Week 7, Show 2
Apr 10, 2010 17:27:22 GMT -5
Post by OrochiGeese on Apr 10, 2010 17:27:22 GMT -5
Universal Battalion League: 2008-10
Week 7: Show 2 - LAST SHOW OF THE LEAGUE BEFORE FINALE SHOW
The Colosseum - Rome, Italy
Wow! Rome is AWESOME!
This is like a lifetime worth of getting gifts for people and taking photographs!! Unfortunately, the legends of there being a whole bunch of Easter bunnies in Rome proved to be untrue...or they are more elusive then I gave them credit for. I'd chase the rabbits but they already made a movie about that and I'm really more into cats as pets anyway. Also, I've learned enough Italian to...well, get by the hotel shops and order room service. The food and sunsets and buildings and clothing and flirting men and everything here is amazing! I've even taken my own "Da Jeani Code" tour around the city trying to unearth ancient secrets! All I found at the end of the day though was that I stepped in gum and then on a penny so the gum had the penny sign. I'm guessing that wasn't planned by Leonardo Da Vinci. But I like to pretend it was!
And now I'm standing in like a 2500 year old structure! One that has hosted warfare over the years and now is going to be the final location of the 2008-2010 A.D. Battalion!
Well the league itself, at least, Geese and Drake have been mum about the Finale show.
So we have a big night ahead of you. The winners of Block C and Block D will be decided and as there are a LOT of wrestlers here who are prone to long speeches and shenaniganery, we better get started now. What's the latin phrase for shenaniganery?
(Drake's note: What's the english phrase for it?)
Let's check out the card for tonight.
*A graphic comes onto the screen.*
Tonight's Card:
Block D matches:
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. ARMADA
Los Salseros Americanos vs. Black Venom
Los Rudos Infernos vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Interblock Match: Fatman Pro Wres vs. PTFW
Block C Matches:
Orochi Army vs. Team SMN
Canada Brothers vs. PCW Originals
Clan of the Sun vs. Dod Squod
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match. OMG YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO READ THIS SECTION EVER AGAIN! SAY GOODBYE TO IT IN YOUR HEART AND LOVE!
Ok so for the few people who are wondering...yes, it's indeed Jean Carter, and yes, I'm here reporting for a UBL show. This is kind of bittersweet for me. Geese and Drake were nice enough to LET me finish up the league. I didn't have to given my new status and responsibilities as OG-Joshi "General". But you know, we Carter's finish a job and there was no way this league has come so far without me being right along side to see it to fruition!! At least the league proper, that is. By the time the Finale show airs, I'm gonna be up to my elbows in Joshi business and I have sensitive elbows! So my colleague John Randolph will be covering that show. So let's get to it and try to hold back the tears, ok? This is like Amplitude all over again...wow.
Ok pull it together, Jean! There's no crying in upper management! Just seminars about handling stress!
Block D
So we are starting with Block D tonight because Clan of the Sun is the hosting team so they are getting the main event spot. But there is plenty of drama in this Block. We actually have three teams tied with a 3-2 record and one team with a 4-1 record. LRI is the leader here but ARMADA, BINGO-1, and Team Moon Gas are all hot on the trail! And because of that, the first match tonight is a huge deal. The embattled BINGO-1 team takes on ARMADA. If either of these two win this match and LRI lose their match to TMG, they'll be a three way tie for the lead! But if LRI win, then this next match is futile. However, you'd be hard pressed to tell the members of each team that their efforts may not mean anything. And really, effort ALWAYS counts in my eyes. A for effort! or Easter Egg for effort! That's right - both teams will get Easter Eggs from me!!
...don't everyone get their paint brushes out at once
The BINGO-1 team has arguably had the hardest experience in this league, losing their venerable leader, Johnny Bingo, who was hurled into space by Stuart Robinson thanks to a plan hatched by Jack Dod. Ever since then, BINGO-1 has had 2 things primarily on its mind: Find Johnny and get revenge for what happened to him. This is also the first show since Jack Dod's admission that he and BINGO have been in the same building. Not to mention LRI as well. And throw in Orochi Army for a truly chaotic mix of elements.
Just what IS going to happen tonight!? Let's get to the ring and find out!
Match #1: BINGO-1 Heroes vs. ARMADA
DF Allen/TAX vs. Galcian/Vigoro
Vigoro and TAX meet up in the middle of the ring and WOW is there ever a lot of poundage there! After these two men just get right to it and start brawling, the fan settle down hoping for a main event caliber match. Unfortunately for them, they aren't the only ones with close eyes on this match. LRI has come out onto the stage and immediately DF Allen and Tax are distracted. LRI is taking a page out of the Dod Squod book here (not surprising as VD Dod is a Dod, after all!) hoping it will cause BINGO to trip up. And it's working but the fans are starting to get into this too, rallying BINGO to equalize the negative effect of LRI.
The match is about even up to this point as Tax and Vigoro's brawling has left both men exhausted and while Galcian is doing his best to keep DF Allen on the mat, where the fans cheers can't help him rally, DF is a better wrestler then Galcian expected. We have what is basically a stalemate here which isn't surprising given the successful records of both teams. However, LRI is looking awfully impatient. And now they're looking awfully mobile, walking down to the ring. It looks like Stuart has a metal pipe which he isn't even attempting to hide and BAM! He just cracked Vigoro over the back with it!! But Vigoro didn't go down! Stuart looks shocked, Fat Lip kicks Vigoro in the groin and Stuart nails him over the head with the pipe, finaling knocking him over! The ref is calling for the bell and it appears BINGO-1 has been disqualified!!
BINGO-1 (X) [Disqualification - 15:14] (O) ARMADA
Oh I don't agree with this decision one bit. Come on peoples - Of all people to collude with BINGO-1, it's sure as heck not gonna be LRI! They just did this to get BINGO-1 disqualified! This isn't fair at all. You shouldn't just be able to attack your enemies' opponents to screw over your enemy! But the ref doesn't know what else to do and with Vigoro taken out, this match is over. I hope Drake reviews this decision.
Meanwhile, we're gonna go backstage now where I hear there's a bit of a reunion. There was a falling out between TMG members Sam McCloud and Reynold Anderson. Reynold had claimed that Drake had kept him busy and unable to attend to TMG duties when LRI attacked TMG but Sam refused to believe them. Let's see if hopefully these two long time friends can get it patched up.
Sam S McCloud is on his way to the TMG 'war room' when he meets up with one Reynold Anderson
[Sam:] I told you, you're not welcome here.
[Reynold:] I thought we settled this in our match for the FLEX Kill the Man with the Belt title match.
[Sam:] Yeah, the title YOU cost me right after, after you left me to get beat up by that Dr. Wily wannabe and his zombie goons. And you didn't even give me a water pistol to back me up!
[Reynold:] A water pistol? Anyways...
[Sam:] Get away from here before I Tiger Knee your jaw in.
Reynold shakes his head and walks off, then, suddenly, Agent Blue of Genji security shows up.
[Agent Blue:] I know it's none of my business, but I think you should take a look at this...
He hands Sam a video tape, then walks off, Sam looking at it with confusion before going off to check it out. We go back to the arena.
Maybe Agent Blue didn't want Sam feeling 'blue' about losing his friend? ... ok not funny. Moving right along. Our next match involves two teams that definitely were hard on their luck. Black Venom had a heartbreaking run in this league, one made even sadder after what happened on the moon. I mean, they were about to win the first match of the entire league and had a two on one advantage against Johnny Bingo...and Johnny rallied to beat them both! Heartbreaking for THEM, heartbreaking for US when we saw a competitor like Johnny launched into space. It's just really sad for everyone. And Black Venom never really got their feet set after that, dropping 3 additional matches and only winning 1. Their opponents tonight are Los Salseros Americanos and they only won 2 matches while dropping 3. So we've kinda got two teams that may want to put this whole league behind them and start fresh, especially for the Salsa fruits. Let's get to the ring.
Match #2: Los Salseros Americanos vs. Black Venom
Strawberry Mcgee/Avocado Schwartz vs. Kurobara/Dokuja
LSA sure had the crowd on their side but Black Venom was really motivated here. They just couldn't stand losing another match and wanted their final showing to be more successful then their first impression. Luckily for them, the fruits were afraid of the snake. Which is like some kind of weird 'Garden of Eden' thingy which I'm not gonna further discuss since the Vatican is close and may get mad at me.
