local businessman's club, apparently affiliated with the UBL's LBC group. There's a lot of cigar smoke and I've been hearing more then my recommended YEARLY allowance of swear words! Not a good influence on the children of America! I hope the censor is beeping the cr@p out of ..OMG! It got to me too!! I'm sorry, really!! Impressionable ears - IMPRESSIONABLE EARS!! To the card:
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Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
SNUH vs. Team 4CPW
Busch Boyz vs. Snake Mountain
Team KABOOM vs. Cuban Assassins
Interblock Match: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Team NDP
Block B Matches:
Delphin Army vs. Team BATT
Mad Gear Gang vs. Team McPro
Legitimate Businessman's Club vs. Freedom Brigade
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match. But you already know that. I'm guessing you memorized this little section after 2-3 years. Good job!)
Let's try to re-focus. For those wondering how UBL plans to deal with the Dods and LRI after Jack's shocking announcement at the last show, Sergeant Drake Yoshida has told me that only one form of punishment is appropriate. I know what you're all thinking but NO, we're not gonna launch them into space like they did to Johnny. I couldn't get any more information out of Drake but suffice to say, he isn't letting them off the hook. He just isn't revealing his plan until he is ready. I think he's doing so in order to get the element of surprise over them at a crucial time. In a promotion owned by Geese when both the Dod and LRI Battalions are rivals, this could have very ominous results for the Dods. But I can't say I'll be too upset if their teams get cheated out of victory after all that happened. CHEATERS NEVER WIN and Jack Dod, particularly, may just be the Czar of Cheaters here. Like OG is the Kaiser of Chaos.
And how LOLCat is the Minister of Meow. Or the Prince of Purr? Prince of Purrsia?
Block A
And speaking of ministers, the wrestler Minus starts his name off with the same 3 letters! So that's a segue if I've ever rushed through one! Tonight Minus is teaming once again with Darren Doomsday. If you recall, the two were defeated at the last Block A show and in any case, you'd expect Mike Gainer to step in to relieve at least one of them. But unfortunately Mike Gainer came down with a nasty case of pneumonia!! Kids, wash your hands when you come in from school! Parents, wash your kids hands when they come in from school! Don't catch a nasty winter bug like Mike Gainer did!!
Luckily for SNUH, their members are healthy - as healthy as a Crab Juice and something called a Kwyjibo could be, at least. (I'm not judging...) Tonight is a huge opportunity for the SNUH and Team Kaboom teams to attempt to tie J.U.S.T.I.C.E. for the Block A leaders. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is at 4 wins and 2 losses but will not have a league ranked match tonight to clinch a victory. Their lead is at the mercy of SNUH and Team Kaboom who each have 3 wins and 2 losses so if either or both teams win their respective matches, we will be looking at a tie for leadership in Block A!! Unfortunately for Team 4CPW - they are at 2 wins and 3 losses so they are statistically out of the running. But hey, they can try to get an even record and play spoiler to SNUH so they aren't exactly standing down easily tonight. Or will they? No, probably not.
Match #1: SNUH vs. Team 4CPW
Kwyjibo/Crab Juice vs. Minus/Darren Doomsday
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And as I predicted, they didn't stand down! I think this was actually the best performance by Team 4CPW throughout the entire league! And while it didn't help them advance, it sent SNUH home early which I'm sure they did not appreciate. At one point in this league, it looked as if SNUH were a shoo-in to get to the finals but J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Snake Mountain both dealt them morale crushing losses and this last spoiler win by 4CPW sent SNUH back to wherever it is they hail from, cause we can't locate their hometowns on a map! Khlau Kalash has come out to ringside and also gave a mighty roar of defeat and sadness which, frankly, may have been the most horrifying sound I've ever heard. Thanks Khlau!
SNUH (X) [Tiger Neck Chancery - 32:38] (O) Team 4CPW
And we come next to a match between two teams that didn't quite excel in this league. Each one amassed a record of two wins and three losses. The Busch Boyz had the disadvantage of having their non-wrestling manager compete but when both Raz and Duz were in the ring - they brought the FIYAH. In fact, their match with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. was a top contender for the coveted 'match of their Block' honor."
(Drake's note: Not a real award).
As for Snake Mountain, they were another contender for 'match of their block' in THEIR match with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. But remember folks, Snake Mountain, at least the Naja Mask and Marauder combination, were actually the previous Battalion Champions in the old UBL. So for them to only have a chance at breaking even here really speaks to the level of competition we saw in this Block and overall league. The fact that Naja Mask and Marauder, former BFFAE, had a falling out as time went on definitely put a halt to their teamwork instincts. But one thing is for sure, we will be crowning a NEW UBL Battalion Champion when this league is said and done. Let's see which of these teams can at least make it to an even win/loss record.
Match #2: Busch Boyz vs. Snake Mountain
Mastah P/Duz vs. Nightmare/Marauder
We haven't seen Nightmare in a while but he has come out ready to fight and has no problem dominating Mastah P with his arsenal of kicks and vicious chops to the throat. Mastah P really is not adequate competition for a man who holds a victory over Bak Fu. P quickly tags in Duz who is all muscle and uses said muscle to toss Nightmare around the ring. Finally, Nightmare gets frustrated and tags in Marauder and we have a battle of the bulge here! Marauder and Duz are going AT it. You can kinda sense Marauder's stress level as a result of the Naja Mask falling out as Marauder is uncharacteristically aggressive early on. Usually he is more relaxed but maybe he just senses he has to be at his best to take on the giant Duz Busch.