Dokuka dismantled both McGee and Schwartz with his vicious maneuvers and they had no answer to him at all. He spit some acid into the face of McGee, who promptly freaked out and escaped outside, not getting back in time for the 20 count!! Note to chefs: Strawberries go well with chocolate, not acid.
One fruit down. Dokuja tagged in Kurobara who used his speed and mounting frustration to keep Avocado grounded. When it Avocado started to rally, Dokuja came back in and immediately blew poison mist in his face. Kuro then grabbed Avocado in a schoolboy roll up pin, with some tights, for the easy three. I guess they didn't want that two on one victory escaping from them again! Pretty decisive victory here and Black Venom leave looking relieved and happy this league ended on a win.
Los Saleros Americanos (X) [School boy roll up - 18:38] (O) Black Venom
And it looks like we're going backstage again! Back to the TMG locker room where Sam McCloud has started to watch the tape (I guess he wanted to wait til after the last match was done. Very respectful of him!) I'm gonna link you all to what was on that tape!
Cut to a shot of a TV monitor showing a video feed, with a timestamp on the corner. The timestamp is 9:00 pm on October 30th, 2009 (the exact time and day of Week 6, Show 2 of this Battalion) It shows Drake Yoshida and Reynold Anderson talking
[Drake:] You're SURE you haven't seen Furis?
[Reynold:]: For the last bloody time, YES, I'm sure. Can I go now?
[Drake:] And Dramsei, have you seen Dramsei?
[Reynold:]: No, I haven't seen anyone who shouldn't be here.
[Drake:] Are you sure?
[Reynold:]: YES!
[Drake:] Are you sure you're sure?
[Reynold:]: Bloody hell how many times do I have to say YES!
[Drake:] Fine, you can go...
*The feed cuts, and the shot turns over to a very shocked Sam S McCloud*
[Sam:] ...Oops.
Wow - it looks like Reynold Anderson has just been cleared! He was indeed talking to Drake when LRI was beating up OTAKU and there is the proof!! What a scoop!!
(...I miss saying that)
(Handler's note: Don't go getting all self-aware on me...)
Ok well speaking of TMG, it's now time for their match with LRI. As I said before, LRI has led this block with a 4 and 1 record. They've dismantled just about everyone here. TMG certainly has nothing to be ashamed of either with a 3 and 2 record in such a close and competitve block! We've already seen these two teams have some uh, interaction before. What with LRI attacking OTAKU. So I'm sure that both of the representative members tonight, Ozzy and Otaku, are ready to defend their HONOR...and try to win their block! Meanwhile, LRI has just started causing trouble tonight and you don't want to see them build ANY kind of momentum in that regards, especially since I could really imagine them being involved later tonight helping out the Dods. What will happen here? I think only one's wildest imagination could predict it!
Match #3: Los Rudos Infernos vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Stuart Robinson/VD Dod vs. Ozzy Da Boe/OTAKU
VD and OTAKU start and we get an initial rally from TMG altogether. They're still irritated at the attack from LRI a few months ago. They take control and while Stuart is trying to cheat to turn the tide, Ozzy has his techniques thoroughly scouted out. Things are looking up for TMG but well, this is kinda odd! The Orochi-Tron just turned on and is showing Sam McCloud talking to Reynold Anderson in the back!!
[Sam:] Look. I found out you were telling the truth...
[Reynold:] Big bloody shock there, eh?
[Sam:] I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions and I was wrong. We cool man?
[Reynold:] ...Yeah, we're square.
[Sam:] Awesome... hey, let's go and cheer our boys on!
As heartwarming as that was, unfortunately that didn't actually help TMG! It distracted them!! LRI didn't care about the touchy-feely stuff. But it's not JUST LRI that is TMG's problem right now!! A gang of wrestlers have come down from the crowd and they're some lookers all right! Some guy dressed like a Geisha girl, someone in a kung fu outfit...and uh, someone else. Wait, I've seen these guys before - in the FLEX promoption! That's IHOP!! And not the pancake depository we all know and love! I'm talking about Geisha Man, Kung-Fu-Man-Chu and Milo Falcone!! And they jumped the rail and are attacking TMG!!
Is LRI about to get a taste of their own medicine here!? Uh oh, I think they may get somethign requiring the use of medicine!! BINGO-1 Battalion have charged down to the ring from the back and are getting into the ring to attack LRI at the same time that IHOP is attacking TMG!! Reynold and Sam have finally hit the ring to help TMG but this is just insane! We have like 50 people in the ring, not all of them on the roster, and the ref has called for the bell!! A double DQ! And good, Drake is finally out!!
Los Rudos Infernos (X) [Double Disqualification - 20:19] (X) Team Moon Gas 200Y
[Drake:] "Security!!
Drake looks around impatiently and screams again,
[Drake:] "Damn it, Genji!! Get out here NOW!"
And here they come...not looking so happy that Drake just made a demand of them. Not like they're paid to provide security or anything...right? Must be annoyed their poker game backstage was interrupted. Each group has been split up by security and Drake has a microphone.
[Drake:]: "Does the 'i' in LRI stand for irony? It's unfortunate that your match was interrupted, I'm sure you are very offended such a heinous event could ever occur."
Stuart does seem quite outraged at this situation and is screaming profanities.
[Drake:] "You almost fell to your tactics from before, had it not been for BINGO-1's failure to properly recognize the ironic justice and allow you to get disqualified just as you made them. But we all saw what happened here and it would be wrong for me to disqualify just one team. Instead, this is a double disqualification. That means each team in this match takes a loss."
Oh the crowd is not happy with this at all! Nor is either team, especially TMG who just got screwed out of the chance of being in a tiebreaker!! All LRI lost was their guaranteed lead. TMG is now eliminated!
[Drake:] "Quiet down. A double disqualification happens in such a melee. It is not UBL's duty to keep your rivals at bay. You don't see random people attacking Geese in his matches, after all. Cause if they did, he'd destroy them. Deterrence works. Now as for the Block situation. Since LRI now has 4 wins and 2 losses, they are ultimately tied with ARMADA for the lead. There will be a tiebreaker match at the next UBL Open show: the winner will go to the Battalion Finale. Everyone clear the area as it is time for intermission."
WOW! That was...that was nuts! I don't even know what to say right now but luckily we have an intermission so we can all gather our thoughts!
INTERMISSION
Unfortunately Park's Chippy Stand isn't running tonight since he's actually in a match...like soon, but let me just say that OMG CANOLIS. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!
CANOLI
CANOLI
CANOLI!!!!
They are like modern works of Italian Renaissance art!! For the mouth!!
Ok...calm down Jean, and ignore those guys looking at you eating the canoli.
Now before we get to the next match, and after I'm done with my OMG canoli, we have a special interview for you right now. With a "special" member of the original UBL.
And seeing as that idea went SO WELL in Japan, I'm not all that enthused.
Folks, we're in Rome, and well, there's one UBL wrestler who makes his home here.
I don't want to do this but it's part of my job and you all know the saying...
"When in Rome....interview...the Centurion."
He's up in the stands, in his own section. He's been on the injured list for the last 3 years. First he was intentionally hurt by Geese at the final Universal Champion show in 2007 after actually getting a victory over him as a result of nefarious interference. (so much for deterrence...) And then it was Kyle Walker who accidentally injured Centurion ON THE MOON during the Battalion. But here he is again, making uh...noise. Let's be a trooper and hear what he has to say:
[MJC:] "Uh...hello Mr. Cent-"
[Centurion:] "VENI VIDI VICI - Those were the words the first Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar, spoke."
[MJC:] "Kids, tell your teachers you actually just learned something while watching wrestling. You get homework credits! Really, I'll sign off on them."
[Centurion:] "I do not speak those words with pride! For it was the Emperors who destroyed Rome. Our glory was in the representative voice of the people, and ruffians like Julius and Augustus...and Nero...ruined our spirit! Just as the self-proclaimed "Emperor" of UBL, Orochi Geese, has silenced the voices of dissent! Of liberty! Of justice! Of full medical care benefits for injured Reserve wrestlers!!"