As Marauder eventually gains control with his superior wrestling ability, Mastah P interjects himself trying to break up Marauder's "flow". But that just earns a hard elbow to the head, knocking P off the apron. However, the distraction was helpful to Duz who takes control with a knee to Marauder's stomach. Duz works over Marauder, even getting him up (and down) for a powerbomb! It takes a LOT of strength to powerbomb Marauder but he gets a very close 2.9 count for the effort. Not that a 2.9 counts more then a 2 but yanno, it's closer to a 3! Know your numbers!!
Duz and Mastah P work over Marauder in the corner but Nightmare ignores the ref. McGuirk (who himself was ignoring the rules) and goes over to help his teammate out. We end up with a 2 on 2 in the ring and McGuirk isn't too keen on stopping this! Unfortunately for the Busch Boyz, a 2 on 2 does not help them since Mastah P is forced to compete directly and not able to make up for his shortcoming by strategically picking his spots to interfere as he did earlier. Nightmare uses the occasion to toss Mastah P out of the ring and hits an incredible cartwheel somersault plancha on him! Mastah P is knocked out on the outside!
Marauder and Duz are still battling. Marauder attempts to pick Duz up for the Particle Accelerator running powerbomb but the damage that Duz did earlier plus his sheer size helps him block it. Duz then manuevers Marauder for a powerbomb of his own but he doesn't see Nightmare who smashes his face with a flying busaiku knee!! Duz tumbles backwards into the corner only for Nightmare to follow up and hit a cartwheel elbow! Duz then stumbles forwards while Marauder has already built up steam for an Inertian hammer!! (Polish Hammer) Marauder gets the victory!! Meanwhile, Mastah P is still knocked out on the outside and is soon eliminated via count-out: The 20 second count being considerably less dramatic then Duz' elimination.
Busch Boyz (X) ["Inertian Hammer" - 15:14] (O) Snake Mountain
Marauder is celebrating in the middle of the ring when he is ATTACKED by Naja Mask who snuck up behind him after coming down the ramp!! It's bad enough that two friends parted ways, but now Naja is attacking him brutally with chops right under his mask to his throat. Meanwhile, Nightmare kind of shrugs and walks off! That's not setting a good example!! But with no one to help Marauder, Naja has propped Marauder up on the corner turnbuckle where he spit his poison mist onto Marauder's partially protected masked face. And it looks like Marauder may finally have some help here - it's Yamashita Goro coming out to ringside...only to be stopped and physically blocked by Genji Security members! And pushed! He was pushed!
Meanwhile, with some difficulty, Naja was able to maneuver the massive Marauder upside down...for a vicious sliding dropkick to Marauder's head!! This is too much for Goro who flattens one member of security with a vicious uraken and runs to the ring to Marauder's aid. Naja bails out and hopefully we can get some medical staff out there cause that sliding dropkick was violent and UNCALLED FOR. What is this place coming to when career-long friendships like Naja and Marauder's devolve into such betrayal and violence!? Luckily when one friend fails, another one comes into help out. Good job Mr. Yamashita!! As Marauder is getting helped up, he refuses medical help and starts walking on his own. He sees Goro there and thanks him, shaking his hand. The two walk backstage to cheers which ended things on a good note.
Uh, not that the show is over!! In fact, I hate to be so casual about all that but we do have to get to our next match. It pits Team Kaboom who, as I mentioned before, have 3 wins and 2 losses against the Cuban Assassins who have 2 wins and 3 losses. And the Cubans have had a rough ride this league - at one point they were even legally forced to change their names from the *Name withheld due to copyright concerns* to the name they wear now. However, they have proven very saavy in the ring and could really cause a problem for Team Kaboom if underestimated. Let's see how this plays out.
Match #3: Team KABOOM vs. Cuban Assassins
Vilmar/Smyth vs. Bobby/Llamas Jr
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And a HUGE win for the Assassins here! I've been called a "Dancing Yahoo" before...and it never stops hurting.... but in THIS context, it's actually a good thing to be associated with that term! Team Kaboom gets so close but is stopped from advancing to a Block A tie by the very wily Cubans. Both teams end up with a 3-3 record for this league but you gotta be impressed with the effort that they showed - especially Team KABOOM whose victories impressively came against very top ranked teams.
Team KABOOM (X) [Dancing Yahoo - 37:19] (O) Cuban Assassins
INTERMISSION
Yeah - Intermission!!!! We have a huge match for you right now as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. has just now been determined as THE winners of Block A and Team NDP are tied with Team McPro for the lead in Block B. Now while this match here has no ranking affects, it still is quite a treat to see the level of talent assembled in this ring. However, there are questions on both sides about team cohesion.
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. witnessed two of its members having a major falling out last year - Thunder Strike and Jang Bae. No one quite knows, or do know and aren't telling, WHAT exactly happened between these two long time friends but it was harsh enough for Jang Bae and his students to break ties with Thunder Strike. In fact, Jang took some time off from UBL to go wrestle in Kirin Dojo where it was recently announced he won the 2009 Fire and Ice festival!! This will be Jang's first match back in UBL for a long time, even though he visited backstage at the November Open Show in Japan. And there he was attacked by WholenothaLevel! Thunder came to his old friend's aid, only to be knocked out himself in a match with Level. Thunder has been in the hospital since then and only recently got out. This is his first match back and he may have a case of the shaky legs. As for Jason Hyde, he has remained friends with both Thunder and Jang and may be the link needed to keep J.U.S.T.I.C.E. together for the all important Battalion Finale show.
As for Team NDP, this group of individuals had already possessed hatred towards each other even before forming this team. Colleen became the NDP Heavyweight Champion by defeating Matt Shane and engaging in less then respectable tactics. Meanwhile, Mr. E is a rival of both wrestlers and has had run-ins with Colleen in the past. Colleen is really the wrestler that seems to have the hardest time "sharing" success and working with the other members due to her ego. Since this is the first time she is working side by side with each of them at the same time, I have no idea what is going to happen. Team NDP also has the added frustration of being mere witnesses tonight to whether or not they will advance to the finals. If McPro loses, Team NDP will remain tied with them and a tiebreaker match will be necessary. That is even more so if both Team BATT and the Freedom Brigade pick up a win in their matches tonight. We could have a 4 way tie, similar to what was threatened earlier tonight! But even more dramatically, only Team McPro could advance tonight - and there's nothing Team NDP can do to stop it. However, they need to concentrate now and be concerned about not getting injured here. Let's get to the match!
Interblock Match: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Team NDP
Jason Hyde/Jang Bae/Thunder Strike vs. Mr. E, Matt Shane, Colleen Dramesi
Each team comes down to the ring together but the tension is extremely thick. Matt and Colleen jockey for position just trying to get through the ring ropes first (Mr. E. slides through). On the other side, Thunder and Jang appear to not be speaking while Jason tries to celebrate with them that they are now the Block A winners. A small consolation to both Jang and Thunder, I assume. The fans appreciate Jason's enthusiasm and give him multiple high-fives! (not all at once, that would be assault).
With so much tension in the air, it's not hard to imagine that the fight starts immediately. It's also not hard to imagine that at times it's unclear who is on whose side! Matt and Colleen frequently bump each other and even Thunder and Jang have a few moments where they look awkwardly at each other, pondering a double team attempt but pass it up. Jason is just about the only one trying to win this match with a clear head and that certainly makes it easier for him to get Mr. E. up on the turnbuckle (after Mr. E. got knocked into the corner accidentally by Matt Shane) and hit a top rope hurracarana! A pin attempt followed as Matt Shane was unable to help, being held in a J-Lock by Jang Bae and Colleen was...Gadzooks!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (-) [No Contest - 13:20] (-) Team NDP
Colleen was getting her NDP Championship belt outside so that she could lay everyone out with it!! Five wrestlers are down as Colleen stands alone with her Title and while Jason almost got the win and Colleen is left standing, I'm not sure who can truly be said to be victorious here, at least not til Team McPro wrestle! This is also yet another injury for Thunder Strike who is still recovering from that "Level Drop" knockout by WholenothaLevel. Thunder is in questionable condition for the Finale show. Colleen leaves the ring to boos as Jason is the first to come to and help his teammates, and his opponents up, taking care to wake Mr. E up from a distance. Jason, Jang, and Thunder get applause for their feat but it's clear they aren't quite so ecstatic about it. Meanwhile Matt Shane looks furious and storms backstage, likely to confront Colleen. If Team NDP do go further in this league, they're gonna have a lot of group therapy to go through!
Block B
And now we come to the final chance for Block B teams to advance to the Finale show. This was by far the closest block for competition judging by the number of teams, four, still potentially eligible to tie. But victories tonight by two of those teams would be upended if Team McPro wins their match to clinch the Block. That would render any victories by BATT and Freedom Brigade null, void, and sad. Even with that known, I don't expect Team BATT or Freedom Brigade to get in the way of Team McPro during their match just because of they are teams that have HONOR. As for Colleen, we can't say that for her. But the fact she laid out her teammates may indicate that she's finished with this entire situation and raring to focus all her energies back in NDP which I believe, according to my good friend and the deserved OG-Joshi World Champion slash NDP announcer Visper Karr, is having a PPV soon! Go NDP! (Drake's note: Be impartial).
Let's get to the first match for Block B tonight. Team BATT has been strong the entire league but their opponents, the Delphin Army have had a lot of troubles. Originally JD Delphin and the Crusher listed their third partner as someone named "Gigatron" but we have yet to actually see Gigatron or identify what a Gigatron could be! There were rumors that JD Delphin 'made up' Gigatron in the dark recesses of his own mind! Or rumors that Gigatron couldn't get a work visa. Or failed a "wellness" test. (Note to kids: That means not enough Vitamin C). Either way, Delphin Army have been forced to substitute various BINGO-1 members into their rotation throughout the league when their two main members needed a rest. But now, with both JD and Crusher in, hopefully they have a chance to grab themselves the second win in this league. But with the stakes so high for BATT, I daresay they are hungrier tonight.
Match #4: Delphin Army vs. Team BATT
JD Delphin/Crusher vs. Red Dragon/Masked Man
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And they were!! Team Batt wrestled a brilliant match and put Delphin Army away in an action packed 30 minute match. JD and Crusher tried as they might but they could not win this final fight! Team BATT is now tied for the lead but will it be temporary? We're about to find out!