[MJC:] "Well, he did hurt you pretty badly. So ...how you holdin up, Centy?"
[Centurion:] "My body is almost fully healed. My spirit is keen. I have not forgotten the injuries he and his triumvirate have menaced me with!"
[MJC:] "Don't you need three people to be a triumvirate?"
[Centurion:] "Geese, Kyle Walker, and Drake Yoshida are a triumvirate of terror!"
[MJC:] "I kinda think Geese would be Marc Antony and then Holly would be Cleopatra."
[Centurion:] "Do not confuse Triumvirates!"
[MJC:] "Listen, we gotta get to our next match. And, to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed to have you be my final UBL interview. So just make this short. ."
[Centurion:] "I will be back in UBL very shortly and will take my vengeance on the triumvirate!! FOR ROME!"
Well that was fun. Entertainment and a history lesson rolled into one! Like a cannoli!
We come to the Interblock match and well this is a real doozy. Fatman Pro Wrestling will be taking on Pure Fudging Technical Wrestling. What stands out about this match is that the two groups practically train together, and actually share blood. Dave Fairbairn and Martin Fairbairn, the captains of both teams - brothers. Park Hyun-Soo and Park Young-Tae - brothers. Sit Kwok Fu and Jimmy Cliffs - uh, occasional training partners and pen pals? You get the point. Blood is thicker then water, but is it thicker then non-ranked matches in multi year long leagues? I guess we'll find out!
On top of this is some frustration. PTFW was just eliminated from any chance of winning Block D (not like it was looking so good before tonight) but Fatman Pro Wrestling is at 4 wins and 2 losses. They have a shot at winning this league but it is np longer up to them. They have to hope that the Dods lose their match tonight to tie Fatman. Just as NDP found out during the last show, it's frustrating to be stuck in an interblock match when another team holds your destiny in their hands and can clinch your Block. And consider that the Dods beat Fatman Pro at the last Block C show during some high class shenanigans orchestrated by Jack Dod. So after getting screwed over by the Dods, they may not have to sit back and watch them win. I can understand if Rotund Dave is a bit less round and a bit more edgy tonight.
Fatman Pro Wres vs. PTFW
Park Hyun-Soo/Sit Kwok Fu/Dave Fairbairn vs. Jimmy Cliffs/Park Young-Tae/Martin Fairbairn
Well things start out quite chivalrous. Dave and Martin appear to be entering a gentleman's agreement that they will not face each other or interfere. However, they do want the two Park brothers to wrestle as they are still learning the trade and can use the experience. And of course, Sit and Jimmy are gonna be there too so we're basically getting a tornado tag match between Hyun-Soo/Sit vs. Young-Tae/Cliffs with managers on the apron. And we definitely get some excitement here as neither side holds back. But as PTFW start to get the advantage through Park Young-Tae's kicks and Jimmy Cliffs' let's say "liberal interpretation of the rules", something strange happens. Dave drops down to the floor and looks under the apron. He calls Martin over and it appears that Dave is telling him someone is under the ring!! Dave says he'll be a sport and take care of the situation, which an intoxicated Martin seems to appreciate.
After a few minutes, someone emerges from the other side! Wait - is that Captain Piledriver!? OMG!! Captain Piledriver makes his return after like a five year absence!! He wrestled in PW-W around the time that uh...Dave did! And the fans are going nuts here, cheering for the good Captain!! He goes into the ring and then...oh my, he just elbowed Young Tae and then hit Cliff with the Captain Driver which...bares a striking resemblance to a certain "Fatty Driller" move from Dave Fairbairn. He then runs out of the ring while Park Hyun Soo shrugs his shoulders and pins Jimmy Cliffs! And this match is over!
Fatman Pro (O) ["Captain Driver" - 13:20] (X) PTFW
A few seconds later, Dave Fairbairn re-emerges from the area of the ring where Martin is. Dave dusts himself off and goes to survey the damage in the ring.
[Dave:] "That c*nt ain't there anymore"
[Martin:] "Aye, that Piledrivin come oot just as ye went under and did a number on Jim, like."
[Young-Tae:]: "I SEE HIM LAN AWAY TO BACK! HE NO BUY CHEEPS!"
Jimmy Cliffs seems to be the only one blaming Dave here, which I don't understand why!
[Jimmy:] "IT WAS YE, Y'ENGLEESH BASHTURD!" "
Park Hyun Soo and Lisa Robinson, who had come out to ringside during this meeting of the minds, just shrug and sigh. Well...that was certainly something! A return from Centurion and Captain Piledriver in one night! Now if we could only get Johnny Bingo to land on Earth soil...
Block C
But now it's time for Block C! The first match here has significance for who could win this block. Team SMN is statistically out of the running with 2 wins and 3 losses. But Orochi Army has 3 wins and 2 losses. If they win and the Dods lose, then we have a 3 way tie with those two teams and Fatman, as I said before. Ok, yeah, not so different from the situation that started off Block D tonight, huh!? What are the odds!? Seriously, do we have a mathematician in the house? No, ok, let's go on. Now, I really don't see the Orochi Army losing here. I'm not just saying that cause I was just appointed General by Geese, cause let's be realistic. Geese is FURIOUS after what happened to Holly at Voltage and a furious Geese is more often then not, a victorious Geese. Figaro is really angry too and we've seen him dominate for the last few shows without being even remotely miffed. After seeing him handcuff his best friend for years for the "crime" of trying to stop Holly's scheme, what will he do to those who stand in Geese's path tonight?
I'm a bit scared for Team SMN. I know they've looked forward to this match for a long time too but well, they aren't getting what they bargained for. Back before the league started in 2008, SMN were slated to face Clyde and Figaro in the main event of an Open Show. But Geese took them out of the main event, insulting SMN to their face, and then made them wrestle before they were ready. Clyde and Figaro won and SMN have wanted to avenge that loss since then. But tonight...I think the best way to "win" anything involving Geese and Figaro is to stay away from him. And yeah, I think it's safe to say that Clyde won't be participating here. I haven't asked yet but if by some chance Orochi Army advances to the finals, I really have no idea what will happen. The Universal Battalion Championship match is a 3 on 3 elimination encounter and I don't see Clyde playing well with Figaro and Geese right now. Will they get a replacement for him? Who knows! But I guess, for now, they have to focus on beating SMN and hoping the Dods lose. Though if I know Geese, he isn't one for blind hope without a plan of action.
Match #4: Orochi Army vs. Team SMN
Geese/Figaro vs. Razgriz/Aigion
He IS one for violence though, and it's coming through in spades. He elected to start the match first, which is unusual for him but he has a lot of tension to work though. Razgriz is getting demolished here with just about every part of the body Geese is hitting him with. Elbows, knees, fists, headbutts! That's something you don't see from him too often! He then throws Razgriz to his corner and demands Aigion tag in. Aigion does just that to relieve his partner and Geese is just as vicious to him. The scary part is that Geese hasn't done actually done anything illegal in the match. No chokes or eye gouges or wet willy's. The man's just possessed with anger and well, there's no laws against that, right?
Hmmm...well we ARE near the Vatican so I think there may actually be laws against possession. Seriously, do we have an exorcist in the house? If we do, something tells me Geese isn't too worried about them. And while Athrin Cross is a demon, he's on the Reserve Roster so let's move right along.
Geese finally tags Figaro in and whether intentionally or not, I think Figaro actually just saved his opponent's careers. How? By obliterating them and knocking them out with the South Figaro Lariat. The ref is calling for the bell at least, the match is over and the violence is mercifully over.
Orochi Army (O) [South Figaro Lariats - 12:10] (X) Team SMN
No it isn't. Oh this isn't good at all! Geese has just held his thumb out like the old Roman Emperors did at Gladiator games. If the thumb goes down, SMN is in MAJOR trouble. He already has Aigion in position for a Raging Bolt and the crowd is booing him but yep...there's that thumb! And it's in the down position!! This is bad but wait...what's that? A large crowd jumper in a mask comes out and attacks Geese from behind with a vicious lariat!! A legitimately surprised Figaro is able to finally hurl the powerful crowd jumper off of Geese, but not before Mike Poe of SMN runs down to ringside and helps his teammates escape. The jumper also gets away in the, dare I say, chaos and Geese is furious and storms backstage. I think that jumper looked similar to the one that attacked Geese a few shows ago, the one that is alleged to be Jeff Monroe. Jeff...if that was you...really really NOT good timing. Attacking Geese like that when he's already this angry...
Yikes.
Well let's try to get on with the show. I think what just happened is bad news for the Dods but it shoudn't affect this match. We may be able to bask in what will likely be the final moments of sanity and safety as Canada Brothers face off with Team PCW. Both have losing records but have behaved themselves for the most part. I say for the most part cause the Canada Brothers were actually indirectly involved in the initial crowd jumper attack on Geese. But it's not like it helped their record any. Going 1 and 4 isn't anything to write home north about. As for PCW, they are 2 and 3 but they fought hard and got some big wins. Many consider their match against the Dods as the best match of Block C, and they did PCW proud in my opinion. Let's see if they can finish the league on an even keel.
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. PCW Originals
Doug/Dave vs. Book Matthews/Willy Pierot
With no anger between these two teams, we get a very nice technical matchup. Willy does his best to keep up with the action, brave little guy, but he's clearly the one who falls behind. However, after he is kept on the mat for well longer then he has the attention span for, he hits an involuntary chop on Doug and tags in Book! Book is ready to take care of business and does just that, taking out Doug immediately with the "Book End" for the first elimination. Book then neutralizes Dave's power by keeping him on the ground, as they had done to Willy, and almost makes him tap to the "Twelve Dollar Dream", But Willy looks on with those optimistic, darting eyes of his and Book tags him in to finish the job, to the fan's deligh. Willy hits his "Involuntary Chop" and grabs the easy pin, helping the PCW Originals go :500 with 3 wins and 3 losses.
Canada Brothers (X) ["Involuntary Chop" - 15:06] (O) PCW Originals
I declare Willy Pierot the special "Spirit" Champion of the 2008-2010 Battalion!!
He'll get...uh, some Easter Eggs! And, maybe a special Johnny Bingo hoodie.
And now we come to the final match of the league proper. The Clan of the Sun with a 2 and 3 record faces the Dods with a dominating 4 and 1 tally. You gotta be impressed by the Clan's efforts and in their matches, they showed some real ability. But tonight they get the chance to do nothing other then play spoiler to the Dods. And the Dods aren't one for being spoiled. The amount of gold that Jack Dod has won over the years, and in UBL, is staggering. He IS the still reigning Universal Champion and EFW United States Champion. He was the former PW-W Champion. And he is teaming up with the master of Ron Quan Do, Ronnie Dod.
Both teams have come down to the ring and getting ready to wrestle when the other shoe drops.
Geese and Figaro come out. Geese is all smiles despite the attack from before, and he appears healthy. One of the reasons he's all smiles is because he has a stun gun!! And given the speech Drake made before about teams helping themselves to their own security, I don't think anyone is gonna stop Geese. It's not like security would stop him anyway - it's HIS company! So the Dods are gonna have to provide their own security here, as are the Clan of the Sun who may just be the recipients of the stun gun. In an odd twist of fate, after what we saw tonight - in order to defend their own chance of victory, the Dods may have to defend their own opponents from outside attack! Geese and Figaro start walking down the ramp when, Figaro stops. And he grabs a mic. Geese is already half way down the ramp when he hears.
[Figaro:] "Geese."
Geese turns around, looking confused and motioning Figaro to come along. Geese continues walking.
[Figaro:] "LISTEN TO ME - you piece of shit."
Uh oh....
Geese's eyes go wide and he turns slowly around to where Figaro is standing shaking his head.
[Figaro:] "Jig's up, Captain Chaos. The whole world knows you use mind control, you somehow think I didn't? That I wouldn't have a plan? That WE wouldn't have a plan?"
Clyde and Celes just came out from the audience and are standing next to Figaro! Clyde shakes Figaro's hand and Celes hugs him. Geese is shocked!! Meanwhile, the Dods and Clan are forced to watch this as the ref hasn't been allowed to start the match on account of Geese's command. Celes gets Geese's attention.
[Celes:] "Oh to see your arrogance blind you like this. It really is disappointing. The Geese that called us to his aid years ago had his eyes, mind, and heart open. But the mirror image of your alleged greatness is too much for you to bear these days - you no longer notice the obvious weaknesses in your plans that everyone can see. Clyde found out what you were trying to do to us at the Banquet. He and I have natural immunity to poisons but Figaro, we just gave him an antidote and let his under appreciated acting prowess handle the job. Figaro's support of you was never real. Much like Holly does, Figaro was faking it."
Ouch.
[Figaro:] "That's right, the big dumb commentator oaf tricked all of you, Geese. You, Drake, Holly, her little psychopath brother and your high priced inept security tools."
Geese is just starting wide-eyed at them, unable to move from anger.
[Celes:] "Oh I see much confusion in you. Allow me to help. Why did we string you along til now? Is that what you wonder? Why allow you to even win your previous match? We wanted to make sure you had absolutely no time to hatch a new plan before you came to disrupt this match tonight. Why would we interfere in your attack on the Dods? We are no friends to them but we'd rather have them advance when you control the UBL. They are much less of a threat and a corrupt force here then you are."
[Figaro:] "And THEY didn't try to drug a friend of theirs. That's what this is about, Geese. You lost any claim to our allegiance once you tried to drug us. We're through with you. We're through with ALL of this."
[Clyde:] "We won't answer your call again."
[Celes:] "But do send our regards to Holly."
Geese is livid as security begins swarming on Clyde, Celes, and Figaro but they fight their way out of it easily and walk slowly through the crowd. They aren't even RUNNING, they're just manhandling security and leave at their own pace. Figaro even stops to high five one of the fans! Geese is standing there, stewing in rage and sees Jack Dod pantamiming, with his hands over his eyes, that he's crying for Geese. His maniacal laughter finally sends Geese over the edge and he rushes down to the ring with the stun gun!
But Caleb Dod is in the first row and comes out from the audience! Wow - crowd jumpers are NOT helping Geese out tonight, as usual. Geese uses the stun gun on Caleb who just looks down and smiles. It had no effect on a man that size! Caleb then chokeslams Geese on the arena floor, knocking him out!
Caleb grabs the stun gun and slides it into the ring for Jack to pick up. The ref (Coach) doesn't see the stun gun and is still unsure what to do. He finally throws his hands up and calls for the timekeeper to ring the bell. Just before he does, Jack uses the stun gun on both his opponents!
Match #6: Clan of the Sun vs. Dod Squod
Huitzilopochtli/Ra-Horus-Aten vs. Ronnie Dod/Jack Dod
Well - what do you expect? We have the 4-1 dominant Dods vs. the 2-3 STUNNED Clan of the Sun. There have been some one sided battles in the Roman Colosseum before but I'd say this may rank right up there with Lion and armor covered bear vs. bear without armor. While Huitzi is shaking from the effects of the stungun, Ronnie obliterates him with an impact straight punch to the face. Huitzi...eliminated.
Ra Horus is a bit more solid on his feet so Ronnie tags in Jack. Immediate DodSmack on Ra. 1..2...3.
The sun finally goes down on the Clan. And the league.
Clan of the Sun (X) ["DodSmack"- 0:30] (O) Dod Squod
Somehow I don't see this as being part of Geese's vision for the last show. The Dods have won Block C. Geese is unconscious and is being attended to by medics and a very slow moving Holly who made her way down to ringside. I don't love the girl but Holly, you're in a bad situation there. And that is proven when the Dods pass by her. Jack Dod actually stuns Holly on the BUTT as she's bent over checking on Geese. Jack then lightly kicks her down onto Geese as she is shaking from the stun gun. This finally causes Geese to wake up and he has absolutely no idea what is occurring or why Holly is shaking so much on his body but he does look slightly embarrassed for a second as he attempts to cover up his lower area. Though I have no idea why. Security finally gets tighter and forces the Dods to walk away but they are laughing at this as they head backstage the winners of Block C. Geese AND Holly are being attended to by medics and after 2 long years I can say... this is Jean Carter signing off for good from UBL. They're coming to you next at the April Open show! But as for me, please watch OG-Joshi!! Don't be a stranger! Bye-e!!