Delphin Army (X) [Torture Camel Clutch - 29:06] (O) Team BATT
Team McPro has probably been the most quietly dominating force of the entire Battalion. Four victories and only one loss, to Team NDP. And a member list that is a virtual who's who of pro wrestling. Tonight they will be bringing two wrestlers' wrestlers to this final match - Nick Strife and Eddie Swan. They will be facing the Mad Gear Gang who is still reeling from the brutal beating by the Orochi Army at the previous show. In fact, as a result, Deke Armstrong needed a rest and couldn't compete tonight despite being slated to. And I doubt that A.L. and Scombre are in much better shape as well. But regardless of their conditions, Nick Strife and Eddie Swan know what's at stake here. Especially Nick who has had another motivator throughout this entire league: Facing Jack Dod again. It was Jack Dod who injured Nick Strife's leg in 2007 forcing him to sit out the remainder of the Universal Champions League. If the Dods advance to the Finale show and McPro does too, there's a good chance they will face each other: perhaps even in the first round. But Nick still needs to get past this challenge right now as a defensive Mad Gear Gang could be very dangerous.
Match #5: Mad Gear Gang vs. Team McPro
"A.L" Armstrong/Scombrésoce vs. Nick Strife/Eddie Swan
Or not. Apparently, Nick Strife in his "Dod" shirt with the "Dod" name circled and crossed out has come too far to not achieve victory in this match. With Team NDP and Team BATT no doubt looking on intently, Nick Strife put on quite the show here. And when he needed a breather, Eddie Swan was just about untouchable with his pro wrestling ability. Just as we saw Marauder take down the bigger Duz earlier tonight, Eddie Swan was like machine taking down both the bigger AL and Scombre with absolutely no difficulty. Good technique beats size any day of the week! (Holly's note: Keep telling yourvibrator 'boyfriend' that...) Mad Gear hardly had a chance and while part of that was due to the Orochi Army's attack on them, I really just think Team McPro is too good here. I'm not sure there's any chance of them losing this match-
WAIT - it looks like things aren't gonna be as smoothly as they seem - as Jack Dod has come out from the crowd. This guy has his hand in every cookie jar! He puts himself into Nick's field of vision, immediately distracting him! It looks like Nick is leaving the ring to approach Jack! Eddie tries to stop him, not wanting to be stuck in the ring without a chance to tag out, but it's too late. And as Nick approaches Jack, Caleb Dod jumps out from the crowd! Nick's in trouble! Caleb had Nick around the neck for a chokeslam but - YES! It's Bak Fu! Bak Fu has run down from backstage and nails Caleb with a fierce knee to the face. The two brawl into the crowd and with Jack Dod having seemingly retreated, this gets Nick to refocus on the match! And just in time too as Eddie is being double teamed and fell victim to a double powerbomb! But Nick breaks up the pin just in the...NICK of time! (Drake's note: I'll give you that one.) And Nick is now taking even more of his anger with Jack Dod out on the Mad Gear, single handledly fighting off both members! Eddie is able to tag him in and Nick takes out A.L. with a Tiger Suplex. And one good giant feline move deserves another as he immediately lays out Scombre with a Tiger Driver! This match is over! Team McPro has won!!
Mad Gear Gang (X) [Tiger Driver - 25:08] (O) Team McPro
Potential Dod interference aside, and Bak and Caleb finally were broken up by security by the way, Team McPro has clinched ultimate victory in Block B! And you know...as I said before, the Mad Gear Gang wasn't at full health. So really, I think it's ironic that Orochi Geese's violence towards them at the last show helped pave the way towards clinching the Block B victory for Team McPro. While he's had a lot of wrestlers to deal with over the last few years, Eddie Swan and Nick Strife are two of his notable enemies. Geese had sworn in the past to cripple Nick Strife and had a number of rough matches with Eddie Swan in PW-W. And if Orochi Army does advance to the finals from Block C, Team McPro may face them rather then the Dods. Either way, Team McPro is going to the Finale show! I'm sure that Twinky McLanahan is watching, proud that his student Nick Strife has earned the victory here. And judging by Jo Ryder's expression in the front row...make that her jumping over the rail and getting into the ring to hug Eddie, she seems happy too! Always good to see you smile, Jo! (Drake's note: Holly just threw up a little in her mouth).
And now we come to the main event - a match that has no further effect on standings now that the Block has been clinched but is just a matter of "respect" as some of the fans here might say. The LBC has hosted this event and so they got into the main event and they are doing it against a group of wrestlers who likely aren't so big on the LBC's "business operations." The fans are pelting the Freedom Brigade with various food items but they are undaunted. The LBC come out next to the most favorable reaction they've gotten all league. Rico Pizzicato comes out with them to soak in the cheers and then grabs a slice of pizza and sits at ringside. The weird thing is that he just grabbed a slice of pizza from the fans...with no sign of a pizza box or a pizza oven or a pizza maker. Anyone know where I can contact that service? (Drake's note: No solicitation) The LBC have only one victory in this league with four losses while Freedom Brigade has 3 wins and two losses. In any case, this match is about to start! Say cheese!
Match #6: Legitimate Businessman's Club vs. Freedom Brigade
Sal Monella/Rocky Marioni vs. Red Coogan/Eldridge
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Aaron Eldridge is the hero of this match, showing off his very potent finisher. LBC tried and the fans loved them but the Freedom Brigade had a higher calling - FREEDOM. Oh beautiful for spacious skies -
(Drake's note: No singing)
LBC (X) ["Neuro-Toxis"- 24:09] (O) Freedom Brigade
And that is it for tonight! Blocks A and B conclude as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team McPro advance to the Battalion Finale which will take place after the last official league show - Week 7, Show 2 which is right around the block! Get it? Block! I'll be here all night, try the fish! See you soooooon!!
Week 7: Show 1
Legitimate Businessman's Club - New Jersey
Upset that you'll have to wait longer for more league action!? Fuhgettabout it! This is Jean Carter coming to you from South Juysey! We're at a local businessman's club, apparently affiliated with the UBL's LBC group. There's a lot of cigar smoke and I've been hearing more then my recommended YEARLY allowance of swear words! Not a good influence on the children of America! I hope the censor is beeping the cr@p out of ..OMG! It got to me too!! I'm sorry, really!! Impressionable ears - IMPRESSIONABLE EARS!! To the card:
*A graphic comes onto the screen.*
Tonight's Card:
Block A matches:
SNUH vs. Team 4CPW
Busch Boyz vs. Snake Mountain
Team KABOOM vs. Cuban Assassins
Interblock Match: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Team NDP
Block B Matches:
Delphin Army vs. Team BATT
Mad Gear Gang vs. Team McPro
Legitimate Businessman's Club vs. Freedom Brigade
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match. But you already know that. I'm guessing you memorized this little section after 2-3 years. Good job!)
Let's try to re-focus. For those wondering how UBL plans to deal with the Dods and LRI after Jack's shocking announcement at the last show, Sergeant Drake Yoshida has told me that only one form of punishment is appropriate. I know what you're all thinking but NO, we're not gonna launch them into space like they did to Johnny. I couldn't get any more information out of Drake but suffice to say, he isn't letting them off the hook. He just isn't revealing his plan until he is ready. I think he's doing so in order to get the element of surprise over them at a crucial time. In a promotion owned by Geese when both the Dod and LRI Battalions are rivals, this could have very ominous results for the Dods. But I can't say I'll be too upset if their teams get cheated out of victory after all that happened. CHEATERS NEVER WIN and Jack Dod, particularly, may just be the Czar of Cheaters here. Like OG is the Kaiser of Chaos.
And how LOLCat is the Minister of Meow. Or the Prince of Purr? Prince of Purrsia?
Block A
And speaking of ministers, the wrestler Minus starts his name off with the same 3 letters! So that's a segue if I've ever rushed through one! Tonight Minus is teaming once again with Darren Doomsday. If you recall, the two were defeated at the last Block A show and in any case, you'd expect Mike Gainer to step in to relieve at least one of them. But unfortunately Mike Gainer came down with a nasty case of pneumonia!! Kids, wash your hands when you come in from school! Parents, wash your kids hands when they come in from school! Don't catch a nasty winter bug like Mike Gainer did!!
Luckily for SNUH, their members are healthy - as healthy as a Crab Juice and something called a Kwyjibo could be, at least. (I'm not judging...) Tonight is a huge opportunity for the SNUH and Team Kaboom teams to attempt to tie J.U.S.T.I.C.E. for the Block A leaders. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. is at 4 wins and 2 losses but will not have a league ranked match tonight to clinch a victory. Their lead is at the mercy of SNUH and Team Kaboom who each have 3 wins and 2 losses so if either or both teams win their respective matches, we will be looking at a tie for leadership in Block A!! Unfortunately for Team 4CPW - they are at 2 wins and 3 losses so they are statistically out of the running. But hey, they can try to get an even record and play spoiler to SNUH so they aren't exactly standing down easily tonight. Or will they? No, probably not.
Match #1: SNUH vs. Team 4CPW
Kwyjibo/Crab Juice vs. Minus/Darren Doomsday
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And as I predicted, they didn't stand down! I think this was actually the best performance by Team 4CPW throughout the entire league! And while it didn't help them advance, it sent SNUH home early which I'm sure they did not appreciate. At one point in this league, it looked as if SNUH were a shoo-in to get to the finals but J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Snake Mountain both dealt them morale crushing losses and this last spoiler win by 4CPW sent SNUH back to wherever it is they hail from, cause we can't locate their hometowns on a map! Khlau Kalash has come out to ringside and also gave a mighty roar of defeat and sadness which, frankly, may have been the most horrifying sound I've ever heard. Thanks Khlau!
SNUH (X) [Tiger Neck Chancery - 32:38] (O) Team 4CPW
And we come next to a match between two teams that didn't quite excel in this league. Each one amassed a record of two wins and three losses. The Busch Boyz had the disadvantage of having their non-wrestling manager compete but when both Raz and Duz were in the ring - they brought the FIYAH. In fact, their match with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. was a top contender for the coveted 'match of their Block' honor."
(Drake's note: Not a real award).
As for Snake Mountain, they were another contender for 'match of their block' in THEIR match with J.U.S.T.I.C.E. But remember folks, Snake Mountain, at least the Naja Mask and Marauder combination, were actually the previous Battalion Champions in the old UBL. So for them to only have a chance at breaking even here really speaks to the level of competition we saw in this Block and overall league. The fact that Naja Mask and Marauder, former BFFAE, had a falling out as time went on definitely put a halt to their teamwork instincts. But one thing is for sure, we will be crowning a NEW UBL Battalion Champion when this league is said and done. Let's see which of these teams can at least make it to an even win/loss record.
Match #2: Busch Boyz vs. Snake Mountain
Mastah P/Duz vs. Nightmare/Marauder
We haven't seen Nightmare in a while but he has come out ready to fight and has no problem dominating Mastah P with his arsenal of kicks and vicious chops to the throat. Mastah P really is not adequate competition for a man who holds a victory over Bak Fu. P quickly tags in Duz who is all muscle and uses said muscle to toss Nightmare around the ring. Finally, Nightmare gets frustrated and tags in Marauder and we have a battle of the bulge here! Marauder and Duz are going AT it. You can kinda sense Marauder's stress level as a result of the Naja Mask falling out as Marauder is uncharacteristically aggressive early on. Usually he is more relaxed but maybe he just senses he has to be at his best to take on the giant Duz Busch.