Week 7: Show 2 - LAST SHOW OF THE LEAGUE BEFORE FINALE SHOW
The Colosseum - Rome, Italy
Wow! Rome is AWESOME!
This is like a lifetime worth of getting gifts for people and taking photographs!! Unfortunately, the legends of there being a whole bunch of Easter bunnies in Rome proved to be untrue...or they are more elusive then I gave them credit for. I'd chase the rabbits but they already made a movie about that and I'm really more into cats as pets anyway. Also, I've learned enough Italian to...well, get by the hotel shops and order room service. The food and sunsets and buildings and clothing and flirting men and everything here is amazing! I've even taken my own "Da Jeani Code" tour around the city trying to unearth ancient secrets! All I found at the end of the day though was that I stepped in gum and then on a penny so the gum had the penny sign. I'm guessing that wasn't planned by Leonardo Da Vinci. But I like to pretend it was!
And now I'm standing in like a 2500 year old structure! One that has hosted warfare over the years and now is going to be the final location of the 2008-2010 A.D. Battalion!
Well the league itself, at least, Geese and Drake have been mum about the Finale show.
So we have a big night ahead of you. The winners of Block C and Block D will be decided and as there are a LOT of wrestlers here who are prone to long speeches and shenaniganery, we better get started now. What's the latin phrase for shenaniganery?
(Drake's note: What's the english phrase for it?)
Let's check out the card for tonight.
*A graphic comes onto the screen.*
Tonight's Card:
Block D matches:
BINGO-1 Heroes vs. ARMADA
Los Salseros Americanos vs. Black Venom
Los Rudos Infernos vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Interblock Match: Fatman Pro Wres vs. PTFW
Block C Matches:
Orochi Army vs. Team SMN
Canada Brothers vs. PCW Originals
Clan of the Sun vs. Dod Squod
(Quick Notes: The Block Matches are for league rankings and consist of 2 on 2 elimination tags. The InterBlock match is not for league rankings and consists of a one fall, 3 on 3 tornado match. OMG YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO READ THIS SECTION EVER AGAIN! SAY GOODBYE TO IT IN YOUR HEART AND LOVE!
Ok so for the few people who are wondering...yes, it's indeed Jean Carter, and yes, I'm here reporting for a UBL show. This is kind of bittersweet for me. Geese and Drake were nice enough to LET me finish up the league. I didn't have to given my new status and responsibilities as OG-Joshi "General". But you know, we Carter's finish a job and there was no way this league has come so far without me being right along side to see it to fruition!! At least the league proper, that is. By the time the Finale show airs, I'm gonna be up to my elbows in Joshi business and I have sensitive elbows! So my colleague John Randolph will be covering that show. So let's get to it and try to hold back the tears, ok? This is like Amplitude all over again...wow.
Ok pull it together, Jean! There's no crying in upper management! Just seminars about handling stress!
Block D
So we are starting with Block D tonight because Clan of the Sun is the hosting team so they are getting the main event spot. But there is plenty of drama in this Block. We actually have three teams tied with a 3-2 record and one team with a 4-1 record. LRI is the leader here but ARMADA, BINGO-1, and Team Moon Gas are all hot on the trail! And because of that, the first match tonight is a huge deal. The embattled BINGO-1 team takes on ARMADA. If either of these two win this match and LRI lose their match to TMG, they'll be a three way tie for the lead! But if LRI win, then this next match is futile. However, you'd be hard pressed to tell the members of each team that their efforts may not mean anything. And really, effort ALWAYS counts in my eyes. A for effort! or Easter Egg for effort! That's right - both teams will get Easter Eggs from me!!
...don't everyone get their paint brushes out at once
The BINGO-1 team has arguably had the hardest experience in this league, losing their venerable leader, Johnny Bingo, who was hurled into space by Stuart Robinson thanks to a plan hatched by Jack Dod. Ever since then, BINGO-1 has had 2 things primarily on its mind: Find Johnny and get revenge for what happened to him. This is also the first show since Jack Dod's admission that he and BINGO have been in the same building. Not to mention LRI as well. And throw in Orochi Army for a truly chaotic mix of elements.
Just what IS going to happen tonight!? Let's get to the ring and find out!
Match #1: BINGO-1 Heroes vs. ARMADA
DF Allen/TAX vs. Galcian/Vigoro
Vigoro and TAX meet up in the middle of the ring and WOW is there ever a lot of poundage there! After these two men just get right to it and start brawling, the fan settle down hoping for a main event caliber match. Unfortunately for them, they aren't the only ones with close eyes on this match. LRI has come out onto the stage and immediately DF Allen and Tax are distracted. LRI is taking a page out of the Dod Squod book here (not surprising as VD Dod is a Dod, after all!) hoping it will cause BINGO to trip up. And it's working but the fans are starting to get into this too, rallying BINGO to equalize the negative effect of LRI.
The match is about even up to this point as Tax and Vigoro's brawling has left both men exhausted and while Galcian is doing his best to keep DF Allen on the mat, where the fans cheers can't help him rally, DF is a better wrestler then Galcian expected. We have what is basically a stalemate here which isn't surprising given the successful records of both teams. However, LRI is looking awfully impatient. And now they're looking awfully mobile, walking down to the ring. It looks like Stuart has a metal pipe which he isn't even attempting to hide and BAM! He just cracked Vigoro over the back with it!! But Vigoro didn't go down! Stuart looks shocked, Fat Lip kicks Vigoro in the groin and Stuart nails him over the head with the pipe, finaling knocking him over! The ref is calling for the bell and it appears BINGO-1 has been disqualified!!
BINGO-1 (X) [Disqualification - 15:14] (O) ARMADA
Oh I don't agree with this decision one bit. Come on peoples - Of all people to collude with BINGO-1, it's sure as heck not gonna be LRI! They just did this to get BINGO-1 disqualified! This isn't fair at all. You shouldn't just be able to attack your enemies' opponents to screw over your enemy! But the ref doesn't know what else to do and with Vigoro taken out, this match is over. I hope Drake reviews this decision.
Meanwhile, we're gonna go backstage now where I hear there's a bit of a reunion. There was a falling out between TMG members Sam McCloud and Reynold Anderson. Reynold had claimed that Drake had kept him busy and unable to attend to TMG duties when LRI attacked TMG but Sam refused to believe them. Let's see if hopefully these two long time friends can get it patched up.
Sam S McCloud is on his way to the TMG 'war room' when he meets up with one Reynold Anderson
[Sam:] I told you, you're not welcome here.
[Reynold:] I thought we settled this in our match for the FLEX Kill the Man with the Belt title match.
[Sam:] Yeah, the title YOU cost me right after, after you left me to get beat up by that Dr. Wily wannabe and his zombie goons. And you didn't even give me a water pistol to back me up!
[Reynold:] A water pistol? Anyways...
[Sam:] Get away from here before I Tiger Knee your jaw in.
Reynold shakes his head and walks off, then, suddenly, Agent Blue of Genji security shows up.
[Agent Blue:] I know it's none of my business, but I think you should take a look at this...
He hands Sam a video tape, then walks off, Sam looking at it with confusion before going off to check it out. We go back to the arena.
Maybe Agent Blue didn't want Sam feeling 'blue' about losing his friend? ... ok not funny. Moving right along. Our next match involves two teams that definitely were hard on their luck. Black Venom had a heartbreaking run in this league, one made even sadder after what happened on the moon. I mean, they were about to win the first match of the entire league and had a two on one advantage against Johnny Bingo...and Johnny rallied to beat them both! Heartbreaking for THEM, heartbreaking for US when we saw a competitor like Johnny launched into space. It's just really sad for everyone. And Black Venom never really got their feet set after that, dropping 3 additional matches and only winning 1. Their opponents tonight are Los Salseros Americanos and they only won 2 matches while dropping 3. So we've kinda got two teams that may want to put this whole league behind them and start fresh, especially for the Salsa fruits. Let's get to the ring.
Match #2: Los Salseros Americanos vs. Black Venom
Strawberry Mcgee/Avocado Schwartz vs. Kurobara/Dokuja
LSA sure had the crowd on their side but Black Venom was really motivated here. They just couldn't stand losing another match and wanted their final showing to be more successful then their first impression. Luckily for them, the fruits were afraid of the snake. Which is like some kind of weird 'Garden of Eden' thingy which I'm not gonna further discuss since the Vatican is close and may get mad at me.