As Marauder eventually gains control with his superior wrestling ability, Mastah P interjects himself trying to break up Marauder's "flow". But that just earns a hard elbow to the head, knocking P off the apron. However, the distraction was helpful to Duz who takes control with a knee to Marauder's stomach. Duz works over Marauder, even getting him up (and down) for a powerbomb! It takes a LOT of strength to powerbomb Marauder but he gets a very close 2.9 count for the effort. Not that a 2.9 counts more then a 2 but yanno, it's closer to a 3! Know your numbers!!
Duz and Mastah P work over Marauder in the corner but Nightmare ignores the ref. McGuirk (who himself was ignoring the rules) and goes over to help his teammate out. We end up with a 2 on 2 in the ring and McGuirk isn't too keen on stopping this! Unfortunately for the Busch Boyz, a 2 on 2 does not help them since Mastah P is forced to compete directly and not able to make up for his shortcoming by strategically picking his spots to interfere as he did earlier. Nightmare uses the occasion to toss Mastah P out of the ring and hits an incredible cartwheel somersault plancha on him! Mastah P is knocked out on the outside!
Marauder and Duz are still battling. Marauder attempts to pick Duz up for the Particle Accelerator running powerbomb but the damage that Duz did earlier plus his sheer size helps him block it. Duz then manuevers Marauder for a powerbomb of his own but he doesn't see Nightmare who smashes his face with a flying busaiku knee!! Duz tumbles backwards into the corner only for Nightmare to follow up and hit a cartwheel elbow! Duz then stumbles forwards while Marauder has already built up steam for an Inertian hammer!! (Polish Hammer) Marauder gets the victory!! Meanwhile, Mastah P is still knocked out on the outside and is soon eliminated via count-out: The 20 second count being considerably less dramatic then Duz' elimination.
Busch Boyz (X) ["Inertian Hammer" - 15:14] (O) Snake Mountain
Marauder is celebrating in the middle of the ring when he is ATTACKED by Naja Mask who snuck up behind him after coming down the ramp!! It's bad enough that two friends parted ways, but now Naja is attacking him brutally with chops right under his mask to his throat. Meanwhile, Nightmare kind of shrugs and walks off! That's not setting a good example!! But with no one to help Marauder, Naja has propped Marauder up on the corner turnbuckle where he spit his poison mist onto Marauder's partially protected masked face. And it looks like Marauder may finally have some help here - it's Yamashita Goro coming out to ringside...only to be stopped and physically blocked by Genji Security members! And pushed! He was pushed!
Meanwhile, with some difficulty, Naja was able to maneuver the massive Marauder upside down...for a vicious sliding dropkick to Marauder's head!! This is too much for Goro who flattens one member of security with a vicious uraken and runs to the ring to Marauder's aid. Naja bails out and hopefully we can get some medical staff out there cause that sliding dropkick was violent and UNCALLED FOR. What is this place coming to when career-long friendships like Naja and Marauder's devolve into such betrayal and violence!? Luckily when one friend fails, another one comes into help out. Good job Mr. Yamashita!! As Marauder is getting helped up, he refuses medical help and starts walking on his own. He sees Goro there and thanks him, shaking his hand. The two walk backstage to cheers which ended things on a good note.
Uh, not that the show is over!! In fact, I hate to be so casual about all that but we do have to get to our next match. It pits Team Kaboom who, as I mentioned before, have 3 wins and 2 losses against the Cuban Assassins who have 2 wins and 3 losses. And the Cubans have had a rough ride this league - at one point they were even legally forced to change their names from the *Name withheld due to copyright concerns* to the name they wear now. However, they have proven very saavy in the ring and could really cause a problem for Team Kaboom if underestimated. Let's see how this plays out.
Match #3: Team KABOOM vs. Cuban Assassins
Vilmar/Smyth vs. Bobby/Llamas Jr
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And a HUGE win for the Assassins here! I've been called a "Dancing Yahoo" before...and it never stops hurting.... but in THIS context, it's actually a good thing to be associated with that term! Team Kaboom gets so close but is stopped from advancing to a Block A tie by the very wily Cubans. Both teams end up with a 3-3 record for this league but you gotta be impressed with the effort that they showed - especially Team KABOOM whose victories impressively came against very top ranked teams.
Team KABOOM (X) [Dancing Yahoo - 37:19] (O) Cuban Assassins
INTERMISSION
Yeah - Intermission!!!! We have a huge match for you right now as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. has just now been determined as THE winners of Block A and Team NDP are tied with Team McPro for the lead in Block B. Now while this match here has no ranking affects, it still is quite a treat to see the level of talent assembled in this ring. However, there are questions on both sides about team cohesion.
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. witnessed two of its members having a major falling out last year - Thunder Strike and Jang Bae. No one quite knows, or do know and aren't telling, WHAT exactly happened between these two long time friends but it was harsh enough for Jang Bae and his students to break ties with Thunder Strike. In fact, Jang took some time off from UBL to go wrestle in Kirin Dojo where it was recently announced he won the 2009 Fire and Ice festival!! This will be Jang's first match back in UBL for a long time, even though he visited backstage at the November Open Show in Japan. And there he was attacked by WholenothaLevel! Thunder came to his old friend's aid, only to be knocked out himself in a match with Level. Thunder has been in the hospital since then and only recently got out. This is his first match back and he may have a case of the shaky legs. As for Jason Hyde, he has remained friends with both Thunder and Jang and may be the link needed to keep J.U.S.T.I.C.E. together for the all important Battalion Finale show.