Dokuka dismantled both McGee and Schwartz with his vicious maneuvers and they had no answer to him at all. He spit some acid into the face of McGee, who promptly freaked out and escaped outside, not getting back in time for the 20 count!! Note to chefs: Strawberries go well with chocolate, not acid.
One fruit down. Dokuja tagged in Kurobara who used his speed and mounting frustration to keep Avocado grounded. When it Avocado started to rally, Dokuja came back in and immediately blew poison mist in his face. Kuro then grabbed Avocado in a schoolboy roll up pin, with some tights, for the easy three. I guess they didn't want that two on one victory escaping from them again! Pretty decisive victory here and Black Venom leave looking relieved and happy this league ended on a win.
Los Saleros Americanos (X) [School boy roll up - 18:38] (O) Black Venom
And it looks like we're going backstage again! Back to the TMG locker room where Sam McCloud has started to watch the tape (I guess he wanted to wait til after the last match was done. Very respectful of him!) I'm gonna link you all to what was on that tape!
Cut to a shot of a TV monitor showing a video feed, with a timestamp on the corner. The timestamp is 9:00 pm on October 30th, 2009 (the exact time and day of Week 6, Show 2 of this Battalion) It shows Drake Yoshida and Reynold Anderson talking
[Drake:] You're SURE you haven't seen Furis?
[Reynold:]: For the last bloody time, YES, I'm sure. Can I go now?
[Drake:] And Dramsei, have you seen Dramsei?
[Reynold:]: No, I haven't seen anyone who shouldn't be here.
[Drake:] Are you sure?
[Reynold:]: YES!
[Drake:] Are you sure you're sure?
[Reynold:]: Bloody hell how many times do I have to say YES!
[Drake:] Fine, you can go...
*The feed cuts, and the shot turns over to a very shocked Sam S McCloud*
[Sam:] ...Oops.
Wow - it looks like Reynold Anderson has just been cleared! He was indeed talking to Drake when LRI was beating up OTAKU and there is the proof!! What a scoop!!
(...I miss saying that)
(Handler's note: Don't go getting all self-aware on me...)
Ok well speaking of TMG, it's now time for their match with LRI. As I said before, LRI has led this block with a 4 and 1 record. They've dismantled just about everyone here. TMG certainly has nothing to be ashamed of either with a 3 and 2 record in such a close and competitve block! We've already seen these two teams have some uh, interaction before. What with LRI attacking OTAKU. So I'm sure that both of the representative members tonight, Ozzy and Otaku, are ready to defend their HONOR...and try to win their block! Meanwhile, LRI has just started causing trouble tonight and you don't want to see them build ANY kind of momentum in that regards, especially since I could really imagine them being involved later tonight helping out the Dods. What will happen here? I think only one's wildest imagination could predict it!
Match #3: Los Rudos Infernos vs. Team Moon Gas 200Y
Stuart Robinson/VD Dod vs. Ozzy Da Boe/OTAKU
VD and OTAKU start and we get an initial rally from TMG altogether. They're still irritated at the attack from LRI a few months ago. They take control and while Stuart is trying to cheat to turn the tide, Ozzy has his techniques thoroughly scouted out. Things are looking up for TMG but well, this is kinda odd! The Orochi-Tron just turned on and is showing Sam McCloud talking to Reynold Anderson in the back!!
[Sam:] Look. I found out you were telling the truth...
[Reynold:] Big bloody shock there, eh?
[Sam:] I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions and I was wrong. We cool man?
[Reynold:] ...Yeah, we're square.
[Sam:] Awesome... hey, let's go and cheer our boys on!
As heartwarming as that was, unfortunately that didn't actually help TMG! It distracted them!! LRI didn't care about the touchy-feely stuff. But it's not JUST LRI that is TMG's problem right now!! A gang of wrestlers have come down from the crowd and they're some lookers all right! Some guy dressed like a Geisha girl, someone in a kung fu outfit...and uh, someone else. Wait, I've seen these guys before - in the FLEX promoption! That's IHOP!! And not the pancake depository we all know and love! I'm talking about Geisha Man, Kung-Fu-Man-Chu and Milo Falcone!! And they jumped the rail and are attacking TMG!!
Is LRI about to get a taste of their own medicine here!? Uh oh, I think they may get somethign requiring the use of medicine!! BINGO-1 Battalion have charged down to the ring from the back and are getting into the ring to attack LRI at the same time that IHOP is attacking TMG!! Reynold and Sam have finally hit the ring to help TMG but this is just insane! We have like 50 people in the ring, not all of them on the roster, and the ref has called for the bell!! A double DQ! And good, Drake is finally out!!
Los Rudos Infernos (X) [Double Disqualification - 20:19] (X) Team Moon Gas 200Y
[Drake:] "Security!!
Drake looks around impatiently and screams again,
[Drake:] "Damn it, Genji!! Get out here NOW!"
And here they come...not looking so happy that Drake just made a demand of them. Not like they're paid to provide security or anything...right? Must be annoyed their poker game backstage was interrupted. Each group has been split up by security and Drake has a microphone.
[Drake:]: "Does the 'i' in LRI stand for irony? It's unfortunate that your match was interrupted, I'm sure you are very offended such a heinous event could ever occur."
Stuart does seem quite outraged at this situation and is screaming profanities.
[Drake:] "You almost fell to your tactics from before, had it not been for BINGO-1's failure to properly recognize the ironic justice and allow you to get disqualified just as you made them. But we all saw what happened here and it would be wrong for me to disqualify just one team. Instead, this is a double disqualification. That means each team in this match takes a loss."
Oh the crowd is not happy with this at all! Nor is either team, especially TMG who just got screwed out of the chance of being in a tiebreaker!! All LRI lost was their guaranteed lead. TMG is now eliminated!
[Drake:] "Quiet down. A double disqualification happens in such a melee. It is not UBL's duty to keep your rivals at bay. You don't see random people attacking Geese in his matches, after all. Cause if they did, he'd destroy them. Deterrence works. Now as for the Block situation. Since LRI now has 4 wins and 2 losses, they are ultimately tied with ARMADA for the lead. There will be a tiebreaker match at the next UBL Open show: the winner will go to the Battalion Finale. Everyone clear the area as it is time for intermission."
WOW! That was...that was nuts! I don't even know what to say right now but luckily we have an intermission so we can all gather our thoughts!
INTERMISSION
Unfortunately Park's Chippy Stand isn't running tonight since he's actually in a match...like soon, but let me just say that OMG CANOLIS. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!
CANOLI
CANOLI
CANOLI!!!!
They are like modern works of Italian Renaissance art!! For the mouth!!
Ok...calm down Jean, and ignore those guys looking at you eating the canoli.
Now before we get to the next match, and after I'm done with my OMG canoli, we have a special interview for you right now. With a "special" member of the original UBL.
And seeing as that idea went SO WELL in Japan, I'm not all that enthused.
Folks, we're in Rome, and well, there's one UBL wrestler who makes his home here.
I don't want to do this but it's part of my job and you all know the saying...
"When in Rome....interview...the Centurion."
He's up in the stands, in his own section. He's been on the injured list for the last 3 years. First he was intentionally hurt by Geese at the final Universal Champion show in 2007 after actually getting a victory over him as a result of nefarious interference. (so much for deterrence...) And then it was Kyle Walker who accidentally injured Centurion ON THE MOON during the Battalion. But here he is again, making uh...noise. Let's be a trooper and hear what he has to say:
[MJC:] "Uh...hello Mr. Cent-"
[Centurion:] "VENI VIDI VICI - Those were the words the first Roman Emperor, Julius Caesar, spoke."
[MJC:] "Kids, tell your teachers you actually just learned something while watching wrestling. You get homework credits! Really, I'll sign off on them."
[Centurion:] "I do not speak those words with pride! For it was the Emperors who destroyed Rome. Our glory was in the representative voice of the people, and ruffians like Julius and Augustus...and Nero...ruined our spirit! Just as the self-proclaimed "Emperor" of UBL, Orochi Geese, has silenced the voices of dissent! Of liberty! Of justice! Of full medical care benefits for injured Reserve wrestlers!!"