As for Team NDP, this group of individuals had already possessed hatred towards each other even before forming this team. Colleen became the NDP Heavyweight Champion by defeating Matt Shane and engaging in less then respectable tactics. Meanwhile, Mr. E is a rival of both wrestlers and has had run-ins with Colleen in the past. Colleen is really the wrestler that seems to have the hardest time "sharing" success and working with the other members due to her ego. Since this is the first time she is working side by side with each of them at the same time, I have no idea what is going to happen. Team NDP also has the added frustration of being mere witnesses tonight to whether or not they will advance to the finals. If McPro loses, Team NDP will remain tied with them and a tiebreaker match will be necessary. That is even more so if both Team BATT and the Freedom Brigade pick up a win in their matches tonight. We could have a 4 way tie, similar to what was threatened earlier tonight! But even more dramatically, only Team McPro could advance tonight - and there's nothing Team NDP can do to stop it. However, they need to concentrate now and be concerned about not getting injured here. Let's get to the match!
Interblock Match: J.U.S.T.I.C.E. vs. Team NDP
Jason Hyde/Jang Bae/Thunder Strike vs. Mr. E, Matt Shane, Colleen Dramesi
Each team comes down to the ring together but the tension is extremely thick. Matt and Colleen jockey for position just trying to get through the ring ropes first (Mr. E. slides through). On the other side, Thunder and Jang appear to not be speaking while Jason tries to celebrate with them that they are now the Block A winners. A small consolation to both Jang and Thunder, I assume. The fans appreciate Jason's enthusiasm and give him multiple high-fives! (not all at once, that would be assault).
With so much tension in the air, it's not hard to imagine that the fight starts immediately. It's also not hard to imagine that at times it's unclear who is on whose side! Matt and Colleen frequently bump each other and even Thunder and Jang have a few moments where they look awkwardly at each other, pondering a double team attempt but pass it up. Jason is just about the only one trying to win this match with a clear head and that certainly makes it easier for him to get Mr. E. up on the turnbuckle (after Mr. E. got knocked into the corner accidentally by Matt Shane) and hit a top rope hurracarana! A pin attempt followed as Matt Shane was unable to help, being held in a J-Lock by Jang Bae and Colleen was...Gadzooks!
J.U.S.T.I.C.E. (-) [No Contest - 13:20] (-) Team NDP
Colleen was getting her NDP Championship belt outside so that she could lay everyone out with it!! Five wrestlers are down as Colleen stands alone with her Title and while Jason almost got the win and Colleen is left standing, I'm not sure who can truly be said to be victorious here, at least not til Team McPro wrestle! This is also yet another injury for Thunder Strike who is still recovering from that "Level Drop" knockout by WholenothaLevel. Thunder is in questionable condition for the Finale show. Colleen leaves the ring to boos as Jason is the first to come to and help his teammates, and his opponents up, taking care to wake Mr. E up from a distance. Jason, Jang, and Thunder get applause for their feat but it's clear they aren't quite so ecstatic about it. Meanwhile Matt Shane looks furious and storms backstage, likely to confront Colleen. If Team NDP do go further in this league, they're gonna have a lot of group therapy to go through!
Block B
And now we come to the final chance for Block B teams to advance to the Finale show. This was by far the closest block for competition judging by the number of teams, four, still potentially eligible to tie. But victories tonight by two of those teams would be upended if Team McPro wins their match to clinch the Block. That would render any victories by BATT and Freedom Brigade null, void, and sad. Even with that known, I don't expect Team BATT or Freedom Brigade to get in the way of Team McPro during their match just because of they are teams that have HONOR. As for Colleen, we can't say that for her. But the fact she laid out her teammates may indicate that she's finished with this entire situation and raring to focus all her energies back in NDP which I believe, according to my good friend and the deserved OG-Joshi World Champion slash NDP announcer Visper Karr, is having a PPV soon! Go NDP! (Drake's note: Be impartial).
Let's get to the first match for Block B tonight. Team BATT has been strong the entire league but their opponents, the Delphin Army have had a lot of troubles. Originally JD Delphin and the Crusher listed their third partner as someone named "Gigatron" but we have yet to actually see Gigatron or identify what a Gigatron could be! There were rumors that JD Delphin 'made up' Gigatron in the dark recesses of his own mind! Or rumors that Gigatron couldn't get a work visa. Or failed a "wellness" test. (Note to kids: That means not enough Vitamin C). Either way, Delphin Army have been forced to substitute various BINGO-1 members into their rotation throughout the league when their two main members needed a rest. But now, with both JD and Crusher in, hopefully they have a chance to grab themselves the second win in this league. But with the stakes so high for BATT, I daresay they are hungrier tonight.
Match #4: Delphin Army vs. Team BATT
JD Delphin/Crusher vs. Red Dragon/Masked Man
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And they were!! Team Batt wrestled a brilliant match and put Delphin Army away in an action packed 30 minute match. JD and Crusher tried as they might but they could not win this final fight! Team BATT is now tied for the lead but will it be temporary? We're about to find out!