[MJC:] "Well, he did hurt you pretty badly. So ...how you holdin up, Centy?"
[Centurion:] "My body is almost fully healed. My spirit is keen. I have not forgotten the injuries he and his triumvirate have menaced me with!"
[MJC:] "Don't you need three people to be a triumvirate?"
[Centurion:] "Geese, Kyle Walker, and Drake Yoshida are a triumvirate of terror!"
[MJC:] "I kinda think Geese would be Marc Antony and then Holly would be Cleopatra."
[Centurion:] "Do not confuse Triumvirates!"
[MJC:] "Listen, we gotta get to our next match. And, to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed to have you be my final UBL interview. So just make this short. ."
[Centurion:] "I will be back in UBL very shortly and will take my vengeance on the triumvirate!! FOR ROME!"
Well that was fun. Entertainment and a history lesson rolled into one! Like a cannoli!
We come to the Interblock match and well this is a real doozy. Fatman Pro Wrestling will be taking on Pure Fudging Technical Wrestling. What stands out about this match is that the two groups practically train together, and actually share blood. Dave Fairbairn and Martin Fairbairn, the captains of both teams - brothers. Park Hyun-Soo and Park Young-Tae - brothers. Sit Kwok Fu and Jimmy Cliffs - uh, occasional training partners and pen pals? You get the point. Blood is thicker then water, but is it thicker then non-ranked matches in multi year long leagues? I guess we'll find out!
On top of this is some frustration. PTFW was just eliminated from any chance of winning Block D (not like it was looking so good before tonight) but Fatman Pro Wrestling is at 4 wins and 2 losses. They have a shot at winning this league but it is np longer up to them. They have to hope that the Dods lose their match tonight to tie Fatman. Just as NDP found out during the last show, it's frustrating to be stuck in an interblock match when another team holds your destiny in their hands and can clinch your Block. And consider that the Dods beat Fatman Pro at the last Block C show during some high class shenanigans orchestrated by Jack Dod. So after getting screwed over by the Dods, they may not have to sit back and watch them win. I can understand if Rotund Dave is a bit less round and a bit more edgy tonight.
Fatman Pro Wres vs. PTFW
Park Hyun-Soo/Sit Kwok Fu/Dave Fairbairn vs. Jimmy Cliffs/Park Young-Tae/Martin Fairbairn
Well things start out quite chivalrous. Dave and Martin appear to be entering a gentleman's agreement that they will not face each other or interfere. However, they do want the two Park brothers to wrestle as they are still learning the trade and can use the experience. And of course, Sit and Jimmy are gonna be there too so we're basically getting a tornado tag match between Hyun-Soo/Sit vs. Young-Tae/Cliffs with managers on the apron. And we definitely get some excitement here as neither side holds back. But as PTFW start to get the advantage through Park Young-Tae's kicks and Jimmy Cliffs' let's say "liberal interpretation of the rules", something strange happens. Dave drops down to the floor and looks under the apron. He calls Martin over and it appears that Dave is telling him someone is under the ring!! Dave says he'll be a sport and take care of the situation, which an intoxicated Martin seems to appreciate.
After a few minutes, someone emerges from the other side! Wait - is that Captain Piledriver!? OMG!! Captain Piledriver makes his return after like a five year absence!! He wrestled in PW-W around the time that uh...Dave did! And the fans are going nuts here, cheering for the good Captain!! He goes into the ring and then...oh my, he just elbowed Young Tae and then hit Cliff with the Captain Driver which...bares a striking resemblance to a certain "Fatty Driller" move from Dave Fairbairn. He then runs out of the ring while Park Hyun Soo shrugs his shoulders and pins Jimmy Cliffs! And this match is over!
Fatman Pro (O) ["Captain Driver" - 13:20] (X) PTFW
A few seconds later, Dave Fairbairn re-emerges from the area of the ring where Martin is. Dave dusts himself off and goes to survey the damage in the ring.
[Dave:] "That c*nt ain't there anymore"
[Martin:] "Aye, that Piledrivin come oot just as ye went under and did a number on Jim, like."
[Young-Tae:]: "I SEE HIM LAN AWAY TO BACK! HE NO BUY CHEEPS!"
Jimmy Cliffs seems to be the only one blaming Dave here, which I don't understand why!
[Jimmy:] "IT WAS YE, Y'ENGLEESH BASHTURD!" "
Park Hyun Soo and Lisa Robinson, who had come out to ringside during this meeting of the minds, just shrug and sigh. Well...that was certainly something! A return from Centurion and Captain Piledriver in one night! Now if we could only get Johnny Bingo to land on Earth soil...
Block C
But now it's time for Block C! The first match here has significance for who could win this block. Team SMN is statistically out of the running with 2 wins and 3 losses. But Orochi Army has 3 wins and 2 losses. If they win and the Dods lose, then we have a 3 way tie with those two teams and Fatman, as I said before. Ok, yeah, not so different from the situation that started off Block D tonight, huh!? What are the odds!? Seriously, do we have a mathematician in the house? No, ok, let's go on. Now, I really don't see the Orochi Army losing here. I'm not just saying that cause I was just appointed General by Geese, cause let's be realistic. Geese is FURIOUS after what happened to Holly at Voltage and a furious Geese is more often then not, a victorious Geese. Figaro is really angry too and we've seen him dominate for the last few shows without being even remotely miffed. After seeing him handcuff his best friend for years for the "crime" of trying to stop Holly's scheme, what will he do to those who stand in Geese's path tonight?
I'm a bit scared for Team SMN. I know they've looked forward to this match for a long time too but well, they aren't getting what they bargained for. Back before the league started in 2008, SMN were slated to face Clyde and Figaro in the main event of an Open Show. But Geese took them out of the main event, insulting SMN to their face, and then made them wrestle before they were ready. Clyde and Figaro won and SMN have wanted to avenge that loss since then. But tonight...I think the best way to "win" anything involving Geese and Figaro is to stay away from him. And yeah, I think it's safe to say that Clyde won't be participating here. I haven't asked yet but if by some chance Orochi Army advances to the finals, I really have no idea what will happen. The Universal Battalion Championship match is a 3 on 3 elimination encounter and I don't see Clyde playing well with Figaro and Geese right now. Will they get a replacement for him? Who knows! But I guess, for now, they have to focus on beating SMN and hoping the Dods lose. Though if I know Geese, he isn't one for blind hope without a plan of action.
Match #4: Orochi Army vs. Team SMN
Geese/Figaro vs. Razgriz/Aigion
He IS one for violence though, and it's coming through in spades. He elected to start the match first, which is unusual for him but he has a lot of tension to work though. Razgriz is getting demolished here with just about every part of the body Geese is hitting him with. Elbows, knees, fists, headbutts! That's something you don't see from him too often! He then throws Razgriz to his corner and demands Aigion tag in. Aigion does just that to relieve his partner and Geese is just as vicious to him. The scary part is that Geese hasn't done actually done anything illegal in the match. No chokes or eye gouges or wet willy's. The man's just possessed with anger and well, there's no laws against that, right?
Hmmm...well we ARE near the Vatican so I think there may actually be laws against possession. Seriously, do we have an exorcist in the house? If we do, something tells me Geese isn't too worried about them. And while Athrin Cross is a demon, he's on the Reserve Roster so let's move right along.
Geese finally tags Figaro in and whether intentionally or not, I think Figaro actually just saved his opponent's careers. How? By obliterating them and knocking them out with the South Figaro Lariat. The ref is calling for the bell at least, the match is over and the violence is mercifully over.
Orochi Army (O) [South Figaro Lariats - 12:10] (X) Team SMN
No it isn't. Oh this isn't good at all! Geese has just held his thumb out like the old Roman Emperors did at Gladiator games. If the thumb goes down, SMN is in MAJOR trouble. He already has Aigion in position for a Raging Bolt and the crowd is booing him but yep...there's that thumb! And it's in the down position!! This is bad but wait...what's that? A large crowd jumper in a mask comes out and attacks Geese from behind with a vicious lariat!! A legitimately surprised Figaro is able to finally hurl the powerful crowd jumper off of Geese, but not before Mike Poe of SMN runs down to ringside and helps his teammates escape. The jumper also gets away in the, dare I say, chaos and Geese is furious and storms backstage. I think that jumper looked similar to the one that attacked Geese a few shows ago, the one that is alleged to be Jeff Monroe. Jeff...if that was you...really really NOT good timing. Attacking Geese like that when he's already this angry...
Yikes.
Well let's try to get on with the show. I think what just happened is bad news for the Dods but it shoudn't affect this match. We may be able to bask in what will likely be the final moments of sanity and safety as Canada Brothers face off with Team PCW. Both have losing records but have behaved themselves for the most part. I say for the most part cause the Canada Brothers were actually indirectly involved in the initial crowd jumper attack on Geese. But it's not like it helped their record any. Going 1 and 4 isn't anything to write home north about. As for PCW, they are 2 and 3 but they fought hard and got some big wins. Many consider their match against the Dods as the best match of Block C, and they did PCW proud in my opinion. Let's see if they can finish the league on an even keel.
Match #5: Canada Brothers vs. PCW Originals
Doug/Dave vs. Book Matthews/Willy Pierot
With no anger between these two teams, we get a very nice technical matchup. Willy does his best to keep up with the action, brave little guy, but he's clearly the one who falls behind. However, after he is kept on the mat for well longer then he has the attention span for, he hits an involuntary chop on Doug and tags in Book! Book is ready to take care of business and does just that, taking out Doug immediately with the "Book End" for the first elimination. Book then neutralizes Dave's power by keeping him on the ground, as they had done to Willy, and almost makes him tap to the "Twelve Dollar Dream", But Willy looks on with those optimistic, darting eyes of his and Book tags him in to finish the job, to the fan's deligh. Willy hits his "Involuntary Chop" and grabs the easy pin, helping the PCW Originals go :500 with 3 wins and 3 losses.
Canada Brothers (X) ["Involuntary Chop" - 15:06] (O) PCW Originals
I declare Willy Pierot the special "Spirit" Champion of the 2008-2010 Battalion!!
He'll get...uh, some Easter Eggs! And, maybe a special Johnny Bingo hoodie.
And now we come to the final match of the league proper. The Clan of the Sun with a 2 and 3 record faces the Dods with a dominating 4 and 1 tally. You gotta be impressed by the Clan's efforts and in their matches, they showed some real ability. But tonight they get the chance to do nothing other then play spoiler to the Dods. And the Dods aren't one for being spoiled. The amount of gold that Jack Dod has won over the years, and in UBL, is staggering. He IS the still reigning Universal Champion and EFW United States Champion. He was the former PW-W Champion. And he is teaming up with the master of Ron Quan Do, Ronnie Dod.
Both teams have come down to the ring and getting ready to wrestle when the other shoe drops.
Geese and Figaro come out. Geese is all smiles despite the attack from before, and he appears healthy. One of the reasons he's all smiles is because he has a stun gun!! And given the speech Drake made before about teams helping themselves to their own security, I don't think anyone is gonna stop Geese. It's not like security would stop him anyway - it's HIS company! So the Dods are gonna have to provide their own security here, as are the Clan of the Sun who may just be the recipients of the stun gun. In an odd twist of fate, after what we saw tonight - in order to defend their own chance of victory, the Dods may have to defend their own opponents from outside attack! Geese and Figaro start walking down the ramp when, Figaro stops. And he grabs a mic. Geese is already half way down the ramp when he hears.
[Figaro:] "Geese."
Geese turns around, looking confused and motioning Figaro to come along. Geese continues walking.
[Figaro:] "LISTEN TO ME - you piece of shit."
Uh oh....
Geese's eyes go wide and he turns slowly around to where Figaro is standing shaking his head.
[Figaro:] "Jig's up, Captain Chaos. The whole world knows you use mind control, you somehow think I didn't? That I wouldn't have a plan? That WE wouldn't have a plan?"
Clyde and Celes just came out from the audience and are standing next to Figaro! Clyde shakes Figaro's hand and Celes hugs him. Geese is shocked!! Meanwhile, the Dods and Clan are forced to watch this as the ref hasn't been allowed to start the match on account of Geese's command. Celes gets Geese's attention.
[Celes:] "Oh to see your arrogance blind you like this. It really is disappointing. The Geese that called us to his aid years ago had his eyes, mind, and heart open. But the mirror image of your alleged greatness is too much for you to bear these days - you no longer notice the obvious weaknesses in your plans that everyone can see. Clyde found out what you were trying to do to us at the Banquet. He and I have natural immunity to poisons but Figaro, we just gave him an antidote and let his under appreciated acting prowess handle the job. Figaro's support of you was never real. Much like Holly does, Figaro was faking it."
Ouch.
[Figaro:] "That's right, the big dumb commentator oaf tricked all of you, Geese. You, Drake, Holly, her little psychopath brother and your high priced inept security tools."
Geese is just starting wide-eyed at them, unable to move from anger.
[Celes:] "Oh I see much confusion in you. Allow me to help. Why did we string you along til now? Is that what you wonder? Why allow you to even win your previous match? We wanted to make sure you had absolutely no time to hatch a new plan before you came to disrupt this match tonight. Why would we interfere in your attack on the Dods? We are no friends to them but we'd rather have them advance when you control the UBL. They are much less of a threat and a corrupt force here then you are."
[Figaro:] "And THEY didn't try to drug a friend of theirs. That's what this is about, Geese. You lost any claim to our allegiance once you tried to drug us. We're through with you. We're through with ALL of this."
[Clyde:] "We won't answer your call again."
[Celes:] "But do send our regards to Holly."
Geese is livid as security begins swarming on Clyde, Celes, and Figaro but they fight their way out of it easily and walk slowly through the crowd. They aren't even RUNNING, they're just manhandling security and leave at their own pace. Figaro even stops to high five one of the fans! Geese is standing there, stewing in rage and sees Jack Dod pantamiming, with his hands over his eyes, that he's crying for Geese. His maniacal laughter finally sends Geese over the edge and he rushes down to the ring with the stun gun!
But Caleb Dod is in the first row and comes out from the audience! Wow - crowd jumpers are NOT helping Geese out tonight, as usual. Geese uses the stun gun on Caleb who just looks down and smiles. It had no effect on a man that size! Caleb then chokeslams Geese on the arena floor, knocking him out!
Caleb grabs the stun gun and slides it into the ring for Jack to pick up. The ref (Coach) doesn't see the stun gun and is still unsure what to do. He finally throws his hands up and calls for the timekeeper to ring the bell. Just before he does, Jack uses the stun gun on both his opponents!
Match #6: Clan of the Sun vs. Dod Squod
Huitzilopochtli/Ra-Horus-Aten vs. Ronnie Dod/Jack Dod
Well - what do you expect? We have the 4-1 dominant Dods vs. the 2-3 STUNNED Clan of the Sun. There have been some one sided battles in the Roman Colosseum before but I'd say this may rank right up there with Lion and armor covered bear vs. bear without armor. While Huitzi is shaking from the effects of the stungun, Ronnie obliterates him with an impact straight punch to the face. Huitzi...eliminated.
Ra Horus is a bit more solid on his feet so Ronnie tags in Jack. Immediate DodSmack on Ra. 1..2...3.
The sun finally goes down on the Clan. And the league.
Clan of the Sun (X) ["DodSmack"- 0:30] (O) Dod Squod
Somehow I don't see this as being part of Geese's vision for the last show. The Dods have won Block C. Geese is unconscious and is being attended to by medics and a very slow moving Holly who made her way down to ringside. I don't love the girl but Holly, you're in a bad situation there. And that is proven when the Dods pass by her. Jack Dod actually stuns Holly on the BUTT as she's bent over checking on Geese. Jack then lightly kicks her down onto Geese as she is shaking from the stun gun. This finally causes Geese to wake up and he has absolutely no idea what is occurring or why Holly is shaking so much on his body but he does look slightly embarrassed for a second as he attempts to cover up his lower area. Though I have no idea why. Security finally gets tighter and forces the Dods to walk away but they are laughing at this as they head backstage the winners of Block C. Geese AND Holly are being attended to by medics and after 2 long years I can say... this is Jean Carter signing off for good from UBL. They're coming to you next at the April Open show! But as for me, please watch OG-Joshi!! Don't be a stranger! Bye-e!!