Delphin Army (X) [Torture Camel Clutch - 29:06] (O) Team BATT
Team McPro has probably been the most quietly dominating force of the entire Battalion. Four victories and only one loss, to Team NDP. And a member list that is a virtual who's who of pro wrestling. Tonight they will be bringing two wrestlers' wrestlers to this final match - Nick Strife and Eddie Swan. They will be facing the Mad Gear Gang who is still reeling from the brutal beating by the Orochi Army at the previous show. In fact, as a result, Deke Armstrong needed a rest and couldn't compete tonight despite being slated to. And I doubt that A.L. and Scombre are in much better shape as well. But regardless of their conditions, Nick Strife and Eddie Swan know what's at stake here. Especially Nick who has had another motivator throughout this entire league: Facing Jack Dod again. It was Jack Dod who injured Nick Strife's leg in 2007 forcing him to sit out the remainder of the Universal Champions League. If the Dods advance to the Finale show and McPro does too, there's a good chance they will face each other: perhaps even in the first round. But Nick still needs to get past this challenge right now as a defensive Mad Gear Gang could be very dangerous.
Match #5: Mad Gear Gang vs. Team McPro
"A.L" Armstrong/Scombrésoce vs. Nick Strife/Eddie Swan
Or not. Apparently, Nick Strife in his "Dod" shirt with the "Dod" name circled and crossed out has come too far to not achieve victory in this match. With Team NDP and Team BATT no doubt looking on intently, Nick Strife put on quite the show here. And when he needed a breather, Eddie Swan was just about untouchable with his pro wrestling ability. Just as we saw Marauder take down the bigger Duz earlier tonight, Eddie Swan was like machine taking down both the bigger AL and Scombre with absolutely no difficulty. Good technique beats size any day of the week! (Holly's note: Keep telling your
WAIT - it looks like things aren't gonna be as smoothly as they seem - as Jack Dod has come out from the crowd. This guy has his hand in every cookie jar! He puts himself into Nick's field of vision, immediately distracting him! It looks like Nick is leaving the ring to approach Jack! Eddie tries to stop him, not wanting to be stuck in the ring without a chance to tag out, but it's too late. And as Nick approaches Jack, Caleb Dod jumps out from the crowd! Nick's in trouble! Caleb had Nick around the neck for a chokeslam but - YES! It's Bak Fu! Bak Fu has run down from backstage and nails Caleb with a fierce knee to the face. The two brawl into the crowd and with Jack Dod having seemingly retreated, this gets Nick to refocus on the match! And just in time too as Eddie is being double teamed and fell victim to a double powerbomb! But Nick breaks up the pin just in the...NICK of time! (Drake's note: I'll give you that one.) And Nick is now taking even more of his anger with Jack Dod out on the Mad Gear, single handledly fighting off both members! Eddie is able to tag him in and Nick takes out A.L. with a Tiger Suplex. And one good giant feline move deserves another as he immediately lays out Scombre with a Tiger Driver! This match is over! Team McPro has won!!
Mad Gear Gang (X) [Tiger Driver - 25:08] (O) Team McPro
Potential Dod interference aside, and Bak and Caleb finally were broken up by security by the way, Team McPro has clinched ultimate victory in Block B! And you know...as I said before, the Mad Gear Gang wasn't at full health. So really, I think it's ironic that Orochi Geese's violence towards them at the last show helped pave the way towards clinching the Block B victory for Team McPro. While he's had a lot of wrestlers to deal with over the last few years, Eddie Swan and Nick Strife are two of his notable enemies. Geese had sworn in the past to cripple Nick Strife and had a number of rough matches with Eddie Swan in PW-W. And if Orochi Army does advance to the finals from Block C, Team McPro may face them rather then the Dods. Either way, Team McPro is going to the Finale show! I'm sure that Twinky McLanahan is watching, proud that his student Nick Strife has earned the victory here. And judging by Jo Ryder's expression in the front row...make that her jumping over the rail and getting into the ring to hug Eddie, she seems happy too! Always good to see you smile, Jo! (Drake's note: Holly just threw up a little in her mouth).
And now we come to the main event - a match that has no further effect on standings now that the Block has been clinched but is just a matter of "respect" as some of the fans here might say. The LBC has hosted this event and so they got into the main event and they are doing it against a group of wrestlers who likely aren't so big on the LBC's "business operations." The fans are pelting the Freedom Brigade with various food items but they are undaunted. The LBC come out next to the most favorable reaction they've gotten all league. Rico Pizzicato comes out with them to soak in the cheers and then grabs a slice of pizza and sits at ringside. The weird thing is that he just grabbed a slice of pizza from the fans...with no sign of a pizza box or a pizza oven or a pizza maker. Anyone know where I can contact that service? (Drake's note: No solicitation) The LBC have only one victory in this league with four losses while Freedom Brigade has 3 wins and two losses. In any case, this match is about to start! Say cheese!
Match #6: Legitimate Businessman's Club vs. Freedom Brigade
Sal Monella/Rocky Marioni vs. Red Coogan/Eldridge
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Aaron Eldridge is the hero of this match, showing off his very potent finisher. LBC tried and the fans loved them but the Freedom Brigade had a higher calling - FREEDOM. Oh beautiful for spacious skies -
(Drake's note: No singing)
LBC (X) ["Neuro-Toxis"- 24:09] (O) Freedom Brigade
And that is it for tonight! Blocks A and B conclude as J.U.S.T.I.C.E. and Team McPro advance to the Battalion Finale which will take place after the last official league show - Week 7, Show 2 which is right around the block! Get it? Block! I'll be here all night, try the fish! See you soooooon!!